[open] cast an illusion

[franciscoramon]

who: cisco + anyone!
what: memory share event & catch-all
when: october
where: anywhere
warnings: murder, torture, bullying

MEMORIES

Feel free to either have your character text Cisco (or comment on this post but indicate a text message) about having a vision / dream of his past, or to come to where he is to discuss it.

A. MURDER {third person dream OR first person vision}

[watch here

This memory is both intensely traumatic and one that Cisco has relived many many times. Have fun with it if you want, there may be small distortions - sometimes Cisco seems to remember Eobard's demeanor being gleeful, even smiling as he kills him. There may be odd gaps here and there, as well as inconsistencies. Or you can play it totally straight, just as it happened.]

B. VIBING {first person; vision}

[watch here (memory lasts up 'til 2:30)

This memory is likely to come across in jumbled pieces at first, and then more clearly as the week progresses. What's most important is that this memory captures the subjective experience of vibing from Cisco's perspective. So at one moment the memory is of looking down at a microscope slide of sand, feeling intense unease and fear, to hands reaching out and touching the sand. Once that contact is established, there is a swooping feeling, like missing a step going down stairs or plummeting on a roller coaster, and then the world goes static-y, with strange flashes of light, blurred vision, and an eerie blue tint. The warehouse that Cisco sees feels intensely present, though sounds are a bit muffled and occasionally there are jumps and starts. The end of the vision is as jarring as the start, and afterwards there is the confrontation with Stein, and a palpable feeling of panic over being interrupted and witnessed.]

C. PRISONER {first person; vision}

[watch here

This memory is clear and vivid, accompanied by feelings of hunger, exhaustion, frustration. Feel free to supplement after the cutoff at the end of the scene a moment where Cisco begs that he's already made them weapons (the heat, cold, and gold guns) and that's enough, and also Snart threatening to just out and out kill Dante, both of which are confirmed to happen but aren't shown in the clip I linked.]

D. BABY NERD PT 1 {third person; dream}

[ Cisco can't be older than nine or so, and he's adorable. We're talking a criminally cute child. His hair is cut short, which makes his ears stick out a little, and there's a tooth missing his bottom row of teeth. He's small for his age, (looks even smaller because he's wearing what are clearly hand-me-down clothes), all round-cheeked and bright-eyed. He comes bounding up to a bench in what looks like a small neighborhood park. Sitting on the bench is a pretty brunette girl with a high ponytail and big earrings, and a boy that looks a little like Cisco, around five years older. Cisco, bubbly and excited, asks: ]

Hey Val, hey Dante, do you wanna see what I made?

[ Dante, who has a hand very obviously and purposefully perched on Val's knee, glares absolute daggers at his little brother, but before he can say anything she answers with genuine interest: ]

Yeah, totally.

[ Cisco beams and pulls the lid off the shoebox. Inside is rather ugly-looking device, clearly cobbled together with materials from a bunch of different things. But Cisco pulls it out carefully as if it's the most precious thing on earth and holds it up, explaining in a delighted rush, what it is and how he made it. He has apparently cobbled together pieces from a broken cell phone, an old malfunctioning digital camera, and a half-smashed mp3 player, into a frankenstein'd device that can take pictures, make phone calls, and play music, too. Val sits up as he explains, going from indulgent to this kid with his little doodad to genuinely excited. Cisco hands it over to her and she tests it out, taking a photo of the beaming Cisco, clicking a number code onto the pad which makes 'I Could Fall In Love' by Selena play (though only loud enough that she has to hold the thing to her ear like a phone to hear it). Then, she even uses it as a phone, calling her mom, exclaiming that it really works, and hanging up again. ]

Cisco, this is so cool.

[ She jumps to her feet, saying that she's got to go get her best friend from the corner store across the street to bring her to see it, too, and goes rushing off. Cisco just stands there, holding the thing and beaming like he's never been more proud of himself in his entire life. ]

E. BABY NERD PT 2 {third person; dream}

[ (Continued from the last one, for anyone who wants an angst component)

As this scene was happening with Val, Dante was getting more and more visibly annoyed, trying to redirect attention back to himself. As soon as she leaves Dante snatches the device from Cisco, turning it over once or twice, unimpressed. Cisco's face falls, shifting from joy to trepidation, like he knows something bad is going to happen. Dante doesn't disappoint; he tosses the thing in the air and then catches it as it falls. Cisco pleads: ]

Dante, don't!

[ Which, of course, only seems to encourage the older boy. Dante throws it into the air, higher this time, and catches it, but Cisco winces, clearly terrified that he'll drop it. He tries to grab it away from his older brother, but Dante gets to his feet, holding it above his head. ]

Come on, don't be such a fucking girl, I'm not gonna drop it.

[ He tosses it into the air with enough momentum to it goes behind him and he has to spin to catch it. Cisco keeps pleading with him to quit it, trying to wrestle it away from Dante, who only laughs. It's inevitable, what happens eventually. Dante hurls the thing much too high, and it's hard to say, whether he was really trying to catch it or not. Either way, it slips between his hands and crashes onto the asphalt, shattering into about a dozen pieces. Cisco scrambles to pick up all the pieces, but the lens from the camera has shattered and the casing is cracked. ]

Oops.

[ Dante shrugs, sounds absolutely unapologetic. Cisco starts sniffling, fighting back tears as he tries to fit the thing back together. He starts putting the pieces back into the shoebox, wiping tears from his cheeks as they start to fall but saying nothing, not even looking at his brother. Dante, for his part, says scornfully: ]

Seriously, Cisco, it was an accident. You gotta stop being such a sissy all the time. It doesn't look good.

[ Then he walks off in the direction that Val had gone without another word, leaving Cisco to clean up the rest of the mess. ]

OR hit me up on plurk to plot something else!

Comments

[franciscoramon]

I want to.

[ He plucks the glass of water from Eddie's hands, setting it safely on the nightstand before he scoots a bit closer. Cisco brushes a stray lock of hair from Eddie's face, then leans in to press a soft kiss to his forehead. It's a quiet gesture, small and understated. Then he starts washing Eddie's face with the cool, damp washcloth. He is careful, pressing more gently when he is working near to Eddie's eyes. Cisco makes sure he doesn't miss a single spot, that he wipes all the traces of tears away.

All the while as he is doing this, Cisco murmurs: ]

You meant a lot to Captain Singh. And plenty of the other officers. He wasn't the only one who took it hard.

[ There was a reason Eddie had broken down about this, had cried harder than Cisco had ever seen him cry, and it seems like a bad idea to just move on without talking about it, a little bit. So Cisco is going to talk. ]

I... don't think I told you this before, but I went to the memorial service they had for you. I cried. Like... a lot.

[ It seems strangely long ago, now. So does coming here, seeing Eddie for the first time, just standing there healthy and alive like nothing had happened. ]

I'm sorry you had to lose so much. And- I'm sorry you didn't get to say goodbye. It's stupid, and unfair.

[ With that, Cisco finishes washing Eddie's face, sitting back and putting the damp cloth down so he can reach forward and hug Eddie, hold onto him, because the words are so small, so insufficient. ]

[causational]

[Eddie's not really used to this, to someone else taking care of him in this particular way - he's used to empathy, to some extent, he's used to practical help, but this sort of gentle nurturing is something completely alien for him. He's never really been surrounded by the type of people who nurture, not his mother or father, any of his exes, besides Iris, and her nurturing had always come with the slightest undertone of gentle teasing, had never really been as earnest as Cisco is.

And Cisco is earnest, it's obvious that he means it when he takes the glass and pushes back Eddie's hair, gentle and kind, the affection and concern are so completely genuine that Eddie almost can't breathe as Cisco lifts the washcloth and starts cleaning his face. The coolness of the cloth feels good, wiping away his tears, absorbing the heat still in his face, taking the sting out of his eyelids and the delicate skin under his eyes. All the while, Cisco speaks, his voice just as careful and gentle as his hands, explaining that Eddie had meant a lot to Singh and the other officers, that he'd cried at Eddie's funeral.

For a moment, Eddie's throat feels tight, his chest hitching a bit, but he doesn't cry again. He just looks at Cisco's face, his eyes concerned and warm and genuine, and lifts a hand, hooking it at the back of Cisco's neck, leaning forward to press their foreheads together.]

I'm sorry too. I feel stupid, crying about it, because I can't do anything about it, you know? I can't change it. I can't stop it, I don't even...I don't know. I love what I have here, my job and my life and you. I don't know why I get so...so sad about it...

[Swallowing hard, he opens his arms as Cisco reaches out to hold onto him, squeezing back and burying his face into the crook of Cisco's neck.]

Thank you.

[It's soft, a rough little whisper.]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco listens as Eddie speaks, reaching up to comb his fingers through Eddie's hair, a mindless and soothing gesture. He scrapes his nails gently over Eddie's scalp, massaging at the base of his skull, at his temples. He thinks for a few moments, before he finds the words he wants to say. His voice is a low murmur, unhurried, thoughtful. ]

People cry about things they can't change all the time. When it's something like this, crying's all you can do. So it's okay to do it. You don't need to hold it in, or hide it.

[ Easier said than done, perhaps, but he thinks maybe it's a sentiment Eddie could stand to hear a little more often. No one had been around, to tell it to Cisco. He'd had to realize all on his own that there was nothing wrong with him, for crying as often as he did. That he was just being honest about how he felt, and everyone else was lying, out of shame, and pride, and fear.

Cisco keeps on moving his hand in Eddie's hair while he hides his face, turning his head just enough to plant a small kiss at Eddie's temple. ]

I, um... read this quote somewhere that... grief's just all the love you have for someone that doesn't have anywhere to go anymore. You loved stuff about your life in Central City. You loved your job, and Jitters, and- and Iris, and Singh, and a ton of other people. That doesn't... diminish any of the love you have for your life here, okay? You're allowed to miss it. It's not an insult to what you got currently.

[ Cisco gives Eddie a brief, tight squeeze, and then pulls away once more, reaching for that glass of water from the nightstand and holding it out. ]

You should finish that.

[causational]

[For a few moments, Eddie's simply silent, letting Cisco tend to him, a little overwhelmed with some complicated, vulnerable emotion as his boyfriend cleans his face, strokes his fingers back through Eddie's fine, slightly damp hair, scrapes blunt nails against his scalp, rubs at his temples, the base of his skull just above his neck. It's strange, because Eddie has done all those things for Cisco before, he knows the emotions he was feeling when he did them, and it's almost a little painful how hard it is to reconcile that someone else is feeling those things for him right now.

While Cisco talks, Eddie tries to listen and to take it to heart, to really believe what Cisco is telling him. But his thoughts go in so many different directions it's hard to really pin down what the truth is. How can he love his life back in Central City and this one at the same time, the same amount? It doesn't make sense. How can missing his life back there not be an insult to this one?

At least, if nothing else, he knows that his love for Iris has faded a lot over the past six months, that he feels a nostalgic fondness for her, thinks she's a good person, but she's not someone he's in love with anymore. When Eddie hears Cisco stumble over saying that Eddie loved Iris, he looks him in the eyes and offers a weak smile.]

I don't love Iris anymore, Cisco. I miss things from back home, and people, and I miss her, but I want what we have. Okay?

[Taking a shaky breath, he rubs at his eyes and then hugs Cisco back tightly, takes the glass of water he's offered, and after a few sips, he speaks, quietly.]

It just feels like there are so many...unfinished things. Things I wanted to say. I never got to tell people things, Singh never knew how much I looked up to him, my parents never knew how much I loved them despite our differences, I never got to tell Iris that it was okay if she got together with Barry after I was gone.

[franciscoramon]

[ Leave it to Eddie, to be able to read so much in such a small hesitation, to guess that Cisco's shameful and unvoiced thoughts and to reassure him right away. It's something the two of them share, this fear of being loved less, of being merely tolerated while someone else was really, truly wanted. For Cisco, growing up, that someone had always been Dante. And once Barry had woken up from his coma, he had filled that same role, for Eddie.

So there is a part of him that, selfishly, secretly, is glad to hear Eddie say he doesn't love Iris anymore, even if that hadn't really been the point that Cisco was trying to make. He feels bad, for the little flutter of excitement and happiness that sparks in his stomach. But he can wrestle with his conscience another time. For now, he merely smiles a small smile, ducking his head forward. ]

Okay.

[ He listens as Eddie talks about all the business he has left unfinished. And Cisco thinks... a lot of people who die leave things unfinished. It's just that almost all the people who die don't end up here, aware of all that they left behind. Eddie's like one of those ghosts, in a way. Unable to entirely move on. ]

Do you think... hypothetically speaking, if it were possible to send a message, somehow... would you? Would it help? Like... a note in a multidimensional bottle, so you could say those goodbyes?

[ How would be a question for tomorrow; but if Eddie needs this, then Cisco will find a way. No matter how long it takes. After all, if there's one thing they have in this place, it's time. ]

[causational]

[It's because of that shared experience of not wanting to be the person who means less to someone they love that Eddie recognizes the hesitation and what the reason for it is. It's because of that shared experience that he's quick to reassure Cisco that he's not second choice to Iris, that he's been over her for months, that the grass is greenest where you water it, and this is where he's chosen to focus that effort.

And it's because of that shared experience that Eddie knows the relief that comes after being assured of something like that. Being told that you are the most important person to someone who you love. He's glad to be able to give Cisco that reassurance, to soothe those worries, and he makes a mental note to say it more often. To make it clear more often that this is what he wants, that Cisco is what he wants, that he's in this for the long haul, no matter what he might miss back home.

When Cisco mentions the vague hypothetical possibility of a message going back home, Eddie brightens slightly, blinking.]

I mean...yeah, it would. It would mean a lot to me, to be able to tell people back home how I feel about them, to make sure they know how much they meant to me. I always tried to let them know but...but sometimes people don't realize it, or misread or doubt themselves and I just...

[Lifting his gaze a little, he meets Cisco's eyes.]

If it doesn't get in the way of any of your other projects, I would...really appreciate you looking into whether it would be possible.

[Then, impulsively, he leans in, catches the back of Cisco's neck, and kisses him.]

[franciscoramon]

I will find a way to make it happen.

[ Logically, it's something he shouldn't make promises about. He doesn't know for certain that it will be possible, hasn't even begun looking into what would be necessary to make it happen. But he thinks back, to that experiment he'd done with his powers, with Taako. At one point, Cisco could have sworn he was not just in a dream, but really speaking to someone in another reality. If he could do that again, could find a way to use his powers to get a message back to the Earth, maybe he could give Eddie some of the peace and closure that he needs.

Even that sliver of a possibility is enough to hang hope on. So Cisco doesn't say he will try. He says he will. It might take a considerable amount of time, but if it's what Eddie wants, he isn't ever going to give up until he makes it happen. That's just how Cisco operates.

He kisses Eddie back, deep and slow. His hand comes up to cup the side of Eddie's face, thumb brushing along Eddie's cheekbone, feeling the faint rasp of his stubble. There's a very faint lingering taste of the tears he'd shed; Cisco holds him very gently and kisses and keeps kissing him. ]

[causational]

[When Cisco says, with such certainty, that he'll find a way to make it happen, something in Eddie thrills, there's a little surge of excitement and gratitude that he can't contain. His expression goes bright and adoring, his eyes warm, his breath coming a little faster. Even if it doesn't work, even if it's impossible and Cisco can never do it, the fact that he promised, that he cares so much about something like letting Eddie just get a message home. Eddie can see how it might seem like such a small thing to anyone else, even to Cisco, but is such an incredibly big deal to Eddie.

The kiss is deep, the affection in it goes deeper than like or want, but it's too early for words like that, for anything beyond them. So Eddie puts that feeling into the kiss instead, lets all that adoration and longing into the kiss, his hand cupping Cisco's cheek, his fingers curled into the roots of Cisco's hair. There's no words for what he's feeling right now, the gratitude, the disbelief at someone being so willing to do something for him that's so important.

He keeps touching Cisco's face with his other hand, his fingers tracing over Cisco's cheekbone, the line of his jaw, the shape of his hairline, the shell of his ear. Everything about Cisco's face is wonderful to him, his brows and lashes and jaw and nose and mouth - oh his mouth. Opening his lips, Eddie kisses deeper, sliding his tongue into Cisco's mouth.]

[franciscoramon]

[ There would be time in the future for figuring out the logistics - all that matters right now is that Eddie believes him when he says he'll do it, that Eddie is grateful and shows it by kissing him in that urgent sweet way. Cisco can't think of any more compelling motivation than a kiss like that. He thinks that he would probably promise Eddie the moon, if he wanted it badly enough.

He opens his mouth softly for Eddie's tongue, settling in against him with a small noise of contentment. They spend a while like that, lost in one another, chasing away the darkness and the grief. When Cisco finally pulls away, his mouth a little swollen from contact. Smiling, he brushes the tip of his nose back and forth against Eddie's, a little affectionate gesture. ]

Now... I know it wasn't really that kinda nightmare, but what d'you say we go downstairs, whip a snack, and watch some truly brain-rotting TV?

[ He doesn't think he's going to be able to sleep again for a little while; particularly without knowing what it was that caused that dream in the first place. If it is his powers... he's going to have to find a way to stop that. He can't have his memories leaking out and making his boyfriend cry. He isn't going to accept that. ]