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- !mod post: holiday,
- !mod post: monthly mingle,
- degrassi: lola pacini,
- dragon age: dorian pavus,
- marvel (616): billy kaplan,
- marvel (616): bucky barnes,
- marvel (616): loki laufeyson,
- marvel (616): steve rogers,
- marvel (616): teddy altman,
- marvel (mcu): bucky barnes,
- marvel (mcu): loki,
- marvel (mcu): natasha romanoff,
- marvel (mcu): sam wilson,
- marvel (mcu): thor,
- marvel (mcu): tony stark,
- original: shigeru miyata,
- star trek (aos): james kirk,
- star trek (tng): beverly crusher,
- star wars: poe dameron,
- star wars: rey,
- the adventure zone: taako taaco,
- voltron: keith,
- voltron: shiro,
- ✖ animorphs: marco,
- ✖ buffy the vampire slayer: spike,
- ✖ chb chronicles: nico di angelo,
- ✖ dc comics (sandman): death,
- ✖ dceu: diana of themyscira,
- ✖ dceu: steve trevor,
- ✖ dctv (flash): cisco ramon,
- ✖ dctv (flash): eddie thawne,
- ✖ dmmd: aoba seragaki,
- ✖ dmmd: noiz,
- ✖ doctor who: bill potts,
- ✖ dragon age: anders,
- ✖ dragon age: marian hawke,
- ✖ ergo proxy: re-l mayer,
- ✖ fdtd: kate fuller,
- ✖ ffvii: vincent valentine,
- ✖ ffvii: yuffie kisaragi,
- ✖ ffxv: gladiolus amicitia,
- ✖ fullmetal alchemist (03): alphonse elr,
- ✖ fullmetal alchemist (03): edward elric,
- ✖ gundam 00: lyle dylandy,
- ✖ harry potter: draco malfoy,
- ✖ homestuck: dave strider,
- ✖ homestuck: john egbert,
- ✖ kuroshitsuji: ciel phantomhive,
- ✖ kuroshitsuji: undertaker,
- ✖ legend of zelda (botw): link,
- ✖ lucifer: chloe decker,
- ✖ lucifer: lucifer morningstar,
- ✖ marvel (616): angela,
- ✖ marvel (mcu): margaret 'peggy' carter,
- ✖ marvel (mcu): stephen strange,
- ✖ marvel (tv): jessica jones,
- ✖ marvel (tv): matt murdock,
- ✖ marvel: ava orlova,
- ✖ miraculous ladybug: marinette (ladybug,
- ✖ mushishi: ginko,
- ✖ original: alex karamazov,
- ✖ original: bryn zethir,
- ✖ original: cain,
- ✖ original: jamie dodger,
- ✖ original: mordred,
- ✖ original: rin,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: ichimatsu matsuno,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: karamatsu matsuno,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: osomatsu matsuno,
- ✖ overwatch: genji shimada,
- ✖ overwatch: hana song,
- ✖ overwatch: reaper,
- ✖ persona 3: akihiko sanada,
- ✖ planescape torment: fall-from-grace,
- ✖ powers: janis sandusky,
- ✖ shadowhunter chronicles: alec lightwoo,
- ✖ shadowhunter chronicles: izzy lightwoo,
- ✖ star wars: obi-wan kenobi,
- ✖ the adventure zone: lucretia,
- ✖ the adventure zone: lup taaco,
- ✖ the adventure zone: magnus burnsides,
- ✖ the losers: jake jensen,
- ✖ the raven cycle: adam parrish,
- ✖ the raven cycle: ronan lynch,
- ✖ vikings: ivar ragnarsson,
- ✖ yoroiden samurai troopers: seiji date
introductory mingle: DRAGOSTA
what: Introductory Log and Dragosta celebration
when: The month of September.
where: Anywhere around the city.
warnings: please put any necessary warnings in the subject lines

In the days leading up to September 1st, residents new and old will notice preparations beginning, a flurry of activity getting the city ready for the upcoming celebration: Dragosta. This holiday is in celebration of romantic love, and seen as a time of the year for Quarantine residents to try to find someone special to cuddle up with in preparation for the cold winter months. Romantic love is highly valued in Riverview Quarantine, as it can foster an incredible sense of wellness and belonging, and is often the cornerstone of found families as well as biological ones. While there are no official city-sponsored parties, there are various holiday traditions and a paid day off on September 8th so anyone who wants to indulge in them with their loved one can do so.

Rather than anything structured and organized by the city, Dragosta is a celebration usually left up to the citizens of the city to organize for themselves - there are a few traditions that many businesses (obviously) capitalize on, mainly the tradition of special date nights with small gifts exchanged for people who've already matched up or want to. There are also various singles dances intended to help people without partners find someone to share the special holiday with, and a tradition among the various magic users in the city of preparing soul mate potions and spells intended to help people find the person they're meant to be with.
i. soulmates
Almost as soon as it hits midnight on August 31st, booths and street corner vendors are popping up all around the city offering various magical potions and spells in little rows of bottles. The number of types are overwhelming, with a different concoction available for every type of magic that exists across thousands of different worlds. But the purpose of every single bottle and its contents is exactly the same: to help you find love. Specifically, these are the traditional magics that promise to give anyone who uses them the ability to find or identify their soulmate.
These little bits of magic can have various effects on the person using them (reminiscent of the soulmate trope in fiction), depending on the type of magic and the person who prepared them, and the options are almost endless. There are a few comfortable standbys, though, that pop up pretty much every year:
● Rainbow Potion: Tiny bottles of a soft rainbow-colored potion that affects the vision. Once drunk, the potion will remove the partaker's ability to see in color until the first time they meet their soulmate after ingestion, then all the colors will come flooding back.
● Time Spell: Purchasing a time spell will get you a little vial of liquid with a tiny hourglass inside. Pouring out the liquid and turning the tiny hourglass will result in the appearance of a timer counting down on the partaker's skin somewhere - like a moving tattoo, it will count down the days, hours, minutes, and even seconds until the person will meet their soulmate for the first time after the spell is initiated.
● Red Thread: Some residents might've heard of the legend of the red thread of fate, a red thread that is tied between the ankles or little fingers of two people destined to fall in love. Tiny jars with a delicate red thread attached to a note (the contents of which are unreadable) are sold to invoke this legend. Once opened, the user should tie the red thread around their smallest finger on the left side and a red thread only that person and their soulmate can see will appear, tying them together. It may stretch or tangle, but will never break.
● Ink Potion: Small vials of a mysterious black liquid are one of the more common offerings - this liquid, once carefully spread on a portion of the partaker's skin, will result in a tattoo-like marking in a particular shape, that matches the marking that magically appeared on their soulmate!
While these are the most common types, there are almost infinite numbers of other types of potions, spells, and magics intended to help people find their soulmates, of varying type and quality.
A Few OOC Guidelines:
● Soulmate potions/spells can be used multiple times with different partners, and the effect can last as long (or as briefly) as you want it to.
● Since there is a wide variation of different types of potions/spells, they can vary in effectiveness. Feel free to use this prompt for either serious shipping or silly pairings for comedic effect.
● There is no compulsion involved in this prompt. The potions/spells will only show the character who their supposed soulmate is, not compel them to fall in love with the other character.
● Because there is no compulsion or alteration of behavior involved, and all effects are temporary and mildly annoying at most, characters ARE allowed to use them on other characters without asking. If your character wouldn't take one of the potions/spells, one of their friends can definitely spike their drink with a potion or use a spell on their behalf. Also, only one party has to use the potion/spell in order for it to work, both parties do not have to partake, though it is up to player discretion how heavily affected the person who did not partake is.
● A long list of trope ideas and variations can be found here. I've only included specific potions/spells for the most common ones I've seen, but please go as wild as you'd like with the types of potions and effects they have, so long as everyone involved is on the same page.
● Mod questions and plotting regarding this prompt can be found here.
ii. singles dances
All around the city, various businesses are hosting and sponsoring singles dances. These dances are an ancient tradition of Dragosta, originating from the reality of a very early group of displaced arrivals. Observed since the founding of Riverview Quarantine, the events have grown and changed with the times, still serving the interests of the modern citizen. The dances will be advertised throughout the city and range in quality, size, and tone, but they will always have the same objective and methodology: to match people up based on chemistry on the dance floor.
All singles or polyamorous pairings/groups looking to add additional members will sign in at the dance of their choice, and attach nametags or stickers to their clothing - pink, blue, or purple to indicate their preferences in partner (female, male, or any), and a "P" or "D" for "poly" or "duo" to indicate their preference for a polyamorous match-up or only one partner. Once they've indicated these preferences, they head out onto the dance floor, where they can either seek out someone they're interested in or wait for someone to come to them. As the dance goes on, and one person approaches another (or a group or pair), the person (or people) approached can either accept or reject the advances, and after finding someone with chemistry, the happy couple (or triad, etc.) can leave the floor together.
Every person who attends and participates will receive vouchers for free dinners and discounts or gift cards for various places in the city to have a nice dinner and get a present for a new paramour, or two or three...!
iii. date nights
This one is pretty simple: restaurants, clubs, hotels, movie theatres, and anything else in the city that might even vaguely be construed as a date location will be offering romantic date night packages, discounts, and other promotions to the lovebirds of the city. There are a few highly-anticipated special events that crop up every year, though.
One of the most popular are the movies in the park, hosted on almost every night of the month, these are romantic comedies and other good date movies from dozens of realities featuring romantic stories in a multitude of different configurations. Lovers are encouraged to bring a picnic blanket and settle on the grass for a nice relaxed show, or tickets can be bought for special experiences such as the mini-deck, with romantic table settings, wine, and catering with a waiter, or the cuddlebug, where a comfortable couch is set up with popcorn and blankets for the lucky lovebirds to curl up on together. The variations are endless!
Another popular option is a retro-futuristic drive-in experience, where any type of vehicle can be driven up to a temporary drive-in diner for a meal, and then pull up to a temporary outdoor theatre. Once parked, the lovebirds can "park" - that is, cuddle and neck in the car to their hearts' content, probably instead of actually watching the movie.
For this prompt, any type of date night discount is cool to assume, or make a mingle top-level with a special event of your own imagining and earn bonus activity points!
iv. kiss and tell
Something a little different is happening during Dragosta this year - one of the magic researchers at Gramarye, who was recently married and only just returned from her honeymoon, got hit with a confusion spell by accident. A little muddled and love-drunk, she acted on her intense desire to make everyone in the city feel just as happy as her, and shared the love by whipping up a potent spell to do so. As a result, residents will see bright little glowing 'fairy lights' floating around the city throughout the entire month of September. What do the fairy lights do, though?
Two or more characters walking under one of these glowing, floating lights will get stuck for one hour, trapped inside an invisible enclosure with an approximate three foot radius. The only options are to either wait out the hour, or to kiss! Characters will know they're meant to kiss, because part of the magic spell is the sudden and intense knowledge that they should kiss in order to break free. There is no compulsion to kiss, just the knowledge that that's how to get free. What the characters won't immediately know is that any kind of kiss will work - a hand, forehead, cheek, or butterfly kiss will work just as well as a kiss on the mouth, but that will require some experimentation to find out.
v. roommates or wildcard
Feel free to use this prompt to meet new roommates, for the purpose of getting to know each other, or hit up the mod-posted prompt to create a Communal Housing floor mingle. Or, if you have an idea for a prompt that isn't in this list, set during Dragosta, feel free to write it up!




Credit: image i: Anya Goo; image ii & iv: unknown; image iii: Raphael Grimm
closed ❃ for eddie
But then something starts shifting, about his vision. He doesn't realize it for a moment or two, but then he blinks, looking around him, a touch frantic. It's like at twilight, when gradually you start perceiving less and less color. It doesn't look like in an old movie, all crisp black and white, artistic and high-contrast. It's different, a sort of dull mishmash of brown and grey, not very aesthetically pleasing. And it's hard to see - distances look warped and weird, and he can't differentiate between shapes as well. Cisco hadn't realized how much of a part color played in those other aspects of sight, until now.
He swallows hard, rubbing his hands on his thighs, and then gets to his feet. He's nervous about this whole thing, because there is a particular outcome he wants. And taking this potion is kind of forcing the issue. If he finds Eddie and nothing changes...
It's a horrible thought, but he can't get it out of his head. By the time he makes it back to the apartment (the walk is three miles or so, and he doesn't check his phone the whole way, so he has plenty of time to stew), he is convinced that the worst case scenario is guaranteed. He lets himself inside, toeing off his shoes and calling out softly: ]
Eddie? You home?
no subject
For a few moments, he panics, not sure what's wrong with him, what he's ingested this time, what it's going to do to him. It takes a few minutes to gather his thoughts, and then he calls the hospital, who transfer him to a nurse hotline, and the nurse there laughs gently, kindly, and explains that he's probably the object of someone's soulmate potion. After a bit of talking back and forth about his symptoms to confirm that's what the problem is, after a protestation that he hadn't drunk anything, the nurse confirms what it is, reassures him that he didn't have to drink anything and that the effect will wear off one way or another - it'll come back, the nurse tells him, when he runs into his soulmate or the potion wears off, which usually happens within a week. Eddie hangs up.
It's strange, he thinks, knowing that somewhere in the city, someone's drunk something that identified him, Eddie Thawne, as their soulmate. He wonders who it is, how he'd find them, whether it could be someone he doesn't know or if it might be someone he does. Immediately, he thinks of Cisco, and then chastises himself because being too much of a romantic has screwed up two relationships in a row now, and he doesn't want to endanger whatever is developing with Cisco.
Why did this have to happen?
When Cisco calls his name, he sighs a bit, and yells, voice muffled because he's lying face-down on the bed.]
In my room. What's up?
no subject
But he knows that wouldn't work. If he went full hermit, Eddie would get concerned and he would have to explain the whole humiliating situation. And he wouldn't have real peace. He would always wonder whether or not the color would have come back. In the end, he is a scientist. His scientific and romantic inclinations are combining, and in the end they overwhelm his embarrassment and fear.
Cisco pushes the door open, and comes inside. ]
I, uh- I wanted. To see you.
[ He doesn't notice, at first. The same way he hadn't noticed when the color had started to leech from the world, either. But then, as the seconds pass, Cisco's heart in his throat, he spots the difference. Yes- that one book on the shelf looks redder than the others. And the sheets are blue, but Eddie's skin is a pale peachy color, against the stark black of his henley.
The colors shift slowly, but as soon as Cisco is sure they really are coming back, he laughs - a short, loud, hiccupy sound. He covers his mouth with his hands, eyes swimming with sudden tears, enough that it's hard to appreciate the way the world is turning all kinds of green and pink and yellow around him. He doesn't say anything more, can't say anything more. He just stands there, hands covering half his face, a little shaky now with shock and the first flutters of happiness. ]
no subject
And that's when he realizes, looking at Cisco, that the reds and browns are leeching back into his vision, that the colour is rushing back, and he can see the colour of Cisco's skin, the colours on his shirt. Slowly, a smile curves his mouth, while the colours wash over everything he sees, and Eddie moves toward Cisco, grinning, his eyes bright.]
So you took the soulmate potion?
[The moment he says it, says that word, something in him registers the moment as 'real' and then his eyes are swimming with tears the same way Cisco's are. Reaching out, he gently takes Cisco's hand and then starts talking, the words coming out of him in a rush.]
My vision went funny and I called the nurse line and they told me that was probably what the colour loss in my vision was and that the only real way to solve that was to find the person who took it, who was my soulmate and...
[Eddie smiles, bright and wide.]
I didn't even dare to hope it was you.
no subject
And Eddie is filling in that silence, speaking quickly, explaining how it had been for him. It is a faint pang of guilt, when he realizes how confused Eddie must have been, that unsticks Cisco's voice. ]
I should've warned you. I- I kept going by the places they were selling them and I tried to ignore the whole thing but I got curious and so I bought one. I wasn't gonna take it but then I was like... it was gonna drive me nuts if I didn't know.
[ Of course, he has no idea how the potion works, whether the magic is actually effective or whether it reacts in some ways to hormones or chemicals in the system, the kind that get released when you see someone you care about. Maybe it's a heart-rate thing. There are so many ways this whole thing could be a scam.
But Cisco doesn't care about them right now. He just wants to believe in this. Wants to be happy that when he'd walked into Eddie's room the whole world had blossomed back into color, and looks brighter now than ever before. ]
Eddie...
[ But he can't think of how to finish that sentence. He just shakes his head, laughing a little at how overwhelmed and inarticulate he is, and smiling so much that his face hurts. ]
no subject
Smiling a little, as Cisco steps forward and starts explaining himself, explaining that it would've driven him nuts not to know, that he tried to ignore it but couldn't anymore, that he couldn't resist, and Eddie smiles a bit more.]
It's fine. It's...everything is fine. Everything is perfect.
[Taking a few steps forward, he opens his arms and wraps Cisco up in them, squeezing him tight and closing his eyes, nuzzling against the side of his face and rubbing a hand against his back.]
Thank you.
no subject
I'm seriously... I'm gonna cry.
[ His voice is half-laughing, but a little embarrassed, too. He hadn't expected it to hit him this powerfully. Cisco buries his face against Eddie's shoulder, grinning even as his laughs get a touch shuddery, a little more like hiccupy sobs. He never has been any good at hiding what he's feeling. And he's always been somewhat inclined to crying - when he's sad, and when he's so happy he doesn't know what to do with himself. ]
We should celebrate. Right? I feel like... even if these things are a scam, I don't care. I wanted so badly for it to be you. I want to celebrate. With you.
no subject
Yeah, me too.
[It comes out with a hint of laughter too, and when Cisco's laughs turn into soft little cries, Eddie just squeezes him tighter, rubbing his back and grinning a bit as Cisco asks if they should celebrate.]
We should. We really should. Because I was really worried, you know. I knew what it was, and I was really really worried it wouldn't be you. I wanted it to be you, Cisco Ramon. I wanted you to be the one. Like, a lot.
[Eddie pulls back a bit to look at Cisco's face, his eyes warm and slightly red-rimmed, his hand coming up to brush at Cisco's hair.]
Mmm, you look really good in full colour.
no subject
[ He wasn't about to let something as small as that come between him and dating Eddie. But how wonderful, not to have to argue at all. Cisco looks up at Eddie, and how overwhelmed he clearly is as well, and it's not just the potion. It's their reaction to it - it's thinking back at how well things have been going so far. He feels all the fluttery excitement of a new relationship, but he has never felt this little nervousness before. This... unafraid.
Cisco comes up for a quick kiss, onto his tiptoes, hanging on Eddie's neck. It is just a brief kiss, and then he tilts his head into Eddie's hand that is running through his hair. ]
You and me... I think we're both due for some destiny shit that's not totally awful.
[ And by totally awful he means, of course, delivered by Eobard. They had both had to grapple with the things that mad said about their future - Eddie that he was never going to amount to anything, or be with the person he cared about; Cisco, that his powers were a gift from Eobard, that who he is and will be have been shaped by him for some particular purpose. But these potions are apart from that, and separate. They're something good for the both of them. Separate, and special. ]
I'm thinking... picnic? Down by the river?
no subject
Eddie doesn't feel like he needs to prove himself to Cisco, doesn't feel like he needs to compete, either with other people or other things in his life. Doesn't feel like he can't slip, can't ask for things, can't be himself. When Cisco says that he was already imagining arguments with himself about why he was going to keep dating Eddie even if the potion didn't work, that they're in for some destiny shit that's not awful, Eddie smiles, bright and broad and amazed.
Kissing Cisco back feels right, and Eddie lifts his hands to cup his face, watches as Cisco reacts to his fingers in his hair, tilts his head, leans his cheek against Eddie's palm. For a moment, Eddie's heart feels so full and he's so excited about everything involved in this relationship, in what he and Cisco have.]
I think you're right. And I'm so, so glad it's happening with you.
[A sweet smile, and he leans in to kiss Cisco's mouth again.]
Picnic sounds perfect. I can start on some sandwiches, do you want to figure out dessert?
no subject
So dump a bunch of marshmallow candy in a bag, right?
[ He laughs, then, because he knows that Eddie isn't big on marshmallow candies, and he likes that he knows Eddie's likes and dislikes well enough to make that kind of a joke. Cisco steals one last quick kiss before he is spinning away, a flurry of happy movement and flying hair as he makes the preparations. He gathers a blanket, a giant canvas bag, and by the time Eddie gets to the kitchen to start work on the sandwiches Cisco joins him, digging around in the cupboards for some cookies that he knows he has stashed away.
It's so clear, just from the way that Cisco is moving, that bouncy and almost manic energy, just how happy he is. When Cisco is sad, or frightened, or defeated, he doesn't pace, or rage, or make a lot of movements or noise. Instead, he just goes still. So for Cisco, this kind of almost frenetic preparation is just an outpouring of his happiness.
He locates the cookies and tosses them into the canvas bag, grabs a bottle of wine from by the fridge and puts that in, too. They are celebrating, after all. ]
no subject
He's halfway through building them some tuna salad sandwiches when Cisco bounds into the kitchen and starts digging out a package of cookies to add to the big blanket he has in the canvas bag for the picnic. Eddie grins when Cisco tosses in a bottle of wine, and raises his brows.]
I see you're planning to drink in public, huh? Naughty.
[His eyes are twinkling, though, bright as he puts the second of the sandwiches together and adds them to the picnic bag, then starts shuffling things around in the cupboards, looking for more things to add. After a poke in the fridge, he takes out a big box of strawberries and opens it, rinsing some off and transferring them to a plastic container to bring along with them, considers bringing some oranges too, before looking over at Cisco with a little smile. Less bright and effusive, but very genuine and with something warm and intensely fond behind it.]
You're so good. How are you so good?
no subject
[ Cisco wags his eyebrows, smirking as he fishes around in the cupboards for a bottle opener, tossing it into the bag, as well. He knows that Eddie loves his job, that it is very important to him and his identity. But he also knows that Eddie is far from the stickler for rules that Cisco had thought he must be, back in Central City when they'd first met. So it's fun to tease just a little, when it's an infraction as harmless as bringing a wine bottle along on their romantic picnic. Anyway, there was plenty of outdoor drinking during the festivals - sure, that was all sanctioned and monitored and the rest of it, but is it really that much of a difference?
He peers into the bag, considering what it might be missing, but it looks like their supplies are almost complete. He is just reaching up to pluck a pair of sunglasses off a bookshelf when Eddie asks how he is so good, and Cisco laughs, shaking his head and shrugging, because what is he even supposed to say to that? Agreeing with Eddie would be egotistical, but he knows if he tries to argue the opposite Eddie is not going to allow it. ]
No comment.
[ He comes over to where Eddie is placing the oranges in the picnic bag, hugs him from behind, burying his face between Eddie's shoulder blades and sighing happily. Everything feels so sharp and bright and happy, all the colors oversaturated and warm. ]
Ready?
no subject
[Truth is, Eddie's not really a stickler for the kind of rules that really don't hurt anyone if they're broken. A little wine on a picnic isn't going to do any damage, so he sees no real reason it merits more than a bit of flirtatious joking around.
When Cisco peers into the bag and seems to deem it complete, Eddie smiles and picks it up as Cisco gets his sunglasses. Eddie's feeling so much better than he has since morning, since the colours drained out of his vision. It's stupid, but somehow this just makes his relationship with Cisco seem more real, more committed, and that feels so good it almost hurts.]
Ready whenever you are. Where are you thinking we should go? Down by the beach?
no subject
[ Cisco is definitely leaning on the innuendo, now, being way unsubtle with the smug smiles and eyebrow wags. The truth is, he wouldn't mind trying a little of that in the bedroom, but for now he is mostly teasing his boyfriend, trying to see if he can make him blush in that adorable way he does, where the red goes all the way up to the roots of his hair. ]
Is there something in the police handbook about not having to arrest your soulmate? Like... a conflict of interest or whatever? Or is that just lawyers. You'd think I would know this stuff after consulting for the CCPD but nope.
[ It's mostly just an excuse to say 'soulmate' again, which Cisco thinks he is going to be doing for the rest of the day. Possibly the rest of the week, depending on whether Eddie gets sick of it or not. ]
Beach sounds good. We can go for a walk after we eat?
[ He distinctly remembers 'walk on a beach' being a feature in Eddie's ideal date, when they'd discussed them a while back. True, it's not going to be sunset for many hours, but better than nothing, right? ]
no subject
[Eddie winks at him, grinning a bit, enjoying the fact that they can flirt like this with real intention, without it being awkward or weird. When Cisco asks if there's some conflict of interest about a police officer arresting his soulmate, and he feels a little thrill at it. Wonders if Cisco's saying it because he feels that thrill too.]
Well, I've never seen anything in the RPD handbook about not having to arrest your soulmate, but I think they'd probably make an exception if I was just, you know. Punishing you for being very naughty.
[A laugh, and then he lets go of it, picks up the bag and slings it over his shoulder, reaches out for Cisco's hand and twines his fingers between Cisco's fingers, squeezing gently.]
That sounds great. Honestly, I'm starving and I can't imagine anything better than sitting in the sunshine with you.
[A pause, and he tilts his head, glancing over toward the younger man for a moment.]
I...I've kind of been wanting to ask you something, anyway.
no subject
[ Cisco can't really keep a straight face any longer - he dissolves into giggles, and lets it go. They're about to head out and he doesn't want anyone to overhear them flirting about arresting one another.
As soon as Eddie's fingers are laced with his, Cisco starts heading out the door, grabbing nothing but his keys and those sunglasses. He perches them on his face and opens the door just as Eddie says there's been something he's been meaning to ask. On a different day, in a different mood, those words might have sent Cisco into a spiral of worry and fear. But it just goes to show how unbreakable his good mood is that he doesn't even fret a little.
He locks the door behind them and leads the way down the street, meandering in the direction of the beach, Eddie's hand and his joined and swinging gently between them. ]
Sure, shoot.
no subject
[It's a light joke, and they head out into the early autumn sun together, Eddie smiles as he looks around. The weather is great and he feels good. Better than he has in a long time, like some weight is lifted and everything is okay, going to be okay. Except for one nagging little worry.
After a moment, he takes a long breath and glances over at Cisco as the younger man prompts him to start with his question.]
I just...I know I'm going to be staying here. I can't go back to Central City. So I keep feeling a little worried about this, about you and me. We're soulmates... [A pause, he can't help but smile about that, ducking his head.] But I'm a little scared that if your number comes up, if they find the way home like they did for Caitlin, that you're going to leave.
[Ducking his head, he looks at the ground.]
I know you said you wanted to stay here before, but...why? Why do you want to stay here when you have so much going for you back at home?
no subject
I don't just want to stay. I'm going to stay.
[ Cisco says it without hesitation, voice full of conviction, hand tightening around Eddie's ]
Think about it. What's better - living on an awesome moon with all this super advanced tech, and dope ruins, and freakin' magic, and aliens from all over the multiverse, or Missouri?! I mean... come on. We're somewhere over the rainbow right now, why would I ever wanna go back? You gotta admit, like, as a society, this place kinda kicks Earth's ass. Nobody here gives a shit if I'm a meta, or my name's Ramon, or if I've got long hair, or a boyfriend.
[ But it isn't enough, just to talk about how this place is better, and Cisco knows it. He needs to disillusion Eddie about his life back in Central City. Which is a little sad, and a little embarrassing, but better than letting Eddie go on worrying about something he definitely doesn't need to worry about. ]
I didn't have a lot going for me, I mean. I... told you already, my family's not gonna miss me. I loved helping to save the city, but I can help people here. I can help more here, make a bigger difference. And Barry and Caitlin... [ He breaks off a moment, a little of that impenetrable happiness leeching away. He swallows, speaking in a careful and light way that betrays him: ] ...they don't really need me around. Or even... want me around all that much. So. I'd rather be here.
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But when Cisco starts listing off the reasons, Eddie can imagine how those things seem appealing to Cisco in the short term, like they might be something worth capturing his interest for now, something he might consider staying for. Aliens and tech and magic and ruins and this kind of life is something he can see appealing to someone like Cisco, who loves those things in pop culture, who's embraced them as they work their way into his real day-to-day life. The social stuff...that makes sense too. Eddie squeezes Cisco's hand, gentle and careful.]
I get that. And I totally agree about this place being way better as a society than back home. I guess I just always thought you'd be really intent on going back and trying to make our world that way...
[But Cisco isn't done explaining what's going through his head, and Eddie falls quiet as Cisco continues, explaining that he didn't have much going for him. That his family wouldn't miss him, that he can help more people here than he could at home. And then Cisco says the thing that Eddie suspects is the crux of the whole issue, of Cisco's desire to stay here. That Barry and Caitlin don't want or need him around that much.
For a few long moments, Eddie's quiet, and he squeezes Cisco's hand again, looking ahead of himself with his lower lip caught between his teeth, considering what he's going to say before he says it.]
What happened, with you three? [A pause, and then, cautiously.] I mean, as much as I want to be selfish, and just tell you that staying is totally the right call, I can't. I want you to be happy, more than anything. And...it's hard, to believe that Barry and Caitlin don't want you or need you. I've seen you guys, you're like family...what could have changed that?
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[ It is an automatic response, quick and just a touch defensive. A lie, and a bad one, and Cisco knows that the second he says it. Maybe there's a reason he and Eddie hadn't had this conversation until now, that isn't just because Cisco hadn't gotten around to it. It's much harder, talking about this with Eddie, precisely because he'd known Barry and Caitlin, had seen the three of them together.
Cisco turns with Eddie down the right street to head towards the river, and he swallows, saying in jerky, hesitant stops and starts. ]
It's not like we had a big fight. It wasn't... an event. Just- after the singularity they just- didn't want me around anymore. The first time we thought Ronnie died, with the particle accelerator explosion, and Dr. Wells was in the hospital and the media was a shitshow, Caitlin and me... we helped each other through it. But this time she- just never wanted to see me. I kept making plans and she kept canceling. I'd show up to her apartment and she wouldn't- she'd always have an excuse not to let me in. She got a job at Mercury Labs and after that just. Stopped calling back. Or answering my texts. I had to show up to her work to beg her to help when Atom Smasher was making trouble.
[ Cisco can feel Eddie looking over at him, as he talks, knows somehow that if he turns he will see - what? Horror? A sympathetic look? A gently baffled face, like he's making a big deal out of nothing? Maybe he is. But Eddie had asked, had insisted, so... Cisco is going to tell it as he'd experienced it. ]
It was the same thing with Barry. He- just didn't want to be the Flash anymore. I tried to ease him back into it but he wouldn't budge. I tried so many times. But... after a while I took the hint so I tried just- you know, I just wanted to see him as friends, but maybe I reminded him of Dr. Wells or something, I don't know. He avoided me, too. I'd text him a stupid meme and he wouldn't text back for two weeks, and it'd just be 'lol' or something like that. A couple times- cause I started consulting with the CCPD... a couple times I'd show up to Joe's because I had a question about work stuff, and Barry'd be there and he just. Would leave.
[ He knew that probably Barry had wanted to let them work in peace and privacy. Probably. But it didn't make it feel any less awful. Cisco looks down at their hands, Eddie's fingers laced with his. His voice is quieter as he finishes: ]
I know they were going through a lot, and they're both just... the kind of people who need space when stuff's bad maybe, but. I was going through some stuff, too. With the... you know. PTSD stuff, and the oh shit I'm a meta stuff. I didn't even want anything from them I just- wanted them around. But like. Even I can take a hint eventually.
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After a few turns and some decent progress toward the beach, Cisco starts speaking and Eddie's almost a little surprised by how much he says. Staying silent, Eddie just listens, looking over at Cisco as frequently as he can while still walking, holding his hand and squeezing gently every time Cisco trails off a little, as if he might stop speaking, making little encouraging noises in his throat, eyes on his boyfriend. He really listens to what Cisco is saying, trying to read between the lines, but frankly there isn't much left to the imagination, Cisco is being pretty clear about what he's thinking and feeling, which Eddie thinks probably means Cisco's feeling pretty intense about it.
After Cisco is done his explanation, Eddie's quiet for a few more moments, just parsing things, working out what he wants to say, how he wants to say it. For a long moment, he's torn, very torn, because he desperately wants Cisco to stay here with him, wants Cisco to want to stay, doesn't want to be afraid that Cisco is going to go home. But he doesn't want it to be because Cisco thinks Barry and Caitlin don't care about him. Doesn't want it to be out of spite or because Cisco is feeling hurt. He wants, ultimately, what is best for Cisco, what will make Cisco happy.]
I get that. I get feeling abandoned, and left behind, and like your problems don't matter. They matter a lot, by the way, and I'm always, always here for you to talk about them if you need to. But...
[Pausing, he licks his lips a bit, eyes downcast as he speaks, carefully.]
If there's one thing I learned from being with Iris, it's that people can love each other very, very much but still be incompatible emotionally. Unable to give each other what they really need. It's natural to want support and compassion from friends when things are hard, at least to me, and to you. Like you said, Caitlin and Barry needed space to deal with grief and guilt.
[Eddie squeezes Cisco's hand, gentle and firm, and then looks over at him, eyes searching his profile.]
I don't think that means they don't love you. I think it means they didn't have the resources to be able to give you what you need. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being hurt by that, or questioning if they're friendships you can maintain and still be safe and taken care of, but I don't think it means they don't love you or don't want you around.
[Swallowing hard, he holds his breath for a moment, then exhales, pausing and reaching out to take Cisco's other hand, facing him, holding eye contact.]
Cisco...don't get me wrong. I think your feelings are completely justified, and I want you to stay here with me. More than anything. I just don't want you to make that choice from a place of anger or bitterness or feeling like you're not wanted back home.
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I guess so.
[ It surprises him, when Eddie stops, turns to take his other hand and face him, Cisco looks up at him, the determination and gentleness in his face. It makes his heart skip a little, hearing Eddie say he wants him to stay more than anything. And he can tell there is some anxiety beneath this - that if Cisco makes this decision for the wrong reasons he will later change his mind, leave Eddie behind. And for all the reasons he'd just said, Cisco knows how awful it feels, being abandoned.
So leans up on his tiptoes and plants a kiss on Eddie's cheek, soft and quick, before he reassures: ]
I already told you, I'm not going back. That's not something that's changing. I was never angry or bitter, I just... I realistically re-evaluated how much I was needed there. And what I needed. Okay? I'm not... staying because this is the next best thing and I'm annoyed with them. I'm staying 'cause I want to, and I don't feel guilty about it because I know now that Barry and Caitlin can do just fine without me.
[ He kisses Eddie's other cheek and then pulls his hands free, so he can cling to Eddie's arm as he starts them walking towards the river once more. ]
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But Eddie doesn't just leave it be for good, either. He notes it in his mind as something to bring up later, gently, when Cisco seems ready.
For now, he just smiles a bit, looking at Cisco as he reassures him, his voice gentle and kind, that he wants to stay here with him. That it isn't because he's bitter or angry, but because he didn't feel like he was very needed, like Barry and Caitlin will be okay without him. For a moment, Eddie's throat feels tight, because it hits him then, that he wouldn't be okay without Cisco, and that's a feeling that's both scary and wonderful at the same time.
It takes a few moments before he can speak, and during that time, Cisco has them moving again, toward the river. Eddie keeps his head down a little bit, licks his lips, and when he speaks, his voice is a little raw. More than a little vulnerable.]
I think...I don't want to say it because I feel like it's...like it's, you know, manipulative to say, but...
[A hard, dry swallow.]
...I don't think I would. Do just fine without you, I mean. I don't think I could.
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What Eddie says... after he'd been thinking about Barry, and Caitlin, and that whole period of his life... it's a lot to process.
Maybe the right thing to do is disagree with Eddie. Try to insist that he would be okay all on his own, that he is mature and independent and self-sufficient. But the fact is, as they've just been discussing, Cisco had gotten a hard crash course in just how fucking awful it can be without having someone close. To be on his own. And sure, Eddie has friends here. Coworkers. Yuri. But it's not the same, and he knows it.
So he just comes in closer, wrapping an arm around Eddie's waist. It makes the walking slower, and more ungainly, but right now Cisco doesn't care. ]
I... I don't, um. I don't think I'd do fine without you, either.
[ Cisco turns away from Eddie, only to rest his temple against Eddie's shoulder as they walk. Clumsily, he explains: ]
With them, I didn't- just before I came through the portal here, we got the team back together. Took down a couple metas. But it wasn't... I was so terrified I'd say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and scare them off. I didn't even realize it, but I was suffocating. I didn't want them to know... anything going on in my life. That I was a meta, or... anything.
[ He doesn't know if he's told Eddie that, before. That even Barry and Caitlin never knew about his powers. That Eddie was the first (well, apart from Stein, and Eobard). ]
But with you, I want you to know everything. 'Cause... I'm not afraid, when I'm with you.
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