riverviewlogs | [Closed] You and me, another proverbial tree

[It's been too many days now. He's been stuck in the riverview hospital before, but never for this long. This is as serious as things have gotten back home. Constantly wavering health, a need for this stupid IV, the inability to even lift a spoon to eat. He doesn't want people to see him like this at all, but it doesn't stop them from coming. Dodger may be the person he minds the least, somehow, and he doesn't really know exactly why.

Still, those words tell him it's something new, and he can't help but breathe out a chuckle.]

You're back, Jamie. Haven't we been on dates? From what I recall, that was your idea. [He may be a miserable skeleton on a hospital bed right now, but he can still sass.] You were so cute.

I never said I didn't like it.

[He takes Eichi's hand, and moves it into his hair. He doesn't expect him to have the strength to pet him, but hey, the pressure is nice even if his hand stays still.

Eichi's never looked this bad before... and hell, he can't help a pang of sympathy for him. Hospital visits are a messy affair for him... but least this time there's no blood or bruises.]

You'd better get out of here soon... it's way too fucking clean in here for me.

[The hand thing is the biggest sign that Dodger is back to normal, he thinks. He'd already gotten the impression from his words, but now it's confirmed, and as an attempt at a reward, he moves shaky fingers slightly in an attempt at a pet. A weak attempt.]

It's a sterile prison, isn't it? [Even if he wants to sound strong, there's a backing to his words that shows how bothered he is to be here. There's no way he can hide it with how miserable he feels right now.]

I'd rather wear that collar of yours than be stuck in here. The medicine they provided me with works less every day. I wouldn't mind if you stole me away from here, but I'd probably die.

I hear you...

[There's a moment of silence, before he leans over to press a kiss to Eichi's lips. Another stolen kiss, affectionate and lazy.]

Let's trade - I'll die alone in a hospital bed and you can get shocked every time you try to make yourself comfortable.

[Sounds like a good trade-off to him.]

[It's strange to him that Dodger would kiss him while he's looking like this. Sick, skinnier than he had been when he was first admitted, oxygen at his nose and an IV in his hand, wearing this dull hospital gown and paler than ever. But he's not going to protest the warmth that comes from it, even if Dodger is much cooler than he would be without that collar.]

I won't be dying here. [He has more important things to protest, like this. It's firm, powered by the fiercest willpower imaginable, and hiding plenty of fear. But his eyes stay strong as they flick to Dodger.]

Pain is a form of pleasure, you know. Be glad that you can feel at all while suffering the consequences of your own actions.

You really do get off on seeing me like this...

[He offers him a lazy grin, although it wanes steadily as he watches him. He's so.. meek. Strong, but in a way that reeks of denial to him. And god, Dodger hates looking at him like this.]

You into mixing pain and pleasure, kid? I might do something with that once you're outta here...

It's some sort of justice.

[Though he laughs lightly as he says that, clearly not thinking very seriously on those words. Justice, like some sort of hero delivered it. There's nothing like that.]

Are you trying to send me back to the hospital before I've even left? [He doesn't want to outright admit to Dodger what his interests are, but he won't go out of his way to hide them, either. So... just comments like this.] I'm not sure how much you'll be able to do with your collar holding you back.

That's not a no. [He snickers softly.] I'll get this thing off sooner or later... and maybe I'll get a real shock collar for you. See how long you can last with it.

[The least he can do is... pretend it isn't that bad. But much like with Shigeru, it has gears turning in his head - wonder if he can come up with some crackpot cure to strengthen Eichi up for his own gain. Or at least make him feel strong in the moment, let them deal with the consequences later.]

Besides, this thing only keeps me from burning you. I could do plenty with my bare hands. Or a knife.

...

[It's still interesting that Dodger is here, saying things like this while he's in this state. Eichi doesn't fully get it. There's nothing to be gained with him like this here. Not when he's not rubbing it in, or waiting something out. But for as much as he's turned down Dodger's sinful advances, those crazy words are all more thrilling than they have any right to be. Can he save this for a time when he's not hooked up to a heart monitor?]

These sound like ideas far past a third date, you know.

[There's a spark of amusement in Dodger's eyes, when he glances at the heart monitor and sees a moment where his heartbeat speeds up. He's got the kid's interest, and that means... whatever the hell he's doing, it's going the way he wanted it to.]

Maybe that's just what I want you to think - maybe I know you'd be more willing to get intimate with me if you thought I was serious about keeping you around once I've fucked you.

[His conspiratorial tone is complimented by a playful smile on his lips, as he moves Eichi's hand from his hair to kiss its knuckles lazily.]

[Don't look at his heart monitor. Eichi feels vulnerable again in just this quick way, and that's irritating enough that he can move past his weak strength to push his fingers at Dodger's lips, his own attempt at a shove.]

There's nothing about you that makes me think you'd be serious in any way towards me, Jamie. Besides, idols are pure and innocent, you know? Don't I give the appearance of an angel?

[Totally]

Sure.. you look about ready to shuffle off this mortal coil, join the Choir Invisible.

[He's grinning, as he slips Eichi's fingers into his mouth and sucks on them playfully. This is his plan, apparently, just flustering Eichi as much as he can.]

[His heart rate spikes again, and Eichi pulls his fingers back in a huff, ignoring how he barely has the energy to do that. He's got a better idea that he thinks will stop this playing around in its tracks.]

Did you remember what happened to your Janet? You've had me quite curious.

[That definitely stops him... and the smile leaves his face, replaced by a look of dark remorse. And a split second later, cold distance.]

Didn't your mother ever teach you not to go poking around in other people's closets?

I never had a real childhood, so all my mother taught me was that she was more of a child than I was. So please stop looking at me like you intend to pull the plug on my life support.

[He's not even on life support. Please.] You volunteered a lot of information even when I told you that you'd never mentioned it before, you know. It's possible that I could die any minute, so is there really any harm in speaking with me?

You're not going to die any minute.

[He tips his head. He guesses... he does owe an end to that story. He and Eichi have too much in common to let a story end in the middle like that.]

I tried to kill her. She knocked me out. When I woke up the apartment was on fire and she was gone. That's all I know.

[Despite the cruel way he brought this up out of nowhere, there's no malice while Eichi listens to this. No response of joking or laughing at any misfortune, just silence as he listens intently.]

Why did you try to kill her? Do you recall that much? [His questions are careful, even if he knows they're still very prying.]

Of course I do. Shit like that... fuck, I'm never gonna forget the details.

[The smell of blood, the sound of Janet's scream and the crack of her head against the wall... the smell of striped bass burning on the stove while they argued.]

It doesn't matter why I did it. The important part is that it happened. And I lost out on the best fucking thing I ever had. So go ahead and get your jokes out.

I wonder what you really think of me, to assume I'd be so cruel as to joke over something like that.

[He gets quiet for a few more moments, his fingers twitching slightly as he tries to focus on moving them. He can, but there's no grip, there's not much control, he gives up.]

Without your motive, your true character isn't shown, you know? So I'd disagree that it doesn't matter. Of course it matters. But I can't force you to share what you're uninterested in sharing.

[He's silent for a few moments, just watching Eichi. He barely blinks; he just watches him silently, head tipped slightly as he considers whether to tell him. But in the end he decides... it doesn't really matter. Eichi knows everything important about this.]

My boss was riding my ass at work. I wasn't making enough money. She stopped wearing makeup at home. I blew my paycheck at a liquor store, and she didn't take kindly to that.

[He closes his eyes, his brow furrowed as he remembers it in as vivid detail as if it had happened yesterday.]

It was all stupid fucking reasons. Stupid shit just... piling up. I figure I just realized 'true love' doesn't automatically mean a happy ending.

It's not a normal reaction to jump straight to murder at small issues, you know.

[Dodger really is crazy, and he guesses he needed that reminder. But gosh... it just tells him again that things like fairy tales that everyone else knows about never were real. He spent his time envying that relationship only for it to end like this. How sad.]

A happy ending is something that you have to work for.

[His eyes sharpen at that, and he leans forward to give Eichi a hard look.]

I worked hard every fucking day to earn the life I had with Janet. I'm not a good person, I'm not even a sane person, but I did everything I could to make things good for her. I gave her the world, I fixed myself up and got a real job and acted like a normal fucking human being, just for her, and it didn't do shit because I'm not built like that. But you had better not fucking tell me I have to work for shit like that, because you're never gonna live long enough to understand what I've been through.

Weak words like that are disappointing from someone like you.

[Despite how hard Dodger is staring at him, Eichi doesn't flinch at all. He probably couldn't even if he wanted, but those eyes of his somehow don't show any fear. He's got too much else to worry about on this bed, and that irritating comment at the end there is enough to anger him.]

I'd argue that you're the one who doesn't understand what "doing everything" really is. You were born different, weren't you? Is that talent of yours meant to be a disadvantage? If I had that healthy body of yours, I wouldn't have wasted it away and waded in self pity while waiting for someone to pick me up.

If you had truly given it your all, you wouldn't be so defensive, Jamie. Regret doesn't come from full effort.

Staring at me from this close, are you really going to do something to me here? Even if I can't reach to call the nurse, my heart monitor is on, and you'd be wrapped in more trouble at once.

[Every word out of Eichi's mouth makes him itch to throw a punch in his face... he even raises a hand to do exactly that while Eichi's speaking. He starts to almost shake, from the anger that the idol brings up in him. And god, it's a testimony to how soft he's gotten that he doesn't try to break his fucking jaw. Well, that, and the sharp shock from his collar when he heards that rich line about "full effort" and his instinct is to heat himself up.]

You have no fucking idea what you're talking about.

[He may not be able to burn him, but his hand moves to grasp Eichi's throat without any conscious thought. Not hard enough to hurt, or even make it hard to breathe - just enough to threaten as he growls at him.]

You have no idea what made me the way I am, and you've got no right to judge. People like you don't understand 'giving it your all' - you do what you want, you ignore your weaknesses and it pays off for you. And don't try to deny it, there's a fucking fan page dedicated to wishing you well while you're in here. Nothing fucking bad has happened to you in your life that compares to what I've lived through.

[His grip had tightened while he spoke, enough that now he is strangling him - but he lets go, and his hand instead forms into a fist to slam into Eichi's bedside table.]

Go fuck yourself, Emperor.

[It takes Eichi a moment, since that hand tightening had been enough to get him to choke. His heart monitor is going to cause concern like this, but no one comes in just yet. Eichi just blinks away the slight water from his eyes, still glaring harshly at Dodger as he speaks.]

Our lives can't be compared, but demanding pity while refusing to share any information— what are you getting from that? You're the one who doesn't understand a thing, but if you'd like to pretend that my privilege makes my life any easier, then feel free to think so.

I may have fans, but that comes from simple charisma and public image, Jamie. Even you didn't finish me off just now. [Daring words, but he fully expects a nurse to rush in here at any moment to check on him, so he feels safe.]

[Closed] You and me, another proverbial tree

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