riverviewlogs | [Closed] You and me, another proverbial tree

[Don't look at his heart monitor. Eichi feels vulnerable again in just this quick way, and that's irritating enough that he can move past his weak strength to push his fingers at Dodger's lips, his own attempt at a shove.]

There's nothing about you that makes me think you'd be serious in any way towards me, Jamie. Besides, idols are pure and innocent, you know? Don't I give the appearance of an angel?

[Totally]

Sure.. you look about ready to shuffle off this mortal coil, join the Choir Invisible.

[He's grinning, as he slips Eichi's fingers into his mouth and sucks on them playfully. This is his plan, apparently, just flustering Eichi as much as he can.]

[His heart rate spikes again, and Eichi pulls his fingers back in a huff, ignoring how he barely has the energy to do that. He's got a better idea that he thinks will stop this playing around in its tracks.]

Did you remember what happened to your Janet? You've had me quite curious.

[That definitely stops him... and the smile leaves his face, replaced by a look of dark remorse. And a split second later, cold distance.]

Didn't your mother ever teach you not to go poking around in other people's closets?

I never had a real childhood, so all my mother taught me was that she was more of a child than I was. So please stop looking at me like you intend to pull the plug on my life support.

[He's not even on life support. Please.] You volunteered a lot of information even when I told you that you'd never mentioned it before, you know. It's possible that I could die any minute, so is there really any harm in speaking with me?

You're not going to die any minute.

[He tips his head. He guesses... he does owe an end to that story. He and Eichi have too much in common to let a story end in the middle like that.]

I tried to kill her. She knocked me out. When I woke up the apartment was on fire and she was gone. That's all I know.

[Despite the cruel way he brought this up out of nowhere, there's no malice while Eichi listens to this. No response of joking or laughing at any misfortune, just silence as he listens intently.]

Why did you try to kill her? Do you recall that much? [His questions are careful, even if he knows they're still very prying.]

Of course I do. Shit like that... fuck, I'm never gonna forget the details.

[The smell of blood, the sound of Janet's scream and the crack of her head against the wall... the smell of striped bass burning on the stove while they argued.]

It doesn't matter why I did it. The important part is that it happened. And I lost out on the best fucking thing I ever had. So go ahead and get your jokes out.

I wonder what you really think of me, to assume I'd be so cruel as to joke over something like that.

[He gets quiet for a few more moments, his fingers twitching slightly as he tries to focus on moving them. He can, but there's no grip, there's not much control, he gives up.]

Without your motive, your true character isn't shown, you know? So I'd disagree that it doesn't matter. Of course it matters. But I can't force you to share what you're uninterested in sharing.

[He's silent for a few moments, just watching Eichi. He barely blinks; he just watches him silently, head tipped slightly as he considers whether to tell him. But in the end he decides... it doesn't really matter. Eichi knows everything important about this.]

My boss was riding my ass at work. I wasn't making enough money. She stopped wearing makeup at home. I blew my paycheck at a liquor store, and she didn't take kindly to that.

[He closes his eyes, his brow furrowed as he remembers it in as vivid detail as if it had happened yesterday.]

It was all stupid fucking reasons. Stupid shit just... piling up. I figure I just realized 'true love' doesn't automatically mean a happy ending.

It's not a normal reaction to jump straight to murder at small issues, you know.

[Dodger really is crazy, and he guesses he needed that reminder. But gosh... it just tells him again that things like fairy tales that everyone else knows about never were real. He spent his time envying that relationship only for it to end like this. How sad.]

A happy ending is something that you have to work for.

[His eyes sharpen at that, and he leans forward to give Eichi a hard look.]

I worked hard every fucking day to earn the life I had with Janet. I'm not a good person, I'm not even a sane person, but I did everything I could to make things good for her. I gave her the world, I fixed myself up and got a real job and acted like a normal fucking human being, just for her, and it didn't do shit because I'm not built like that. But you had better not fucking tell me I have to work for shit like that, because you're never gonna live long enough to understand what I've been through.

Weak words like that are disappointing from someone like you.

[Despite how hard Dodger is staring at him, Eichi doesn't flinch at all. He probably couldn't even if he wanted, but those eyes of his somehow don't show any fear. He's got too much else to worry about on this bed, and that irritating comment at the end there is enough to anger him.]

I'd argue that you're the one who doesn't understand what "doing everything" really is. You were born different, weren't you? Is that talent of yours meant to be a disadvantage? If I had that healthy body of yours, I wouldn't have wasted it away and waded in self pity while waiting for someone to pick me up.

If you had truly given it your all, you wouldn't be so defensive, Jamie. Regret doesn't come from full effort.

Staring at me from this close, are you really going to do something to me here? Even if I can't reach to call the nurse, my heart monitor is on, and you'd be wrapped in more trouble at once.

[Every word out of Eichi's mouth makes him itch to throw a punch in his face... he even raises a hand to do exactly that while Eichi's speaking. He starts to almost shake, from the anger that the idol brings up in him. And god, it's a testimony to how soft he's gotten that he doesn't try to break his fucking jaw. Well, that, and the sharp shock from his collar when he heards that rich line about "full effort" and his instinct is to heat himself up.]

You have no fucking idea what you're talking about.

[He may not be able to burn him, but his hand moves to grasp Eichi's throat without any conscious thought. Not hard enough to hurt, or even make it hard to breathe - just enough to threaten as he growls at him.]

You have no idea what made me the way I am, and you've got no right to judge. People like you don't understand 'giving it your all' - you do what you want, you ignore your weaknesses and it pays off for you. And don't try to deny it, there's a fucking fan page dedicated to wishing you well while you're in here. Nothing fucking bad has happened to you in your life that compares to what I've lived through.

[His grip had tightened while he spoke, enough that now he is strangling him - but he lets go, and his hand instead forms into a fist to slam into Eichi's bedside table.]

Go fuck yourself, Emperor.

[It takes Eichi a moment, since that hand tightening had been enough to get him to choke. His heart monitor is going to cause concern like this, but no one comes in just yet. Eichi just blinks away the slight water from his eyes, still glaring harshly at Dodger as he speaks.]

Our lives can't be compared, but demanding pity while refusing to share any information— what are you getting from that? You're the one who doesn't understand a thing, but if you'd like to pretend that my privilege makes my life any easier, then feel free to think so.

I may have fans, but that comes from simple charisma and public image, Jamie. Even you didn't finish me off just now. [Daring words, but he fully expects a nurse to rush in here at any moment to check on him, so he feels safe.]

Fuck. You.

[Any further aggression is staggered again by a shock to his collar, and like a dog he lets out a bark as he tries to tug the thing off only to have it shock him again. It's driving him crazy, if he could just get it off-

-He's shaking from the force of concurrent shocks by the time he gives up, instead grabbing a glass off of the bedside table and smashing it into a wall to let out his frustration. He's without power or direction, and all he has left is to bite his own tail like a fucking idiot.]

What happened isn't any of your fucking business. Just listen to me for once and understand I know better than you. You spoiled, stupid little brat.

[His collar is still shocking him in short bursts - each time the light on it turns red, and it lets out a quiet buzzing noise to accent his cursing.]

[It's not hard to see that Dodger must have been through a lot. People don't generally become this way with nothing happening to them. Trauma, abuse, he's not sure what it could entail, but of course he knows it would be a lot. But he also doubts that Dodger is considering what he's been through at all, either. What should have been an easy life was a constant struggle. To even find meaning for himself, he had to choose something like this, and then he tore down the people around him and played the part of a villain— but more than all of that, that he chose to do to get to his dreams, was just the constant struggle of staying alive. His willpower and desire to live isn't something that was ever easy to deal with.

But arguing points like this back and forth will do nothing. Dodger doesn't understand him, and he doesn't know everything about Dodger, but there's still the interesting fact that he hasn't been hit in here at all. He watches those shocks occur quietly, before finally reaching a tired hand slowly out, like he expects Dodger's.]

Sorry, but could you stop barking so much? Someone is going to come in and think you're attacking me. Come here.

[There's one last shock, before he bristles and just watches Eichi with a look of distrust... like a stray dog being approached with food. Interested, but far too cautious.

After a moment he looks down at his hand. No blood in it... he should have crushed the glass instead, and hurt himself. It would have cooled him off a bit. But the moment that thought crosses his mind it's shoved aside again, and he gets up to lean over Eichi's bed, watching him with a look of intensity and calculation. Trying to figure out his game.]

And it would be so inconvenient for you if I got in more trouble, right?

I'm only offering you some advice. There's no need to be so defensive.

[He had wanted to check that that hand was healed and not bleeding all over the place, so seeing that while Dodger glances at it is a good thing. But when he leans over him enough, he musters every bit of strength he can to reach up and yank him down into a kiss.

It's short, but nothing lacking.]

[Well... that definitely cools him off.

Dodger is silent for a moment, gears turning rustily while he processes that. Yeah, Eichi just kissed him of his own free will... and after a moment of consideration he leans down to kiss Eichi again. Longer, warmer, more affectionate.]

Fuck you.

[There's no heat in this comment - he's managed to lose all of that anger, now that he's gotten some attention.]

Where did that anger go? It's too bad... I was looking forward to you trying to tear me down some more.

[He's... serious... whatever he means by that. But he's smiling fondly, fonder than he has any right to be, and a shaky hand lifts a little further to pet Dodger's hair like he seems to like before it falls back to the bed.]

Mm, but you really should let me breathe, since my chest is hurting right now. I wonder if I'll have heart failure from all of this excitement...

[Dodger backs off a bit, and sits back down in his chair. There's almost... a note of shame in his posture, as he gives Eichi his space.]

I'll kick your ass when you get out of here... and you'd better not fucking die until I get a chance.

[His fingers tap on his knee... god, he hates Eichi being stuck like this, reminding him that he's fragile and not- not someone Dodger should he trusted around.]

....I'm serious, you'll probably be fine. You've managed this long.

[He doesn't say it, but it's colder like this. He's scared, he's bothered, he doesn't know how he's supposed to keep going— but it's always thoughts like that that make him try harder. He knows. He just has to try harder, he just has to not give up, to keep going. He has to try harder. His eyes close with a heavy sigh.]

This pain just means that I'm still alive, right? My heart is beating and beating against all odds to keep me alive. How wonderful...

[Said heart rate is still not settling down, so it's clearly not just his excitement causing this. A nurse comes in, finally, not even noticing the shattered glass at the side of the room as she checks something on Eichi's IV and monitors, tells Dodger he may be asked to leave.]

[Dodger stands back and gives the nurse space, but he's more subdued than anything. He just nods along when he's told he might have to leave, and after a moment just offers a shrug.]

I should get going anyway, give you some space. But you owe me a date when you get out of here, so don't think about dying just to dodge that.

[What even is their relationship. Even he doesn't know.]

You made some interesting promises, so I won't be missing that.

[That's how Eichi decides to respond, tossing Dodger a look when he gets up, ignoring the nurse fussing over him.] I intend to live for as long as I can, even if I look like a demon. ♪ You should go sit somewhere that you won't be shocked so much by that collar of yours.

(no subject)

smokedout - 2017-08-26 20:28 (UTC) - Expand