riverviewlogs | [Mostly Closed] August Catch-All

Ed had taken to sleeping in his vest now that nearly the entire floor knew about his arm. He figured Cain was the type to mind his own business and not ask a lot of questions, so it was safe. He didn't venture into the communal part of the floor without something covering his arm still, but it hardly seemed worth the effort considering how different things were for Garrus.

He had been sleeping so well the past week it was almost concerning how abnormal it was for him. Between the automail reveal and the amnesia effects he didn't have as much of a reason to stay up or work around the schedule of others. Nightmares were still going to be a risk, but in the short week of relief from his darkest memories in Purg there weren't likely to be too many of those considering Ed didn't get them nearly as often as he could with his history.

There isn't usually much movement or sound when Edward has a nightmare, generally that would come after when he bolted out of the dead sleep in surprise and horror. He had a tendency to try to keep quiet in communal quarters, getting up and moving out of the room to avoid waking anyone else that might be asleep. Something about tonight was different.

The fact that Ed was trembling, whimpering quietly in his sleep and clearly struggling might be obvious to anyone that was a light sleeper, or already awake at this hour. The subdued reaction wouldn't last long though, instead turning against the mattress, shaking his head as if to ward off whatever visual his mind conjured. After a few moments of that Ed shot up from the bed, golden eyes wide with a horrified scream of what sounded like absolute terror. He panted, curling in on himself and drawing his legs up to press his forehead to his knees, wrapping his arms around them in an attempt to keep the quiet sobbing of his breath under control.

Sleep is still a luxury for Al, so much so that he's gotten used to being up at night. But with his bed so close to his brother's, it's impossible to miss the way a nightmare takes him in his sleep. He's seen it so many times, having had to watch on nights when his armor body was incapable of sleep. Now, however, he's flesh and blood, thanks to his brother's sacrifice, and seeing the way Ed begins tossing and turning, Al is quick to shift closer. At least, as close as he can until Ed shoots up in bed, trembling and shaking. The scream resonates in Al's ears and he flinches, trying to shake away the sound. It's so different from when Ed would startle awake while he was armor. It's more visceral this time and Al's heart aches for his brother as a result.

So he shifts closer still, all but wrapping himself around Ed as his brother sobs. It's heart wrenching and heart breaking all at once and if Al could, he'd lift whatever burden was weighing down his brother's shoulders. But he also knows Ed needs a moment to figure out where he is and who he's with. Which means quiet murmuring from Al, reminding Ed that he's there and not going anywhere.

"It's okay, Brother. I'm right here. It's okay..." he whispers, hoping to soothe Ed and calm him.

Ed's breath came out in pants, gasping softly for air as if robbed of oxygen. After a moment he glances up, lingering panic still in his eyes as he looks at his brother as if he's not entirely sure he's really there.

"Al..?" Blinking a few times his gaze shifted as if trying to make sense of the situation. Ed raked fingers through his hair, exhaling slowly as if to compose himself, voice soft as if he could prevent waking anyone after that scream. "I..." The dream was so fresh and so real for a moment he couldn't wrap his mind around the reality he was faced with now that he was awake.

He doesn't look at his brother, the same hardened edge to his features that was present when Alphonse first arrived has returned but there's also confusion there. As if something didn't add up. After a long moment of silence as if determining something before speaking again Ed exhales slowly and murmurs, voice low so as not to disturb anyone else. "Sorry I woke you."

Al can tell there's something going on with Ed. He's always been able to tell, even if his brother kept secrets from him. Try as Ed might to hide his emotions, they were always visible in his features, especially his eyes. Like now, as Ed struggles to compose himself, Al can tell that something is up. It must have something to do with the nightmare he'd had and Al wants nothing more than to comfort him.

The past couple days of Ed being more relaxed around him had felt like a dream, a blessing. But as he sees that tenseness shift into Ed's features, that paranoia and hardness, Al fears that that period of peace is over. And he hates that.

Carefully, he keeps himself wrapped around Ed, but also giving him space enough tou pull away if he wants to. He won't force himself on Ed, and if Ed needs more room to breathe or gather himself together, Al is ready to offer it.

"You didn't wake me," he says, equally as quiet as Ed had been. "I was already awake. Tell me what's wrong?"

His posture is hunched but he makes no move to escape Al's embrace. He's oblivious to his brother's thoughts, but he can see the concern and his mind is working quickly to put everything together that had just happened. At first it was just a nightmare, it felt like any other nightmare he'd had - and Ed was no stranger to nightmares. Even the more twisted ones tended to exist in some form of truth though and it took a moment for him to realize that this one did too.

Edward isn't entirely sure he buys that his brother was already awake, but at the same time knew he had been keeping an eye on him with the weird fever he had. He doesn't pull away but leans back enough to meet Al's eyes when he speaks again. The jumbled mess of nightmare and memory starting to come clear.

"I remembered..." A sigh, running fingers through his hair again as if frustrated by the whole ordeal. "I told you it happened, at the river, right?" At that his gaze lowers, not able to look his brother in the eye. "What I did in Purg, I remember. All of it." He looks at his hands as if trying to work out how it had happened, taking a deep breath as golden eyes stared down at his own hands before glancing up once more, still not meeting Al's gaze.

"That's why you didn't want me to know. That's why I couldn't remember those conversations... You, and Lockon-" He could remember the fight now, that day at the beach. Neither the Lockon here or from Purg was around anymore and that was probably a relief at this point, but he remembered the conversation as if it had just happened.

He recalled taking Al to the river to tell him what had happened, so soon after he had first arrived here. Which meant he realized that his brother didn't care. In all the time that Ed hadn't held himself back because he was afraid of what he might do Al had been no different, if anything only more attached to him. Probably because Ed had allowed it without the memory of why he shouldn't. Even knowing what he'd done Alphonse wasn't afraid of him, he wasn't even slightly wary of him as far as Ed could tell.

"You figured it out, didn't you?" The rest was barely a whisper, as if still unable to grasp the concept completely, "I forgot that I killed you."

As Ed withdraws, even only slightly, Al tenses. Here it comes, he thinks, and as Ed works through his thoughts and emotions, all Al can feel is frustration and sadness. It had been easier when Ed didn't remember the horrific events in Purg. It had been easier when his brother could relax and reach out to him without ever fearing he might hurt his little brother. But that time is past and Al hates whatever caused Ed to forget and remember all of it all over again.

"I knew you forgot because you were so comfortable around me again. Before, you'd draw away, like now. Because you're afraid of hurting me. But it'd been better, Brother. It'd been better when you didn't remember. I wish you never did because..."

He pauses, fingers dropping to toy with the ends of Ed's long hair. Almost subconsciously, he begins braiding them, mind far away to how easy it had been to be with Ed while he didn't remember. If anything, he wants that back because he liked having his brother so at ease around him. He misses it already.

"I don't want you to pull away from me again. I don't want you to be afraid of touching me," he says, tugging gently on Ed's hair. His fingers tangle in the gold strands as he finishes the tiny braid and then releases it. "I want things to be the way they had been when you weren't so afraid."

He notices the way Al tenses and he's honestly not sure what to make of it, still trying to sort through the memory of the past week up against this new (not new) information. Ed searches his brother's expression as he speaks with slow dawning realization. "You... didn't tell me, because you didn't want things to change."

In any normal situation he might be amused by Alphonse idly braiding his hair as they talked, but this was different. This was a displacement behavior, Al probably barely registered he was even doing it but all Edward felt now was guilt. As if doing that to him hadn't been bad enough, he'd made the Al here suffer too because of it. The thought of that twisted something different within him, like anger. His jaw clenches as he glances away, golden eyes closing with a shake of his head.

After a sigh, Ed simply leans against his brother again. "I'm sorry... Al, I didn't-" He doesn't even know what to say he but he knows that he'd Alphonse with the way he was behaving before, and Al didn't want to go back to that. Maybe he had been scared of hurting his brother, but in his effort not to hurt his brother he'd hurt his brother, so what difference did it even make at this point? "I didn't want to hurt you like that, either."

It was all messed up and there wasn't really anything he could do, there wasn't anyway to change the past. Instead he shifts to lie down once more, tugging his brother with him and wrapping both arms around him as if to prove his point. "It won't be like that anymore, okay?"

Al shakes his head fervently. Ed is right on the money and as he's taken into his brother's arms, he heaves a sigh. This. This is how things are meant to be between them. Not the distance of the pain. Especially not something from the past. They've put their past behind them before and will do so again, that's what Al wants more than he can say. After all, it hadn't been him whom Ed had killed. It hadn't been him who'd died that day in Purg. Why should they suffer for something like that?

Leaning into the bed and pressing himself as close to Ed as he can manage without being uncomfortable ( there's Ed's limbs to consider ), Al tries to soak up as much of his brother's warmth as he can. "Promise?" he ask, chancing a look at his brother. He can tell Ed is already working on it. Otherwise they wouldn't be curled up together like they are.

Ed's logic was that it had been him, regardless of which Al it was. If he was going to believe his brother was his brother no matter when or what version he came from, it was hard to separate them in his mind. It was the exact opposite logic for how he approached others he recognized, he had to view Lyle as a stranger to start fresh with him - but if he separated this Al from the last one it brought up questions. Which was really the one from his own world? They couldn't all be, not when they were so different, and the more time he spent with Alphonse the more differences he saw between them.

He smiles faintly as Al moves closer, for once it's him enjoying the warmth coming from Alphonse instead of the other way around, despite probably coming off as a furnace with the fever he wasn't thinking about at the moment. As much as he'd been trying to ignore the chills and discomfort from having to drink that tea, he's just glad that it's over with, and his expression flickers a second when Alphonse moves to look at him before smiling easily again with the question. "Of course. I told you I wasn't going to let this come between us, Al... and I meant it."

A smile lifts at the corner of Al's lips at that, glad that his brother is keeping his word. Not that he'd ever doubt Ed, even if they've had their moments. It's just that he can see it in his brother's eyes, the way that Ed is determined to not let the past come between them. A heartening realization that made it worth being close to his brother, fever or no.

And speaking of the fever, Al didn't mind it. The warmth wasn't too much, especially when compared to the heat of the desert outside Ishbal. He'd accept whatever heat that Ed would put out and stay near him until he was better. And probably even after that.

For a long moment Ed is content to just leave things at that. Letting Al's body heat ward off the chill, and work on putting the past behind them. Just because it had happened once didn't mean it would happen again, and as everyone had said it wasn't as if he had been in control for any of it, anyway. If anything it made him safer to be around because he was more wary of even the slightest changes, not wanting to risk a repeat of something so horrific.

After some time though, he speaks again. Hesitantly, as if not quite sure how to approach the subject. "That's... Not the only thing I had a dream about." He was struggling on how to ask this question, on one hand they were honest with each other but on the other hand there was no way to do it without it sounding accusing, was there?

"We were on the island with Wrath and Teacher. Winry was there, too." He doesn't continue, trying to feel out Al's reaction before pressing the issue. How had he forgotten something like that? Why were these the memories that were taken? Something felt different about this one though, as if it had never been a memory at all. Which is why Ed wasn't sure he wanted to bring up what was bothering him about it. Maybe it was all just a coincidence.

"Not the only thing?" he asks, but doesn't press. Al waits for the rest to come out and when it does, he merely blinks in confusion. He remembers the time well, when he wanted nothing more than to rip Wrath's limbs off his body and restore them to his brother. The anger he felt had been intense and Al knows it still simmers inside him every time he looks at his brother's automail. But it doesn't register that wanting that so much might be wrong. That the violence he'd exhibited that night might scare his brother. After all, he's the boy that had transmuted Wrath and Gluttony to open the Gate, brought a war to their world, and even if he hadn't meant for people to get killed, Al knows in his heart he'd do it again.

"What about it, Brother?" he asks again, tilting his head and giving his brother a gentle squeeze. "Nothing that bad happened there."

At least, not in his mind.

Things were complicated for Ed. On one hand, in another life maybe such a reaction to the situation with Wrath wouldn't surprise him. Considering he'd forgotten that memory in Purg though, when he was living with Wrath and taking care of him in Izumi's absence, that was conflicting. He remembered the Wrath who should have gone through the Gate, years of living with a softer quieter version of the homunculus who found joy in sitting on the roof eating ice cream and killing the various monsters that lurked where they lived.

"I guess not," He mused thoughtfully at Al's assurance that nothing too bad happened there. Nothing had really happened, but the intent was there and Ed's perspective was obviously skewed. Still, it was nowhere near the other memory. The time he'd locked them both away from everyone else just for the creature in his head to kill his brother.

He doesn't sound entirely convinced, even as he agrees with his brother that it wasn't that big of a deal. "That really happened, then? You were going to rip my limbs off Wrath?"

Ed's tone indicates that he's still skeptical and Al gets it. It must be strange for someone to have forgotten something only for it to come back. Al had felt the same way waking up in Quarantine with memories of years he'd been trying to get back. But he doesn't see how the memories might've been worrying for Ed, or even that they could compare to murdering one's own brother. Al is blissfully oblivious to how his darker side might frighten Ed.

"Mmhm. They weren't his, Brother. He stole them from you and you gave up so much for them. It wasn't proper Equivalent Exchange and you deserve to have your limbs back."

As he speaks, his hands move, gliding down Ed's automail arm, one reaching around to brush against Ed's thigh. He doesn't realize how intimate the touch might be because as far as he's concerned, Ed's right arm belongs to him. It was given in sacrifice for his life and now that he's flesh and blood ( again, because of Ed's sacrifice ), he's going to touch allow his fingers to feel every groove and notch, every screw and wire.

Ed is quiet Al explains. He doesn't really have a response to that, only an oddly uneasy feeling. Golden eyes shift to watch as Alphonse moves his hand over Ed's automail, not registering that as anything unusual either. He's not sure if he should ask the question on his mind, how exactly Al expected to return them to Ed once they were removed from Wrath's body. After all, he also remembered getting ready to cut the arm off of the homunculus himself.

"Al... You know that's not going to happen now, right?" He doesn't actually, whether or not he got his limbs back had never been discussed that he could think of, but he was still operating in the present tense. Here, in the Quarantine, before Ed ever gets a chance to go home - if that ever happens - he wouldn't be getting his limbs back.

The hand on his thigh doesn't go unnoticed though, it hardly could after a year in Attollo. Some things Ed was not so oblivious too, but he imagined in this instance his brother is, so he just subtly shifts on the mattress to make it seem as though he was only trying to get more comfortable with a faint cough. Hoping that Al mistook the heat rising to his features as part of the fever rather than any reaction to his brother touching his thigh, if Ed was uncomfortable with the way Alphonse was talking that was abruptly forgotten about in favor of this new dilemma.

Unaware of his brother's discomfort, Al allows Ed to shift as needed. He was more concerned with the color that was rising to his brother's already flushed features and lifted his hand to brush his knuckles against Ed's cheek. "Are you feeling alright?" he asked, concern coloring his tone. He shifted slightly again, to bring his cheek against his brother's, checking Ed's fever again.

"You're still so warm. Maybe you should rest some more," he said, pulling away to give Ed a little space. His hands moved too, settling on Ed's mismatched shoulders, prepared to give his brother a lecture if he needed to.

His eyes widened slightly when Al moved closer to check his temperature, clearing his throat weakly. "Fine, Al." The tone was as defensive as possible, as if intent on getting his brother to back off, but considering how he actually felt there was hardly any bite to it. It probably just made him sound even more pathetic.

"It's just that stupid tea." When this was over he was starting to doubt he'd ever drink the stuff again. He blinks when Al shifts his position to rest both hands on his shoulders - the blush still present as he searches his brother's features curiously - practically pinning him to the mattress.

"I'll be fine when it wears off, they said it shouldn't take too long." The impulse to hunch in on himself as if to prove that point is subdued by Al's hands still on him, preventing him from moving.

Al's all but straddling his brother now, taking care though to not put any weight on him. Ed, as far as Al is concerned, needs the rest and he won't take any arguing from his brother. It's only when he's sure that Ed won't move that he shifts to his side and settles back into the blankets. That way, Ed has more room to relax and hopefully get some sleep.

"Well, until it wears off, I'm watching over you, Brother. Even if it is just because of the tea, you shouldn't push yourself. Try sleeping some more. I won't go anywhere."

Because already, he misses the feel of Ed's skin under his fingers. He's loathe to lose that right yet, and if he can persuade his brother to sleep, perhaps he'll be able to curl around him and find some sleep too.

Between the nightmare and the way his brother had just been straddling him, Ed had given up on sleep at this point. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not doing anything." At least intentionally, but he's not going to add that part, instead curling onto his side once he's released.

He's not entirely sure Al not going anywhere is going to help, but he doesn't voice that thought, fully aware his brother wouldn't get the reasoning behind it anyway. Not that he wanted him to. "Go back to sleep, Al." Considering he was already watching Ed before the nightmare woke him, he wasn't sure his brother had even gotten any since the night began.

Al considers arguing for a moment, but fatigue pulls on him. He hasn't slept yet and with Ed seemingly trying to go back to sleep, he curls up next to his brother and figures he'll at least try. If anything, Ed will wake him again if something comes up and Al closes his eyes.

"Good night, Brother," he murmurs finally, cuddled as close to his brother as possible while sleep finally takes him.

[Mostly Closed] August Catch-All

[Closed to Floor Six (Primarily Al) - Amnesia Event End Nightmare]

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