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Entry tags:

[open] cancel your reservations

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all, amnesia event
when: august
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up!
warnings: discussion of murder, use of alcohol to cope, will add more as needed

i. pre-amnesia (august 5-10)

[ Cisco knows that he is probably opening himself up to a world of headaches and unnecessary trouble, but there have been plenty of new arrivals, and more and more he is noticing that people who show up from non-technologically advanced worlds simply have no support system to really teach them all the cool things they can do even with their phones, not to mention other machines and devices. So, one day when there's a lull between projects for the RPD and other emergency services, he goes to a print shop and has flyers made:

TECHNOLOGICAL CULTURE SHOCK??? NEED LESSONS ON HOW TO USE YOUR PHONE, LAPTOP, OR OTHER ELECTRONIC GADGET??? STOP BY THE ADDRESS BELOW FOR A FREE INFORMAL LESSON!!!

Normally it's the kind of announcement he would make over the network, but what if someone is really struggling and can't even get on there? No, flyers seem like the way to go for this crowd. Cisco adds some fine print at the bottom, below the address for his workshop, but all it says is:

*NO HIDDEN AGENDA JUST A HELPFUL DUDE WANTING TO SHARE THE WONDERS OF TECHNOLOGY, LESSONS ARE FREE BUT TRIBUTE PAID IN CANDY IS ALWAYS ACCEPTED]

ii. amnesia (august 12-19)

[ The changes in Cisco are not, at first, as obvious as they may be in other people. He remembers Riverview, and everyone he has met here, and all the details of his life in this place. He remembers his name, all the movies and video games that he loves, all the technical skills and scientific know-how necessary for his job. He even remembers most stuff about his own past - that he worked at S.T.A.R. Labs, that he's a member of Team Flash and friend to Barry Allen. That he is a metahuman, with various abilities tied to manipulating multidimensional energy.

The only thing that has been carved away from his memory is, in fact, Eobard Thawne. Cisco doesn't remember his mentor's betrayal, or being murdered, or the circumstances that surrounded him discovering his powers. All of the shame and dread he's been carrying about his powers, because of Eobard and the things he'd said and done, has just vanished. In addition, Cisco's trauma over that whole experience is, for the moment, covered over. To anyone who knows him even a little he will seem inexplicably younger. Quicker to smile and laugh, volumes more trusting, and also a lot more inclined to talk about some guy named Dr. Wells in a positive, even devoted manner.

Cisco will spend this week doing what he usually does - working at his workshop (still offering those lessons), trying out new restaurants, shopping for graphic tees and games and movies, exploring the safe parts of the city a little - but with an extra spring in his step. If you've wanted your character to find out about him being a metahuman, now would be a good time for it! ]

iii. post-amnesia (august 20-31)

[ The not-remembering? Had been good. But when that's done, and all of Cisco's memories are restored to him, the transition is... rough. Putting it mildly. Back when all of it had happened, there had been so much going on - one life-or-death situation after the other - that he hadn't had time to linger too much on how he was changing, being shaped into an older, sadder, more broken version of himself.

Now, though, there is no big crisis, no distraction to divert his attention. One minute he is the old, sunny Cisco - the one he still thinks of as the person he was supposed to be - and the next, it all comes rushing back. The contrast is stark, and it's kind of fucking him up a little. Or, rather, a lot.

He goes back to having nightmares almost as often as he did in those first weeks after his death, which means he isn't getting a whole lot of sleep, and it shows in the dark circles under his eyes. Cisco withdraws somewhat - not enough to worry that he's abandoning anyone, but he takes longer to answer texts, doesn't reach out to people first, doesn't go out and about in the evenings. He is quieter, with considerably more strain behind his smiles. He throws himself into his work, staying in his workshop long hours, sometimes falling asleep there, for a few fitful hours. When he can't work any more, he spends a little more time than he should in some nearby bars, drinking a little more than he ought to, trying not to think about the person he is now compared to the person he was the week before. ]

iv. misc

[ Come plot something! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[For a moment, Eddie feels an intense surge of guilt at the fact that Cisco paused his game to turn and look at him with that concerned expression. It's even worse when Cisco asks if something is wrong, like it was written all over Eddie's face that something wasn't quite right in his head. Immediately, Eddie looks sheepish, tilting his head and rubbing at the nape of his neck, shrugging a little, he licks his lips nervously.

He's about to brush it off when Cisco's hand lands on his knee, his thumb rubbing against the fabric of Eddie's sweats, and he exhales all in a rush. It's endearing, painfully so, and Eddie bites his lip one more time, then shakes his head.]

No. Not wrong, really. I'm just sleepy and I really want to be around you.

[A shrug, and he avoids eye contact for a moment.]

I keep thinking about all the times we've slept together, like, in the same bed, and how it felt, and really wanting to do that again. I don't really have any excuse, though, and I know the games chill you out, so I didn't want to interrupt but...

[Another shrug, and he can't really say anything else, because what can he say?]

Oh.

[ Now that his attention isn't divided, the answer to his confusion is obvious almost immediately. Cisco feels his face heat, slightly, but Eddie isn't even looking at him, so it hardly matters. Eddie is talking around the thing itself, telling the truth as usual but not just coming out and asking for what he wants.

Fortunately, Cisco has figured it out. He quickly turns back to the TV without saying a word, using the controller to go from 'play' to 'quit' and hitting enter. One more click shuts off the TV, and he turns to Eddie once more, smiling softly. His voice is low and warm with fondness as he says: ]

C'mon, Eddie. You don't need an excuse. All you had to do was ask.

[ Cisco sees the tiredness in Eddie's face, gets to his feet and holds out a hand to help him up. He shouldn't tease him too much about it - everything is harder and more complicated when you're exhausted, and it's not like things between them are entirely stable and settled. They're still wary of one another's boundaries, still both wanting to take things slow, avoid hurting each other. ]

Your bed or mine?

[A little sleepy, a little disoriented, a little stupid, Eddie just smiles at Cisco when he seems to get it - he still feels guilty, for distracting Cisco and derailing his evening and making him think that there was something wrong when there really isn't anything wrong at all. Eddie doesn't feel unhappy or uncomfortable or upset or anything bad, really.

It's just an intense feeling of longing, to be curled up in bed with Cisco, talking or sleeping or anything else. Together. And Cisco, specifically, no one else.]

Sorry. I just didn't want to derail your entire night because I got a sudden urge to curl up in bed with you, you know? You're busy playing the game and...

[His voice trails off as Cisco says 'your bed or mine' and he ducks his head, smiling a little.]

Mmm, my bed is a little more comfortable, but your room has really great ambiance. If...you want, I'd like to go there.

[For a moment, he's quiet, eyes on Cisco's face.]

You're sure?

I'm super sure.

[ It's strange, really. To see all that hesitation and uncertainty, written all over Eddie. Normally he is so good at projecting confidence. It had taken Cisco a while to get to know him well enough to guess, from time to time, when it was only a front. But now, he is all shuffling shyness and uncertainty. It makes Cisco feel a kind of pressure in his chest, a protectiveness so strong it is almost tangible.

He takes Eddie's hand and helps him up, keeps holding onto it as he rounds the couch and heads for the stairs. Cisco thinks about saying more, about reassuring Eddie that there were no rails to go off of in the first place, that playing a video game could hardly be called busy. But in the end, right now, words just feel small, and for all he knows Eddie would just refute them again. So in the end he settles for actions, rather than words. ]

Fan on, right?

[ Cisco asks it as they enter the bedroom; they haven't discussed it, but he's noticed that Eddie seems to like there to be some white noise, when he's sleeping. Before Eddie even needs to answer, Cisco twists the dial on a small oscillating fan sitting on the edge of his desk. He nods towards his bed, that Eddie can get in.

Eddie might already be in comfortable sleeping attire, but Cisco is still wearing his jeans and a button-up. He gets to his wardrobe, hesitates, and then starts to change right there, rather than grabbing some pjs and ducking into the bathroom. He can feel his face going very hot as he does it, stomach twisting in uncertainty. Maybe this is going too far, maybe he ought not to do this. But once he started, changing his mind would only look even more obvious. ]

[It feels right, somehow, to be following Cisco up to bed. He's not sure if it's the complicated tangle of romantic feelings he's been dealing with for the past bit, or if it's just whatever it is that came over him as soon as he got sleepy, but it feels right. Good. Like exactly what he should be doing. Cisco is holding his hand, leading him up to the bed, and he goes, something in him relaxing and unwinding, his eyes sinking half shut because he's sleepy, after all.

Cisco turns the fan on as they enter the bedroom, and Eddie nods mutely, a little amazed that Cisco remembered that little detail about him - that white noise helps keep the nightmares away, because that dark room under STAR Labs had been silent. Quietly, Eddie goes over to the bed, draws his feet up and watches Cisco as he starts to change.

Probably, he should stop looking, give Cisco a little privacy, but Cisco hadn't made a move to hide himself, had just started changing in front of him. Funnily, in the mental state Eddie's in, there's nothing sexual about watching Cisco - he's not looking at him with any kind of untoward desire, but it's nice, still. It's intimate in a way, and that's probably why Eddie's enjoying it. Cisco feels comfortable and safe doing something private and personal like changing his clothes in front of Eddie, and that's good. It's wonderful.

Eddie is smiling as Cisco finishes and, after sliding a little further into the bed, he pushes the blankets aside, pats the bed beside him to invite Cisco over.]

Thank you. By the way. For this. I don't know what came over me, but...seriously thank you for humouring me. [A little pause, and then, with a bit of a laugh in his voice, not mocking, but a little surprised.] You look really cute right now.

[ Cisco doesn't turn around at all while he changes, but he thinks that that prickling on the back of his neck means Eddie is watching him. If it were anyone else, that would be completely intolerable. But since it's Eddie, it makes him a little nervous and a little happy all at the same time. At the very least, it's a pretty quick process.

He doesn't go to the bed right away, though he sees Eddie pulling back the sheets for him. Cisco pulls a little bottle from the drawer of his desk, applies just a little lotion to his face and hands, and then switches off the light. The glow in the dark stars on the walls provide just the tiniest bit of illumination - not enough to keep either of them from sleeping, but just enough to be immediately recognizable when either of them wakes up. After his nightmares, Cisco had been grateful for those stars. They reminded him of where he was, when he was.

Cisco burrows under the blankets, rolling nearer close to Eddie. Cisco brushes a hand against Eddie's chest, willing to touch and be touched but also a little uncertain. ]

How d'you want me?

[ He could make that into a joke, laugh at the way it sounds like a lewd suggestion, but he doesn't. Instead, it is just simple. A plain and calm request that Eddie tell him what he wants, so Cisco can give it to him. ]

And please. Everybody looks cute in their pajamas. That's like, a law.

[There's something almost painfully delightful about the fact that Cisco applies moisturizer to his face and hands before bed, and he can't put his finger on why. It's cute, it makes him want to kiss Cisco's face, and it's stupid, but he can't get that thought out of his mind as Cisco turns the lights off, and Eddie sees those glow-in-the-dark stars. For a moment, between that urge to kiss Cisco and the stars in the dark, he gets a flashback to that night, to being curled up inside the blankets with Cisco, that star the only light, kissing him and touching his hair, moving against him...

When Cisco climbs in bed beside him and asks how Eddie wants him, he swallows hard and has to bite his tongue for a moment. Shifting, he rolls onto his back, and moves a bit closer, looking over at Cisco in the barely-there light from the glow-in-the-dark stars.]

Um...honestly, anything is good. I really liked when you had your head on my chest, though, right up against my side? [He licks his lips, and then continues on, quietly.] This probably sounds weird, but I like being able to rest my cheek in your hair. And no, not everyone looks cute in their pajamas. At least not as cute as you do.

[Smiling a bit, he looks over at Cisco, squinting a bit to try to see his face in the dark.]

Doesn't sound weird at all.

[ Cisco's heart is beating a little too fast, considering all he is doing is lying down. He quickly understands what Eddie means, and positions himself accordingly, curling close against Eddie's side, arm thrown over him, head coming to rest on Eddie's chest. It's very comforting, feeling it rise and fall with his every breath, faintly hearing the sound of his pulse. ]

You can rest your cheek against my hair all you want.

[ He's noticed this about Eddie - that he likes touching his hair, likes kissing it, burying his face in it. Unlike many of his other traits, Cisco can almost understand that one. He's had enough people tell him nice things about his hair that he has some small measure of pride in it. So he doesn't immediately reject the idea that Eddie enjoys it, the way he does with some of his other physical traits.

Cisco lets out a long sigh: he might not have any substance compelling him to seek out physical closeness to Eddie, but then again, he hardly needs one. Cisco has always been someone who is just this side of starved for touch, and that is only increased in Eddie's case, considering Cisco's massive crush on him. ]

This is really nice.

[As Cisco adjusts himself in the bed, curling up against Eddie's side and resting his head on his shoulder and chest, his arm solid and warm against Eddie. As soon as Cisco says he can rest his cheek against his hair, Eddie does it, tilting his head and closing his eyes, making a soft humming sound. For a moment, he's silent, reveling in it, enjoying the scent and feeling of Cisco's hair, soft against his cheek and temple, catching against the slight stubble on his jaw.

It's perfect. It's satisfying in a way that only accommodating an irrational craving can be, satiating some desire that feels like a need, visceral and intense. Humming a bit, Eddie turns his head, lets his nose and mouth drift into Cisco's hair, inhaling the scent, pressing a soft barely-there kiss into it. It's like a drug, he can't help himself, and he makes another soft noise in his throat.]

Yeah, it's more than nice. It's perfect. I...

[A pause, and he swallows a bit hard.]

I know it hasn't been long since we stopped sleeping together on the regular, but I missed it. I like having you in bed with me. I feel safe. Is that stupid?

[ Eddie's warm breath stirs Cisco's hair just a little, and there's no mistaking the enjoyment in those soft exhalations. Cisco can feel Eddie's cheek pressed against the crown of his head - his cheekbone, his jaw. It would be difficult not to be flattered by such attention, such obvious delight in him. More and more, these last few months, Cisco trusts touch more than words - he and Eddie had had some miscommunication and hurt between them, when they tried to communicate entirely with words. But this is some damn compelling evidence. ]

It's not stupid. I miss it too.

[ Cisco had tried not to let himself grow used to it: the warmth of someone else nearby, the sound of steady breathing, the way Eddie would drape a strong arm over him protectively and make him feel safe like it was nothing.

He'd failed, obviously. ]

You're welcome in my bed any time. You know that, right?

[Eddie has no problem with his interest and enjoyment being obvious. Now that they've cleared things up, made sure to collaborate about what page they're on, what they want out of this, it feels safe and easy to just give in and do what he wants. It feels perfect to cuddle up against Cisco, to gather his warm solid body up against his own and inhale the smell of his hair and curl around him when he shivers and feels afraid in the night. To protect him, and make him feel as safe as he can.

It feels natural.

When Cisco says he misses it too, Eddie smiles and presses his mouth into Cisco's hair again in a mindless kiss, eyes sinking shut.]

I didn't know. But I do now. So...good luck getting me to ever leave.

[Shifting a bit, Eddie squeezes the younger man gently, breathing into the soft hair at the crown of his head.]

[ Cisco is in that warm, hazy, just starting to be sleepy headspace where all he wants to do is ramble about any thought that enters his mind. And he indulges himself, this time, because Eddie keeps planting those soft little kisses into his hair, and it's making something he hadn't even realized was tight in his chest loosen. ]

I've probably already slept with you more than anybody else, by now.

[ He huffs a very soft laugh, fingers curling against Eddie's chest as he nestles himself a little closer, clingy and appreciative of Eddie's body heat. ]

I mean sleep sleeping. Obviously. I mean I've slept in people's beds and stuff but never more than a couple times. I think the whole cuddling thing might be outta fashion or something. Or maybe it's just me, who knows.

[ Cisco starts to trace idle little patterns with his fingertips, along Eddie's chest and ribs and side, just enjoying the fact that he is allowed to touch him. ]

Anyway... anyway the point is, I don't need luck. 'Cause I don't want you to leave.

[Eddie likes it, the way Cisco talks, comfortably and openly and a little drowsy, while Eddie holds him and listens to him, intensely attentive in the way that only comes from being sleepy and interested in something at the same time.]

Mm-hmm. [It's a soft hum, while he shifts just enough that he can slide his fingers into Cisco's hair, as the younger man nestles closer, his head on Eddie's chest, his arm warm and solid across his belly. Making a satisfied noise in his throat, he buries fingers into Cisco's hair, rubbing a smooth strand of it between thumb and forefinger, scraping blunt nails against Cisco's scalp.]

I've slept with you more than I did with Taako.

[It's soft, and quiet, and it is, Eddie thinks, a pretty good explanation of the type of relationship he'd had with Taako. And he'd thought that was what he wanted at the time. Something low-commitment, not too much. But it isn't. That's not the kind of person Eddie is, he's only just realizing that, noticing that he's never had a relationship like that where he felt happy and free - it's always felt like he was missing something.

Right now, he doesn't feel like he's missing much of anything. He thinks maybe that means he should make it official soon, actually ask Cisco out. Eyes sinking shut, he smiles into Cisco's hair.]

Oh good. Because I really, really don't want to either. I could do this every night and be happy.

[ Cisco can't help thinking but not more than Iris. She and Eddie had lived together for months and months. As far as he knows, they'd shared the same bed every night. And that's something Cisco has never had, not with anybody. His longest relationships had been a few months, in college, in separate dorm buildings. Not anything real, the way Eddie and Iris were real.

But all of that is too complex and too emotionally fraught to voice right now, so he just sighs and smushes his cheek against Eddie's chest, trying not to make it into something he worries about. ]

Even with the nightmares?

[ Eddie had handled them really well, for that space of time after he got his memories back, when Cisco was a total mess, and could barely go a few hours without waking up in a cold sweat, or else with his throat aching from screaming in his sleep. Eddie had held him and soothed him back to sleep. But that had been a temporary agreement. A favor Eddie performed for him. Cisco doesn't think it's the same, looking forward into the uncertain future. He's not having as many nightmares, now. But he still gets them once in a while, and he isn't sure that's ever gonna change. ]

You're very warm. Anyone ever told you that? You're like... a space heater. A huggable one.

[That thought had crossed Eddie's mind, too. That he can't say more than anyone, because he'd shared a bed with Iris for so long, but he also can't deny that part of him feels like that was wasted time, like it was a waste of his effort and his investment and his emotions. It feels wrong to feel that way, but it's not like he can change his gut feeling either, so he just keeps it to himself.

It's easier, when Cisco asks him if he'd enjoyed it even with his nightmares, and he makes a soft hum in his throat.]

Mm-hmm. Even with the nightmares. [A pause, and he exhales softly into Cisco's hair, eyes closed, trying to gather his thoughts.] They don't bother me. Of course it bothers me that you have them, but I get back to sleep afterward, really fast. And I like being able to help you feel safe. I know that sounds bad, but...

[He shrugs a little bit, licks his lips, and keeps stroking Cisco's hair, dragging his fingers through it and exhaling a little.]

I like being able to help you. And you're not the only one who gets nightmares, I do too. You're not alone.

[Eddie strokes Cisco's hair back from his temple, presses a soft kiss there after he does.]

You're warm and huggable too.

[His breath is soft and warm.]

Got so used to just not feeling safe.

[ It's the sort of thing he might have a harder time admitting, if the lights were on and they were facing one another, but it's easier to mumble half-sleepily, curled against Eddie's side. It's the truth, too; he hadn't realized just how not good things were, until some of them started to be a bit better. Hadn't realized how unreliable Barry and Caitlin could be until people he could rely on showed up. He hadn't realized just how miserable he was, sleeping alone, dealing with nightmares alone, living alone, living with what he'd been through alone, until Eddie had come back into his life, and changed things around. ]

...Always worry 'm not gonna wake up when you have one and then I can't comfort you like you comfort me and that's not good.

[ Cisco finds himself blinking slower and slower, and says through a yawn: ]

Think 'm gonna sleep soon. But we should do this. Just permanently. That's not weird, right? I mean... I know it's weird, but not bad weird, right?

I'm sorry.

[There's not much else he can say to that, because he is - it hurts that Cisco has had to deal with everything by himself, alone, that he hasn't felt safe for so long that he just got used to it. And Eddie knows he's not a perfect shield, that he can't provide complete and utter safety for Cisco, but if he can alleviate that feeling even a little, that's something.

Gently, he keeps stroking Cisco's hair, touching gently while Cisco curls up against him, buries his face into his chest in a way that makes something in Eddie's chest twist up tight, in the best way possible. When Cisco speaks, his voice quiet, Eddie smiles a little.]

It's okay. You being here is enough to comfort me, most of the time. Just not feeling alone. That's usually what I have bad dreams about, being alone and forgotten about and starving...it's a lot quieter, I think, and just having you here helps.

[A pause, and then, softly, close to Cisco's ear.]

It's not bad weird. I...I think I'd like that a lot. If we just did this permanently.

[ When Eddie mentions the contents of his nightmares - how he dreams of being alone and starving and feeling forgotten - Cisco holds him tighter, squeezing him momentarily, as if that would banish all that trauma and fear. Of course, he knows that it won't, and he loosens his arms after a few long seconds.

There is a brief temptation to apologize again, the way he has more than once before, for not finding Eddie sooner. For not saving him. Cisco still feels the guilt of that like a stone in his stomach, but saying sorry again right now would likely only make Eddie feel worse. It would be selfish. So Cisco just gives him that tight hug, entwines one of his legs in Eddie's, and leaves it be. ]

Then we'll do it. Until one of us says otherwise. We can alternate beds. It'll be fun.

[ His voice is getting just a touch slurred from oncoming sleepiness. Cisco heaves a brief sigh, fingers going back to tracing little patterns on Eddie's side, the loops gradually growing more erratic and slower as he sinks towards sleep, limbs feeling heavy and warm, heartrate slowing. He is asleep quicker than he thinks, his face tranquil and still. ]

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