OTA LOG: ACID RAIN EDITION

[ikols]

who: loki laufeyson (616) and you!
what: prompts taken from the july tdm
when: post-july 20th
where: all over
warnings: tba


1. RESCUES IN THE ACIDIC RAIN.

[ Whenever Loki ventures out into the foul weather he conjures a green magical shield, the same he last used when Leah's construct was attempting to sever his head in Mother's dimension. Droplets that spatter all over it flash a pale lime-gold so that it appears he may be walking around in a glittery bubble, but the fact remains he only dons the protective enchantment to get from Point A to Point B; reaching outside of it is an unpleasant experience even for him.

That's how it starts, anyway.

He eventually finds himself an inadvertent taxi service for anyone caught in the downpour. Whether it's a person hunched down against an abandoned vendor's cart, someone shrieking in a panic as their tenth umbrella of the day turns to tatters, or reluctantly agreeing to ferry food from one household to another (no good deed is too menial for him this week) the God of Mischief is obliging to those in need.

But he doesn't decline any rewards for services rendered, either. ]

2. FIREFLY AT 2AM.

[ The magical shield also happens to glow in the dark, making it a point of interest for anyone with eyes who happens to spot Loki moving around the Quarantine like a mobile nightlight, along the streets and up the glassy walls of skyscrapers. Green orbs swish overhead and light his way as though streetlamps are bobbing along at his request.

If anyone wants one, they are free to shout him over from their hidey-hole. There's not much else to see out there that wanders around so casually in a corrosive downpour, let your curiosity take over. ]

3. A REAL BOAR OF A TIME.

[ With his spellcraft invulnerable to something as ordinarily challenging as acid rain for everyone else, one way or another word gets out about what Loki can do and he feels compelled to help some of the teams ranging out into the jungle intent on setting up their scientific dohickies. The most important turn of events, he feels, is that with his full-body bubbleshield there is no need for a fugly bodysuit, while on the flipside his permanent shimmer in the drab conditions mean that Loki is often requested to head up the front of a party.

When boars attack, the green glow of his shield is joined by the crimson glimmer of his ancestral blade Laevateinn, slashing down their beastly opponents in two or three nimble strikes. Curious why it doesn't take much more effort than that? Loki himself will shrug and tell you, ]

The blade cuts through any hide.

[ It can be intensely handy sometimes when people can bear to have such a dangerous thing around, much like Loki himself. Additionally, he provides marshmallows for those hard at work in the jungle. ]

4. DRAINED.

[ A near daily, constant use of sorcery has Loki on edge during rare moments, rubbing his head as he takes refuge in shops and under eaves of buildings when his headache worsens. He can be found with his feet up on overcast veranda benches, taking a break from supporting his own shield and the magical orbs loaned out across the city, tired-eyed and usually nibbling at a snack for an energy boost. Not that he needs to eat anything, it's more a comfort thing. Mental rousing.

Anyone who spots him will find he doesn't leave in a hurry when approached and those who depend on his magical orbs are free to call him up and find out why their rooms have suddenly gone dark. ]

Comments

[amelioraate]

I was tired of the terrible coffee in the office. And it took me some time to make sure the armour wouldn't melt to me in this rain, but I figured a coffee run was a good a time as any to test it.

[ there are things that are worth more potential chemical burns for, and apparently good coffee is one of those things. though once Tony considers the implications of Loki's words, he stills his fingers and sighs, arms tightening slightly because he knows that there is mistrust there. that Loki doesn't think there are those that would look out for him.

it makes something in Tony's chest sink.]

If you need a place to rest, safely, you can always just ask, Lokes. I-- [ he falters for a heartbeat. because as much as Tony hopes that Loki knows he will protect him, he isn't sure how vulnerable that makes himself.] My workshop is always open to you, you know that right?

[ikols]

It's only open to me because you can't keep me out.

[ His humour is teasing, trying the lighten the disappointed anchor weighing down his chest. What did you expect? ]

You came out for coffee. [ His chin dips, hair is his eyes although he still rests a temple on Tony's shoulder. ] There's a place a block away to the north, you should try it.

[amelioraate]

[ It's only open because you can't keep me out.

the words may be said in jest, but the idea that Loki thinks Tony doesn't want him there, that he only tolerates him (because isn't that what Loki is saying? that Tony merely tolerates his presence because he must) cuts, hot and sharp. Tony stills, hands still on Loki as he tries to hold back the first snapping response that comes to mind.

he isn't angry, not at Loki, but he isn't too pleased with himself. he hasn't been honest enough, hasn't told Loki where he stands in words that the liesmith might not mistake for something other than tolerance or idle desire. everything that they have had together, from the rave to the masquerade, is suddenly brought into a different light and Tony's breath catches because he realizes that Loki doesn't know what he means to Tony.

because Tony hasn't told him.

the stillness lingers for a moment, then two, until Tony moves, tugging Loki onto his lap and moving so that the godling has to look at him.]

You idiot, it's open to you because I don't want to keep you out. I thought you were aware of that, but apparently not. I love you, I don't tolerate you, and if you need a safe place I would hope that you seek me out.

[ikols]

[ He wobbles with a stifled noise of surprise, ungainly when tugged to sit properly on Tony's lap. An arm hastily slides around broad shoulders to steady himself. It feels like he's the last ingredient in a cake-mix, staring at Tony through the words that swirl and blend into noise between them without making sense because they are so wholly unexpected. The sentences are simple but he isn't sure how he fits into them.

He blinks widely, bewildered and blown off-centre. ]

... What?

[ Maybe the rain got in Loki's ears when he was napping. ]

[amelioraate]

[ Tony sighs, moving to curl his hands around Loki's face and smiles a little sadly at him while he repeats himself.]

I want you around, Loki. I don't just tolerate you, I love you. And I am more than a little sorry that I never explicitly stated that before I just-- [ he sighs, dropping his head a little before catching Loki's eyes again.] I thought you knew.

[ikols]

[ If his eyes could widen anymore then they do, saucers of green in a pale face trapped by warm hands. He pants softly, fingers having curled in Tony's top for traction they don't need as he stares and tries to digest what he's hearing.

A concern for Tony's welfare wins out narrowly over his own hopes and he croaks out in a small, unhappy voice, almost apologetic as if explaining the situation back, ]

I think I'm supposed to call the other Avengers to help you.

[ Because that's his reality; there is more of a possibility that Tony is ill instead of honest. Loki wouldn't want to take advantage of that, even when his heart is swelling into his throat and making it hard to talk. ]

S-Stay here, I'll ...

[amelioraate]

What? Why would you-- Loki!

[ that isn't the response that Tony expected, though when he thinks about it, it was the response that he should have expected. the history between them, before Riverview, was not something that you could build trust on, not really. but since coming here, Tony has seen more of Loki, more of this Loki and not the Old Man, than ever before. and while there are still flickers and embers of someone that Tony might not trust (he thinks of the masquerade, of lies and thefts and easy seduction), that wasn't all of Loki. wasn't all of who he had become.

so when Loki says that, makes to move, he tightens his grip and pulls the godlings attention back to him.]

I'm fine, Loki. Whatever you are thinking, I'm not-- For the love of-- [ as if to prove his point, Tony pulls Loki close to kiss him, like that will show more truth than his words. ]

[ikols]

[ The kiss lands and locks them together, there on a veranda with acid rain hissing on the roof and chopping up the streets into smoke. No sounds are heard except for the drum of the downpour and Tony's breaths as they pass over Loki's tongue when it pushes past his lips for a taste of what feels oddly forbidden.

As is acknowledging Tony cares (he can't have meant love-love, surely) is akin to having smacked him over the head with a spell; Loki isn't sure he's allowed to do it and get away with it, too. A sorcerer's soft fingertips trail down the side of Tony's face, tracing his goatee and slipping down his throat. Furling at his collar. He slides off his horns and hooks them on the back of the bench so he can lean in and deepen the kiss again, lapping his way hungrily into wet heat in search of the truth. ]

[amelioraate]

[ perhaps the oddity of it, the fact that the world was actually nearly burning around them, added to the fact that Loki was worried for him. thought that what he was saying was less than truth and more something else entirely, and in a way that makes his reaction less frustrating and more endearing; that he would not use that confession, that truth against Tony.

though it still stings ever so slightly that Loki doesn't know, that what he has been doing, the truths he has assumed himself to be operating on, have not been the same on both sides. at least now, as he hisses a pleased noise at the touch, digs his fingers into the nape of Loki's neck to pull him closer and tries to pour the emotions he has for the godling into the touch. for a being that spins stories, Tony knows that it might be hard to believe words, so he hopes this counts for something. hopes that Loki can taste the truth of this. ]

[ikols]

[ It's a drowsy, wonderful world that he drifts in as Tony explains, much better, what he means when he isn't talking, tension and twitches buckling and loosening on-and-off as they kiss until Loki can't breathe. Which is rich because he doesn't need to in space but Tony, instead, is what makes him suffocate.

Loki pulls away with a hiccuped, unattractive sob and creases up in the curve of a shoulder, instinctively hiding as he tries to shove down the tears. He runs his fingers through Tony's hair and paws his chest, forehead and wet eyelashes pushed into the side of his neck for as long as it takes Loki to stop crying. He should be happy like people are in the movies and on a level he is, but that is at the heart of an exhaustive mental labyrinth. ]

[amelioraate]

[ Tony doesn't say anything as Loki breaks the kiss and presses his face into his shoulder. Tony just wraps his arms around Loki, lets his fingers slide between layers of fabric, and moves them in slow, soothing motions. the engineer keeps his lips pressed to his temple, murmuring apologies whisper quiet into the dark hair. he feels like he should have done more, that he should have realized that Loki was not aware, that Loki would have doubts and assume the worst of all things because of who he was, who they were.

wonders how many times he has made Loki think of himself as less than and hates himself a little for him.]

I am sorry, that I never-- that I wasn't clear.

[ikols]

I duh-didn't expect that fuh-from you.

[ He really hates being an ugly crier, rubbing his sniffling nose on his sleeve and smudging fat tears out of his eyes. It's an effort to raise his head just enough to do that, keeping his eyes down and long black bangs like a veil of bars between them. ]

Suh-Sorry.

[ Give him a moment to stop being a mess. ]

[amelioraate]

[ Tony doesn't hesitate to push Loki's hair from his eyes, smile soft as he leans in and kisses the corner of Loki's eye, the crease where tease still pool as if to help stop them.]

Not sure you are the one that has to be sorry, love.

[ the words are quiet still, but pressed into the skin of Loki's cheekbones, trailed down as Tony nuzzles the god and holds him close. there is still that undercurrent of guilt, the knowledge that he is the one that has brought Loki to tears, has made him doubt. it isn't a good feeling. but he ignores it for now and ensures that Loki knows that he means what he said.]

And what didn't you expect?

[ikols]

[ They are angled close and every soft brush of Tony's lips over Loki's face draws out more truths like poison from a wound, hiccups diminishing. He keeps his head down, rubbing his nose. ]

I didn't expect you to want more ...

[ Wherein lies a lot of guilt admitting that, so Loki hurriedly tries to out-speak the way Tony thinks. ]

You didn't ask for anything, I thought you didn't care either way. [ Nothing was held back when it came to other people. ] I'm sorry.

[amelioraate]

How is that-- Loki that isn't on you. Like you said, I didn't ask. I didn't--

[ there is a pause where Tony tries to gather his thoughts, keeps a hand on Loki moving in slow circles as he thinks and tries to put together all the things they never said and all the times that Tony missed the chance to make sure this misunderstanding didn't happen. ]

You didn't seem to -- I didn't want to ask more of you than you could give. More than what you wanted to give. Which I believe is still up to you, Starshine.

[ikols]

What are you asking for?

[ Loki can fully accept he has made mistakes and missteps with this amorphous Thing they have been nursing behind closed doors and under their breaths, he can make himself okay with keeping it that way ... but he has to hear it from Tony first.

Finally raising his head to share some blotchy cheeks and red eyes, he sniffs and determinedly stares down the genius, willing some common-sense into him. ]

Tell me what you want.

[amelioraate]

[ there is a moment where Tony doesn't say anything, not because he doesn't have an answer, but because he knows that there is honesty that needs to be shared all around and he refuses to make that mistake again. he refuses to not be honest when it is something that they both deserve.]

I want whatever you will give me Loki. But I also want you to know the truth of things.

[ perhaps he is being dramatic, but since the masquerade just a few days ago, Tony hasn't exactly been able to stop thinking about Steve and the way the blond kissed him, like he cared like he wanted Tony as something more than a friend. they haven't talked about it, though he knows that they will.]

You know that the Steve's won us, the other Tony's and I, at the auction, yeah? Well Steve, my Steve... [ Tony lets his hands fall away, light and barely there against Loki's thighs.] He kissed me. We kissed. I won't say it wasn't a mutual thing. Steve-- [ there is a wistful look on his face, something utterly besotted about it because Tony was more emotions than logic no matter what he might say.] I've loved him for a long time, and I won't ask you to be with me without knowing that.

But that doesn't change that I do love you.

[ikols]

[ His lip curls as he sits back a little, tired as he shakes his head. The familiar feeling of hitting his face on the ground lurches up in his memory because the sensation in his guts is the same when Tony admits what he does. Instead of responding to it directly, sighing as the hope wheezes out of him that he could have this one person to himself just this time (you can never be anyone's forever), Loki needles home his point with a look.

I wonder if the other Laufeyson feels as warm inside knowing that.

But if that isn't sufficient, he voices something closer to home, too. ]

You say you love me, although he's your first choice. The romance is rapidly dwindling from your claim.

[amelioraate]

[ what Loki says isn't wrong, not entirely. thought Tony has some nuances to pick at. there is a quirk of his brow, something that isn't quite defensive but isn't really neutral either. he will never regret telling Loki this truth, can't because it is something that has always been a truth for him, even before Steve made any overtures. ]

I don't recall saying he was my first choice, Loki. I simply stated that I love him, and that it was a fact I wasn't about to deny or hide. We're not-- we've never been anything more than friends, hell might never be, but I also am not going to lie that it happened, especially not to you. You deserve the truth, so that is what I am giving you.

[ikols]

My face is still wet from literally crying over you and you're letting me down over some other guy. Incredible.

[ He covers his face with his hands and his laughter turns into hiccups again until he presses harder and forces himself to stop that. When he drops them he doesn't quite look Tony in the eye and shrugs with careless abandon. ]

Whatever, you haven't exactly had a monopoly on me either.

[amelioraate]

[ oh my god, Loki he isn't-- that isn't what is going on here at all. though, beyond the swell of frustration (emotions are so much easier to dredge up at times like this) Tony knows that it is easy for Loki to see that, easier perhaps than to see what Tony is saying. safer even.

Tony curls his hands around Loki's wrists, not hard or demanding, but anchoring. he doesn't let go even when Loki drops his hands and tells him that Tony 'didn't have a monopoly'. and while Tony knows what that means, he doesn't know how to respond. for all of his brains, knowledge on how to deal with wounded godlings isn't something he knows well enough.]

I never asked monogamy of you, so that-- that is fine. But-- gods above Loki are you actually telling me you don't think it possible to love more than one person? That any thing I feel for Steve somehow negates the love that I have for you? Is that what you are trying to tell me? Or are you trying to tell me you don't want this, don't want me?

[ikols]

I don't want to be loved second! I want to be everything and enough, not an addition.

Not again.

[ His wrists twist in Tony's grip not to escape but for emphasis, willing him to understand why Loki doesn't want to play runner-up to yet another burly blonde ... which is how this feels. ]

We can still do this but don't tell me you love me too, or as well. I don't want to be loved just because Rogers isn't stuck to your face, Anthony. You can't say a game-changer like that and then dilute it, I'd rather you didn't bring it up at all.

[amelioraate]

[ there is a moment where Tony just stops. stills with his hands barely there against Loki's skin as he watches and listens and puts things together. for someone who is a genius, there are times when he misses things that are obvious, and this seems to be one of those times. he thought that being honest with Loki, the way he always promised he would be with Steve, would be the best course of action. that lying or hiding anything would be the worst thing to do (who tries to lie to the god of lies, after all?).

now, Tony sees that perhaps that wasn't what was best for Loki. it was what was best for him, and that wasn't fair either.

there is a quiet noise caught behind his teeth as he drops his forehead, gentle against Loki's shoulder just in case the god wishes to leave. ]

....I'm sorry.

[ as if that could change things, because he won't take back what he said, he does love Loki, but he also knows that maybe that isn't enough. ]

[ikols]

[ Letting Tony lean on him, Loki closes his eyes and resists the urge to vanish; that would be childish and fix nothing, it's a stupid instinct when things go wrong and he has to train himself out of it. This hurts now, knowing that neither Loki is enough for either Avenger and he isn't sure his respect for Steve and Tony is as high as it was moments before that confession, because at the very least Tony is being honest (foolishly, but still, he has good intentions) yet his twin deserves better in an effort not to push him into a lonely insanity. No one ever seems to care what happens to any Loki until they have one burning down houses on their street and it's too late to ask why.

Taking a deep breath, he turns his wrists around in Tony's weak grip and takes his hands with a grounding squeeze. ]

I know you and he are irreversibly bound, one way or the other. If we were both hanging off a cliff and you could only save one, I've never been in any doubt you would choose him every time. I'm still here despite that.

[ Loki touches the back of Tony's head, stroking through his hair to try and underline his words. ]

How did the saying used to go ...? I am Loki and I will not sit long in any box made for me ... [ With a new amendment as he speaks into Tony's crown seriously. ] ... especially if it's your crowded heart.

[ In a small voice, he clarifies, ]

Pretend it's just us.

[amelioraate]

[ the fact that Loki doesn't vanish, worn thin or not, makes Tony a little pleased. makes him a little thankful that they can at least talk this out, that he is given the time to process and reconfigure the information that he has apparently looked at so very wrong. Tony grips Loki's hands when the god turns them in his own, head tilting enough to look down at them as if that might help him process this. usually, people were easier to understand than this, but then again that is on Tony for thinking that Loki might be anything like a normal person. wasn't half the reason why he loved him so much because Loki was anything put predictable?

the fingers in his hair make his shoulder sag, the words that Loki speaks resonating in his bones. he wants to deny it, that he would find a way to save them both even at the cost of his own life, but he knows that at the core of the statement, what is being said is true. Tony has always chosen Steve, and the times where he hasn't, he has regretted it immensely.]

Schrodinger's Loki then. [ the words are whisper quiet as he pulls his head back, small smile on his face.] In the box and out of the box at the same time until you make it pick one.

[ there is another beat, Tony searching Loki's gaze as he does before he nods, even as his brows furrow, like he is trying to solve an equation that is still missing a variable.] And you are okay with that?