[closed]

[alchemyfreak]

who: Catch-all post for Edward Elric
(Alphonse Elric, Jacob Kane, Frankenstein, Tony Stark (MCU) - will add if/as needed)
what: varies - catching up, explanations, and new meetings.
when: Sometime after the exploratory mission debriefing on floor six / the next day / 7/23
where: Mostly the beach for Al / Floor six for Cain and Tony / Coffeeshop for Al and Frankenstein
warnings: Discussion of rather graphic death, potential for details. If you're FMA '03 familiar, think Nina. Cain's log will also be about death!

Appropriate tags will have warnings in the subject line, should this come up.

Comments

[alkahestic]

While the scenery changed around them, Al noticed several things. About his brother, about the things he spoke of, and even the surroundings themselves. He remembered clearly the fights they had as children, how they always made up by the river's edge in Risembool or later, at any particular waterside. Now, he doesn't have the chance to sit and stew or produce little alchemical objects out of earth and clay. They're too busy walking and Al is too caught up in listening to Ed.

It must've been hard, he thought. Just hearing what Ed had to suffer again and again broke his heart, at little. They've both suffered a lot over the years and Al had to remind himself that Ed hadn't even been there when Envy killed him. Or when his little brother sacrificed himself and the souls of some thousands of Amestrian soldiers which had been turned into the Philosopher's stone. Thinking back, Al figured that was probably the worst part of their lives, aside from losing their mother or Nina.

And Nina... just hearing that she had suffered too, not once (thanks to her father), but twice and possibly for Ed's sake... Something hot and angry boiled inside his chest.

When they finally reach the water's edge and Ed faces him, Al noted that his brother hadn't even finished explaining things. There was something worse coming and Al was shaken to think it could be worse than all they've gone through already.

(Blood stains rubble, a teddy bear lies ruined and abandoned and it had been his fault.)

Looking up at his brother, Al is surprised to realize that Ed is a little taller. Taller than he'd been in Munich and even that caused heartache for him. In his mind's eye, he saw flashes of blue eyes in a mirror, red blood splattering a porceline washing bowl. What happened to the boy on the other side he'd dreamed about? Did this Ed even know him?

"Tell me, Brother. I know there's more," he whispered, stepping close enough to look up into his brother's eyes. He was afraid to know what could've driven Ed to push him away, but he knew he needed the answer. That was the only way they could get past it. We can't keep pretending we're not part of this world... the words rang clear as a bell in his mind and he took a deep breath to prepare himself to hear the truth.

Because the Truth was always harsh, never kind. It held nothing back, Al knew. But after everything, he was prepared to face it.

[alchemyfreak]

While Al noticed the changes in Ed, his brother was painfully aware of the similarities rather than the differences. Alphonse didn't seem changed from the one he last saw in Purg, not in any real notable way, at least. That was unsettling in it's own right, because every time there was someone new they weren't much like the version of them that had been around previously. It made it hard to wrap his head around, that Al didn't remember Purg or what happened there - any of it, but especially this. It was as if he was looking at the same brother from those days, but this one was still different somehow... If only because he didn't remember.

He was right though, Ed was unaware of all of that. He knew it happened, he knew Envy killed him and Al brought him back - but the details weren't exactly gone over at length, and he was far more concerned with not repeating that mistake than knowing every little thing that happened that night. The night that Edward would go back to, if he ever did make it home. He hates that thought, hates that there is something coming in their future that he knows of and can't prevent, because he won't know, not when it's important. He doesn't want to think about that though, and besides, his brother was waiting for an explanation.

"Things happened in that place... Some of them were the gods messing with us, but- others were out of even their control. People started to go missing, Al." His head tilts at that, glancing over the beach - avoiding his brother's gaze. "It was... Different, someone figured out they weren't going home, and we- got involved." As Elrics tend to do when they're contributing to the whole world around them, instead of their own agenda. "I don't remember the details, I woke up somewhere after everyone was found." How was he supposed to explain this? His jaw worked in silence, obviously trying to form the words to continue.

"It's going to sound... really hard to believe, but- I didn't- wake up alone. There was something... like a voice I couldn't control. I managed to ignore it for a few days, but everyone was acting strange. Everyone that disappeared." He's pointedly not looking at Al now, not just glancing away but shielding his expression, shoulders hunched slightly as if recoiling at his own thoughts. "They all lost control... We-" There was a mirthless smirk at that last part.

"We all lost control. The thing inside my head- it's like it used my memories against me..." He took a deep breath, exhaling audibly before adding, very soft - barely a whisper. His words were halting, as if resisting the admittance. "It took over, and- I... killed you."

His posture shifted, as if he could curl anymore within himself at that reveal, the pain evident on his face even as he tried to conceal it. Voice still low, as if the volume made it any easier to admit. "I- wouldn't touch you again after that... eventually you left Purg, and I haven't seen you since."

[alkahestic]

Al watched as Ed's posture changed. It was one he'd seen before, but not for a long time. The posture of a broken Edward who had lost everything, the posture of a boy who'd seen how even a loving father could become a monster. And the reason is worse than he could imagine. Again, he was reminded of that night below central. After he'd disappeared because he'd used the Stone to revive Ed, he didn't see what happened next. He can imagine, though. And the image in his head is not too different from the one standing before him.

But the difference here was that Ed had saved him. Had done so many times while in that place called Purg, Ed was forced to do the worst thing possible. Al can't imagine what it must've done to his brother. Being unable to touch him must have been the least of that. Of course, not touching him, not reaching out was a bad enough nightmare for Al as things were. They had already sacrificed so much to achieve just that.

"Brother..." he murmured, lifting a hand to set on his brother's shoulder if Ed allowed him. It's hard to come up with words to say in response, but at least he knows that Ed would never have done it of his own accord. In Al's mind, it was whatever had taken control of him that was responsible.

"It's not your fault," he continued, shaking his head. "You never would've done that, even if I asked. It was the thing inside you, right? It's not..."

His words faltered and he could come up with more reassurances. In the end, he would have to hope that Ed would believe him.

"I've done terrible things too," he finally said after a few seconds of silence. "When I opened the Gate in Central- When that woman and her army attacked, a little girl was killed. It was my fault. So many people died because of my selfishness."

His head hung in a mimicry of Ed's expression, bangs covering his eyes.

"I just wanted to see you again so badly. I missed you so much. But... now we're together again. It's... It'll be okay, right?

[alchemyfreak]

His gaze snaps up at Al's voice, he doesn't shy away from the touch - but it was different. He could handle Al touching him, it was when he put his hands on Al that the memory flooded his mind, reminding him what those same hands had done to his brother as if it was only yesterday. It was, it had been what took control of him that made him do it, but that wasn't much of a reassurance to him. If he was weak enough to let it happen the first time, how could he trust himself not to do it again? It didn't matter that the first thing he'd done after Al died was ask Soma to help him kill it. Despite the protests of others, they had gone through with it, and it worked- but not realizing how out of control he actually was, how much of a danger he was to his own brother... That made him question whether he could honestly know he was in complete control now. It was a completely illogical fear, but the panic in his heart every time he even thought about touching his brother was still there, every day.

At Al's words, he exhales slowly. It wasn't his fault, Al was right about that. He hadn't done it, it was out of his control - but he'd been unable to stop it, either. He'd fallen right into that thing's trap, isolated his brother where he wasn't safe and killed him in the name of protecting him, and that thought wasn't so easy to forget. No matter how many times his brother insisted it wasn't his fault, no matter how many times he insisted he forgave him - all Ed saw in that was a weakness, an opening for it to happen again if Alphonse was so trusting. The worst punishment of all came when his too forgiving brother disappeared sometime after, and Ed never really taken the time to process what happened, instead shoving the memory aside as if he could pretend it didn't exist as Ed tended to do.

Golden eyes widened as Al continued speaking, head tilting to watch him as he hid behind his own bangs. "You didn't... cause that, Al. What she did when she came through the Gate... You couldn't have predicted that- you didn't kill that girl, she did." He doesn't know the details, and his reassurance may sound hollow, but - for all of Al's responsibility in the actions of opening that Gate, he wasn't the one killing people.

Ed actually steps forward at the question, expression still full of grief but calmer now - still making no move to touch his brother. "We are, Al... and it will. We're together... and as long as we're here no one else has to suffer for it."

[alkahestic]

Al was tempted to shake his head, to insist that it had been his fault because he was the one that opened the Gate. But it wasn't an argument he wanted to have with his brother. Al knew he had faults; he was far from perfect. His brother was the same way, and for all the damage they caused, at least they were together. They could fix things, right wrongs, and even make up for what they'd done. That was Equivalent Exchange, after all.

Vaguely, he wondered if Ed still believed in it.

As he noted his brother stepping forward, even if he made no attempt to touch him, he watched the grief pass over his brother's expression. It would take some time, he figured. For Ed to fully recover from what had happened. At least he knew his brother was resilient. He had faced worse or would in time, and through it all, Al was certain his brother would be okay. He was certain that they both would be. So he smiled softly, affection gleaming in his eyes as he regarded his brother.

"You're right. We can make this place our own, protect people, and even make up for the things we did. As long as we stick together, we can do anything," he said, tilting his head and longing to give his brother a hug. He wouldn't, though. He didn't want to make Ed uncomfortable.

"Don't worry, Brother. I know we can make it through this. We've faced worse."

[alchemyfreak]

Ed had not had a reason to even consider those beliefs lately, he hadn't been challenged in a way that made him question whether or not he still believed in Equivalent Exchange, if Al brought it up now he might not even have an answer for his little brother.

He was also confident that they'd get through this, if anything he was frustrated that it was taking as long as it was, but that had been his own fault for not dealing with it before now. For acting as if he wouldn't have to if he just ignored it long enough. Edward actually smirked faintly at his brother's words, nodding as a more sincere smile crossed his features.

"You're right, Al." Wasn't he always? "We always make it through worse, we can handle this too. We'll do it together." Just the fact alone that Al wasn't scared of him or minimizing things was more than enough to make this easier for Ed, not acting like it was no big deal - but something that they needed to accept as a challenge that they could face together.