Eddie Thawne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
causational) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2017-07-02 09:56 pm
causational) wrote in riverviewlogs2017-07-02 09:56 pm
[semi-open] tell me why my love has got a gun aimed at my heart
who: eddie thawne; any cr who'd want to visit him in the hospital
what: Eddie got stabbed in the heart during the Butterfly Effect event, and he's in recovery. This is a log for anyone who wants to hang out with him in the hospital.
when: Backdated to during the Butterfly Effect event.
where: Hospital; maybe his apartment
warnings: Mild trauma, probable discussion of violence, death, kidnapping, etc.
[Starters are in the comments below. Please feel free to toss one my way if your character would see him in the hospital!]
what: Eddie got stabbed in the heart during the Butterfly Effect event, and he's in recovery. This is a log for anyone who wants to hang out with him in the hospital.
when: Backdated to during the Butterfly Effect event.
where: Hospital; maybe his apartment
warnings: Mild trauma, probable discussion of violence, death, kidnapping, etc.
[Starters are in the comments below. Please feel free to toss one my way if your character would see him in the hospital!]
no subject
Sounds about right.
[ He hadn't thought through that teasing question, and he sees how it's going to backfire a few seconds before it does. That dry little laugh from Eddie does not bode well, and then he starts listing all the reasons his life sucks. Cisco's not sure if it's going to be more harmful or helpful. Maybe it's better not to bottle it up, after all. Or maybe he's a fucking idiot who is encouraging Eddie to wallow when he ought to be doing the exact opposite.
Either way it's a little too late to back out, now. So he listens, quiet and still, except for when Eddie says the one who stabbed him was apparently not some random criminal but someone he looked up to. And... Cisco hadn't known that. He twists his hands together in his lap, fingers tightly interlaced. And it's somehow worse, seeing Eddie realize the parallel. But Cisco swallows and locks that shit down before any sort of feelings about it can fully surface. He's getting to be a pro at compartmentalizing. ]
Alternate-timeline cheated? You mean... are you talking about in the timeline Barry erased? The one where I bit it?
[ Why yes, he is using humor to make it easier to talk about that timeline, thanks very much. Cisco has a hard time imagining Iris outright cheating, but then... it wasn't as if there weren't moments where Barry was sabotaging her relationship with Eddie. As the Flash, as himself. And he knows things had been... messy. Right up until the end. ]
Okay, I'll give you that the stabbed-in-the-heart thing sucks. And we both know I know what I'm talking about, there.
[ See? It's funny. (It's not, really, but Cisco IS trying). ]
But I don't buy that you're bad at making friends. You're like, one of the nicest guys I've ever known. Even Yuri likes you, and I'm pretty sure that kid doesn't like anybody.
[ It's not like Cisco knows the Russian kid or anything, but meeting him once had told him all he needed to know about his particular brand of teenage misanthropy. It had only been the mention of Eddie that had gotten him to grudgingly behave like a decent human being, and that said a lot. ]
no subject
He can't deal with that right now, though, so he pushes the thought away, forces it down. One thing at a time, and at least Iris is in the past.]
Yeah. I'm sorry. I just. You reminded me of when I punched Barry in the face at the casino after it was robbed. I made a big scene and felt like an idiot later because Caitlin convinced me it was some kind of lightning psychosis? I guess I only just connected the dots, you know? I know now it wasn't lightning psychosis. And I punched him for asking Iris to cheat on me with him, and just...the way she explained it, like he knew something she didn't about how she felt...
[A pause, and he sighs again.]
I put two and two together. Something must have happened in that alternate timeline that made her decide to choose him.
[A shrug, and then.]
Not like it matters, because I'm never going home. So they can be together, you know? I'll just do my best to be happy she's happy. And...and yeah, I know you know. I'm sorry for bringing it up, I know how much that memory upsets you.
[Almost without thinking, he drops his free hand on top of Cisco's and takes it again, squeezing gently.]
About friends, I don't know. People just never stick around. I do try to be nice, but at some point, the common denominator is me. I'm guessing it's leftover from high school.
no subject
And he remembers Barry's certainty, after he broke up with Linda, that things were about to change between him and Iris. That was a detail that had gotten lost, overshadowed by everything that had come immediately after it. Cisco had completely forgotten it until just this moment. ]
I think you must be right. I wasn't really around for any of that, but... the way you're telling it, it definitely fits.
[ Not a particularly flattering moment, for Barry, to be sure. But Cisco also remembers Barry being so quick to hug him and forgive him, when he admitted to telling Snart his secret identity. How could Barry be such a hero, and so kind to his friends, and such a complete dick when it came to anything involving Iris? Cisco just doesn't get it.
He's pretty much avoided talking about the Iris and Barry and Eddie situation to Eddie thus far, but he thinks, if ever there was a moment, this is it. ]
It matters. Even if you're never going back to Central City. Stuff... has an impact, and things got pretty messed up between the three of you. I don't think it was anyone's fault, but I think maybe it was a little bit less your fault than both of theirs. I mean, I'm glad she and Barry hook up in the future or whatever, but you deserve to be happy, too.
[ Cisco looks down at Eddie's hand, on top of his. He seems to notice for the first time how tightly his fingers are woven together, that his nails are digging into the skin. He releases them deliberately, letting out a slow breath. And, well, Eddie's hand is right there. Might as well hold it. Nothing funny about that. It'll have to do, in lieu of acknowledging what Eddie said about the memory of Wells upsetting him. Because that shit is tightly locked up in the corner of his mind and he's not about to go messing with that containment system, thanks very much. ]
What d'you mean?
[ Cisco doesn't really know anything about Eddie's high school, or what it might have to do with people not sticking around. ]
no subject
It's almost a little startling, to hear someone acknowledge that, that it was messed up, that it wasn't his fault. That he deserves to be happy. For a moment, he's quiet, his gaze falls down to his own knees under the sheet, and he's aware of Cisco's eyes on him, the way Cisco's hand turns and he holds it. It's nice, to be connected, in a moment where they're both hurting for different but vaguely related reasons. For the first time in a long time, Eddie feels understood.]
They were messed up. After the thing with Eobard, the kidnapping...I broke it off with her. It wasn't because of them hooking up in the future, it was because it made me realize that she and Barry were closer than I was comfortable with. I ended up changing my mind but...I don't know why I thought that she would choose me in the end.
[A shrug, and then, when Cisco asks what he means, he lifts his chin and blinks a bit.]
Oh! I thought Barry would've told you. I had a really rough time in high school, so I never really learned how to have real friendships until pretty recently.
no subject
[ Cisco knows, there's that erased timeline throwing a wrench in the works, and that it's a bit more complex than just that statement. But he doesn't want Eddie to forget it. That whatever might happen in the future, long after his death, that Iris had picked him when he'd been around. ]
But I think. As much as I love Iris, and as hard as you worked to make it work, I think... you deserve someone who would pick you, with no hesitations, and no regrets. Not just because you were with her first, but because of who you are. And Iris couldn't do that, because her and Barry are obsessed with each other, and they were before you even showed up, y'know? Ain't nobody could compete with that kind of history.
[ He hadn't known, that Eddie had broken things off with Iris so soon before his death. Things had been so chaotic, at that time. Cisco had been too wrapped up in everything that was falling apart in his own life to pay too much attention to anyone else's shit. ]
No, he didn't mention anything. And no shit? I would've pegged you as one of the medium-popular kids. You know, not class president or football star, but that dude everybody knew and liked pretty well and lowkey thirsted after in secret.
[ Okay, that was a little too far. Lucky for him, his cheeks don't show off a blush too obviously, and also Eddie's on pain medication. He's got plausible deniability for that. Right? It was just a compliment... ]
no subject
Obsessed with each other. That's....pretty accurate.
Softly, he laughs, and shakes his head, throat feeling tight again, and he feels, abruptly, lonely - he should be with someone who would pick him with no hesitations, no regrets, because of who he is. That doesn't seem likely. Unbidden, Dodger's words at Bryn's party come back to him, that assumption that Taako is with him because he makes Taako look better by being boring. It's annoying, that that comes back, just like all the other cruel words he's heard, the moment he's feeling weak.
Eddie's still trying to figure out what to say to that when Cisco comments on how he perceived Eddie's time in high school. Abruptly, Eddie laughs, shaking his head.]
Are you kidding me? No. No one thirsted over me, ever. Seriously. I was a fat kid, and I didn't hit my growth spurt until just before graduation. Besides that, my dad's a politician, in Keystone, and he shut down a factory where everyone's parents worked. So, not exactly high-quality friend material, let alone dates.
no subject
Then Eddie is telling him, and it's like a puzzle piece falling into place. Several of them. Eddie's dad being a politician, well. Cisco had never really bothered to wonder what Eddie's parents did for a living, but that immediately seems right. From the sound of it, not exactly a pro-union sort of guy, which also fits; Eddie might be working as a cop, but there are certain tells, ways to see that he didn't come from quite the same social stratus as plenty of the other guys on the force.
As for him being fat, and not well liked, it isn't quite as easy to reconcile with the Eddie he knows. But Cisco thinks maybe it explains a certain shyness, a certain hesitancy, that he's noticed as they've gotten closer in this place. He just doesn't have that self-assured aura of a guy who has always been the object of flattering attention. Cisco had never really put that together, given it words, but now... he can see it.
He shifts his hand in Eddie's, but doesn't let go as he leans in to say: ]
Well, join the club. My district was mostly white kids named Josh and Marcus and I might as well have been from outer space, and after sixth grade I skipped to high school, so everybody was three or four years older than me. Plus, y'know... stuff with my family wasn't really great so I was pretty desperate for people to like me, and boyyy. They did not. Like, at all. Anybody.
no subject
But instead Cisco leans forward a bit and explains what his high school history was like, and Eddie finds himself trying to fit together some pieces he wasn't expecting - he'd thought Cisco would've been one of those fun nerds, the kind who got teased a bit but scored a ton of girls with his cheerful personality and tutored people on the side, and had a ton of friends. Everything about Cisco's explanation seems wrong, and that shows on his face for a moment.]
What? Seriously? People didn't like you? I don't...how can anyone not like you?
no subject
So Cisco doesn't know why it is that Eddie's reaction sets off a chair reaction of sadness in his chest, flaring up sudden and sharp, making his throat go too tight to respond for a second or two. He smiles, though it is a little lopsided and rueful, and shrugs. ]
Apparently... very easily.
[ He could probably break that down, go into detail about the many reasons why and how people didn't like him in school. But Cisco's pretty sure that no good could come of that. If Eddie somehow doesn't get it, Cisco isn't about to pull back the curtain. Not about to ruin a good thing. ]
Caitlin and Ronnie were kinda my first good friends. I mean, things weren't as bad in college as they had been in high school, but even then it's not like people were lining up, you know? Nobody was writing shit on my locker, but it wasn't like I got invited to stuff, either.
[ He shrugs. In a way, that had been harder. The open loathing was at least understandable. But the being ignored, underestimated, passed over, all of that had made Cisco feel invisible. It had made him pretty damn sure that the polite greetings from peers in the halls and in classes were just a cover, and that they still loathed him, just behind closed doors. ]
And for the record, that stuff you said? None of that makes you bad friend material. You get that, right?
no subject
Whether he chooses not to because he thinks it'll make Eddie change his mind, or because he just decided it would be awkward to get all self-deprecating, Eddie isn't sure, though he suspects probably the former. After all, Cisco never seems to mind talking himself down, making himself seem worse than he is. For a moment, Eddie's brows furrow and he feels an immense wave of empathy for Cisco, of understanding and commiserating and wanting to somehow ease that. But he knows from experience that that takes a lot of work, which is probably one of those puzzle pieces Cisco put together earlier. Eddie knows he hasn't quite managed to make his confidence look totally effortless - mostly, but not entirely.
Eddie listens while Cisco explains that college had been easier than high school, and nods in agreement, then purses his lips a bit. He's about to respond when Cisco tacks on that none of the stuff Eddie had said makes him bad friend material, and abruptly he's smiling in a sad kind of way.]
Well, I don't see anything about you that makes you unlikable, so...same, I guess. And it's less that I think those things make me bad friend material now. It's just that they make it hard to believe people want to be my friends, and that makes it hard to attract people who are good friends who won't take advantage of me. Get my drift?
[A little grin.]
Hint: that goes for you too.
no subject
[ Cisco knows the truth of that statement. It's something he's all too familiar with; Cisco still finds it hard to believe people could possibly want to be around him. He'd felt that way about Eddie, when he first arrived in the quarantine. Taako, too, and Billy, and others.
Half the time he catches himself wondering if they might have ulterior motives, if there is some secret reason driving them to act like they want to be his friends. But of course, he knows that's absurd. His insecurities aren't quite at the level where he buys his own conspiracy theories wholesale. (Except on particularly bad days.) ]
We've got a lot in common, Eddie Thawne. Never would've called it, but we totally do.
[ It occurs to him that maybe, the time has come when he ought to let go of Eddie's hand. That that is the socially acceptable thing to do. But... Eddie doesn't seem to mind, and the fact is, Cisco doesn't get a whole lot of physical contact in this place. It's nice, after he had been so frightened for Eddie's life, to just hold on for a little while.
When he speaks again, Cisco's voice is a little less serious, a little coaxing and playful. He'd managed to get Eddie into this funk, but it's possible he will be able to lift him out of it, if he plays his cards right. ]
I think I would've liked you, in high school. I think we would've totally been friends. I'm not saying twelve year old me was perfect or whatever, but if someone had been nice to me, I wouldn't've cared what his dad did, or what he looked like, or anything.
no subject
[Something in Eddie relaxes with the realization, and he settles into the bed comfortably, still holding Cisco's hand. It's nice that Cisco keeps hanging onto it. Eddie isn't exactly starved for touch, with Taako around, but being in the hospital, after what just happened, he can't exactly get enough of it either. So it's a relief that Cisco keeps holding his hand, and Eddie shifts his fingers against Cisco's, brushes his thumb against the side of his hand, enjoying the smoothness and warmth of skin connecting.]
I think we would've too. Been friends, I mean. I wouldn't have cared if you were younger, I was, you know, always trying to make friends with other people that were getting picked on. So we could stick together. But there just weren't a lot of them in my school. Everyone seemed to fit somewhere except me.
[A soft exhalation, and then Eddie smiles at Cisco, his eyes bright.]
And you do realize that we're friends now, right?
no subject
Whaaaat? For real? [ The sarcasm in his voice is light, and fond, and he squeezes Eddie's hand as he says it. He follows it up with a quieter: ] Yeah, I know.
[ And it's friendship that keeps him there for the next few hours, steering the conversation to something a little less personal, to give them both a break. He turns the subject back to great big tomes of fantasy literature, starts telling Eddie about a few of the serieses he'd enjoyed during that lonely, nerdy youth of his. He steers clear of anything that involves elves too heavily, but that's not too hard to do. Cisco had really read a whole lot of that stuff. ]