[semi-open] tell me why my love has got a gun aimed at my heart

[causational]

who: eddie thawne; any cr who'd want to visit him in the hospital
what: Eddie got stabbed in the heart during the Butterfly Effect event, and he's in recovery. This is a log for anyone who wants to hang out with him in the hospital.
when: Backdated to during the Butterfly Effect event.
where: Hospital; maybe his apartment
warnings: Mild trauma, probable discussion of violence, death, kidnapping, etc.

[Starters are in the comments below. Please feel free to toss one my way if your character would see him in the hospital!]

Comments

[franciscoramon]

I mean... she did choose you.

[ Cisco knows, there's that erased timeline throwing a wrench in the works, and that it's a bit more complex than just that statement. But he doesn't want Eddie to forget it. That whatever might happen in the future, long after his death, that Iris had picked him when he'd been around. ]

But I think. As much as I love Iris, and as hard as you worked to make it work, I think... you deserve someone who would pick you, with no hesitations, and no regrets. Not just because you were with her first, but because of who you are. And Iris couldn't do that, because her and Barry are obsessed with each other, and they were before you even showed up, y'know? Ain't nobody could compete with that kind of history.

[ He hadn't known, that Eddie had broken things off with Iris so soon before his death. Things had been so chaotic, at that time. Cisco had been too wrapped up in everything that was falling apart in his own life to pay too much attention to anyone else's shit. ]

No, he didn't mention anything. And no shit? I would've pegged you as one of the medium-popular kids. You know, not class president or football star, but that dude everybody knew and liked pretty well and lowkey thirsted after in secret.

[ Okay, that was a little too far. Lucky for him, his cheeks don't show off a blush too obviously, and also Eddie's on pain medication. He's got plausible deniability for that. Right? It was just a compliment... ]

[causational]

[Eddie makes a noise in his throat, like he's not sure she did, but he isn't sure how to phrase why he doesn't feel like she did. But then Cisco's explaining it for him in ways that make a lot more sense than what Eddie could have come up with, while being far more compassionate to him than Eddie generally is to himself.

Obsessed with each other. That's....pretty accurate.

Softly, he laughs, and shakes his head, throat feeling tight again, and he feels, abruptly, lonely - he should be with someone who would pick him with no hesitations, no regrets, because of who he is. That doesn't seem likely. Unbidden, Dodger's words at Bryn's party come back to him, that assumption that Taako is with him because he makes Taako look better by being boring. It's annoying, that that comes back, just like all the other cruel words he's heard, the moment he's feeling weak.

Eddie's still trying to figure out what to say to that when Cisco comments on how he perceived Eddie's time in high school. Abruptly, Eddie laughs, shaking his head.]

Are you kidding me? No. No one thirsted over me, ever. Seriously. I was a fat kid, and I didn't hit my growth spurt until just before graduation. Besides that, my dad's a politician, in Keystone, and he shut down a factory where everyone's parents worked. So, not exactly high-quality friend material, let alone dates.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco is surprised when Eddie laughs at what he said. Was he really that far off?

Then Eddie is telling him, and it's like a puzzle piece falling into place. Several of them. Eddie's dad being a politician, well. Cisco had never really bothered to wonder what Eddie's parents did for a living, but that immediately seems right. From the sound of it, not exactly a pro-union sort of guy, which also fits; Eddie might be working as a cop, but there are certain tells, ways to see that he didn't come from quite the same social stratus as plenty of the other guys on the force.

As for him being fat, and not well liked, it isn't quite as easy to reconcile with the Eddie he knows. But Cisco thinks maybe it explains a certain shyness, a certain hesitancy, that he's noticed as they've gotten closer in this place. He just doesn't have that self-assured aura of a guy who has always been the object of flattering attention. Cisco had never really put that together, given it words, but now... he can see it.

He shifts his hand in Eddie's, but doesn't let go as he leans in to say: ]

Well, join the club. My district was mostly white kids named Josh and Marcus and I might as well have been from outer space, and after sixth grade I skipped to high school, so everybody was three or four years older than me. Plus, y'know... stuff with my family wasn't really great so I was pretty desperate for people to like me, and boyyy. They did not. Like, at all. Anybody.

[causational]

[Eddie can tell from the way Cisco looks at him that he's putting it all together, fitting the pieces together to make up the puzzle that is Eddie Thawne, and it's so weird to be the subject of that kind of attention. He can feel the shift of Cisco's hand in his, assumes that Cisco is about to let go, because his father was a politician, because Eddie had changed how Cisco perceives him, or something else - he's strangely okay with it.

But instead Cisco leans forward a bit and explains what his high school history was like, and Eddie finds himself trying to fit together some pieces he wasn't expecting - he'd thought Cisco would've been one of those fun nerds, the kind who got teased a bit but scored a ton of girls with his cheerful personality and tutored people on the side, and had a ton of friends. Everything about Cisco's explanation seems wrong, and that shows on his face for a moment.]

What? Seriously? People didn't like you? I don't...how can anyone not like you?

[franciscoramon]

[ It ought to make him happy, to look of complete confusion on Eddie's face. The naked sincerity in how he asks that last question, since it makes it clear how much he likes Cisco himself. Enough that he thinks it ought to be natural or inevitable for others.

So Cisco doesn't know why it is that Eddie's reaction sets off a chair reaction of sadness in his chest, flaring up sudden and sharp, making his throat go too tight to respond for a second or two. He smiles, though it is a little lopsided and rueful, and shrugs. ]

Apparently... very easily.

[ He could probably break that down, go into detail about the many reasons why and how people didn't like him in school. But Cisco's pretty sure that no good could come of that. If Eddie somehow doesn't get it, Cisco isn't about to pull back the curtain. Not about to ruin a good thing. ]

Caitlin and Ronnie were kinda my first good friends. I mean, things weren't as bad in college as they had been in high school, but even then it's not like people were lining up, you know? Nobody was writing shit on my locker, but it wasn't like I got invited to stuff, either.

[ He shrugs. In a way, that had been harder. The open loathing was at least understandable. But the being ignored, underestimated, passed over, all of that had made Cisco feel invisible. It had made him pretty damn sure that the polite greetings from peers in the halls and in classes were just a cover, and that they still loathed him, just behind closed doors. ]

And for the record, that stuff you said? None of that makes you bad friend material. You get that, right?

[causational]

[It seems so obvious that Cisco should be popular. He's smart, cute, has a good attitude, he's caring and compassionate, he goes out of his way to help people - honestly the list just keeps going on. Eddie can't actually think of anything particularly negative about Cisco, honestly. When Cisco says that it's apparently very easy, Eddie can see that moment of hesitation, the moment where he obviously debates whether to point out exactly how people could not like him and then decides not to.

Whether he chooses not to because he thinks it'll make Eddie change his mind, or because he just decided it would be awkward to get all self-deprecating, Eddie isn't sure, though he suspects probably the former. After all, Cisco never seems to mind talking himself down, making himself seem worse than he is. For a moment, Eddie's brows furrow and he feels an immense wave of empathy for Cisco, of understanding and commiserating and wanting to somehow ease that. But he knows from experience that that takes a lot of work, which is probably one of those puzzle pieces Cisco put together earlier. Eddie knows he hasn't quite managed to make his confidence look totally effortless - mostly, but not entirely.

Eddie listens while Cisco explains that college had been easier than high school, and nods in agreement, then purses his lips a bit. He's about to respond when Cisco tacks on that none of the stuff Eddie had said makes him bad friend material, and abruptly he's smiling in a sad kind of way.]

Well, I don't see anything about you that makes you unlikable, so...same, I guess. And it's less that I think those things make me bad friend material now. It's just that they make it hard to believe people want to be my friends, and that makes it hard to attract people who are good friends who won't take advantage of me. Get my drift?

[A little grin.]

Hint: that goes for you too.

[franciscoramon]

I get it.

[ Cisco knows the truth of that statement. It's something he's all too familiar with; Cisco still finds it hard to believe people could possibly want to be around him. He'd felt that way about Eddie, when he first arrived in the quarantine. Taako, too, and Billy, and others.

Half the time he catches himself wondering if they might have ulterior motives, if there is some secret reason driving them to act like they want to be his friends. But of course, he knows that's absurd. His insecurities aren't quite at the level where he buys his own conspiracy theories wholesale. (Except on particularly bad days.) ]

We've got a lot in common, Eddie Thawne. Never would've called it, but we totally do.

[ It occurs to him that maybe, the time has come when he ought to let go of Eddie's hand. That that is the socially acceptable thing to do. But... Eddie doesn't seem to mind, and the fact is, Cisco doesn't get a whole lot of physical contact in this place. It's nice, after he had been so frightened for Eddie's life, to just hold on for a little while.

When he speaks again, Cisco's voice is a little less serious, a little coaxing and playful. He'd managed to get Eddie into this funk, but it's possible he will be able to lift him out of it, if he plays his cards right. ]

I think I would've liked you, in high school. I think we would've totally been friends. I'm not saying twelve year old me was perfect or whatever, but if someone had been nice to me, I wouldn't've cared what his dad did, or what he looked like, or anything.

[causational]

Right? We really do.

[Something in Eddie relaxes with the realization, and he settles into the bed comfortably, still holding Cisco's hand. It's nice that Cisco keeps hanging onto it. Eddie isn't exactly starved for touch, with Taako around, but being in the hospital, after what just happened, he can't exactly get enough of it either. So it's a relief that Cisco keeps holding his hand, and Eddie shifts his fingers against Cisco's, brushes his thumb against the side of his hand, enjoying the smoothness and warmth of skin connecting.]

I think we would've too. Been friends, I mean. I wouldn't have cared if you were younger, I was, you know, always trying to make friends with other people that were getting picked on. So we could stick together. But there just weren't a lot of them in my school. Everyone seemed to fit somewhere except me.

[A soft exhalation, and then Eddie smiles at Cisco, his eyes bright.]

And you do realize that we're friends now, right?

[franciscoramon]

[ It's still a strange thing, trying to imagine Eddie not fitting in. He seems like he could fit in just about anywhere, like he is adaptable and open-minded enough to befriend just about any sector of people. But maybe, Cisco thinks with a tiny twinge of sadness, maybe that's not a natural trait. Maybe that's something he's cultivated, and in doing so, hidden a part of his real self underneath it. It'd explain why Cisco only recently feels like he's getting to know the real Eddie. The one who is bi, who doesn't like being on his own in hospitals, who likes cats, who has all sorts of little likes and dislikes and idiosyncracies that make him real, and endearing. ]

Whaaaat? For real? [ The sarcasm in his voice is light, and fond, and he squeezes Eddie's hand as he says it. He follows it up with a quieter: ] Yeah, I know.

[ And it's friendship that keeps him there for the next few hours, steering the conversation to something a little less personal, to give them both a break. He turns the subject back to great big tomes of fantasy literature, starts telling Eddie about a few of the serieses he'd enjoyed during that lonely, nerdy youth of his. He steers clear of anything that involves elves too heavily, but that's not too hard to do. Cisco had really read a whole lot of that stuff. ]