riverviewlogs | [open] we tried to bury it and rise above

[She looks at him, really looks at him, and tries to take a breath without really managing. She even ignores the angry tears because they threaten to just evaporate in the heat.

There's heat.]

How could she?! Taako, how could she do this, she's our friend, we're family and she... she took me away! I died and this shit is worse!

[She died and Taako didn't even remember her. She never existed and he thought he went through life alone. Not them side-by-side, living, fighting, starving, surviving together.

No moments of closeness, of figuring themselves out and embracing it. Just Taako.

No Lup.

She was forgotten.]

How could she... Taako, why.

I don't know.

[He's suddenly regretting not talking to Lucretia more, when the chalice had turned her into the director, but he hadn't felt capable of talking about it with her. Her reasoning didn't matter to him, what's done was done, but he feels like there needs to be more a reason, for Lup to come to terms with it.]

It was... maybe it wasn't supposed to be for as long as it was. The place we went, with the liches, she was trapped in there for fuck knows how long, I don't know what she gave up in there. Or maybe she thought it was better than missing you and I'm not-- god, Lup, I'm so angry at her and I'll never not be angry, but the Lucretia that did this doesn't exist yet, not here.

Fuck, I need to... I need to blow something up. I need to get this out or I will go over to the research place and set her on fire.

[It tastes like ashes just to say it, because honestly she doesn't want to. She wants it all to not be true, she wants to listen to Taako saying Lucretia here was not the same person as back in his timeline.]

T-Taako, I don't know what to do.

[Taako does the only thing he can think to do; he pulls Lup into a tight, crushing hug, pouring all the strength into it that he can, giving her permission to be just as rough with him. It's not the same as blowing something up, but right now this feels more important, reminding her that he's here, that he loves her, that no matter what they'll always find each other again.

It's a lot to put into a hug, but they've never really needed words between them.]

[It's an outlet, and probably a better one than blowing shit up - she's enveloped by all Taako, close and steady and grounding her. Giving her air, calming her heated blood.

Pushing logic over emotion, Lup makes another of those wounded sounds and then breaks down. It's too powerful for tears. She just holds on to him instead, as of she's afraid she'll disappear if she lets go.

Not only is her pain for Taako's loneliness, but for her own anonymity - dead and lost, with nobody looking for her. Nobody who knew....]

Wait... what happened to Barry?

[The last time he embraced her like this was decades ago, after some particularly gruesome death they both shared; they'd slammed into each other as soon as they'd been resurrected on the Starblaster, and didn't let go of each other. There was relief in that moment, it was a reunion, but this is so much harder than that, with Lup shaking in his arms. He would swear he can feel her heartbeat thudding through him, but maybe he's just imagining it.]

He never stopped looking for you. [There's no way to know that for sure, Barry never told him, but there are some truths that don't need to be spoken aloud to be known. Barry never would've stopped searching.] He must've been limited, as a lich, but in a body he'd forget like the rest of us.

[If she could have pulled her thoughts together, she would have remembered that time, too. Watching her brother die killed her inside each time, and dying together was even worse because she could see his grief and worry mixed with pain. It was always too much.

Yet it still didn't frighten her as much as being... nothing. Because with nobody remembering you, that's what you were, wasn't it? Nothing, a void. Not even as shadow.

...but for now, all she can do is hold on to the fact that close like this, they're one. An undamaged, living breathing whole. Taako was her heart, but her love also enveloped someone else just as fiercely these days. It twists the knife deeper, because Barry had been alone as well.]

He's been looking all this time? And you.... nobody remembered him either. Taako, we were supposed to keep eachother in check, is he okay? Is he still Barry?

[Is he keeping it together? Is he hurting?]

He's okay, he never stopped loving us.

[In retrospect, seeing Barry lose his composure while acting as the red robe is a little worrying, but Taako doesn't doubt that Barry is still using his love for his family to hold himself together.]

He's been looking out for us, he's the reason we didn't end up trapped in the liches' fucked up dungeon.

[She breathes, slow and shaky. Her Barry was okay. He had helped their stupid little family even when they didn't remember him.

It sounded just like him.]

That's my Barry.

[Lup says, and there's pride in there for her nerd.]

This... this is a lot to take in. Is there anything else?

[It's such a relief that she seems to be calming down; Taako was never worried about her hurting him, even accidentally, but he hates seeing her upset in any way.]

There's... I mean, it's been a decade, a lot of shit has happened but that's kind of the big stuff covered...

[She groans and leans back to the couch like she weighs a ton. her head kind of felt like that, anyway.]

Tell me something good that happened.

[Uh.

Fuck.

Taako buys himself some time by scooting closer and reaching out to start brushing his fingers through Lup's hair, planning to braid it once he's sure there are no major knots.]

Merle's got kids.

[It's the first thing that comes to mind, easier than Magnus got married because he doesn't know exactly what happened there, but he knows it hasn't got a happy ending.]

[She moves her head a bit so that he has full access to her hair, because it was soothing - and right now Lup needed a shitton of soothing that didn't come from getting shitfaced.

What Taako tells her is surprising, though, and she laughs.]

Merle is a dad? That's both horrifying and adorable.

I haven't met 'em, but I can only imagine the kinda offspring that dude would produce.

[This is familiar, both dragging Merle and playing with Lup's hair, and he has every intention to completely lose himself in the latter.]

Oh, shit, you should hear fucking Barry when he was doing his spooky lich thing. I guess he didn't want us to figure out that he was our friend too soon, right? But it was all fucking you don't know how to be afraid and crackly red lighting. Such a goddamn drama queen, who knew he had it in him?

[It still hurts, it's still painful but she can laugh. She can laugh and cry and drag Merle because she's not forgotten. Not here.

So instead she imagines little Merles and it's awful in a good way.]

Some kind of Eldritch horrors, I'm sure.

[Lup turns her head a bit to look at Taako as he works through her hair.]

Geez, Barry. He should know by now that he can't out-drama queen you.

[Taako laughs, giving a strand of her hair a gentle tug, before he twists it up with the rest of the section he's braiding.][Every time he's thought of Barry-the-lich, it's been painful, but making a joke of it with Lup is easier.]

Fuck, fuck I just realized. So we called him a red robe, cause his lich form, ya know, and one time when he showed up Magnus stood in his form and made a joke about being a red robe too. I can't believe how close to the mark he was on that.

[She's gonna come out of this looking like Rapunzel after those kids braided her hair, isn't she.]

Really? That's pretty cool. Cool and weird. I wonder how many times you guys skirted on almost-memories like that?

...and does that mean that Magnus has been inside my boyfriend? Should I be jealous?

[... Shit.

Taako has to drop his head onto her shoulder as his shoulders shake with silent laughter, because he doesn't want to wake their poor housemates.]

Fuck, Lup, that's the first thing we're saying to him when he shows up here. [He takes a deep breath and sits back up properly.] Magnus is such a fucking adult now, though, it's weird. I bet he does his fantasy taxes and everything.

[She snorts and covers her mouth as well, imagining Magnus' reaction to that.

Still, hearing that someone like Magnus has grown up is weird.]

What, did he get boring?

Worse, he got married.

[It's not a good thing to be told, now, but it still feels important in a way that Taako could only understand once he remembered how much he loved Magnus.

He... wishes he could've met Jules, that they all could've.]

Oh shit I owe Merle like, a million gold.

[It's sweet, though. Magnus all grown up with a spouse and probably a shitton of dogs.]

I can't believe our boys are all domestic.

[Taako hums, somewhere between amused and thoughtful, as he focuses on the braid for a moment.]

You know, it was always kinda weird how easy it felt, around them. Cause I didn't trust any fucking asshole, but they wormed their way in a second time. Makes sense now, I already knew them, even if I couldn't remember it.

Not even Fisher could fully take away those bonds, huh?

[She knows full well how hard it was for them to trust anyone before the IPRE, and if Taako thought he grew up alone, that lack of trust must have been even worse.

Yet two of their precious family had reunited with him anyway and built some kind of friendship once more. It makes Lup have more hope for the future.]

How come you guys found eachother again, anyway?

Pretty sure Lucretia brought us back together. We helped her collect the relics, cause we could handle them without going fucknuts crazy, we just didn't know that we were responsible for them.

[This is a difficult thing, something he still hasn't decided how to feel about. He was lost and alone, for years, and joing the Bureau gave him something almost like a home again, but there's still a part of him that feels used and lied to, in a way that he wouldn't have, if Lucretia had left him to his life.]

At least... that's something.

[Something redeemable for all she had messed up. It's so alien to think of Lucretia doing a thing like this, and Lup wonders just where they had gone wrong to push her friend this far.

To make her take everyone away.

It was just ironic that she needed their help again, anyway.]

What kind of relics are they? I mean, you told me a bit about mine...

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