riverviewlogs | [ open: may/june catchall ]

Entry tags:

[ open: may/june catchall ]

who: Loki + You
what: catchall stuff
when: Late May/Early June
where: Around
warnings: Nothing so far, but Loki is a dick so plz be warned. You're welcome to prose, but I'll be responding in brackets.

[ i - no hero ]

[ Loki loves chaos. He has no shame in that and his joy is unbridled as he reads his book during the ensuing fights, as harried citizens scream and run for their lives.

Well. He could do without the screaming. With a sigh, he sidesteps some random woman on the street as he shifts the book in his hands. What were those so-called heroes doing? Shouldn't they be all over this? How inefficient. Loki glances back. One of those creatures seem to have found her. And he'll be blamed for his inaction. From a distance, he casts a minor mirror illusion. Hopefully, she'll have enough senses to get up and run while the creatures tries to ponder the sudden appearance of his own reflection. With grim satisfaction, he turns back only to have another creature knock the book out of his hands. ]

Now that was rude.

[ His hand darts out for the creature's throat, letting the insidious cold seep out from his fingers, burning the creature from the inside. It chokes and crumple. His lips curl in distaste as he drops it. Now for his book . . . ]

[ ii - homesickness ]

[ Loki doesn't have much in the way of taste. He's not picky about food anymore and often skips meals regularly. In Asgard, meats and wines, beers and well laid tables were the staple, food wasted in its abundance. He hated it then and it still turns his stomach. Now, though, he wonders if there were different reasons it bothered him so. Some strange infernal chemistry at work in a body he barely understood. Still, the idea of looking over foods from different worlds. He listens attentively to the people ramble on. Feel free to bother him. ]

[ iii - wild card. ]

[ Loki can be found at the Gramarye Research Facility, doing magical experiments, the library with a large pile of books or Communal Housing, Floor 12. He would also be wandering the outskirts of Riverview and near the portal.

You're welcome to catch for any daily life shenanigans, plots or prijata gift giving ]

[ closed to Thor. ]

[ The existence of a magical spring had been the most engaging part of Loki's post. He hadn't expected much in terms of information. He only meant to lay the groundwork for dismissal. Treat him like a trickster, remove the trust and ultimately, ignore him. Loki finds he does his best work when he's invisible, as much as it niggles at his skin.

Unfortunately, the news spread quicker than he thought. Everyone was scrambling to find this spring. Which didn't leave much for a plan. Just Loki and his daggers out in the woods. He had survived worse in the dark, under the menacing light of Thanos. On his own. But the toll of fighting was heavy even when he succeeded with his prize: five vials to hold close.

Loki hisses as he stumbles back into the compound. Blood tricked down from a nasty cut on his forehead right down to his lips and he absently licks at it with a snarky grin. Thor wasn't the only one who enjoyed a good fight. Still, he wishes the blood from his head, trying to clear his vision. He hopes he can get back to his room or at least the labs unnoticed. Patching himself up from there should be easy. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That is the idea. Why reveal the truth to an engaging story?

[ Loki cuts a tiny part of the pie with his fork, looking it over. After coming to a silent decision, he speaks. ]

I've spent a great deal of time with little to no food. As such, I've become accustomed to eating what is necessary and not for pleasure. My . . . apathy is not a reflection of your skills or manners.

That is a very good point.

[He really doesn't feel to offended by those words. In truth, he makes them for Jim cause the man loved them. He still thinks his mom's are the best and his are only so good. But that was a personal belief, cause whether he admitted it or not, Leonard was a good cook.]

All that matters is you give it a shot. Hopefully it'll at least be passable regardless. [He didn't expect a compliment, just a willingness to eat it if nothing else.]

[ Willingness to eat, to sleep, to do the routine necessary for survival tires Loki out more than anything. There's no real pleasure derived from a good meal or a warm bath. He may have won, but life is going through the motions.

In that way, is he not less than human? Not that it's a surprise, but it rankles. He takes a bit, chewing carefully. The sweetness hits the back of his throat sharply. ]

It is . . . good. Does this "ice-cream" make a huge difference?

[Leonard smiles when he tries it and appreciates the effort to compliment him even if it was just that. An effort at politeness. Finally he grinned at the question about ice cream and pushes to his feet.]

The way I see it, the only way to find out is to try it. [Snatching the carton from the freezer, he grabbed a spoon before coming back to the table.] And if you don't like it, then you can just not eat it. Never know till you try it, right?

[Easily getting a small scoop out of the container, he puts it on the plate away from the pie just in case Loki decides he doesn't like it.] Just get some on the fork then get some pie. That way you can give it a shot. Hell, you might even decide you like the ice cream better than the pie.

[ Loki dutifully follows Leonard's instructions, watching the ice-cream melt slowly on the plate with the kind of interest a child might have. While his eyes are not wide-eyed and bright, there's certainly a spark of curiosity as he places some of it on top of his pie and scooping it with his fork. After a few cautious bites . . . ]

The flavor is much improved with this cold cream you have put on it.

Really does something for it, doesn't it? Never understood why it made such a difference, but it really does. Glad you like it.

[Finishing up his own salad, he went to put the dishes away before grabbing himself a small slice with ice cream before sitting back down at the table with him.]

I'll get an idea about the fish around here and see if I make something like that for ya another time. Been weird bein' here though. Gettin' to know a whole new ecosystem and figure out what works. Glad somethings are the same though.

[ Loki eats slowly and methodically, like he's going through the motions. ]

Is cooking a . . . hobby to you, as mortals put it?

Hobby is a good way of puttin' it. My mom was all 'bout cookin' and havin' food on the table. She'd feed anyone that walked in the door. Guess it's a southern tradition to pour hospitality on visitors. And we seem to do that best with food.

[He shrugs a bit and tips his head to look at the pie on his own plate.]

Just decided to learn a bit from her and just kept goin' from there. My ex-wife didn't cook. So I tended to make dinner for us unless I was workin' late. [Or other big problems came up after that.] Now I just keep learnin' cause Jim... he's allergic to a lot of stuff so I rather just make it myself so I know what's in it.

[Actually, he's so used to talking about Jim, he doesn't even think Loki may not know him or who he's talking about.]

The Queen of Asgard was a goddess of hospitality. She kept a warm hearth for those who would enter, even though that deserved repugnance.

[ Like Loki. ]

Jim is your lover?

[He nods at this, vaguely remembering her and searches for her name in his memories.] Sounds like home. Sometimes it doesn't matter who ya are or where you've been, just that you need a temporary home, I guess. I figured ma was just one of a kind in a lot of ways. But it also sounds like the Queen of Asgard is also a fine lady.

[Pausing, he bit at his lip at that label for Jim. Love was a word the tended to avoid...]

Best friend for years... guess 'boyfriend' fits better now. Dunno if he's up to bein' called that, though. [Not that he thinks Jim has any plans with up and movin' on. Honestly, he feels like this is more like a marriage that he and his ex-wife had to be honest.] Good guy. Hasn't a lick of sense in him 'bout keepin' himself in one piece... but he's fiercely loyal and protects those he cares about with all he's got.

[ His response is curt. ]

She was.

[ His brow furrows as he tries to pick apart the nuance of a word "boyfriend". Surely being a boy and a friend is obvious? What meaning would there be in putting both those words together? Why must mortals make language so needlessly complicated? ]

What is the difference between a friend and a "boy friend"?

['Was'. McCoy knows that feeling. Knows it because he refers to his dad after he died. Was. Meant that person was no longer there. And from the quick snippy way he says it, he also measures that she must've been important to him. So just as he knew he'd prefer people not bring it up to him about his dad, he glosses smoothly past it without saying another thing.

Though, he completely balks at Loki's next question. Breathing in slowly, he muddles through that possible answer and tries to define it to himself.]

A friend is someone who enjoys time with ya. There when you need 'em. Listens when you need someone to listen and ya return the favor. Guess bein' a friend is laughin' and cryin' together for whatever reason needed. Jim started off as my best friend. Did all those things.

But I guess things changed at some point. [He turns his cup on the table staring at it.] It started to lean more towards devotion. More than just a listenin' ear. Started pushing myself harder, facing my fears... cause god help me, I never wanted him to leave me behind. Cause I couldn't imagine a world he wasn't in. Guess the biggest change when you become boyfriends is you start to date. Flirt a lot. Look at them like their the damn center of your universe. Sex. Kissing, all that jazz. And sometimes you love them more than you have loved most anything else in your life. Granted that feelin' there is actually close to marriage level, but it's gotta be mutual.

So I guess it's like a ladder of progression. Start off at friends and move your way up. I mean, if you like the person that much. Boyfriends don't have to be in love I suppose.. just really like each other enough to just... be with each other and no one else. [Cause yeah, he may be head over heels in love, but neither of them ever said that particular word.]

[ Loki absorbs this quietly. A steady progression. It makes him want to laugh. Mortals, with so little time, believe they have the luxury to pursue a slow burn, a quiet courtship. To make a single person the center of the world.

Loki cannot fathom it.

( and he's jealous that he cannot ) ]

That sounds like a lover, not a . . . friend.

[The first mistake he made was bein' that honest. The second was taking a drink of coffee the moment Loki said that few very applicable words. It hit so hard that he literally choked on his coffee and ended up leaning to the side coughing a bit till he could breathe again.

Well shit.

And he really was trying to say something and nothing was coming. God damn it.]

He's my partner. My best friend. Easiest label for it is boyfriend. Lover just... oh hell. I can't really argue it. But I doubt he'd call it that.

Is it shameful?

[ Surely Loki wasn't that out of touch. Mortals revel in their bonds. They celebrate them, create rituals for them. For Loki, only time spoke for the bond. ]

I... wouldn't say shameful. Don't think he's got a shameful bone in his body. More that the word 'love' has a heavy connotation behind it. And some people just have a harder time, I guess, believin' in it.

[He shrugs slowly and turns his coffee cup again in that fidgeting motion of not knowing what to do with himself at that moment.]

Kinda blindsided me. Really had no faith in it either after the shit storm that was my marriage. But somethings just happen and you don't expect them to or ask them to. And honestly, he's someone I'd want in my life no matter how he's there. Just as long as he's there. In the end, some people just have a way of restoring that faith when you least expect it.

[ Unbidden, Loki thinks of Thor, of a time when Thor's hand would rest against the side of his helmet, warming it to his touch. Their little jokes were no longer amusing. Their words were no longer truthful. Imagined slights were no longer just barbs in his mind. Loki could never restore Thor's faith. The least he did was restore an image of his brother, pristine as it once was, in noble death.

And Thor could never know.

If you betray me again, I will kill you.

Loki has betrayed Thor by living. ]

If you invite doubt by stepping over the words of your heart, your doubt will become poison.

[ Loki prods the melting ice-cream with his spoon. ]

If you commit, your feelings will be rewarded. Or so your literature tells me. True love conquers all, I believe?

[Those first words make him stop. Wide hazel eyes move to Loki and he forgets all about the plate and coffee in front oh him.

Poison, huh? Yeah.

Shaking his head, he lowers his gaze to his plate and smiles a little unimpressed at it.]

Literature is just literature. Maybe it does conquer all for someone else. Maybe. And where I do think I shouldn't be so worried about sayin' somethin'. I'm not gonna ride high on fairy tales and hopes that just never worked for me. If anything... I have faith in him. And really, that's all I really need right now.

[ Loki raises an eyebrow. ]

And yet you balk at the word.

Not in my head.

[The confession is small, something he can't quite put his finger on. Pushing his food away, he clasps his hands in front of him on the table and stares at them a long moment.]

Guess part of me will always worry I'm askin' him for too much.

[ He wonders.

( I could have done it, Father. For you! For all of you. )

Something ugly and dark rises up in his throat, but Loki represses it smoothly. ]

Even though you have not asked? How very purgatorial.

[He huffs an almost laugh at that. He knows it sounded stupid. Ill conceived and likely self-punishing more than anything else.

Angling his head to look at Loki, he considers the idea a little before unfolding his hands and spreading them out in a placating manner.]

Where it seems like I should just tell him exactly how I feel, I always weigh outcomes. It could very well go in my favor. Maybe it's a sure thing. But it may not. He may not want that level of emotional intimacy.

[He smiles. A small flicker of how he truly feels as he lowers his head again.]

But whether I have courage to find out, I know one thing is certain, no matter how foolish it makes me. I would follow him to the ends of the universe and not look back. And I'd rather do that and be there to support him than lose him. Guess I'll just be that fool.

But I guess... maybe it's comin' high time I told him. [But not for him. No. For Jim.]

[ This . . . was not the conversation he expected to have today. Or any day. He briefly throws a glare at the pie as if it was the meal's fault he has been roped into a discussion of feelings and love. But he attempts to muster some genuine emotion. ]

Good luck?

[Shaking his head, he rises to his feet and picks up the plates as it is obvious that Loki is done and he should clean up before he has to go back.]

Thanks. Honestly don't know how we got off on all this to be honest. Not one to usually talk about that stuff. But I guess I just didn't want to muck up the matter and not tell the truth. Sorry 'bout that.

[ Loki shrugs. He's not particularly unbalanced, though there is a deeply buried of irritation he's not willing to look into deeply. ]

It is your matter, not mine. I have no lovers or relationships to speak of. Curiosity drove me.

[ open: may/june catchall ]

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