You say that, but I'm not a hero. He wants another you, not me as I am.
[ It's hard being inadequate when you're a god who literally lives on praise. Thank fuck his entire base isn't noble like Billy or he'd cease to exist within seconds. ]
He told me to be better. Better than what, saving him at any cost? Teddy, I've got nothing left, this is me at my best. This relationship is running on fumes on my end.
[He reaches over again to rest a hand on Loki's shoulder again, just trying to offer-- something. Comfort, hopefully.
He might have never thought he'd be in this position in a million years, but he is and he wants to try to help somehow.]
Stop it. That's not what he meant-- he thinks you're amazing, Loki. He doesn't want another me and I'm not here to swoop in and take him away from you or anything like that. I-- [he lets out a sigh, deflating a little.]
He said he's content here, he's content with you and he never was back home. I clearly can't offer him that, and honestly, I don't know what I can offer him that you can't or haven't already.
[It is hard feeling inadequate, Teddy can agree there.] You'll both figure it out, Loki.
[ What he craves is what he sees in his memories when he thinks of Tony; wide open arms that wanted him close just because, no matter what else was going on with them or others. No arguments first. No needling criticisms.
He misses that stupid engineer.
Looking at Teddy who has recently been tortured too, lost his lover to Loki, and who is now comforting said harlot, he makes a split-second decision to do something that can't possibly be considered awful or cruel, leaning over to kiss him on the lips with a chaste peck, a hand on the one upon his shoulder. ]
[The kiss catches him off guard, but-- honestly? It's one of the very few pleasant things he's experience since kidnapping and torture, and he doesn't think Loki means ill by it, so he's willing to take it and press into it a little before Loki pulls away.]
I don't know what that was for, but--
[Teddy offers up a tired, fonder smile and lifts his hand to brush through Loki's hair soothingly, tucking it into place.]
You want to take our coffees and go back to Billy's room for a bit? Maybe we can get some rest too.
[ A soft happy noise hums into the kiss when he feels pressure on Teddy's side, calmer for having shared it. The agonisingly prickly sensation has gone when he thinks about Billy in that bed and both of them either side of him; Teddy is something of an emotional balm. Loki tries not to overthink the stillness in his previously broiling stomach. ]
Yeah, okay.
[ His hand slips into Teddy's free one, cool as he clasps it and tugs him down the hall at a slow, tired lope. ]
If he complains again when he rises, let's order food to shut him up.
[He didn't-- react well when he first arrived here. He'd been hurt and angry and lost...
But after what's happened? It's sort of put a lot of that into perspective, and right now? With Loki not being just as prickly and defensive, opening up a little... It's easy to feel fond of him. It's easy to want to try and soothe whatever roughness he can. They're all in horrible shape, but maybe together, they can make it a little bit better at least.
He slides his hand into Loki's and gives a short laugh.]
Good plan. Also-- that spell? The best. I thought we'd still be arguing with him to sleep... He's like a bull when he sets his mind to something.
[He's amazing, don't get him wrong, but that stubbornness...]
Believe me, I have spent an equal amount of time in that man's bed arguing as anything else.
[ This is why he likes to fuck Billy senseless sometimes, for the relative peace and quiet that comes with sex-noises instead of chatter. He loves him but, you know ...
It's so nice to speak with someone who understands. It then hits Loki, as they enter Billy's room, that he has far more experience with their mutual lover than Teddy and he ought to mind he doesn't accidentally rub his nose in it. Oops. Noted for next time. Still holding Teddy's hand and the coffee, he pauses by the bedside just to look at Billy, the hospital-neatened version with butterfly-stitches on his lip and an oddly sterile look to his wounds and bruises. Safe at last. ]
[Teddy-- already kind of figured Billy spends a lot of time in Loki's bed anyway. He lives-- lived? -- with him, he's not naive. It's a little-- much to hear about so plainly, but it seems like Loki is just talking. He's not going to get offended -- especially when it wasn't like he was here for those six months.
Besides, he's-- relieved by everything. To be out from underground, to see Billy cleaned up, to feel at ease with Loki. He wants to relish it.
He lets out a laugh, and it kind of feels good to feel like doing it again.]
Is that a real Frost Giant saying?
[Because he thinks not, Loki.
He tugs at Loki to follow him tot he chairs so they can sit, giving a passing, relieved look to Billy.]
You want to see no chill, wait until he wakes up...
[ It's tired humour to deflect from his feelings but it's there. He neglects the chairs to stand at the end of the bed and contemplate it with a look. His hands glow when he raises them and the bed expands with a protesting creak on either side to fit two more bodies, Loki's magic fading from his palms (once the single is now a king-size) as he crawls up on Billy's left side. ]
Hopping up or not? He'll find it harder to be angry if he wakes up to the unexpected.
[He gives a tired laugh and finds a place to put his coffee down... only to see Loki altering the bed.]
You don't think that's against hospital protocol or something?
[Not that it's stopping him from crawling up and lying next to Billy on the other side, giving a pleased groan because-- god, he's missed a proper bed, and sleep, as far as that goes.
He never thought he'd be in the same bed as Loki and Billy, not really, but right now? He's too tired to feel embarrassed or awkward about it. Besides it's very public and they're all very... not well, mentally or physically.]
But I guess you're right. With two of us to hold him down, he can't possibly sneak out either.
[ Slinging an arm around Billy's waist and a sliding a knee over his nearest leg, Loki doesn't bother stifling a yawn and settles down in the corner of a shoulder. After a moment his armour and coat shimmer, changing into a hoodie and jeans. ]
[Teddy shifts a little bit closer, reaching for one of Billy's hands carefully, not wanting to disturb him, but-- wanting some sort of contact. Just a reminder that they're all out and he can maybe nod off for a minute. He can head back to check on people, to help, after a quick nap to replenish at least a little bit of his energy.]
( it takes him time to wake up. the soft dreams he's having are definitely a deterrent to trying to shove himself up; after the things billy has scene, the thoughts racing through his head, and the couple days without sleep before even of this had even happened, he--doesn't want to escape from asgard-dreams. they're nice.
eyes start to slowly blink open, loki's weight at his side familiar but the additional captured hand to his right is. strange. it's--then that he remembers that he was busy fighting loki days before, that loki kept trying to--what, break up with him? and they'd been fighting just moments before he had forcibly knocked out. his head turns to the right, notices teddy in addition to loki and -- )
What the--oh, ugh, ew-- ( no, not either of you. his face pinches when he sticks out his tongue, moves to rub it against the roof of his mouth after. ) My mouth tastes like hospitals.
[Teddy stirs when he hears Billy talk -- he hasn't slept terribly heavy since the kidnapping, always on alert, so it doesn't take much to pull him out of the light doze he slipped into. He lets out a tired groan, eyes opening drowsily to look over at Loki.]
Hang on-- [He starts to shift to move up] I can get you some water if you want it...
( part of him wants to reach over and shove loki over, for the whole mess of their conversation that happened before the kidnapping went down, for knocking him out cold, for making him come to the hospital in the first place when he's fairly certain there's someone else out there who can heal wounds like this, probably.
but billy doesn't. he exhales sharply from his nose, tilts his head up a little to give the godling more room to press up against and focuses his attention to teddy himself. ) Yeah, I'd--appreciate that. Thanks.
( more importantly than the taste in his mouth, though: ) Were you both just cuddling?
[ Good job Teddy's around to be the muscle because Loki doesn't intend on giving up his Billy-pillow any time soon, taking advantage of the new space to nuzzle a neck. ]
( you think you can just come over here and cuddle him as if none of that nonsense ever happened? think again, loki. he can't drink worth shit when he can't sit up, so billy takes another moment before he's grabbing onto the arm over his waist and shoving it over and off, to try and squirm his way into a sitting position.
even if the whole squirming business really disagrees with his ribs, a low hissing sound passing his lips as he moves. )
Thanks. ( to teddy as he grabs onto the water cup, before his head tilts back towards loki. wrinkles his nose. ) What happened with your tapestry metaphors?
( the vaguest way he can think to bring up that whole mess but hopefully it's clear enough. )
[ Literally shoved aside, he blinks himself awake and sits up gingerly, staring at Billy. The line of his shoulders sags, hanging his head as he absently tames his bedhead and gives an awkward shrug. It seems wiser to say nothing when nothing will help.
At least Billy is safe now, away from the cultists and a horrid prison of torture. Let him be pissed if he wants. ]
And he doesn't really even know what Billy is talking about, but he's going to assume it's not the killing from earlier-- not yet anyway. He lets out a sigh, looking between Billy and Loki for a moment, debating if he really should speak up or just excuse himself for a moment.]
... Come on. None of us have handled anything spectacularly well lately. We've all said and done things we regret, I think. Let's try not to do that again here?
[And Loki looks like he's bordering on miserable again and Billy is being defensive.
... And Teddy is kind of just-- guilty. It's his showing up that apparently caused most of the turmoil that's not evil cultist-related after all. He wants to help, but he honestly has no idea how. It's a frustrating feeling he's gotten a lot lately.]
Billy-- can you go a little easier on him? Maybe he didn't react well to-- any of this. I didn't either. It's not easy when everything you sort of took for granted turns upside down on you though, and even with all the reassurances in the world, it's kind of really easy to not feel good enough, or like you'll still have a place.
[He can at least understand where Loki feeling inadequate comes from. He's still dealing with that himself. And he can understand where Billy is coming from too, as perfectly reassuring as he's been trying to be to both of them.]
But he doesn't want to lose you. I can't honestly blame him either.
( there are so many things he wants to be pissed over. this whole thing. the thing with loki before getting kidnapped, the thing with loki after getting kidnapped. he's--just trying his best to navigate his way through this, trying to figure this out, how he's supposed to function here between the two of them and loki's the one who said he wanted to be the other man, that he couldn't handle being the boyfriend dating someone who had someone else and it's all.
everything hurts. he spent the last several days in an underground cultist hideout waiting for dead people to take his body as their host, watched teddy get beat up, watched tommy start to lose his shit, fought hard, talked to wanda about complicated stuff, and he's
so done with everything.
billy starts to press his lips tight together, immediately regrets it when it pulls against butterfly bandages, winces and instead tries to take a drink out of that cup. at least get the gross taste out of his month. )
[ It's surprising to hear Teddy come to his defence but, after their little sit-down in the corridor, not as much as it could be. Loki doesn't ... do this. The blame shifting his way, it throws him off-kilter into a flight-or-fuckin-fLIGHT syndrome, even though he knows he deserves Billy's ire. Attempting to rescue him after days spent agonising over losing him has clearly had no impact except a sour one, thanks to the deaths of a few lunatics, and he just has no impetus left to try and mend more. When he did, he became the bad guy.
He stands, snapping his fingers at them in shotguns. ]
Hey, so, I'm gonna go get a coffee [ he starts to vanish mid-sentence, teleporting out with a hastiness that briefly illuminates the room, ] on the other side of the moon.
[ He fucked up, he tried to make amends with a rescue; everything failed. So, he's out for now. Is he allowed to be angry and frustrated? He is. Teddy will undoubtedly be here for Billy to bitch him out to. ]
[But it's kind of too late. Loki is gone and Billy is still being stubborn-- and he gets it. He does. None of this is easy. None of them clearly know what to do... besides upset and hurt each other, he guesses.
He lets out a sigh, taking a moment to bury his face in his hands, scrubbing over it. No, he won't leave Billy. Someone has to make sure he doesn't try to run back into a fight just yet, he figures.]
I'm sorry. I kind of really messed things up for you two...
( physically worn out, mentally work out, exhausted and pissed and ready for another nap but also afraid of what he's going to see when he closes his eyes and everything is awful, confusing, and weird. billy doesn't--get what's going on, what's going through loki's head, how he's supposed to deal with any of this and loki's fucking running off.
no sir. loki's not going anywhere. ) No, you're not--get back here, Loki.
( exhausted but not out of juice in the least. billy's already sitting up, so he takes a free hand, raises it up to grab onto the flee-attempting godling the moment he starts to phase back into the room. )
I just--want an answer! You want me too much, you don't want me, I've already given you up, you can't deal with it, you want me too much, just--give me something.
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[ It's hard being inadequate when you're a god who literally lives on praise. Thank fuck his entire base isn't noble like Billy or he'd cease to exist within seconds. ]
He told me to be better. Better than what, saving him at any cost? Teddy, I've got nothing left, this is me at my best. This relationship is running on fumes on my end.
You may as well swoop in and take him back.
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[He reaches over again to rest a hand on Loki's shoulder again, just trying to offer-- something. Comfort, hopefully.
He might have never thought he'd be in this position in a million years, but he is and he wants to try to help somehow.]
Stop it. That's not what he meant-- he thinks you're amazing, Loki. He doesn't want another me and I'm not here to swoop in and take him away from you or anything like that. I-- [he lets out a sigh, deflating a little.]
He said he's content here, he's content with you and he never was back home. I clearly can't offer him that, and honestly, I don't know what I can offer him that you can't or haven't already.
[It is hard feeling inadequate, Teddy can agree there.] You'll both figure it out, Loki.
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He misses that stupid engineer.
Looking at Teddy who has recently been tortured too, lost his lover to Loki, and who is now comforting said harlot, he makes a split-second decision to do something that can't possibly be considered awful or cruel, leaning over to kiss him on the lips with a chaste peck, a hand on the one upon his shoulder. ]
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I don't know what that was for, but--
[Teddy offers up a tired, fonder smile and lifts his hand to brush through Loki's hair soothingly, tucking it into place.]
You want to take our coffees and go back to Billy's room for a bit? Maybe we can get some rest too.
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Yeah, okay.
[ His hand slips into Teddy's free one, cool as he clasps it and tugs him down the hall at a slow, tired lope. ]
If he complains again when he rises, let's order food to shut him up.
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But after what's happened? It's sort of put a lot of that into perspective, and right now? With Loki not being just as prickly and defensive, opening up a little... It's easy to feel fond of him. It's easy to want to try and soothe whatever roughness he can. They're all in horrible shape, but maybe together, they can make it a little bit better at least.
He slides his hand into Loki's and gives a short laugh.]
Good plan. Also-- that spell? The best. I thought we'd still be arguing with him to sleep... He's like a bull when he sets his mind to something.
[He's amazing, don't get him wrong, but that stubbornness...]
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[ This is why he likes to fuck Billy senseless sometimes, for the relative peace and quiet that comes with sex-noises instead of chatter. He loves him but, you know ...
It's so nice to speak with someone who understands. It then hits Loki, as they enter Billy's room, that he has far more experience with their mutual lover than Teddy and he ought to mind he doesn't accidentally rub his nose in it. Oops. Noted for next time. Still holding Teddy's hand and the coffee, he pauses by the bedside just to look at Billy, the hospital-neatened version with butterfly-stitches on his lip and an oddly sterile look to his wounds and bruises. Safe at last. ]
He has no chill, as the Frost Giants say.
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Besides, he's-- relieved by everything. To be out from underground, to see Billy cleaned up, to feel at ease with Loki. He wants to relish it.
He lets out a laugh, and it kind of feels good to feel like doing it again.]
Is that a real Frost Giant saying?
[Because he thinks not, Loki.
He tugs at Loki to follow him tot he chairs so they can sit, giving a passing, relieved look to Billy.]
You want to see no chill, wait until he wakes up...
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[ It's tired humour to deflect from his feelings but it's there. He neglects the chairs to stand at the end of the bed and contemplate it with a look. His hands glow when he raises them and the bed expands with a protesting creak on either side to fit two more bodies, Loki's magic fading from his palms (once the single is now a king-size) as he crawls up on Billy's left side. ]
Hopping up or not? He'll find it harder to be angry if he wakes up to the unexpected.
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[He gives a tired laugh and finds a place to put his coffee down... only to see Loki altering the bed.]
You don't think that's against hospital protocol or something?
[Not that it's stopping him from crawling up and lying next to Billy on the other side, giving a pleased groan because-- god, he's missed a proper bed, and sleep, as far as that goes.
He never thought he'd be in the same bed as Loki and Billy, not really, but right now? He's too tired to feel embarrassed or awkward about it. Besides it's very public and they're all very... not well, mentally or physically.]
But I guess you're right. With two of us to hold him down, he can't possibly sneak out either.
[Not unless he uses the magic way at least.]
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[ Slinging an arm around Billy's waist and a sliding a knee over his nearest leg, Loki doesn't bother stifling a yawn and settles down in the corner of a shoulder. After a moment his armour and coat shimmer, changing into a hoodie and jeans. ]
Goodnight, I'm passing out.
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[Teddy shifts a little bit closer, reaching for one of Billy's hands carefully, not wanting to disturb him, but-- wanting some sort of contact. Just a reminder that they're all out and he can maybe nod off for a minute. He can head back to check on people, to help, after a quick nap to replenish at least a little bit of his energy.]
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eyes start to slowly blink open, loki's weight at his side familiar but the additional captured hand to his right is. strange. it's--then that he remembers that he was busy fighting loki days before, that loki kept trying to--what, break up with him? and they'd been fighting just moments before he had forcibly knocked out. his head turns to the right, notices teddy in addition to loki and -- )
What the--oh, ugh, ew-- ( no, not either of you. his face pinches when he sticks out his tongue, moves to rub it against the roof of his mouth after. ) My mouth tastes like hospitals.
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Hang on-- [He starts to shift to move up] I can get you some water if you want it...
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but billy doesn't. he exhales sharply from his nose, tilts his head up a little to give the godling more room to press up against and focuses his attention to teddy himself. ) Yeah, I'd--appreciate that. Thanks.
( more importantly than the taste in his mouth, though: ) Were you both just cuddling?
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[ Good job Teddy's around to be the muscle because Loki doesn't intend on giving up his Billy-pillow any time soon, taking advantage of the new space to nuzzle a neck. ]
Cuddling you.
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And catching some sleep we all needed, I guess. Here-- drink this, B.
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even if the whole squirming business really disagrees with his ribs, a low hissing sound passing his lips as he moves. )
Thanks. ( to teddy as he grabs onto the water cup, before his head tilts back towards loki. wrinkles his nose. ) What happened with your tapestry metaphors?
( the vaguest way he can think to bring up that whole mess but hopefully it's clear enough. )
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At least Billy is safe now, away from the cultists and a horrid prison of torture. Let him be pissed if he wants. ]
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And he doesn't really even know what Billy is talking about, but he's going to assume it's not the killing from earlier-- not yet anyway. He lets out a sigh, looking between Billy and Loki for a moment, debating if he really should speak up or just excuse himself for a moment.]
... Come on. None of us have handled anything spectacularly well lately. We've all said and done things we regret, I think. Let's try not to do that again here?
[And Loki looks like he's bordering on miserable again and Billy is being defensive.
... And Teddy is kind of just-- guilty. It's his showing up that apparently caused most of the turmoil that's not evil cultist-related after all. He wants to help, but he honestly has no idea how. It's a frustrating feeling he's gotten a lot lately.]
Billy-- can you go a little easier on him? Maybe he didn't react well to-- any of this. I didn't either. It's not easy when everything you sort of took for granted turns upside down on you though, and even with all the reassurances in the world, it's kind of really easy to not feel good enough, or like you'll still have a place.
[He can at least understand where Loki feeling inadequate comes from. He's still dealing with that himself. And he can understand where Billy is coming from too, as perfectly reassuring as he's been trying to be to both of them.]
But he doesn't want to lose you. I can't honestly blame him either.
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everything hurts. he spent the last several days in an underground cultist hideout waiting for dead people to take his body as their host, watched teddy get beat up, watched tommy start to lose his shit, fought hard, talked to wanda about complicated stuff, and he's
so done with everything.
billy starts to press his lips tight together, immediately regrets it when it pulls against butterfly bandages, winces and instead tries to take a drink out of that cup. at least get the gross taste out of his month. )
He's the one who said I already gave him up.
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He stands, snapping his fingers at them in shotguns. ]
Hey, so, I'm gonna go get a coffee [ he starts to vanish mid-sentence, teleporting out with a hastiness that briefly illuminates the room, ] on the other side of the moon.
[ He fucked up, he tried to make amends with a rescue; everything failed. So, he's out for now. Is he allowed to be angry and frustrated? He is. Teddy will undoubtedly be here for Billy to bitch him out to. ]
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[But it's kind of too late. Loki is gone and Billy is still being stubborn-- and he gets it. He does. None of this is easy. None of them clearly know what to do... besides upset and hurt each other, he guesses.
He lets out a sigh, taking a moment to bury his face in his hands, scrubbing over it. No, he won't leave Billy. Someone has to make sure he doesn't try to run back into a fight just yet, he figures.]
I'm sorry. I kind of really messed things up for you two...
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no sir. loki's not going anywhere. ) No, you're not--get back here, Loki.
( exhausted but not out of juice in the least. billy's already sitting up, so he takes a free hand, raises it up to grab onto the flee-attempting godling the moment he starts to phase back into the room. )
I just--want an answer! You want me too much, you don't want me, I've already given you up, you can't deal with it, you want me too much, just--give me something.
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