riverviewlogs | [Semi-Open] No one can blame you for walking away

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[Semi-Open] No one can blame you for walking away

who: Steve Rogers (616) and whoever wants to join him
what: Missing Loki and looking for distractions
when: backdated from June 6th to around June 15th
where: Around and about
warnings: Beware. There might be a feeling.

i. via the devices; text; closed to previous CR

[He makes it about a day before he starts getting restless. Not just because Loki is gone, but because he really doesn't have much to keep his mind off of the fact. Normally, he'd just bury himself in a mission or find other companionship, but for some reason that's just not appealing. So he tries to find other means of distraction. For those he knows hold odd hours, it might be well past dusk when he sends a message.]

Are you busy?

ii. OPEN; Well, that was the entire plan.

[He really should have come up with a better plan for filling his time. After spending days doing between work, the gym, and long runs around the Quarantine, even Steve is out of ideas for what to do with himself. He considers a trip out beyond the fence, but ultimately gives it up, because he doesn't want to spend too much time away from the city. He tries relaxing in the park or by the riverbank, sketching out scenes in the hope that the peace will just come to him.

So people who happen by will see one frustrated blond tearing a page out of his sketchbook, crumpling up the half-done work and throwing it down with an annoyed grunt. The paper ball joins a collection around his feet as Steve lowers his head in frustration and then lies back where he's been sitting.]

Come on, focus.

iii. OPEN; Everything is totally under control

[Later in the week, it's starting to bleed into his performance. While he's with the Guard or on his own patrol, Steve manages to somehow trip up and fall short on his usually flawless coordination. He's distracted, and during training or some other run he manages to stumble, missing leaps or punches and eventually ending up on the ground. His pride is injured more than his body, but that's suffering a bit too. He gets back up with a grumble of protest to those around him, waving any offer of help away.]

I'm fine. Just a bruise. Let me go again.

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[ Jyushimatsu didn't take long to use the park as his main source of entertainment other than the baseball stadium. Here he can actually run around and do whatever he wants without disturbing the team he's mascot of. So he spends a great part of his free time swimming through the river and running the fastest he can around the entire perimeter of the park, then swimming again, running again, rinse and repeat until evening.

Today, too, he's doing his routine while wearing his usual hoodie + shorts combination, because he's got no baseball gear from back home and it's not like he's concerned about ruining his clothes. The sight of a guy surrounded by balls of paper attracts his attention and he leaves the river to approach, filled with curiosity.

Here's a guy flashing a way too big smile on his face, soaked from head to feet. ]

Hey hey hey mister! Whatchu drawing?

[ He's not trying to be rude, but a dialogue has got to start somewhere. ]

Edited 2018-06-16 03:30 (UTC)

[ The voice startles Steve out of his thoughts and the enthusiasm helps shake the frustration that has been littering the ground around him. He sits up, grass blades in his hair, and frowns at the unfinished drawings he's been unsatisfied with. ]

I was trying to draw them.

[ Steve nods toward a small group of people. Just some passersby enjoying the park like Jyushimatsu, adults talking and kids playing in the sun. It's a normal scene, but usually Steve finds some fondness in those. ]

I can't get it right today. I think I'm just making a mess at this point.

[It should figure that Bucky is up in the middle of the night. He has trouble sleeping sometimes, and especially with the weather warmed up, it's easier to clear his head outside.

When the text comes, he texts back almost immediately.]

No. Up on the roof.

[ Jyushimatsu briefly glances at the direction this stranger nods at. ]

Ohh! So you're an artist who's having a creative crisis, or something like that?

[ Please excuse him as he wildly shakes his head like a dog to get rid of the excess water. He slaps the side of his head so a gush of water comes out of his ear on the other side. ]

Ahh, much better! I was going deaf!

[Steve doesn't reply. He goes right up to the roof, bringing two mugs of coffee along with him. He isn't even sure what is really bothering him this time. There are no nightmares that haunt him into fleeing his bed. Just a low, persistent ache he can't seem to get rid of.

Bucky as a distraction is a relief.]

You doing okay?

[Please give him something to do.]

I guess you could...

[ Steve's response is completely derailed by the display. He looks dumbfounded, not even sure he really just saw what he saw. There was no sign of magic or announcement that would tip him off to anything out of the ordinary was about to happen, and suddenly he's staring as a little fountain of water ends up coming out of the man's head. How does that even work? ]

I... How did you do that?

[Bucky shoots him a slightly grateful smile, taking the second mug of coffee from him and taking a long sip. It's a little bitter and bracing, and he breathes out, cupping the mug in his hand while he takes a better look at Steve. He seems restless, to put it lightly.]

I'm alright. Just a little insomnia. [He's pretty used to not being able to sleep well some nights.] Are you okay? You seem a little off tonight.

[Steve hovers a bit, because it's much easier to focus on worrying about Bucky than it is trying to work out why he's feeling so restless. He frowns slightly when his friend says that he's having insomnia, wondering if it's less or more severe than Bucky says.]

I'm fine. Just checking up, I guess. Anything you want to talk about?

[Bucky breathes out a soft laugh, noticing the way Steve hovers a little. It's pretty typical Steve to try and put the focus on someone else when something is bothering him.]

Nothin' new. [Considering they practically live in each other's back pockets, he's got nothing. Really, he's doing alright, minus the occasional bout of sleeplessness.] Maybe whatever's on your mind? We could talk about that. [It comes out casual, almost light. He doesn't want to make a big deal and push Steve to the point he digs in his heels about not talking.]

Or we could go do somethin'. Hit the diner, or go for a ride.

[Sometimes it happens without any thought at all. As much as Steve may be an excellent tactician, his awareness of his own problems always comes as a surprise. Even after all this time, he's subconsciously seeking answers by looking elsewhere, missing the whole point of addressing anything.]

I don't really have anything pressing at the moment.

[It's not entirely a lie. To him, everything is resolved. He agreed to it and he should be fine.]

Maybe... It would be nice to get out for a little.

[His gaze drifts to the city and then up to the sky.]

Lot of stars out.

[Bucky steps a little closer, sipping his coffee, bumping his shoulder idly into Steve's - a gesture of affection. He's not really aware that Loki's left, so he's trying to figure it out in his head, what might be bothering Steve. Clearly something is.]

Doesn't have to be pressing to want to get something off your chest. [He points out, but he leans against the half-wall that borders their roof area and looks up.]

Lot more stars outside the city. We could get something to go, ride out past the fences. I don't have patrol in the morning.

[~~Littering? For shame.~~

...but it's good to know that a knack for getting into trouble isn't the only thing the Steves have in common.]

It can't have been that bad.

[Wanda tends to go on walks to clear her head, but trying to solve someone else's problems is a much better distraction. At least that way she feels like she's being more productive than just wallowing in it.]

How did I do what?

[ He's not pretending he didn't hear, this is just ordinary administration to him and he's not used to people questioning it. His brothers had given up figuring him out a long time ago. When all of the water is out, he rubs the back of his head. ]

I was in the water until now and some of it got in my ears, hehe! Was that too gross?

I'm trying to be.

[He's been trying to distract himself since Loki left, but it has not worked in his favour. He's restless with a variety of half finished projects just begging to be completed and absolutely no resolve to finish them.

So, he's pretty sure he knows exactly what the text is in reference to. He doesn't want to ask how are you, because he doesn't think he'd want to be asked the same thing. Instead, he poses another question.]

Do you want to get something to eat?

[The reply comes quickly enough that it's pretty clear Tony isn't sleeping. Which isn't that much of a surprise, really.]

Always. But I could make some time for you. Need something?

[ Steve is just baffled, because to him it might as well be magic. But he's not put off by the surprise. Since Jyushimatsu is acting so comfortable about it, he assumes that this is just some innate talent he has and slowly settles into just accepting it. ]

No, not gross. I've just never seen someone do it quite like that.

[ Which is kind of impressive when he thinks about it. ]

What were you doing in water?

Hahaha, you didn't? How strange!

[ Of course not everyone lives in a world made of gags and feats a normal human can't reach, but Jyushimatsu is not always aware of people who aren't close to him.

Though he does notice the man seems to be in a bad mood. ]

I was trying to break my personal record and train for my future baseball career!

[ A pause. ]

Hey, wanna see a trick?

[ He's fascinated in a way. The way Jyushimatsu's world just plays loosely with logic is really what he needs: something unexpected and not dangerous, giving him a new perspective. He smiles at the mention of baseball. That's something he hasn't done himself. ]

Sure. Show me.

[ If spouting water is normal, Steve is bound to be impressed by his tricks. ]

Just to talk.

[He's grateful for the quick answer, but when faced with that question, Steve finds he isn't sure how to really respond. What does he need?]

What are you working on?

[It's actually a relief to get an answer from Thor. He's the person Steve thinks has to be dealing the hardest with Loki's decision and he's as much checking in on the god as he is distracting himself.]

Yes. Let's go out.

[Get out of the too-familiar rooms and the moment. Maybe they can help each other keep busy.]

There have to be some places still open.

[Steve looks up, smiling at the familiar face greeting him. He needs the break, since apparently all he's managing to do is collect a very creative pile of paper.]

You sure? Don't say that unless you see it.

[He gets to his feet so he can give her a proper greeting.]

Were you going anywhere specific or just enjoying the day?

[Steve presses back against him, finding comfort in the weight and the grounding contact of another person. Bucky is always there, always reliable, and this just emphasizes how much the man means to him. He wouldn't have really gotten through most of his life without support.

It doesn't have to be world-ending. That's something he doesn't always tell himself. Steve is so caught up in what is really important that he forgets to step back, telling himself that he'll have time later. He sighs heavily, letting the words sink in.]

Mm. Have you ever thought about going somewhere else?

[Wanda just laughs, feeling much lighter now that she has company.]

It's still better than I could do. [And she doesn't even need to see it to know. Music is her thing, not art.] I think you are too hard on yourself.

It's a nice day. And going for walks helps me clear my mind.

[Bucky pushes back into that contact just a little harder, skin warming beneath clothes where their bodies press together. It's comfortable contact, familiar. Steve is always his rock in a stormy sea - Bucky only wants to be the same for him, someone to turn to when he's hurting. They're family, the two of them, even more so than the rest of the Avengers.

He leans against Steve, looks up at his face, searching his expression for a hint of what's making the gears turn in his brain right now.]

Somewhere else? Like where?

[Steve is actually asking to talk? Tony pauses in what he's doing to consider his phone for a moment.]

Do you want me to come over or do you want to come here?

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[Semi-Open] No one can blame you for walking away

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