[semi-open] hurry up now, i need a miracle

[causational]

who: eddie thawne & semi-open
what: Eddie gets caught in a shoot-out and goes to the hospital
when: April 15 and afterward
where: around the quarantine
warnings: gun violence, blood, serious injury



✪ the incident

[It started like any other day, kissing Cisco good-bye while he sleeps in, heading off to work in his patrol car while eating a piece of toast, packed lunch beside him, dressed in his usual neatly-pressed three-piece suit. Nothing particularly notable is supposed to be happening, mostly, he intends to do paperwork and research on an ongoing case, to interview a few suspects. And that's what he does.

Until it hits just after noon and he eats lunch while checking his phone, sends off a quick series of texts to Cisco, smiling at the camera while he chews his sandwich. That's when the call comes over the radio, about a car chase downtown, that two officers are down and they need backup. Glancing around, Eddie notices that the station is close to empty and the call isn't too far away, so he buckles up his gun belt and heads out. The chase is short before the car careens into the side of a skyscraper, there's smoke and flame everywhere, and Eddie drives his car up to join the line of cars being used as cover while one of the perpetrators shoots bolts of electricity at the line of police officers, and another uses an old-fashioned gun.

Everything is a blur of adrenaline and fear and focus, Eddie draws his gun, he uses his powers to shield over and over to protect his fellow officers, and when a couple of the officers at the front get hit with a burst of electricity, tumbling to the ground, Eddie bolts out without thinking. It seems to happen in slow motion - the second bolt of electricity flies at him while he fights exhaustion to get his shield back up, the electricity hits the shield, and his concentration flickers. The bolt hits him hard, his body tries to absorb it, he jerks and twitches, falls to the ground, overloaded, burning hot, nose bloody.

It takes a moment to start moving again, he becomes aware that one of the officers is still down while the other staggers back to the line of cars. Pushing himself up onto his knees, he coughs out a mouthful of blood, and starts to stand.

And then the bullet hits him in the side.

For a moment, everything goes still and silent. Eddie has been shot before, in the chest, he's felt the bullet penetrate his body, felt the damage it did, struggled to cling to life. But that was a choice he made, he was prepared, and this is different. It enters from the side, hits him like a hammer, knocking him over on his side. Curled up on the pavement, he struggles to breathe while the side of his shirt and suit jacket get hot and wet and the rest of him gets cold, so cold...

The last thing he sees before everything goes dark is a blurry view of the line of police officers behind him, shouting his name, shouting something he can't hear...]

OOC: Drop a starter or message me for a starter if you'd like your character to be involved in this in any way. Any of Eddie's CR (close or not) is welcome to drop a hospital visit thread in here or ask me for one!

Comments

[franciscoramon]

[ It's not that Eddie is lying to him; Cisco thinks that Eddie believes what he's saying. But how could he be okay? He'd been shot twice, had been brought to the hospital a bloody mess that had to be stitched back together. Maybe, if magic had been on the table, he would be closer to alright. But these wounds would have to heal more slowly.

So he just gives a little nod, not believing Eddie, but not wanting to contradict him either. Not when Eddie looks so scared and desperate, in the dim light. Cisco brings his hand over again and, exceptionally gently, as if he were trying to touch a soap bubble without popping it, he brushes his fingers across Eddie's chest. It's the faintest touch possible - not a hint of pressure behind it, just enough that he's touching Eddie, like he asked. ]

I'll go tell them you're awake, and get you some water. I watched how she did it last time. I can help you with it.

[ Cisco gets to his feet, bending down to kiss Eddie's forehead softly. He feels a strange reluctance to leave the room. As if the moment Eddie's not in his sight, he's going to vanish. He glances at the door, then back to Eddie. ]

Back in a minute.

[ With that, he leaves the room briskly. It takes a few minutes for him to come back - he might be feeling urgent, but the nurses are not, considering there's no great crisis. Cisco returns with that same water bottle, says as he shuts the door: ]

They've got you scheduled for some scans at 8. Once they've done that, the doctor's gonna look at the results and talk to us about how long you gotta stay, and meds, and stuff like that. And the nurse said if you start feeling nauseous or dizzy, you gotta call for her, okay?

[ Carefully, Cisco finds the control to tilt Eddie's bed, enough that he can drink without sitting up or putting any strain on his torso. He holds the bottle for Eddie to drink from, face tired but loving as he says, quietly: ]

I thought we agreed that next time it was my turn to get shot. I can't believe we're 4 and 0. It's a disgrace.

[causational]

[It's obvious to Eddie that he's not physically okay, that he's really messed up, but he thinks, right now, he might be better off than Cisco when it comes to how he's feeling, how he's reacting. Cisco looks compromised, vulnerable and hurt, afraid, and when he reaches out to touch Eddie, it's delicate, so light he can barely feel it - for a moment, Eddie feels hurt and a little bereft. All he really wants, in that moment, is for Cisco to climb into bed with him, to curl against him, for everything to be okay and normal.

Instead, he just smiles at Cisco and nods a bit, regretting the movement a moment later.]

Okay baby.

[And then Cisco is heading away, moving at a brisk pace, and Eddie goes boneless in the bed, his eyes sink shut, he swallows a few times and tries to get himself reoriented, to chase the negativity out of his head. It's hard, because the moment he goes quiet and stops looking around himself, he becomes intensely aware of the pain in his body - tearing its way down his side, ripping at his lungs every time he breathes, crackling in his ribs. And then there's the emotional part, the fear, some kind of dread, the little flashes of memory of how it had felt to die, before he came here, how it had felt to fade away, the cold, the feeling of Iris' arms around him, of Joe's eyes on him.

Carefully, Eddie gathers all of that up and pushes it down, tries to let some of it go, and when Cisco comes back into the room, he manages a smile, his eyes warm and bright.]

Missed you.

[While Cisco explains the schedule, what the doctor's going to do, the scans and meds and all of it makes his head spin a little bit. But he's smart enough and awake enough to follow what Cisco's saying, making a mental note that if he feels sick or dizzy he should call a nurse. He stops thinking about that, though, when Cisco brings the bottle to his mouth, he sucks water into his mouth, groaning softly in his throat with pleasure as the wetness of it soothes the pain of his cracked lips and his dry, raw throat. After a few sips, though, it starts to turn his stomach and he pulls his head back, licking his lips to look up at Cisco. Cisco, whose eyes are fond and loving, who speaks to him quietly, making a slightly silly reference to a conversation they'd had before.]

Mmm, I never agreed to that. I think I agreed to taking all the shots from here on out.

[franciscoramon]

Missed you, too.

[ Cisco is careful, making sure Eddie doesn't choke on the water. When he's done drinking, Cisco settles in again, taking Eddie's hand between his. Eddie looks a little better than he did before. Maybe it's the lighting, or maybe the rest, but there's a bit more color in his face. Cisco knows, though, that he can't be feeling better. The nurse had warned him, while he was getting that water, that the pain would be bad for a while. He can take drugs for the worst of it, but that would only do so much. ]

Damn, you're right. I'm the one who's supposed to be able to see the future. Quit stealing my shtick already...

[ He trails off, face falling a little from that deliberate attempt at lightness. A thought which had flitted through his mind a few dozen times while he was in that waiting room resurfaces again, settling in Cisco's mind horribly. So Cisco's expression slides from a faint smile to a look of fragility, his gaze dropping to Eddie's hand folded between his. He needs to say something. It's only right. Even if saying something will only draw attention to his own failure. ]

I'm sorry... I didn't see this coming. I should have.

[ His vision goes blurry, but it isn't like before, when he collapsed in a torrent of tears, too powerful to even try to hold back. This time, Cisco tries not to cry. He feels an awful pressure in his head as he swallows, voice tight with forced control: ]

What's the good of getting visions of the future if I can't even-

[ Cisco's voice cracks, and he stops, there. Eddie can figure out the rest, anyway. ]

[causational]

[It doesn't last, of course, the moment of levity, the way Cisco's eyes lighten and his smile appears again, like the sunshine coming out from behind the clouds. Cisco can't even finish his joke before his voice is going thick with emotion and his gaze drops, his eyes go wet and red-rimmed, and he apologizes, as if he'd done something bad. As if this was his fault somehow.]

No, baby. This isn't your fault, you're not...just because you can vibe, and because sometimes they're visions of the future doesn't mean that you're responsible for everything bad that ever happens, just because you didn't see it first.

[Eddie squeezes Cisco's hand again, and this time it's a little firmer, has a little more strength than before. It's easier, wrangling his own emotions under control, when he's focused on taking care of Cisco, when he's encouraging Cisco, soothing him. It's easier to push all that other stuff down and direct his energy outward instead of inward.]

You'd never think of blaming me for every criminal in the city who doesn't get caught? What if one of them hurt you tomorrow, would it be my fault? This isn't on you, baby. Not even a little bit.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco is grateful for that squeeze of Eddie's hand; that reassurance and Eddie's words ground him enough that he's able to swallow back the tide of emotions before he tips over the edge and begins sobbing again. But his voice is thick with unshed tears when he says: ]

Not everything, no. But- if I can't protect you, what's the point of any of it?

[ He'd had visions that had helped save Magnus, and Blue, and that little girl from Eddie's case. But this time, for the person who matters most to him in all of the multiverse, his powers had let him down. He ought to have known. Prevented it.

When Eddie tries to reason with him by flipping the equation, Cisco shakes his head, laughing in a way that sounds shaky and half like a sob. ]

Don't front. Of course I wouldn't, but if that happened, you would definitely blame yourself.

[ Cisco knows Eddie too well by now. They're both of them alike, in some ways. Stubborn. Protective. Hard on themselves. More concerned with the safety of others than their own.

Sighing, Cisco places his head against the pillow, face-down so his words come out muffled: ]

I just... I wish I could've protected you.

[causational]

[Eddie watches as Cisco pulls back from the edge, manages to contain his pain inside himself, and there's something about that that always makes Eddie feel a strange combination of guilt and relief. Sometimes he wonders if it would be better for Cisco to just cry, to let out all that emotion, to cry it out, just get all of it out of himself where it can't do so much harm.

Right now, he wishes he could hold Cisco while he cries it out, lets go of all the pain he's holding inside himself, but he can't do anything to help. He can't hold Cisco, he can't comfort him, can't do anything. The sense of helplessness is crippling for a moment, and he just keeps squeezing Cisco's hand, eyes on his face.]

You saved a little girl's life, Cisco. That alone is enough of a point to it. Even if it's just one person, and I know you've saved more people than that.

[Gently, he twines his fingers between Cisco's, squeezing and rubbing his thumb against the knob of Cisco's wrist, his touch gentle, soothing.]

And maybe I would. But you would tell me not to, just like I'm doing right now. It's all there, all the reasons this isn't your fault, because they're the same reasons you'd give me if it was the other way around. Okay, baby?

[Eddie closes his eyes for a moment, exhales softly, tilting his head back and wincing at the dryness in his throat.]

I get that, but I don't think it could've gone any other way. Even if I'd known...I would've still gone in. I still would've tried to stop what was happening. It probably still would've happened.

[franciscoramon]

[ At some point, it just gets so hard to distinguish the different kinds of pain from one another. How much is guilt for not being able to keep Eddie safe? How much is that old tried-and-true tendency to blame himself when things go wrong? How much is the familiar ease with which he still sometimes hates his powers? How much is worry that Eddie doesn't think of himself as worth defending? How much is worry that Eddie's hiding how badly he's been hurt, minimizing, the way he always does?

When he says he would have still done the same again, Cisco can't help remembering all the times Eddie has said the same about killing himself to save everyone. That it was a choice he'd made for good reasons, and he'd do it a second time. And fear grips him, then, that this won't be the last time. One of these days, Eddie is going to throw himself in the path of danger, righteously and for good reasons, and he isn't going to make it out the other side. ]

I know you would. My fault for falling in love with a compulsive hero.

[ He feels a sudden awful certainty that he's already lost Eddie - had lost him even before he ever had him. It's just a matter of time, and he doesn't know how long he's going to get. Every second between now and then is precious. And, abruptly, Cisco doesn't care what the doctors had said. He can't bear sitting on this chair one second longer, scarcely touching Eddie. He gives the bed a long look - there would be space enough for him, if he stayed on his side, if he was careful. If he moved a little of the rolling equipment, he could do it without getting in the way of any monitors or the IV.

So, standing up, sniffling bad unshed tears still, Cisco begins making small adjustments, saying as he does: ]

I'm gonna get up on the bed next to you, okay? But- you gotta promise to try to stay still, and you're not supposed to turn on your side, 'cause your ribs. I just. I wanna hold you so bad.

[ They had a few hours, before the nurses would check in. Cisco couldn't risk sleeping there, for fear of injuring Eddie, but he could stay awake for a while, hold his boyfriend, carefully. He kicks off his shoes and, very gingerly, climbs up onto one side of the bed, lying on his side. He twines his legs with Eddie's, - no injuries, there, no damage he could do - and very gingerly drapes an arm across Eddie's chest, high, over his collarbones. The surgical site and the shots were lower down.

Cisco's voice is tiny as he asks: ]

Am I hurting you?

[causational]

I'm sorry.

[It's genuine, because Eddie knows, he knows that he puts himself in danger sometimes when he shouldn't, when he could just as easily mind his own business. He knows that the danger he puts himself in terrifies and upsets Cisco, that when he's hurt, it hurts Cisco too. The truth is, he feels terrible about that, he feels terrible about the effect he has on Cisco when he throws himself into danger.

But it's also true that Eddie has told himself multiple times that after dying back home, he should take it easy, he should take a step back, live his life, stop trying to be the hero, stop putting himself in danger, he can't. Standing aside when terrible things are happening is just not something he can do.

He can't help being who he is, he can only hope that loving someone like him is worth it, for Cisco.

And as Cisco looks at him with that slightly crumpled expression on his face, his eyes wet and sniffling away tears, his expression vulnerable and pained, Eddie wonders if maybe it's not, for him. For a moment, he feels a strange compulsion to break up with Cisco, to put an end to this if it's only going to hurt him, to push him away for his own good, so he can find someone who takes care of themselves, who will be able to treat Cisco the way he deserves to be treated. But he can't do that either, he can't bring himself to, especially not when Cisco is rearranging things, suddenly, saying he wants to get on the bed with him.]

Okay. Good, I want...that's exactly what I want...

[As Cisco does the hard work of moving things around the bed, Eddie focuses on using his right hand to carefully slide himself closer to the left side of the bed. It's painstaking, he's doing his best not to hurt himself, and he feels the grinding spikes of pain as he moves, knows that Cisco will be cross with him for doing it, but he wants to do his part, to contribute, because he wants Cisco here with him, on the bed with him.

It's worth it, when Cisco climbs up onto the bed, lies next to him, twines their legs together and drapes an arm over his shoulders. It hurts, it jostles him slightly, but he manages not to let it show on his face and turns his head, pressing his mouth into Cisco's hair, close to his forehead.]

No baby, you're not hurting me. This is perfect. Thank you.

[There's a pause, while he revels in the contact from this young man curled up beside him, who he loves, who loves him, who he feels guilty for hurting, before he speaks again, his voice quiet.]

I'm sorry for putting you through this. I'm sorry I wasn't more careful.

[franciscoramon]

Shh, it's okay.

[ He wants the words to come out light, easy, but instead they are throaty with tears. He means them, though. As hard as it is, loving someone like Eddie who is so reckless with his own safety, Cisco wouldn't change him. He loves Eddie as he is, and that bravery, that selflessness, is fundamental to him. It's in his DNA.

So Cisco tries not to focus on all the things that might have gone wrong, and how likely it seems that he will lose Eddie before they've had a full life together. Instead, he focuses on Eddie's body, next to his, hurt and fragile but also warm and breathing and solid. Eddie feels real, present. Cisco lets out a long, slow sigh, the relief in it audible. ]

Thank you for holding on for me.

[ He remembers what Eddie said earlier, about how near he'd been to dying while they were rushing him here, how he'd thought about Cisco and fought. Cisco pushes the thought away quickly; if he lingers on how close of a call it really was, he's only going to make himself miserable again. Maybe in a few days, a few weeks, when the fear is further away, he'll be able to think about that. But for now, he just nuzzles his face against Eddie's, eyes slipping shut. He can almost pretend, then, they are back at home, in their little attic room, curled up together after some awful nightmare one of them had. ]

I love you.

[ It occurs to Cisco that those words aren't enough, that Eddie might have died without realizing just how much he means to Cisco. So he needs to make sure Eddie knows. That he understands. ]

Eddie... I don't think I've ever loved anybody as much as I love you. I didn't know... it was even possible, to love somebody so much.

[causational]

[When Cisco says that it's okay, his voice rough with unshed tears, Eddie's not sure if it should be comforting or concerning, isn't sure if Cisco really means it, or if he's suffering because of it. What he is sure about is that Cisco feels perfect on the bed beside him, that all he wants, right now, is for Cisco to hold him and keep talking to him.

It's selfish, probably, to want to keep Cisco in his life even though it seems so inevitable that he'll hurt him, over and over again, when he does this sort of thing. How many times will Cisco cry by his hospital bed after Eddie's put himself in danger? How many times will Eddie put him through this? But it feels so good, for Cisco to nuzzle against him, to be touching his chest and feeling his heartbeat and whispering his thanks for holding on, murmuring that he loves him.]

I love you too.

[Eddie says it, his voice a little cracked, a little hoarse, and then he closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing hard. He's about to continue, when Cisco starts speaking again, telling him that he hasn't loved anyone as much as he loves Eddie, that he hadn't known it was possible to love somebody so much. Eddie's eyes slide open and he looks over at Cisco, blue eyes locked on his face, more alert than they've been since he woke up after surgery.]

I feel the same way. [His voice is soft and still rough and dry as he speaks, a little thick with emotion.] Is...is it worth it, though? How you feel? Is it worth...going through all this? Worrying and stuff, about my job, and me?

[Shifting a little, wincing, he leans in just enough to press his lips against Cisco's forehead.]

Do I give you enough to compensate? Honestly?

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco's first reaction, which he is too tired and too raw at the moment to curtail at all, is to laugh. A soft, breathless, wondering little laugh, as if he can't even believe Eddie would ask such a question. It's brief, and quiet; just a huff of air, a little curl to the corner of his mouth. But he sees how serious Eddie is, the intensity in his eyes. And he turns grave, then, murmuring: ]

Of course it's worth it.

[ He closes his eyes when Eddie kisses his forehead, but he still hears and feels that wince, and he says, interrupting their serious conversation with a warning that is sharp but tempered with affectionate humor. ]

I heard that, and I'ma let you have just that one, as a freebie. But if you move again, I'm gonna make you sorry. I will talk to you about organic chemistry in excruciating detail for hours, and you have nowhere to go. Do not test me. You have no idea how much I will bore you.

[ That done with, Cisco sighs, the humor slipping away as Eddie's words turn over again and again in his head. Is it worth going through all this? He feels a blossoming of hurt in his chest, small but terrible, growing ever larger. How can Eddie be questioning their relationship, challenging it, right now? After all that has happened today?

But then Cisco stops himself, because really, this isn't that out of the ordinary for Eddie. He knows, how easily Eddie slips into thinking of himself as a burden. How unbearably vulnerable he feels, showing any kind of weakness or ugliness. Of course, that insecurity wasn't going to go away, just because of a bullet, or even two. So Cisco says: ]

It's not like that, babe. There's not a column for the sad stuff and a column for the good stuff, with me tallying it all up every night to see whether you're adding up to the quota.

[ He brushes his fingers across Eddie's cheek, his jaw, pushes a stray strand of hair back from his forehead. ]

I just- I love you. It's not quantifiable.

[causational]

[It doesn't really occur to him that Cisco could be hurt by what he's saying, that this could be considered really questioning the relationship - it isn't that he wants to leave, or break up, or that he thinks anything is wrong with their relationship. It's that he's worried that he's holding Cisco to something that's hurting him more than it's helping him, that he's doing more damage than good to someone he loves.

Cisco's soft laugh and the way he says that - 'of course it's worth it' - like there's no other answer that he could give, is reassuring. It's what Eddie had wanted to hear to take the edge off his fear. And when Cisco starts lecturing him, his voice soft and gentle and serious but with an edge of humour, Eddie feels some more of that tension, that fear, bleed out of him. Turning his head again, he kisses at whatever part of Cisco he can reach, his eyes sinking shut.]

I just love you so much that kissing you is worth the pain. And the punishment.

[His voice is soft and genuine, and for a few moments they're quiet, together, their bodies twined as much as they can be, their heads close together, breathing the same air, being alive in the same bed, warm and present. Eddie's starting to feel tired again, now that the fear is fading, comfortable and content as he rests next to Cisco.

And then Cisco speaks again, his voice soft and quiet as he addresses it in more detail, finally. Eddie listens, while Cisco explains that there's no column for sad stuff and good stuff, that he doesn't tally things up and keep track. There's no quota, it's unquantifiable, Cisco just loves him.

It doesn't make sense.

Eddie's speaking before he really has a chance to think about what he's going to say, which is unusual for him. His voice is soft and rough and earnest as he speaks, his eyes flicking open as he turns just a little to look at his boyfriend.]

I'm not used to that. There's always...you know, my whole life, there's always been stuff I had to do, boxes I had to check, in order to be lovable. My parents, my classmates, even Iris, a little...there was always something. And I just...I love you so much, I'm really scared that I take more from you than I give, or that...that I'm hurting you more than making you happy. I just want you to be happy, Cisco.

[Eddie doesn't realize until he's done speaking that his eyes are welling up with tears and his voice has taken on a plaintive sound.]

I just keep thinking about you having to sit in the waiting room while I had surgery and how much it hurt you.

[franciscoramon]

Sure, you think that now, but you might change your mind after half an hour on the nuances of molecular weight...

[ But Cisco's voice drops, after that, a gentle worried murmur as his eyes slip closed: ]

...Please try to stay still, baby. You could rip your sutures, or worse, and then the doctors are definitely gonna make me leave, and I wanna stay with you.

[ Cisco waits while Eddie is silent, because it's clear from the heaviness of that silence that he's thinking, trying to decide exactly what he's going to say. For a few moments, Cisco's worried it's going to be some noble break-up attempt - for Cisco's own good, of course - and he's bracing himself to refuse to accept it, to argue even. But then Eddie is getting choked up, saying how he'd always been expected to measure up, by all the people who should have been content to take him as he was.

He touches Eddie's face softly, swiping away the moisture at the corner of Eddie's eye with the pad of his thumb; Cisco's face is soft, with sympathy and love. ]

Not anymore. No more boxes. I'm a box-free guy.

[ His own voice is getting a little throaty, too; it's too hard not to well up with emotion. Cisco can be like that, sometimes - a sponge of the environment around him. Particularly when it comes to Eddie. ]

Don't stress about it so much. If- if things were reversed, and I'd gotten hit by a bus or something, and I was worrying about hurting you, you wouldn't let me get away with it. So I'm not gonna let you.

[ Cisco moves forward just enough to plant a tiny kiss to the tip of Eddie's nose, playful, coaxing, and full of love. ]

You were strong for me, and I was strong for you. Okay?

[causational]

I think an hour of the nuances of molecular weight would be more than worth a kiss from you.

[But when Cisco's voice goes quiet and a little pleading, Eddie stops joking about it, relaxing his body and resting his cheek against Cisco's hair.]

I won't let them make you leave. You're definitely contributing to my healing process, no question.

[Then Cisco starts speaking again, shifting so he can wipe at Eddie's tears, looking at him with warm dark eyes that shine with love and affection and empathy. This, Eddie thinks, is why he loves Cisco so much. The way he looks at Eddie and cares about him and what's going on inside him, the way he's willing to accept Eddie for what he is and not what he should, or could be.

It would probably be noble of Eddie, to break up with Cisco so he doesn't hurt him worse, doesn't make his life harder and sadder and more stressful. But he doesn't want to, all he wants is this, lying beside his boyfriend, looking up at him while Cisco touches his face and speaks with emotion and tells him it's okay to just be who he is, that he'll be loved for being just who he is. Right now. It's selfish, but Cisco makes Eddie feel safe being a bit selfish, like that, not having to sacrifice something he wants and needs so much.

Cisco makes him feel safe letting someone else be the strong one for a while. It's something that's never come easy to Eddie, he's always felt like he should be the strong one, the hero, that he should take his licks and not show how much he's hurting afterward so no one has to worry about him. That superpowers or not, he should be a superhero, enough that now, with powers, he's still trying to do more than he can. But right now, with Cisco lying next to him and telling him it's okay that he was worried, that he wants to reciprocate the things that Eddie's done for him, he feels such an intense wave of comfort and safety. For a moment, he chokes up again, looking up at Cisco.]

God baby, I love you so much. Thank you...for being strong for me. It's never been okay for me to be the weak one before. I feel stupid even...but you make it okay.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco props himself up with one arm and kisses every part of Eddie's face he can reach, then. He wants to shower him in love, to prove he still cares about him, even if he needs to be weak for a little while.

His plan to lay next to Eddie and stay awake until morning doesn't quite go as hoped. The two of them keep talking for a while after that, in quieter and quieter murmurs, until both of them fall asleep once more. And they are asleep like that on the bed - Cisco curled up in the small amount of space at Eddie's side - when the nurse comes in, in the morning, to check on Eddie and give him his medicine. But she doesn't try to make Cisco leave.

The next five days are difficult. The doctors insist on keeping Eddie in the hospital that long, so that they can be sure everything is healing the way it should be. Cisco appreciates their caution, but he can see that it begins to wear on Eddie. There are a lot of scans, a lot of check-ins, a lot of medication. Cisco stays as close to Eddie as he can, ducking out only for a few minutes at a time for a quick shower. He's grateful for all the food that people brought him, because even going down to the hospital's cafeteria would mean being gone too long.

He tries to keep Eddie as entertained as he can, to distract him from his environment. It helps when he gets other visitors, but Cisco can still see his restlessness growing. So it is a relief, when the morning comes for Eddie to be discharged. It feels strange, after all the paperwork and the pharmacy and the endless cautions from doctors, to be out in the open air again. They take a taxi home; Eddie can walk, but he is weak, needs to spend the next week resting as much as possible at home. When they arrive at the apartment, Cisco hurries over to walk beside Eddie, steady him and hold the door for him, help him inside.

As soon as they are over the threshold, there is a pattering of small feet, and Shadow comes bolting down the stairs from their room, meowing loudly and indignantly as he runs over and begins rubbing his face aggressively against Eddie's shins. Cisco can hear him purring from all the way up here. ]

I think somebody missed you.

[causational]

[By the time it's the day of his discharge, Eddie has decided he really, really hates the hospital. He's tired of lying on his back not moving, he's tired of being poked and prodded and scanned, he's tired of medication side effects and not being able to properly cuddle with Cisco. So when they give him his medications and he finishes the paperwork and he's in the taxi, Eddie could not be more relieved, despite how sore he is.

It's even more of a relief when they get home, the door opens, and he can smell home. Almost immediately, it sets him at ease, he lets out a soft groan of happiness at just being here, with Cisco, and...]

Shadow!

[The cat comes running up to him, rubbing his face all over Eddie's pants and purring, meowing, making all sorts of greeting noises. And it hurts, but Eddie crouches down, slowly, painfully, so he can gently stroke his fingertips over Shadow's head, scritching behind his ears.]

Hi baby, I missed you too. Oh, what a good cat...

[His voice is pitched soft, and he's breathing a little rough and heavy from the position, but he doesn't care, because Shadow is looking up at him with big green eyes and purring and Eddie couldn't be happier.]

I wanna pick him up but I don't think I can. Cisco, babe, can you help? Please?

[It's getting easier, after five days in the hospital, with Cisco the one person he knows and trusts to be on his side, to take care of him, to still like him even when he's weak, to ask for help so bluntly.]

[franciscoramon]

I got you.

[ Cisco drops his bags onto the couch - all his clothes and things from the hospital, the bag of medications, the folder full of various copies of paperwork. He can tidy it later, when Eddie is resting. For now, what's important is getting him settled. Cisco knows he's not supposed to exert himself too much, and that the journey back from the hospital is a lot more effort than he's exerted since his injury.

So he swoops down and scoops up Shadow, balancing the cat over his shoulder as he says: ]

I'll bring him up with us, let's get you settled.

[ He is also having an easier time being a little bossy, telling Eddie where he should go, what he should do. Which is why Cisco sets his free hand against Eddie's lower back, directing him towards the stairs leading up to their room. He can tell that Taako and Magnus and Lup had done a good job, watering the plants and looking after this place. All the mail is in a pile on the kitchen table, and Cisco can see food and water in Shadow's bowls.

Cisco insists that Eddie go up the stairs first, and makes sure he's taking them slowly. It's only one flight, but the last thing they want is for Eddie to re-injure himself being careless so they end up back at the hospital. ]

He's purring so much.

[ After their slow climb, Eddie opens the door, and Cisco can't help a sigh of relief, looking at their room. Home. He hadn't realized how much he missed it. Cisco goes around Eddie, dropping Shadow onto the bed so he can come around and help Eddie climb in. ]

How're you feeling?

[causational]

[When Cisco scoops up Shadow, Eddie latches onto his sleeve to help get himself up and onto his feet again, wobbling a little. Everything still hurts, every movement is a kind of grating, raw pain, but being out of the hospital and able to move is worth every moment of pain.]

Ugh, right back into bed. I can't wait until I can go to the gym again...

[It's good-natured complaining, though, and he keeps moving alongside Cisco, walking carefully, his hand on the railing. The truth is, he's already feeling tired out, and the prospect of lying down in his own bed, the one he shares with Cisco, that smells like him and Cisco, at home and napping or watching a movie is really nice. As they head up the stairs, Cisco comments that Shadow is purring a lot, and Eddie grins, glancing back over his shoulder for a moment at his boyfriend and their cat.]

If I could purr, I would be too.

[Eddie lets Cisco go ahead of him, walking into the room and dropping the cat onto the bed, then coming back to give Eddie a hand getting into it, himself. Carefully, Eddie sits down and then smiles up at Cisco.]

Tired, but really happy to be home. I can't wait to curl up in my own bed with you and Shadow and watch a movie or something.

[A bit of a pause, and Eddie shifts on the bed, starts tugging at his shirt.]

Would you mind helping me with this? I really want to...change into something clean that's not...covered in hospital, you know?

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco fusses with the pillows, makes sure Eddie is comfortably settled, without even needing to be asked. He is glad, in a way, that something like this hadn't happened earlier in their relationship. He would have still been all too eager to make himself helpful, but he thinks it would have been more embarrassing for Eddie, made him feel more uncomfortable. But now, they are close enough that it's easy. Not exactly what they're used to, but they're both adjusting to it together.

So Cisco goes and starts rummaging through Eddie's drawer in the wardrobe, pulling out a shirt that Cisco knows is one of his favorites for lounging around the house. It's a henley that Eddie never wears out, anymore, because it's too old, worn thin enough that there are a few holes along the seams and in the cuffs. ]

It's like paradise. Your own bed, your own cat, your own clothes, and no more hospital food!

[ As he is joking, Cisco gently pulls Eddie's T-shirt over his head and off, and helps him slip into the clean one. He has, of course, seen Eddie's bare chest plenty of times in the last few days, as the doctors examined him and performed various tests. But it's going to take some adjusting to the new scars that'll be there once he heals. While he is tugging down the shirt, Cisco pauses, touches Eddie's stitches with the tips of his fingers - so lightly he will probably hardly even feel it. Cisco wants to touch him, but is careful of hurting him.

Shadow has settled in on Eddie's lap and is, indeed, purring as if his life depended on it, kneading the blanket over Eddie's thighs with a vehemence Cisco's never seen him exhibit before. ]

I know it sucks, being stuck in bed, not being able to go to work or the gym or stuff. But we can have fun with it, right? Do a little Princess Bride LARPING, just call me 'servant boy' and I'll answer everything with 'as you wish'?

[causational]

[It's strange, to Eddie, how natural this feels - sitting on his bed, half-helpless, his hair a mess, letting Cisco help him get his T-shirt off, watching as Cisco pulls out the exact shirt he was hoping to wear. He's not sure when it happened, this feeling of safety with Cisco, like he can be unkempt and sick and unattractive, but Cisco will still want him, still want to be with him, still want to be here helping him out. But the truth is, that's how he feels, for...well, for the first time in as long as he can remember.

As Cisco helps him get the shirt on, he touches Eddie's stitches, his fingers so gentle Eddie barely feels them, and he looks up at his boyfriend's face, abruptly, watching the expression he makes as he finishes sliding on the shirt.]

No kidding. And you forgot the most important part, which is being able to cuddle you without the IV in the way. Seriously, that thing was so annoying. I missed you, and how you feel in bed with me.

[Eddie's hand settles naturally into Shadow's fur as the cat sits in his lap, purring and kneading and making himself comfortable, obviously pleased to have Eddie home. For a moment, it takes Eddie's breath away, how much this feels like having a family. How right this feels.]

Did you just suggest Princess Bride LARPing? I can't believe it. That's either the nerdiest or kinkiest thing I've ever heard. Maybe both.

[Eddie's eyes are warm as he watches Cisco, head a bit tilted.]

Come on, Cisco. Come on the bed with me and Shadow. Join your family.

[He says it without thinking, and when he realizes what he's said, he stubbornly refuses to take it back.]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco changes quickly while Eddie is talking, stripping off his clothes and shoving them in a corner. He can clean once Eddie is sleeping. Cisco makes the decision right then to be really good about keeping the apartment as clean as he can while Eddie is healing; he knows that Eddie hates mess much more than he does, and wants to remove any temptation he might feel to get up and tidy when he ought to be recovering. He pulls on fuzzy socks, boxers, and one of Eddie's big, comfortable t-shirts.

The comment about LARPing makes Cisco grin, wagging his eyebrows suggestively and saying, in the smokiest, sexiest voice he can muster: ]

I vote for both.

[ He can't keep that up for long, however, and giggles, ducking his head. It's so good, to be here, in private, in their home. While he'd gotten used to the hospital, it's more comfortable being here. He and Eddie belong here, together. Not in the ICU.

Cisco doesn't question the way Eddie calls him (and Shadow) his family; he just lifts up the blankets and slides under them, sighing with satisfaction as he scoots over to curl up to Eddie, fitting himself to him since Eddie's movements are limited both by his injury and the slightly tubby cat that has now planted himself on Eddie and shows no signs of wanting to move. But this bed is more than wide enough for them, and there is no IV in the way, as Eddie said. Cisco nuzzles his face against Eddie's neck, lets out a soft noise of contentment. ]

I gotta text everybody and tell 'em I got you home okay...

[ But it's clear from his tone of voice that he wants to put it off, that all he'd like to do is just stay here, as long as possible. Carefully, Cisco slips his arm over, splaying his fingers and letting his hand come up to rest on Eddie's chest, over his breastbone. ]

Promise you'll tell me if you're in pain, or you need anything? No matter how small.

[causational]

[There's something so calming about watching Cisco head over to the corner and strip off his clothes, slide into boxers and socks and Eddie's T-shirt. It feels right, comfortable and natural, and Eddie realizes abruptly how much he'd been missing this while he was at the hospital, how normal this has become, being with Cisco, sharing a life together. He loves how Cisco looks, wearing his shirt, he loves how Cisco teases him gently while he slides into bed beside him, his voice warm and sexy even as he makes a silly joke.]

Mmm, don't tempt me. It's been way, way too long...

[Eddie's brows raise, and he smiles warmly at his boyfriend, reaching out and gently brushing some of his hair back. It's soft and warm and smooth, and Eddie lets his fingertips slide through it while Cisco settles in beside him and sighs with satisfaction, fits his body up against Eddie's. He's not sure he's ever been with someone who fit against him so smoothly and perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle that were meant for each other. Tilting his head to the side, he rests it against the top of Cisco's head, making a soft hum in his throat as Cisco says, somewhat idly, that he's going to text people to let them know he's home.]

You sound really motivated to do that.

[It's a gentle tease, and when Cisco's arm slides across his chest, Eddie makes a soft sigh. It still hurts to breathe deeply, but Cisco has gotten good at finding the right way to drape his arm across Eddie's chest so that it doesn't hurt. For a moment, Eddie closes his eyes and sighs, just soaking in the sensation of it, Shadow warm and purring against his belly and thighs, Cisco curled up against his side, hand on his chest.]

I promise. But right now I couldn't be more comfortable. I just want to stay like this forever. Everything smells like you and me, and Shadow is warm and your hair feels good, and just...it's perfect. I love our home and our room...

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco heaves a huge sigh, letting his head drop onto Eddie's shoulder, cheek smushed up and cute as he says, with exaggerated despondency: ]

I wish. That one doctor - the one with the super red beard - cornered me when you were getting your last x-rays and lectured me for ten awkward, awkward minutes about how we really shouldn't have even the gentlest, tamest sex for at least another week. He looked me dead in the eyes and made me promise to cool it and let you recover a bit more.

[ There are still things that will be difficult for them, now that they're back from the hospital - side effects from Eddie's meds, stopping him from trying to do too much, keeping his spirits up. But things feel like they are beginning to get back to normal, as Eddie relaxes into his embrace and then gently teases him for being lazy. ]

Soooo motivated. The most motivated. Put me on a poster.

[ Cisco makes a wordless noise of agreement, as Eddie talks about how much nicer it is to be here than the hospital. The light coming in through the curtains is gentler, it doesn't smell of hospital, it is quiet except for the sound of Shadow's rumbling purr. He doesn't even think, really, about the words before he says: ]

Let's never move. Let's just stay here forever, okay?

[ Whether he means the two of them here in this bed, the two of them in this apartment together, it's not entirely clear. He just watches Eddie, with his eyes closed, looking happier than he has since before he got shot, and Cisco's heart feels so full. ]

[causational]

Wow. That was really rude of him. You know, I could totally handle some gentle, tame sex right now.

[He still has his eyes closed, as Cisco curls up against him, his cheek against his shoulder, warm and comfortable and solid in a way that's intensely reassuring. He hadn't realized, he thinks, until now, exactly how much he'd needed to let himself relax against Cisco's body. Cisco had broken protocol, had climbed into the bed with him, but with all the wires and cords he'd been attached to, with all the supervision and the size of the bed, the discomfort of it, it wasn't really like cuddling at all.

This is something else, sunk into his own bed with his boyfriend curled up against his side, making soft jokes in a murmured voice, and with Shadow purring in his lap, warm and soft against his belly, all unconditional love and affection. This is proper cuddling. This is what he'd been craving, body and soul, for the whole time he'd been in the hospital.]

I'm really okay with that. I know it's selfish, but I want to keep you for myself for now. Even if it's just for a few minutes.

[For a while, they're quiet except for Shadow's purring, and Eddie feels like everything is perfect, like he could fall asleep for a nap and it would be more restful than all the sleep he'd had in the hospital combined. Then Cisco is murmuring that they should never move, just stay here forever, and Eddie feels a pang of love and affection and happiness that almost hurts.]

Okay. Forever. Just you and me and Shadow.