𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 ✧ 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜

[realists]

who: jyn erso & open!
what: flooding, monsters, flowers, miniatures
when: late march through april
where: around the quarantine
warnings: violence for monster/sparring threads & frighteningly adorable tiny children

---

( and ideas, they flood, they stretch the universe. )

Comments

[realists]

Jim's boyfriend's got a book about him.

[ she taps the tablet so the screen lights up with FRANKENSTEIN. it's something of a character assassination, in her opinion, because victor seemed chill and jyn liked him. plus she'd already gotten the run down of "i bring people back to life" so that didn't surprise her. ]

[volitaunt]

Somehow that doesn't surprise me.

[ Of course Jim Kirk's boyfriend would have a book about him. ]

Weird place to read it.

[realists]

Are you really going to lecture me about my activities in a bar, Dameron?

[ she is just sayin', mr new bar fight every night. using his surname would be something of an insult if she didn't call cassian by his last name on the regular in varying shades of fond. ]

There is a human saying about pots and kettles.

[volitaunt]

[ COUGH. He takes a drink to avoid answering right away. ]

Look, some things are more expected in places like this--

[realists]

[ what had that grumpy droid said (as if jyn could ever forget): your behavior, jyn erso, is continually unexpected.

thinking about k2 makes a frown set deeper into her already somber expression, chest tightening uncomfortably, as if the droid had clotheslined her again. she tosses back the rest of her beer like it's water, finishing another handful of sentences before she deigns answering poe. ]

Nothing is expected of me, that is one of the perks of being dead.

[ she no longer is full of wasted potential, she has no potential period. she reached the peak, scarif was the end. ]

[volitaunt]

[ Poe stays quiet for several seconds, trying to figure out what button he pushed, what mistake he made. He has no idea, really. He has such a hard time telling when he's gone too far or why. ]

Just was saying people are a little more likely to fight in a bar than read in one. I could be wrong. I'm wrong about a lot of things.

[ A pause. ] Want another?

[realists]

[ she doesn't explain herself or correct him, but she does nod. ]

Yes.

[ honestly she does want to fight. but she isn't going to fight poe so what's the point? she's never drunk enough to start a fight she can't win and she's never drunk enough to start a fight she can win because then she will have to apologize and talk to people about why she got into a bar fight and fuck that. ]

[volitaunt]

[ Poe signals the bartender and points to Jyn's glass, still nursing his own nonalcoholic beverage. Once she's topped off, and he's been quiet for a minute to see if she wants to go back to her book or not, he says, ]

I guess saying 'do you want to talk about it' would be stupid for... a few reasons. A lot of reasons.

[ It doesn't take a genius to connect a few dots between Jyn, Cassian, and this whole... holiday. ]

[realists]

[ jyn swirls her glass, considering it. ]

What is there to talk about? You know your history. Everyone dies. I'm sure they've made a highly fictionalized holofilm where Baze and Chirrut aren't married but we're still victorious. [ lmao wowzers she sounds dry af. ]

Everyone I knew is dead. This holiday isn't a holiday, it's torture.

[volitaunt]

[ Poe doesn't say anything for a minute, because really, what can he say? That she's wrong, that it's helping him, so it has to be okay? That's the kind of selfish bullshit that takes an ego the size of a small sun. He sits back on his stool, thinking it over, trying to find something that isn't how can I help, something that doesn't put the weight of his own feelings on someone else.

It would be cruel to say 'at least you have a second chance!' She has Cassian, she has a life after the fight, but it's not hard for him to imagine what it would be like to survive all his friends. To end up somewhere in peacetime alone, with nothing but ghosts at his back. It's too terrifyingly real a possibility.

So he nods to her drink. ]

I'll keep them coming. Long as you want them, anyway. Or we could go hit the PG training grounds and you could throw me into stuff, either one.

[realists]

You didn't say they didn't make a film about us.

[ they fucking did, didn't they. ]

[volitaunt]

[ Poe scrubs a hand through his hair. ]

They made a lot of films about everything.

[ They fucking did sry Jyn. ]

[realists]

[ her nose wrinkles unhappily, mouth slanting into a frown before she throws back the rest of her drink in one gulp. ]

Let's take a walk.

[ the invitation to kick his ass was nice, but she's tired of existing right now when her friends and family don't and grief is horrible and she hates it, she just wants some air. maybe. she swivels out of the stool, just the tiny bit wobbly when she stands and starts moving for the door. ]

I died before you were born and that's really weird to me. We didn't exist at the same time. Sometimes, when I'm with you or Rey or Finn -- [ her voice cracks a little but she refuses to stop and admit that maybe this stupid holiday is fucking with her more than any other holiday. ] -- I feel like a ghost.

[volitaunt]

[ Poe falls in next to her, walking slowly both to accommodate her shorter legs and the fact that she's been drinking.

Poe isn't sure this is better than the bar, being under the lanterns with people all around them going through the motions of the holiday, but he'll go where she wants.

He's not sure what to say. It strikes him, every now and then, that he's older than Jyn was when she died. It strikes him at the same time that he's almost older than his mother was when she died. It's been hitting him more over this month's observance.

( Solo. Muran. Lampar. Kun. Asty. Arana. Furillo. Meltsa. Seastriker. Teffer. Wright. Their galaxy is full of ghosts. ) ]

Sometimes... [ He hesitates. He hasn't confessed this to anyone, no one but John Sheppard. ] Sometimes I wonder if we're all dead, and we just don't remember it yet.

[realists]

That doesn't make sense, [ jyn disagrees after a few moments of thought. ]

At least not for you. You still want to fight, you know what you have to go back to, it would be stupid to let you think that you still had a chance to go home because you wouldn't integrate yourself into society and that would defeat the purpose of this place.

[ her lips purse. ] And not to get into a philosophical debate about the souls of droids, but your salad spinner is here.

[volitaunt]

[ Poe's silent for a moment, startled, but then he laughs.

She's right. Months of wondering, months of worrying, and she breaks it all down in moments into something that undeniable sense.

She makes him miss Leia. ]

How do you do that? You're younger than me. You're not supposed to be smarter than me, too.

[realists]

[ twenty two is old age if that is when you die. ]

You're a man, it's not your fault.

[ dismisses an entire gender even if she knows some incredibly smart men, even if she was born to an incredibly smart man. her mom had to remind him to eat, all men are idiots. ]

[volitaunt]

[ He shakes his head, more at himself than at her statement. Look, he knows himself, and he knows his dad, and he knows Finn, and--yeah. It's true.

He's not sure if it's an invasion of space or if she might try to break his fingers off, but still, he attempts to put a hand on her shoulder. ]

I could say you're not a ghost to us, and it'd be true, but it also wouldn't be the point. I don't know how to fix that for you. I don't know if I can. I do know that we're all going to treat you as alive as you are. But... [ He hesitates. ] I think it's okay to mourn yourself, too.

[realists]

[ jyn does not shake him off but she thinks about it briefly, instead allowing his hand to remain in place. ]

Maybe.

[ she's not sure she believes it. like mourning herself would be erasing the sacrifices of people that don't get a second chance: bodhi, melshi, baze and chirrut, tonc, selfa, merrick, every single alderaanian person that died because of the weapon that her father made to protect her, saw and her mother, maia, hadder and akshaya, a long list of people that died because of her and yet jyn remains.

cool. ]

[volitaunt]

Maybe.

[ He gives her shoulder a light pat and lets his hand fall. 'Maybe' is good enough. 'Maybe' is sometimes the best anyone can do. 'Maybe' is more than he can expect from Jyn, really. He only knows the half of her losses. ]

[realists]

[ she sighs, shoving her hair back. ]

Alright. Enough feelings. Wanna babysit me while I get completely shitfaced and make loads of credits drinkin' grown ass men under the table?

[volitaunt]

[ A grin. ]

Sounds like a good way to spend an evening.

[realists]

Alright, let's go.

[ and they do just that. jyn will split her winnings 50/50 and she wins a lot. ]