𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 ✧ 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜

[realists]

who: jyn erso & open!
what: flooding, monsters, flowers, miniatures
when: late march through april
where: around the quarantine
warnings: violence for monster/sparring threads & frighteningly adorable tiny children

---

( and ideas, they flood, they stretch the universe. )

Comments

[realists]

[ her nose wrinkles unhappily, mouth slanting into a frown before she throws back the rest of her drink in one gulp. ]

Let's take a walk.

[ the invitation to kick his ass was nice, but she's tired of existing right now when her friends and family don't and grief is horrible and she hates it, she just wants some air. maybe. she swivels out of the stool, just the tiny bit wobbly when she stands and starts moving for the door. ]

I died before you were born and that's really weird to me. We didn't exist at the same time. Sometimes, when I'm with you or Rey or Finn -- [ her voice cracks a little but she refuses to stop and admit that maybe this stupid holiday is fucking with her more than any other holiday. ] -- I feel like a ghost.

[volitaunt]

[ Poe falls in next to her, walking slowly both to accommodate her shorter legs and the fact that she's been drinking.

Poe isn't sure this is better than the bar, being under the lanterns with people all around them going through the motions of the holiday, but he'll go where she wants.

He's not sure what to say. It strikes him, every now and then, that he's older than Jyn was when she died. It strikes him at the same time that he's almost older than his mother was when she died. It's been hitting him more over this month's observance.

( Solo. Muran. Lampar. Kun. Asty. Arana. Furillo. Meltsa. Seastriker. Teffer. Wright. Their galaxy is full of ghosts. ) ]

Sometimes... [ He hesitates. He hasn't confessed this to anyone, no one but John Sheppard. ] Sometimes I wonder if we're all dead, and we just don't remember it yet.

[realists]

That doesn't make sense, [ jyn disagrees after a few moments of thought. ]

At least not for you. You still want to fight, you know what you have to go back to, it would be stupid to let you think that you still had a chance to go home because you wouldn't integrate yourself into society and that would defeat the purpose of this place.

[ her lips purse. ] And not to get into a philosophical debate about the souls of droids, but your salad spinner is here.

[volitaunt]

[ Poe's silent for a moment, startled, but then he laughs.

She's right. Months of wondering, months of worrying, and she breaks it all down in moments into something that undeniable sense.

She makes him miss Leia. ]

How do you do that? You're younger than me. You're not supposed to be smarter than me, too.

[realists]

[ twenty two is old age if that is when you die. ]

You're a man, it's not your fault.

[ dismisses an entire gender even if she knows some incredibly smart men, even if she was born to an incredibly smart man. her mom had to remind him to eat, all men are idiots. ]

[volitaunt]

[ He shakes his head, more at himself than at her statement. Look, he knows himself, and he knows his dad, and he knows Finn, and--yeah. It's true.

He's not sure if it's an invasion of space or if she might try to break his fingers off, but still, he attempts to put a hand on her shoulder. ]

I could say you're not a ghost to us, and it'd be true, but it also wouldn't be the point. I don't know how to fix that for you. I don't know if I can. I do know that we're all going to treat you as alive as you are. But... [ He hesitates. ] I think it's okay to mourn yourself, too.

[realists]

[ jyn does not shake him off but she thinks about it briefly, instead allowing his hand to remain in place. ]

Maybe.

[ she's not sure she believes it. like mourning herself would be erasing the sacrifices of people that don't get a second chance: bodhi, melshi, baze and chirrut, tonc, selfa, merrick, every single alderaanian person that died because of the weapon that her father made to protect her, saw and her mother, maia, hadder and akshaya, a long list of people that died because of her and yet jyn remains.

cool. ]

[volitaunt]

Maybe.

[ He gives her shoulder a light pat and lets his hand fall. 'Maybe' is good enough. 'Maybe' is sometimes the best anyone can do. 'Maybe' is more than he can expect from Jyn, really. He only knows the half of her losses. ]

[realists]

[ she sighs, shoving her hair back. ]

Alright. Enough feelings. Wanna babysit me while I get completely shitfaced and make loads of credits drinkin' grown ass men under the table?

[volitaunt]

[ A grin. ]

Sounds like a good way to spend an evening.

[realists]

Alright, let's go.

[ and they do just that. jyn will split her winnings 50/50 and she wins a lot. ]