riverviewlogs | [closed] time for a talk, bossman

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[closed] time for a talk, bossman

who: Barold & Kravitz
what: Feelings.
when: vague noises
where: A Bar
warnings: Drinking and Gay

[ Alright. Didn't take a genius to put together that this wasn't the most ideal situation for Kravitz. He'd been updated by Taako before anyone even knew Kravitz was around. Then there was the hologram thing. No way Taako is just ready to jump back into a relationship he hasn't even been in for a year. And no one would blame him.

But that didn't mean that Kravitz was fine either. The way he saw it? He was the closest thing to a friend that Kravitz had here. Maybe even at home, too. He wasn't a popular dude, Death. But. Hey. He liked him. And he needed a friend. At least he could relate with years of knowing Taako, knowing what it was like to be with a twin.

He sends a text to Kravitz ]

Hey man. How about me and you go hit up this cool new bar I heard about?

[ Don't make him say why. ]

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[ For his part, Kravitz has been honestly trying to be okay with all of this. That's not to say that he blames anyone for the way things are, or isn't alright with how it's going to have to be - still, the fact is that... it's hard. It's hard to look at the man you love and remember that he barely knows you now. It would be easier if he himself didn't have the memories of the past year. But he does, and more and more things are settling in this place and that time is starting to feel like a very long dream.

He's wanted to talk about it, if only to ease the weight of all of this and get it off his chest without burdening Taako more than he already has. But he doesn't exactly have a sibling he can go to or someone he's whiled away a hundred years in the company of. Barry was brought here from the same time as him, though, and that leaves him feeling like the closest thing to a real friend - so when he gets an invitation out from him, it doesn't feel as awkward as it might from someone else. And Kravitz isn't so dense as to think that the lich hasn't been at least trying to help with the difference up to now. ]

Alright, that sounds good. I'm ready when you are.

[ May as well. ]

[ A few more exchanged things - address, type of place it was - and off they went. Well, he. Gonna meet him there after work. The goal wasn't to get drunk. Unless Kravitz really needed that. Could he get drunk? It was a pretty classy place without being swank. Calm and intimate and clean. Perfect for Kravitz and what they were going for if he didn't say so himself.

Barry ordered One Beer Please and leaned against the leather booth seat as he waited for the bossman. He just. He can only imagine what he's going through. ]

[ Kravitz appears exactly when he said he'd be there, almost to the second, because he's Kravitz and of course he does. Unlike Mr One Beer Please it's merlot for the classy bird. Starmont to be exact, which isn't exactly the thousand-dollar bottle one might pin on a man who goes about his life in three piece suits, but then again he can't materialise wine as part of his aspect. And it's delicious, so. There's that.

There's a vague tiredness in his smile as he finds Barry, sitting opposite him in the booth. Not the kind of tiredness that sleep could cure, even if he was in the habit of doing it more than once every couple of months or so. ]

Nice place.

[ He glances around - and it is definitely a nice place, even if his tone does belie a certain level of I know you didn't ask me here to show me how nice it is, but let me have this for a second. ]

I'm not late, am I?

Yeah... Yeah it is.

[ He looks around, humoring him. You can have this moment or as many moments as necessary but. It's gonna have to happen eventually. He casually drinks, letting the music hang in the air. ]

You adjusting okay?

[ Now. How he wants to take that...? ]

[ He pauses for a moment, considering whether he's alright with dropping the pretence of nonchalance so soon - but it's a hollow pretence and they both know it. So why bother. ]

No..?

[ He laughs under his breath, a short sound lacking in humor. It is kind of funny though, in a way. In a 'you have to laugh or you'll cry' sort of way. ]

I'm sorry, I... I didn't realize it was so obvious.

[ He sits back, looking at his hands where he's picking idly at a thumbnail. His brows knit slightly. It's one thing for Barry to see it, but... as hard as all of this is, he doesn't want to be pitied, and the idea of inadvertently guilting Taako into anything is the worst thing he can think of. He already knows that's easier to do than one might assume. He withdraws slightly, self-conscious. ]

It's not as bad as all that, really.

[ Yes, it's difficult - but it could be much, much worse. He's grateful for all that he's got here, he really is. ]

It isn't.

[ He says, truthfully, hoping that at least makes him feel better about the whole thing. He's good at hiding those emotions. ]

I guess I just figured there's no fuckin' way you were alright.

[ They were from the same time. He knows. He leans a little closer to talk to him easier. ]

I've seen how much you love Taako. And then you come here after the hologram thing-- Taako has all of us. He's got Lup if no one else. Who have you talked to about it?

[ QED. He offers and apologetic smile. ]

Just... wanted to give you the chance to do that I guess.

[ ... Well. He couldn't possibly have hit the entire thing more squarely on the head if he'd tried. Still, Kravitz hesitates. ]

I don't want it to seem as if... as if I think this is his fault somehow, or that I want to do things differently, or...

[ He sighs. ]

This is probably the best things could be, considering. I can't complain.

[ Who knows who this idiot's trying to convince. ]

[ Oh my god. Kravitz. Barry shakes his head, leans in further. ]

Listen, Kravitz, no one's gonna fuckin' blame you for being hurt over this. No one - at least I don't - thinks you're a dick who just wants Taako to bend to your will. You've been with him a long time and now that's different. You're immortal, not incapable of bein' hurt!

[ Congratulations, Barry Bluejeans - you just beat the final boss of Kravitz's desperate need not to be a big stupid burden. ]

Alright, fine, I...

[ He pauses. Sighs raggedly, frustrated at himself and the situation and just... everything. What can he say? What is there to say other than 'I hate this and everything is absolutely not okay'? ]

... Honestly, I'm terrified.

[ The words seem to surprise him, even, and the little chuckle he gives is rueful and humorless. ]

I was amazed he gave me so much as a second look the first time, and now...

[ Jesus... He could understand, he could. And Barry has one instinct when it comes to comfort. But how does he manage that with his boss who's uh. Pretty socially awkward at the best of times. ]

Kravitz...

[ Probably one of the only times he's ever said his name. He reaches over to press a firm hold on his shoulder, moving to make it easier. ]

It's gonna work out. You two-- It's just gonna.

[ He doesn't know how to explain it. He can just feel it, he guesses. He chuckles ]

And don't make it sound like Taako is the only one bringin' anything to the table, my man.

Is it?

[ Kravitz looks up for a moment, for once not hiding the fear in his eyes. He wants to believe that this is all going to be fine, he really does, and of course he's fully committed to doing everything he can to make it that way... but sometimes things aren't fine just because you really want them to be. ]

He... has he ever talked to you about how he remembers things since you both were at Wonderland? How he has the memories from... whatever those canisters are... but not the sense that he ever actually lived them? Like it was almost somebody else entirely.

[ And there's the rub, really, isn't it? ]

I suppose at least that doesn't cover everything, there are still parts of... of us there that he remembers fully, but...

[ Kravitz pauses, looking down, and there's the sense that he's trying not to get too emotional about this. Not in public, at the very least. His voice gets small, just about audible. ]

It almost feels as if I went from being the one he chose, to being something that was chosen for him. I'm what's supposed to happen. And... well. You know him.

[ Another rueful laugh, this one a sound of pain more than anything else. ]

He never did like being told what to do, did he.

Yeah... Yeah he has.

[ Fuck. How does he. How does he even go about this. How do you comfort someone in this situation. He knows Taako. He knows him super well. He knows his brother in law can be a selfish pain in the ass but.

He's still good. Deep down under that. Where it really matters. ]

Listen, I can't-- pretend like I know what the fuck goes on in Taako's head. Half the time, I don't think Taako knows.

[ He finally drops his hand but he's sitting at noon rather than 9'oclock to Kravitz's 3. ]

But I know we both know he's a good guy. That he's gonna try to do the right thing. He might fuck up, but he'll try. And, at the end of the day, you know what your future is.

[ That's... something he hadn't thought of. That he's not going to be here forever, neither of them are, and at the end of it the Taako he remembers will be right where he left him.

It's a lot to get your head around, and Kravitz isn't sure he ever will. ]

If you'd gotten here to find that Lup didn't remember you - or that she did, but she remembered basically none of your time together and had been without you so long it basically didn't matter anymore... would knowing that eventually you're going back to the one you know make it easier?

[ He's not being facetious to make a point here. The almost pleading look in his eye when he looks up at Barry makes it clear that he really wants to know. ]

If things were that different, do you think you could manage to love her any less?

[ Because I sure as fuck can't. ]

[ He has a good point but. ]

I could never love her less. Ever.

[ That probably goes without saying. Everyone knows he worships the ground she walks on. ]

The thing is though... If that's a Lup from a different time, who didn't have any memories of us together, only kinda knew it happened, doesn't feel like she loves me... That's not my Lup. My Lup would be home. Waiting for me. I-I'm not saying it's any easier! Or that it wouldn't be one of the most painful things I've ever experienced but.

[ He looks at him, eyes soft. ]

My Lup would be at home.

[ Maybe that should be it. Maybe it should be that easy. To think of his Taako, back in the Faerun he remembers, and just be content to wait to go back to him.

Kravitz sighs, elbow on the table, and rests his cheek on his hand. ]

I don't know how to think of him as some... other person. I'm not sure I can, even if I did want to.

[ It's. Such a good point that Barry knows would affect him too. ]

Yeah. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Those two twins... They're hard to overcome, huh?

[ He says it with the most love in his eyes and heart and down to his very soul. Yes, he loves Lup, but he also loves Taako. They're family, in one way or another.

But maybe he can help lighten Kravitz's mood. He grins and gently nudges him. ]

You think Taako can be a pain in the ass now? Imagine what it was like with doomsday every year.

[ That's fair. Kravitz might not have a hundred years of memories to pull from - at least not ones involving the same people, or even usually people at all - but he thinks he can very much relate to how impossible the twins are to look past. Don't believe he didn't try, after all. As unbelievable as it sounds now there was actually a time when he was considered quite good at his job. ]

Oh?

[ He lifts an eyebrow and attempts a smile, at least willing to let himself be cheered up now that he's gotten the worst of his fears off his chest. ]

[ Barry smiles, trying to keep up the light humor. There's... nothing to really do is there but just keep smiling? The only way he can help is keep the boss in good spirits (HAH) and listen to him about his problems. ]

Imagine extreme apathy mixed with extreme stress. It was buckwild.

[ He relaxes against the table again. ]

But, there was a few times that were amazing. There was this world that was nothing but a tropical beach. He taught me how to swim and convinced me that I should do something about being madly in love with his sister.

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[closed] time for a talk, bossman

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