riverviewlogs | my heart is gold and my hands are cold

who: nico & tj
what: valentines shenanigans
when: feb 14
where: tj's place
warnings: schmoop i think, maybe more.

[ nico doesn't like valentine's day. to be blunt, he hates it. he's reminded too much of cupid, of being forced out of the closet, of having to reveal a part of himself he hadn't been ready to show. having to admit his love for percy jackson when he didn't want to had broken something inside him, getting blown off by loki had broken his heart. suffice it to say, love never treated nico right. that is, until he met tj.

tj has been like a beacon in the shadows around nico's heart. funny, smart, and incredibly sexy, tj has quickly grown into someone nico cares about deeply. so for once, he decides he'll ignore his personal grudge against cupid, aphrodite, and valentine's day in general and put himself out on a limb.

he doesn't tend to dress up very often, but tonight he does, going for something distinctly him while dressing up. a bouquet of aster, yellow chrysanthemums, heliotrope, jonquil, linaria, and peach blossom is tucked under his arm. each flower has a certain meaning, picked for that purpose. nico has learned well from being in his step-mother's presence and intends on making an impression. he even has a box of chocolate covered peach slices because if nico does anything, it's full-tilt and never half-way.

when he gets to tj's place, he knocks on the door. swallowing the lump in his throat, he then takes a deep breath. hopefully tj's home and hopefully tj won't mind the gifts. if all goes well, nico hopes to find himself in a relationship with this amazing, beautiful man. ]

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[TJ doesn’t want anything that might evolve into genuine affection or, god help him, love. Or so he tells himself. Over and over. Don’t like anyone. A personal mantra that he’s failed to stick to since he met Nico. A guy who slipped right in and under those walls from day one and has him so close to telling everyone that he’s flirted with or taken out that it’s over. That he’s not available anymore. But doing that means admitting that Nico is more than sex and really good company. If he admits it he can’t take it back. He wouldn’t want to. He knows himself.

He’s on the edge of something.

Nico hits all his spots. He’s supportive too. Doesn’t let TJ get lost in his head or leave him to drown in low self-worth. It’s an intoxicating situation and he has to be careful. So he ignores Valentines Day. Doesn’t go out or text anyone. If someone really wants to see him, if they’re thinking about him on the most romantic holiday, they’ll let him know. Then the day passes and his mood drops, spirals cause nobody comes. He shouldn’t care. He does.

He barely hears the knock. Pulls the door open with a frown and a harsh what - that’s cut off midway. TJs mouth falls open in surprise.]

Nico?

[Dressed up. Chocolate and flowers. TJ is in sweats and a T-shirt. Hair a mess. He licks his lips, runs his hand through his hair to smooth it down.]

This all for me?

[ even in sweats and a tshirt, with messy hair and a surprised look on his face, tj looks good to nico. he feels that now familiar fluttering in his stomach of skeletal butterflies and finds that heat is quickly rushing to his cheeks. part of him feels a bit stupid. sure, he and tj have messed around, but this could be like loki all over again—a just friends kind of thing. obviously, nico is hoping for more, but what if he's turned down again.

these thoughts run through his head in the blink of an eye before the door opens. then, he's stuttering, trying to think of a response. holding out the flowers and chocolates, he tries to clear his throat. ]

Y-yeah. [ inwardly cursing himself, he tries for a shy smile and a shrug. ] Valentine's Day isn't normally my thing, but... I figured for you, it could be.

[TJs frown deepens, because that sounds all kinds of serious. That maybe Nico likes him. Enough to make the effort and surprise him on Valentines Day. To take a risk that TJ is fucking frightened to do himself. He swallows. He feels a little sick. There’s so much Nico doesn’t know. Can he really like someone who is weak and honestly, shit.

But he wants this. He needs someone who is unattached. Kind. Sweet. Gives as good as he gets. Is exciting and interesting. Gorgeous. TJ knows he’s not up to snuff but he could try.]

Fuck.

[He steps to the side and waves Nico in. Then he stops. Puts a hand on Nico’s chest and pushes him back towards the door. When he’s back in the hallway, TJ let’s go.] I wanna start over. [He shuts the door. Opens it with a shy smile of his own.] Nico?

I’m glad you came over.

[ at first, all nico can do is blink in surprise as he's pushed into the hallway and the door closes on him. he's about to open his mouth in objection, but then the door opens again and there's tj, giving him a smile similar to his own. nico can feel his ears heating up and his own grin widens. ]

I brought you these. I know roses are traditional, but they're kind of boring. Each flower has a certain meaning to them.

[ a pause as he waits for tj to take them and then he takes off his hat and shakes out his shaggy hair. his heart is pounding in his chest and he feels stupidly giddy, as if nothing right now could bring him down from this high. ]

Can I come in?

Yeah. Course you can.

[TJ takes the bouquet and moves to the side so Nico can step into his room. He shuts and locks the door behind him out of habit. Standing there, he lifts the flowers up and gently strokes the petals.]

What are they? [He snags Nico’s hat and lays it on the desk by his bed, then reaches for Nico’s hand to close up some of the space between them.] Start with the one you like most.

[Then TJs going to figure out how to thank him for the flowers. The first thoughtfully picked bouquet that he’s ever gotten from anyone. He twists their fingers, lightly swings their joined hands.]

You know, wasn’t really expecting this. Thanks for doing it.

[ breath catching as tj takes his hand, nico does his best to appear cool, collected. he steps close enough to point to each flower in turn, describing their individual meanings. ]

My favorite is the yellow chrysanthemum. In the language of flowers, it represents that the receiver is a "precious one". The asters are talismans of love, the heliotrope stands for devotion, and the linaria say "please notice my feelings".

[ another pause and then nico fingers the last of the flowers. he looks at tj through his lashes. ]

The last, the jonquil, mean "return my affection."

Edited (belatedly realizes typo) 2018-02-16 04:39 (UTC)

[Precious one. To be anybody's precious one is refreshing. It's sweet. Nico's sweet and TJ isn't sure how to handle any of that.]

And you picked all of these? On purpose?

[Which would say a lot. TJs brows pinch together and he turns to the side to set the flowers down and out of the way. He could lie. Say that he doesn't feel anything. That this is just sex but he doesn't really want to. He wants Nico to want him and to bring him flowers and be all sweet and shy and beautiful. He plucks out one of the linaria, angles it forward towards Nico.]

I'd give you this then.

[ taking the linaria, he smiles softly at tj. if tj wants him to notice his feelings, he'll gladly do so. stepping closer, he presses a kiss to first, tj's knuckles and then his cheek. ]

I did. I know it's weird, but... I really like you. If it's what you want too, I want to be with you.

[ he wraps his free arm around tj's waist, bringing their foreheads together. ]

If you want me to notice, I'm definitely paying attention.

[TJ wants Nico to notice and understand what he's implying by handing over the flower. He's too messed up to say it out loud, though he wants to. He's afraid of rejection and worse, that he's being played with. Nico has done nothing to deserve TJ thinking that way but it's hard to shake.

He sighs softly, foreheads pressed together and fingers intertwined.]

It's not weird.

[There's another sigh.]

You scare me. No, not you. But this.

[ at first, nico's instinct is to jerk back, slam up the walls of anger and hurt because once again, someone finds him frightening. most of his life, that's what he's heard. that people are afraid of him and those that get close enough end up getting hurt. so he's pushed and pushed and pushed. but with tj, he feels like he doesn't have to, and as he continues speaking, nico realizes that what tj is saying isn't that he's afraid of him. no, it's "this" tj is talking about. this budding relationship, nico guesses, and he can't help but wonder why. ]

This? Why does this scare you?

[TJ assumes this is the part where he lays himself bare. Really lets Nico in, shows him all the ugliness beneath the surface. It's only fair. He might not like it and choose to leave, but at least TJ will have been honest from the beginning.]

I'm needy. And clingy. [He smiles a little, it's a bit of a joke but not really.] I don't know how to be in a relationship with someone. Not really.

I fall hard, let myself get lost in it, and when it's over, I don't know how to live.

[He breathes out and takes a step back.]

I can see it when I look at you. How I feel. You're dangerous. And I won't make it if we do this, really do this, and it ends. I shouldn't put that on you. On anyone but there it is.

my heart is gold and my hands are cold

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i'm so sorry for the huge delay