[closed | Forward-dated to 1/18] I've got a bad feeling about this

[talentedscavenger]

who: Rey, Poe, Finn, and Leia
what: Discussing things, and what to do with Ren.
when: 1/18
where: Communal Housing--Poe's Residance
warnings: None, will update as needed.

This was going to be an interesting meeting, Rey knew that much. She was partly nervous about it, but it had been on her mind for some time. She could already guess how both men would take it. Leia already knew of her plan, but she didn't want to leave either men in the dark. Both of them were her best friends, and while she wasn't expecting them to be on board with it, she was hoping they would at least trust her in what she wanted to do. Then again, she could do what she wanted, not tell them, and then deal with the blow up that way.

No, she wasn't going to sneak around and hide. She wasn't ashamed of what she was going to do. It could work, she had to hope it would. The conflict in Ben...she could sense it, and so could Leia. There was the chance they--or Rey, could bring Ben back to the light. He would still carry the sins of what he did, but maybe he wouldn't be on Snoke's side. Maybe this was the first step in leading Ben back to his family--to Leia.

Rey had sent messages to Finn, Poe, and Leia, asking them to meet at Poe's room to discuss something...and now it was a waiting game. I want to train with Ben in the Force....yes that'll go over so well.
Considering this was pertaining to Ben, Leia had a right to be in the discussion. While the older woman knew of Rey's plan, she thought it was best to have Leia there nonetheless.

Comments

[talentedscavenger]

Rey braced herself for Poe and Finn's questions. Their out burst was understandable, and if they hadn't reacted the way they had, she would be surprised. At least she had Leia on her side. Though, did everyone think she would be easily persuaded to the dark side? Then again, who would've thought Ben would turn? it would be too foolish of her to think otherwise, but she wished they would have more trust in her.

"Yes, even with everything he's done to Poe and I. I factored all of that in, and if anything happens I know Leia will sense it, and I know all of you will haul me out. But, I have to have faith it won't. You don't have to trust Ren, trust me." was that hard to do? Hard to consider, that maybe she could do this?

"He can tried to persuade me and even get into my mind, but I have forced him out and I can do it again. Would both of you rather I simply do it and not say a thing until afterwards?" Like Poe had done with being turned into a bird, or when he faced off against Kylo Ren.

"Out of all of us, I'm the one who can keep him in check. If anything, I can keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't do anything."

[volitaunt]

If he knew what she was thinking, about the use of magic, about Poe running into Kylo in the park, he might have lost his temper entirely. As though those two things were remotely similar to the choice Rey wanted to make.

"I would rather you don't do it! I don't care if he's lost, I don't care if he has no guidance, and..." For a second Poe loses steam. He looks over at Leia, trying to make his expression cold, trying to say what needs to be said even if it means going against her. "I don't care if he's your son."

He has to turn away from them both. He can't tell if it's because he doesn't want them to see his face or he can't stand to look at theirs. BB-8 whistles concern, and Poe can't even make himself smile at the little droid.

"He's a murderer. He slaughtered a man in cold blood before ordering the execution of dozens of villagers. He's...." A torturer. Poe still can't say it. He grits his teeth and hisses out the words. "He's a monster. You want to learn from a monster. How can a monster do anything but teach you how to be one yourself?"

He tries to breathe. Tries to be calm.

There's shit-all to be calm about, right now. "Personally, I value the lives lost at Tuanul a hell of a lot more than I value his."

[bythehand]

Finn knows a thing or two about cut-across-argument tones. He grew up with them, weirdly juxtaposed with the fact that stormtroopers are raised not to argue anyway. The well of his deference to those tones has been running pretty dry since he left. He's not taken enough to hero worship or reverence for family ties to try digging more up now.

He's more than ready to keep right on arguing.

And frankly, it's no small relief that Poe seems to be in the same boat. Half of what he says lines up with Finn's thought process. All of what he says lines up with Finn's general sentiment. When he turns away, Finn keeps his stare fixed on Leia and Rey, straight-backed and still.

"I was in the village when he gave that order. Rey, I was there when he took you from Takodana. I was there last month in that park, I saw what happened. And everything that happened on Starkiller, when Han walked up and gave him a way out on a silver platter, when he hunted us down afterwards because he wanted us dead, too? You were right there with me."

He'd trust Rey with his life. He'd trust Rey with anything. He's never had to doubt that, never even thought to question it. How much he trusts her doesn't intersect with this to his mind at all. Finn maybe still sounds a bit incredulous. He doesn't know how someone can say they factored it all in and still come out supporting this. He can't wrap his brain around it.

"Kylo Ren has had every chance to choose something different. Everything he's done has been his choice." Not everybody gets chances. Not everybody gets choices. "If he's conflicted, then he's already done a hell of a job showing us exactly where he wants to land."

[oldladyleia]

For a moment Leia is silent and when she does speak, her voice is deadly calm. "No one in this room needs to remind me what he's done or what he's capable of doing. I know that better than anyone." Leia means it, she has blamed herself countless times over for the deaths that Ben has caused and more over since he's been here and since they've spoken. She knows what he is and she knows why he is. But that's not all she knows.

"But he's here with us for stars knows how long. This isn't about changing the past. We can't change the past and nothing that we do is going to bring the lives that he's taken back. But what we can do and what we have to do is try to stop him from doing it again in the future. From doing more than that."

Amilyn. Paige. Countless other heroes that have been lost from later in their timeline. The people here who aren't warriors and who haven't dealt with a war.

"We have a duty to try and stop him from doing worse here. This may be a chance to prevent it from happening. He has had every chance to change but maybe here it will be different. I believe that this will help. We can trust Rey. I hope you can trust me. I hope that you believe that for me at least a part of this is about saving those other lives. You two aren't murderers. I don't want him to turn you into one. If this doesn't work then we try something else. This may not be the best plan but for now we try it."

[talentedscavenger]

It's hard to hide the hurt that Rey feels at Poe's words. He really would think she would be turned into a monster? That she would turn her back on them? She understood both of their points. Ben's past was fresh in their minds, and what she was doing was foolish, but she had to try.

"I could've become a monster like him. I had the opportunity to kill him on Starkiller Base, but I didn't. I held back. Or when he put Poe in the hospital, but I agreed not to go after him." Her words come out through gritted teeth.

"I could've become a monster like him in so many damn ways, but I didn't." She grew up alone on a planet, starving for attention, for food, and worked every damn day she could. Her heart could've been turned into a black, dark thing, but she didn't allow it. She clung to hope, because that's all she had. But if Snoke had found her...who is to say she wouldn't have become the same creature as Ben.

She looks away from all of them, taking a deep breath and tried to get a hold of her feelings.

This wasn't what Rey wanted. She didn't want to get into a heated argument. She didn't want to hurt her friends, but damnit, they need to do something. Compromise? Maybe they could do a compromise instead? Her gaze flickered to Leia, knowing she had her support. Sometimes the right choice isn't always the most popular one. Or popular at all.

"What else am I supposed to do? Would you rather I not say a damn thing and do it anyway? Not do anything at all and have him hurt someone else I care about? Tell me." her gaze was set on both men, clearly upset, but still trying to do what she felt was right.

[volitaunt]

"Leia, you told me we would handle him together. This isn't together." He looks from her to Rey and then back. "Was this ever going to be a discussion? Or was it the two of you deciding how things should go for all of us, with the expectation that we'd just fall in line? The two of you are making a choice for everyone here, not just me and Finn. The Admiral, Paige, Cassian and Jyn too."

He's not treading the line any more. He's striding over it. It makes him feel sick, to be so firmly entrenched in opposition to his General's choice. "I told you I was with you. I thought you were with us."

Then, to Rey: "I already told you the first time you asked. Don't do this. Forget the question of whether or not he can turn you, what if he kills you? If this doesn't work it's not going to just... go away. Be fine. General, you know that. What we do has consequences. That's..." He falters. "That's what you've been trying to get me to see."

He's been thinking about that a lot, since talking to Holdo and to John. When to act. Why. What he can prevent, what he can do to help others survive.

BB-8 makes another worried noise, rolling over to rest near Poe's ankles. He resists the urge to comfort himself with a pat to the droid's head dome, instead moving his leg so his ankle presses against the curve of BB-8's side. Poe shakes his head, speaking to Rey again. "This isn't just your training we're talking about. This is--we're not desperate, here! We're not running, we're not out of time! We don't have to act in desperation!"

Poe's voice climbs again. "Why would he change here when he hasn't before now?!"

He feels a little bit like he's going crazy. How can they both be for this? How can they get upset that he and Finn aren't?

How can Leia look him in the eye and say she knows better than anyone what Kylo Ren is capable of?

"He tortured me." It's the first time he's said it out loud. The first time. Leia knew the report. With Finn, it was understood. Cassian guessed, though it wasn't hard. Rey... knew that he'd has his mind violated, but how could she understand, really, when she'd had the means to fight back? And he hadn't told her what happened before that moment. He hadn't told her about what the First Order did to him at Kylo Ren's behest.

He's never said it out loud, to a room full of people, and it leaves him feeling spent and alone. Vulnerable to pity. He wants to walk away from this entire conversation before that possibility can manifest. He can't.

[bythehand]

Poe's words are heavy. Sharp. The longer they sit, the worse it is. It doesn't feel like it should have come to this.

Nothing about this day makes any sense anymore.

"We're in this together. All of us. We're a team."

Finn's lost count of how many times he's said it here, whether as an affirmation or an invitation to someone else. Because he's always just assumed it's true, because it's all of them, it's been nobody getting left behind. Nobody needing to be alone. Finn glances towards Leia, briefly, including her in the sentiment, but he zeroes his focus in on Rey.

"No one on this team is collateral. You're not just something we can push in his direction because he might decide he wants to change after what he's done. You're not--"

Not disposable, he almost says, none of us are, we're not leverage to use. They know that, he knows they know that.

"If something goes wrong, it won't just be you that he wants to take it out on. It won't just be the people in this room, it'll be all of us. Everyone he's already hurt. Everyone on this team. Everyone in the Quarantine who matters to us."

People like Cisco and Karen and Taako, like Lucretia, like Chyler Silva, who's so young and so familiar and only just got here.

"And he won't stop there even if we get him to back off, Rey, because he's trapped with a city full of people who have nowhere else to run and no idea what he's capable of. Everything around him would be a target he goes for until he gets brought down."

That's what the First Order excels at. Making targets out of people who have no means to stop them. And who knows how long it would take to stop him here, who knows what he would take with him on the way down?

Finn cuts his gaze back and forth between Rey and Leia: settles on each of them for a moment, tries to figure out how to get them to understand, or maybe to be able to understand what they see. Because he really wishes he could understand right now.

"Don't do this. We don't have to do this."

It's not a choice that he can support making. It doesn't feel like a hope or a chance, it just-- it just feels like poor mathematics. It feels like something hollow.

[oldladyleia]

"Poe, this is together." Leia means it, and she just watches him for a moment, fighting not to feel his hurt, his pain at this. Sometimes there aren't good decisions, just bad ones, and this one is one of those. "And I know he tortured you. Do you think that I can forget that? Do you think I forgot going to the remains of the jedi temple and seeing what he'd done. I haven't. I didn't. I don't. Finn is right and no one here is collateral. Not any of us from our universe, and not anyone else."

She means it, and she doesn't flinch away from Finn's stare. She doesn't flinch away from the sentiment, or the feeling in the room. Leia doesn't flinch away from how hard this choice is, and how angry they are for Rey making it and Leia backing them up. Maybe if it was someone other than Ben, she wouldn't be fighting them so hard on this. But she's not going to give him up. She's not going to give them up either, even though she knows that they don't understand this.

"This is a way of keeping tabs on him, on making sure that the people that we care for don't end up facing his wrath. Would you rather we just let him alone without having someone watching him? Without having a way to stop him in case he does try and do something else? Rey believes that she can prevent that from happening. I believe that she can too."

A pause. "But I also know that you have your reasons for not wanting this. I'm not going to force you to do something that you don't want to do. But looking at all of our options with a city that doesn't know him and filled with people haven't needed to deal with a war like we have, this feels like the best plan we have. I know you're disappointed in me, Poe. But sometimes the only option that you have is a bad one."

[talentedscavenger]

It pains Rey to look at Poe when he brings up the fact that Kylo Ren tortured him. She knew what it was like to have him in their head. Ren was so close to getting the map from her. She kept fighting, kept wanting to push him back and suddenly...she was reaching into his mind and finding his darkest fears. She found a way to fight back and Poe...he couldn't. He had no way to.

The arguing, all of them fighting...it wasn't doing any of them good. In trying to figure out a way to solve things, she had only made it worse. Rey took a deep breath, biting on her lower lip and tried to reign in her feelings.

"None of us are collateral, and I know it's a matter of making sure we get through this alive and making sure everyone here is protected." Because that's always been the goal at the end of this, hasn't it? Making sure they could get back to their world, and that Kylo Ren doesn't hurt anyone else. But she didn't like being told why she couldn't act, or that she should act only when told to do so. How is this any different than any other mission Poe has been on? The chances of her being killed were there if she were in an x-wing.

"The other option that's in front of us is doing nothing--something we've been doing and look where that got us." Poe being flown into a tree, nearly killed. Or if he was nearby, no one bothered to tell her. Like she was kept hidden away as some sort of....secret weapon. Ready to be called out when needed, but not there to prevent anything from happening. No matter what Rey says about Ren's behavior, how it's different around her, it would only be met with 'he's only using you.' There was no point in continuing the conversation...not when they were divided and Rey was feeling drained from fighting with Poe and Finn.

"I don't want to see anyone get hurt because of him, that's what I am trying to prevent. It's why I brought this to both of you, and I thought this could be a solution. I don't think he would kill me--and I'm not saying that out of pride, but he's had the opportunity to and hasn't. Both of you have made it difficult for me to do anything--you've made it clear I can't go to him, not to react if he does something, but you want me around in case he does something." Could they see how confusing that was for her? How it made her feel like she couldn't do anything unless she was given an order when this was a matter between one Force user to another?

Another pause with Rey looking to Leia, reaching out to place a hand on the General's shoulder. Her gaze softens, silently apologizing to the older woman for putting her through this. "But, Finn is right, we don't have to do it. We don't have to make a decision."

Regardless if that decision was upon Rey and Rey alone.

Her gaze looks to her friends, trying to keep her feelings under control and be strong. She didn't want to put a strain on their friendships...but she wanted to do what was right. She thought she could help Ren. It wasn't a matter of Poe and Finn not believing in her--that was something she would take issue with on another day--but she didn't want to lose the friends she had.

[volitaunt]

So it was never going to be a discussion after all. It was a choice made before he and Finn ever walked in, even if it's one being changed.

This room is too small. It's too dark. It feels grey at the edges, and Poe doesn't want to be inside it any more.

I know he tortured you.

It's like a part of himself has been sanded away while they talked, or maybe he just broke it off himself with that final confession.

Reminder.

It was a reminder. She knew.

She knew, and she wanted to make an alliance with the enemy, with that enemy, in spite of it. He doesn't trust them, Poe realizes, senses and emotions dull. That's what broke. He doesn't trust either of them any more.

He doesn't trust Leia Organa any more.

"Good," he says, lifelessly. "We wanted to be with you, Rey. We wanted to help you. Want. You're the one who keeps saying you have to do it alone."

He knows saying that runs counter to what he's about to do, but he has to get out of this room. He has to get away. Even if it makes him a hypocrite. Poe heads for the door, pausing with his hand on the latch. He looks a question at Finn, a wordless are you coming that's a lot more of a please come.

He can't be here any more. He opens the door and walks out into the hall.

BB-8 stays, for a few seconds more, photoreceptor fixed on Rey and Leia. Then the little droid turns and rolls out on the heels of his master.

[bythehand]

Finn wonders, for a moment, if backing down is just the second-best plan. He wonders if the contingency really is for Rey to do it and not mention it to anybody if this meeting went over poorly, if this was supposed to be a discussion or more of a statement. If he asked outright and they said no, could he even be sure it was the truth?

Kind of hurts to think that.

Both of you have made it difficult for me to do anything.

If he had any irritation still simmering, any anger, it's filtered out already. They say that he's right, but it's not right enough, maybe. Not enough for them to completely agree. He realizes this probably isn't something he could just keep trying to argue, if they'd pushed back harder. No matter how hard he tries, he can't make it add up. He can't think anything like this involving Kylo Ren would turn out well.

Rey and Leia are both good. They're smart. They can put on hard edges, but they're kind, and they subscribe to hope in-- impossible places. He knows that. And he would fight for them, in a heartbeat, he'd do anything he could for them. Almost anything, he guesses.

Finn catches Poe's look. Nods once in answer. He hesitates, then, turns back to Rey and Leia. Stretches his hand out but sort of falters halfway, because all things considered, Rey maybe doesn't... want his hand. Right now. He doesn't know.

There were a lot more things he knew for sure a few minutes ago than he does now. He swallows.

"You can call. You can-- I'll have my phone. I'll keep it on." Finn's voice is tight, but his words are completely honest. "If you need me, I will be there. I promise."

For either of them. Finn can't pretend he wouldn't come running. They're part of his team.

He doesn't like leaving parts of his team behind. He never has.

He still follows Poe out the door.

[oldladyleia]

Leia keeps her face stoic until the two men leave, and then she lets out a long, painful breath. One hand moved to her chest, just holding onto it as if an external physical pressure would somehow make it easier for her to not feel the sharpness that was sliding through her right now. It was a familiar sensation, and she knew it well, but each bit of pain held its own personality.

This pain's personality was personal. She could practically feel what Poe had thought around her, even without her using the Force. She knew him well, and had known him so well that he would have been easy to read without any assistance. He didn't trust her. She had broken his trust in a way that she never had before, and it hurt and her regret was instant. Leia had told Poe that sometimes the right choice wasn't the popular one, but she had always taken it for granted that Poe would trust her.

Here she was relearning lessons from Ben that she thought had been ingrained onto her. Now, two of the people that she cared for most in the galaxy were here and just out of reach and like Ben, she had no one to blame but herself. It takes a minute for Leia's face to reform into something calm, something like a reassuring smile but it's a mask that would be easy for someone to see through if they knew her at all.

"We'll fix this, Rey. We'll figure out how to fix it. I will." Because in her opinion, she was the one who had broken it.

[talentedscavenger]

It's painful to watch Poe go. More painful than Rey would've thought possible, and seeing Finn simply go with Poe....it made sense. Finn, he was a good man, and really he met Poe first before her. Rey wouldn't hold it against him. This was....this was her mess and she was stupid for bringing it up. She was only trying to do what she thought was right, but this...it was all a mess.

Her heart sinks in her chest and she forces herself to take in deep breaths. Tears are starting to sting in the corners of her eyes, but she will not cry. She will not be weak and show that side of her to Leia. Rey looked to the General, noting where her hand was on her chest, and for a brief moment, she was afraid something was wrong. Leia was made of stronger stuff, but she was also older. Her health was more concerning. You did this. Rey's mind whispered.

The trust between them, the trust between Poe and Leia was broken. All because of her.

"No, General..." she says softly, moving her hand from Leia's shoulder to rest on top of the older woman's.

"I made this mess. You can blame me for it. I shouldn't have brought it up. I should've known better. I'm sorry." She pause then, taking in another deep breath to steady herself. "Tell Poe it was my fault, that I forced you into this. Let him hate me."

Because he...the Resistance, they needed Leia. Poe needed to have trust in Leia and if it meant having to hate Rey for it, then so be it. If she had to end up alone again to make things right, then she would be fine with that. It was something she was familiar with...and really, she should've known this was how things would end up.

[oldladyleia]

"I'm not someone who lets someone else take the blame for my mistakes, Rey. More than that, I'm not someone who is easily forced to sayed into anything. I'd never tell Poe that." And she'd never allow it to be done to her, Leia's strength of mind was one of the best things about her, and she wasn't about to compromise that because of this, because of what happened. Instead, she just took a deep breath and released it slowly between pursed lips, using the time to raise herself up to her full, if tiny stature.

"And I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. We're coming at this from two different points, and it may be a little while before we can all see eye to eye." She took Rey's hands and held onto them for a moment, giving them a squeeze. "We will see eye to eye eventually. I know that we will be on the same page again soon. I refuse to lose Poe." She refused to lose Poe too. She wasn't going to let that happen. She was going to figure this out and make it up to him.

[talentedscavenger]

Rey wanted to press the issue with Leia. The older woman could say it, could lay the blame on Rey because technically, she was the one to blame. She was the reason why they all were gathered together. She was the one who had the idea and wanted to go through with it--and look at the mess it made. If anything, apologizing was the least she could do. Her head was bowed, not daring to look at Leia even as her hands were squeezed. It felt like she had disappointed the other woman...greatly disappointed her.

"I do, I made both of them upset. They basically stormed out here, and I can't blame them." She raised her head to look at Leia, doing her best to hide her emotions, and the pain of having both friends walk out. There was the pain of knowing her friends didn't have her back on this too. They don't trust you.

"I made them upset with you when that's the last thing Resistance needs. It wasn't your mistake that got them to leave--it was mine."