riverviewlogs | [closed | Forward-dated to 1/18] I've got a bad feeling about this

who: Rey, Poe, Finn, and Leia
what: Discussing things, and what to do with Ren.
when: 1/18
where: Communal Housing--Poe's Residance
warnings: None, will update as needed.

This was going to be an interesting meeting, Rey knew that much. She was partly nervous about it, but it had been on her mind for some time. She could already guess how both men would take it. Leia already knew of her plan, but she didn't want to leave either men in the dark. Both of them were her best friends, and while she wasn't expecting them to be on board with it, she was hoping they would at least trust her in what she wanted to do. Then again, she could do what she wanted, not tell them, and then deal with the blow up that way.

No, she wasn't going to sneak around and hide. She wasn't ashamed of what she was going to do. It could work, she had to hope it would. The conflict in Ben...she could sense it, and so could Leia. There was the chance they--or Rey, could bring Ben back to the light. He would still carry the sins of what he did, but maybe he wouldn't be on Snoke's side. Maybe this was the first step in leading Ben back to his family--to Leia.

Rey had sent messages to Finn, Poe, and Leia, asking them to meet at Poe's room to discuss something...and now it was a waiting game. I want to train with Ben in the Force....yes that'll go over so well.
Considering this was pertaining to Ben, Leia had a right to be in the discussion. While the older woman knew of Rey's plan, she thought it was best to have Leia there nonetheless.

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Leia keeps her face stoic until the two men leave, and then she lets out a long, painful breath. One hand moved to her chest, just holding onto it as if an external physical pressure would somehow make it easier for her to not feel the sharpness that was sliding through her right now. It was a familiar sensation, and she knew it well, but each bit of pain held its own personality.

This pain's personality was personal. She could practically feel what Poe had thought around her, even without her using the Force. She knew him well, and had known him so well that he would have been easy to read without any assistance. He didn't trust her. She had broken his trust in a way that she never had before, and it hurt and her regret was instant. Leia had told Poe that sometimes the right choice wasn't the popular one, but she had always taken it for granted that Poe would trust her.

Here she was relearning lessons from Ben that she thought had been ingrained onto her. Now, two of the people that she cared for most in the galaxy were here and just out of reach and like Ben, she had no one to blame but herself. It takes a minute for Leia's face to reform into something calm, something like a reassuring smile but it's a mask that would be easy for someone to see through if they knew her at all.

"We'll fix this, Rey. We'll figure out how to fix it. I will." Because in her opinion, she was the one who had broken it.

It's painful to watch Poe go. More painful than Rey would've thought possible, and seeing Finn simply go with Poe....it made sense. Finn, he was a good man, and really he met Poe first before her. Rey wouldn't hold it against him. This was....this was her mess and she was stupid for bringing it up. She was only trying to do what she thought was right, but this...it was all a mess.

Her heart sinks in her chest and she forces herself to take in deep breaths. Tears are starting to sting in the corners of her eyes, but she will not cry. She will not be weak and show that side of her to Leia. Rey looked to the General, noting where her hand was on her chest, and for a brief moment, she was afraid something was wrong. Leia was made of stronger stuff, but she was also older. Her health was more concerning. You did this. Rey's mind whispered.

The trust between them, the trust between Poe and Leia was broken. All because of her.

"No, General..." she says softly, moving her hand from Leia's shoulder to rest on top of the older woman's.

"I made this mess. You can blame me for it. I shouldn't have brought it up. I should've known better. I'm sorry." She pause then, taking in another deep breath to steady herself. "Tell Poe it was my fault, that I forced you into this. Let him hate me."

Because he...the Resistance, they needed Leia. Poe needed to have trust in Leia and if it meant having to hate Rey for it, then so be it. If she had to end up alone again to make things right, then she would be fine with that. It was something she was familiar with...and really, she should've known this was how things would end up.

"I'm not someone who lets someone else take the blame for my mistakes, Rey. More than that, I'm not someone who is easily forced to sayed into anything. I'd never tell Poe that." And she'd never allow it to be done to her, Leia's strength of mind was one of the best things about her, and she wasn't about to compromise that because of this, because of what happened. Instead, she just took a deep breath and released it slowly between pursed lips, using the time to raise herself up to her full, if tiny stature.

"And I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. We're coming at this from two different points, and it may be a little while before we can all see eye to eye." She took Rey's hands and held onto them for a moment, giving them a squeeze. "We will see eye to eye eventually. I know that we will be on the same page again soon. I refuse to lose Poe." She refused to lose Poe too. She wasn't going to let that happen. She was going to figure this out and make it up to him.

Rey wanted to press the issue with Leia. The older woman could say it, could lay the blame on Rey because technically, she was the one to blame. She was the reason why they all were gathered together. She was the one who had the idea and wanted to go through with it--and look at the mess it made. If anything, apologizing was the least she could do. Her head was bowed, not daring to look at Leia even as her hands were squeezed. It felt like she had disappointed the other woman...greatly disappointed her.

"I do, I made both of them upset. They basically stormed out here, and I can't blame them." She raised her head to look at Leia, doing her best to hide her emotions, and the pain of having both friends walk out. There was the pain of knowing her friends didn't have her back on this too. They don't trust you.

"I made them upset with you when that's the last thing Resistance needs. It wasn't your mistake that got them to leave--it was mine."

[closed | Forward-dated to 1/18] I've got a bad feeling about this

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