riverviewlogs | [ open ] where I end, we'll begin

Aah, yes. [ There's a flicker of something different across Genji's face, a tired look. It ages him a moment. ] That I also understand. PTSD, whatever you wish to call it.

[ It's not like it's hard to deduce that whatever put him in this body was traumatic indeed. The wound and burn scars across his face tell a violent, bloody story.

...not many people know, here. And most of them weren't by Genji's choice either. ]

I didn't just have to come to terms with my body, I had to accept what had happened to me in the first place. "I'm going to get murdered again."

[ He closes his eyes. ] I left far too many hallways bloodier than they should have been, before. Because of it.

[ And opens them again. ] But I understand that. The fear of being afraid, right? Such a confusing thing.

[ He gives a very small nod. Genji had seen through his vague evasions, had given it its proper name, understood immediately what he meant. And it looks, from that rather shadowed expression, as if he knows it as more than a term from a textbook. Cisco already knew, coming into this, that Genji had experienced trauma. He'd been badly hurt, somehow, and nearly died. He'd had to adjust to living in his cyborg body.

But they'd never come close to talking about this, and Cisco hadn't known whether there was some kind of accident - an earthquake, a plane crash - or whether Genji's injuries had come from some more direct, more personal violence. It seems right now like maybe it was the latter. Or is he reading too much into it. ]

What-

[ Cisco blurts it, before he can stop himself. Though he doesn't get past the first word, the rest of the sentence isn't hard to infer: What happened to you? But he can't ask it. Not right now. Because he would only be asking for selfish reasons - not to comfort Genji, but to comfort himself. He's met people here, in this place, who have died - all of the IPRE folks, Steve Trevor. Eddie, of course. But few of them had been murdered - only Lup.

The comment about leaving hallways bloody makes Cisco go still, for a moment. It's an evocative phrasing, and while he had always realized in an abstract sense that Genji had a certain amount of blood on his hands, he's never really thought of it so concretely, before. But he can't let his mind go there. If he lets himself start fearing Genji, this whole thing is going to fall apart. ]

[ He doesn't flinch at the start of the question, almost as if he was expecting. Almost as if he wanted him to ask. Genji lets out a hoarse sigh and waves a hand. ]

I should explain better, that sounded more ominous than I meant it. I wasn't some horror movie serial killer. [ Although he felt like some kind of monster. ] I mentioned I was in a covert black ops unit in Overwatch, right? That was just what we did, the more secretive and advanced missions. Assassinations, espionage, that sort of thing. I just sometimes would— lose myself. [ He makes a face. ] You saw that memory of one of my 'moments,' right?

[ He rubs a hand across his face, feeling the stubbtle that he really should shave later on today. There's not enough healthy skin left on his face for it to look good. (He still can't believe his brother grew a beard, looks so much like their father.) ]

Someone tried to kill me, yes. Very nearly succeeded. [ A pause. ] Someone in my family. [ Another pause, as there's no subtle way to say it. Might as well drop it like the metaphorical rock that it is. ] My brother.

[ It's not really a surprise, that Genji noticed that flicker of sudden fear. Cisco's always been terrible at hiding it; his body language gives him away in an instant, even to people who are not particularly observant. And maybe it shouldn't but the explanation helps to soothe that sudden spike of worry. Genji had been doing his job. An unpleasant job, yes, but one that doubtless needed to be done by somebody. Steve had been a spy, too. It wasn't that Genji enjoyed killing, or anything. He just hadn't been able to spare as many lives as he could've, because he was unwell.

Cisco gives a tiny nod of understanding, crossing his arms as that unnatural stillness went away. It's still too late, though, to take back his unvoiced question. When Genji tells him, he tries to brace himself for whatever it might be, but he still winds up surprised. ]

Your... oh.

[ Genji had talked about his brother with Cisco before. How he was into archery and always trying to prove he was the best at everything. Cisco had thought that their rivalry reminded him a little of his own brother and himself. It had been one of those early things, that had helped him to see Genji as just an ordinary guy, even beneath the machinery and intimidating ninja stuff.

And that same brother had tried to murder him?! Had gotten so close to succeeding that Genji wouldn't have survived if it weren't for so much advanced tech? Everything Genji had gone through adjusting to his new body - everything he must have gone through because of the violence itself - had all been his brother's fault?

His throat feels to tight to speak at first. Carefully, Cisco reaches over, laying a hand very lightly against Genji's forearm, a wordless gesture of comfort. ]

I'm sorry. I shouldn't... make you talk about this stuff, just to help me.

[ It's kind of freeing to say it on his own. Everyone in Overwatch already knew and then his memories were broadcast to so many people without his consent... he finds it much easier when he's the one to say it.

The hand on his arm is almost surprising. He looks down at his hand then back up at him, smiling. He doesn't quite look as tired as he did a moment before.

It's strange. The the harder things to remember now are how he was during Blackwatch, not the night where everything went wrong. ]

No, it's quite alright. I wouldn't have mentioned it if I didn't want to discuss it with you. [ He pats his hand over Cisco's with a nod. ] It's okay.

[ Is it, though? Well, in the scheme of things no, it's not 'okay' what happened to him. But he's long since accepted it. ]

There is more to it than just that, decades of history leading up to it. My brother did not just snap one day. My family— [ He huffs. ] The Shimadas are not good people. Yakuza, criminals. Our empire was vast. My brother was to be the next heir and his entire life was molded around it. And I acted out without a care. Eventually I became too much of a 'liability' and he was ordered to have me 'dealt with.'

[ He looks sad. Not for himself, but for Hanzo. ] He was just the weapon turned against me. I forgave him long ago. Because if it hadn't happened, I would still be the terrible, selfish person I used to be.

[ A pause and an entirely inappropriate little smile. ] And being able to double jump is quite nice.

[ At any other time, in any other context, Cisco would have received the news that Genji was apparently from a family of gangsters in an entirely different way. A lot more irreverent, a lot more nosy questions. But hearing it presented within the context of why his older brother had killed him, that revelation takes on an entirely different weight. Genji presents the situation as if there's a great deal of moral complexity: how his brother was raised, the fact he'd been ordered to do it, his own behavior that had led to it.

It is different, from what Cisco had reflexively assumed: Genji, blameless. His brother, a monster. A sudden betrayal, without justification, warning, or outside influence. But it would seem the situation was not quite like that. ]

Hard to imagine you ever being selfish.

[ He doesn't doubt that Genji is telling the truth, but at the same time, he can't quite picture it. He's only ever known Genji as he is, now. Only ever seen a glimpse of a younger Genji who was tormented and unstable, but never what Cisco would call 'terrible'.

Cisco wonders if he'll ever be able to talk about what had happened to him, as calmly as Genji is talking about his own story. Certainly doesn't seem likely, any time soon. He tucks his hair behind his ear, tries to ease a little of tension with a brief, muttered: ]

Man, I can barely even single jump. Remind me to never play basketball against you.

[ That moment of levity is what makes it so he can look at his nails and say, with false lightness: ]

I'm different than I was before, but not really for the better. Just sort of... [ He wants to say broken, but he's trying to stay optimistic about their chances, here. And besides, that's a little melodramatic to say aloud, even if it's what feels true. ] ...older.

Hey, you're not that old. [ He gestures to the gray roots showing around his temples. (He really needs Hana to give him a touch up.) ] And don't accept defeat quite yet, my former Commander always won when we tried to play.

[ He huffs, glad for some added levity. Talking about his near brush with fratricide wasn't exactly something that brought up the mood of the room. Genji peers at Cisco for a moment before speaking again. ]

And I think, looking back on things, you'll realize how much you've changed. You can't see your progress as you live it. For me, one day I realized I just wasn't angry and fearful anymore. And I couldn't tell you exactly when I stopped.

[ Cisco smiles when Genji points out his grey hairs, and it's a touch fragile, but it's a smile nonetheless. ]

Uhh, how dare you speak to your elders like that. I was born in the same decade as your grandpappy, remember?

[ He hadn't been referring to his actual age, of course, or even anything that could be seen from the outside. After he'd gotten that photo album, at the center of the ice maze, he'd spent time looking at the old pictures of himself to see if there was any sign of the fact that he was an entirely different person then than he is now. But even putting the pictures side by side with new ones, he hadn't been able to find anything. ]

I don't know. I hear you about the 'no lost causes' thing, I really do, but I'm pretty sure I've some sort of sports allergy. Or curse. Or something. I don't think all the training in the world could make me not suck at them, even if I did care, which I gotta confess, I really don't.

[ Cisco listens to Genji's words, feeling a tiny flutter of hope in his chest. It seems too good to be true: that someday he might stop and realize he'd truly come out the other side of it, that he'd not only survived, but moved on, apart from it. And perhaps it is possible. He's come this far already. ]

I... really hope so. Even if- I mean, I wanna make progress, and all of that, but I'm not really looking to do the whole forgiveness thing. I don't know, maybe it would be different if it was just me, but... the person who made me this way, gave me the um, powers and also the PTSD, didn't just hurt me. He hurt the people I care about. And a ton of innocent people I've never even met, who matter, too. So if that was gonna be a big part of the lesson, uh, probably should mention it's... not really on the table.

[ Cisco is extremely hesitant, saying all that, in halting fits and starts. Not only because it carries with it the usual difficulty that he always has, talking even obliquely about Eobard Thawne, but because he worries that Genji will look down on him and see his refusal to even consider forgiving as a kind of moral failing. Cisco had heard far too many sanctimonious speeches, growing up, about the virtue of complete forgiveness, no matter the circumstances. It only seems natural to him, that somebody like Genji would think less of him, for not immediately forgiving. Cisco examines his face for any signs of disappointment, or scorn. ]

[ That gets a laugh out of him. ] Oh yes, you're right. I should speak to you more respectfully, shouldn't I?

[ It's strange to think of. Were they from the exact same world, could he have run into Cisco at some point? Surely someone with his skills would be in Overwatch.

He scratches at a scar on his face, still smiling a little. ] Don't worry, I've never really enjoyed sports myself. I was on the baseball team in middle school, it was terrible. [ Mostly because he wasn't the center of attention, but...

At what he says next, Genji's expression gets serious again and he crosses his arms. And shakes his head once he's finished. ]

No, forgiveness is something only you can decide for yourself if you need. I wouldn't force that upon you, nor expect it. [ Genji's expression softens. ] Some people don't deserve your forgiveness. That person sounds like one of them.

[ He leans back in his chair. ] I suppose my next question would be... do you want revenge? On this person? [ Another one of those tired, knowing expressions flits across his face. ] Because I can vouch for that path not being one that leads you towards any kind of peace.

Damn straight, you should.

[ But it's only too obvious that Cisco is joking about the whole thing; even setting aside the fact that Genji is more mature than him in all the ways that count, formality has never been Cisco's strong suit. He's not rude, or disrespectful, just not the best at grasping the finer points of etiquette or following social codes about how to speak, dress, etcetera.

The relief he feels when Genji doesn't scold him about the radical power of forgiveness is more intense than he'd anticipated. He meets Genji's gaze, the gratitude on his face clear to see. He merely nods, confirming Genji's guess that Eobard isn't the sort of person who deserves forgiveness. There were details he could give, stories he could tell. But he can't seem to force himself to say anything more than: ]

Eobard.

[ That piece of information is, after all, important to share. If Genji were to ever hear that name, whispers of someone called Eobard around town, Cisco would want to know. He doesn't say Eobard Thawne, however, because he doesn't feel like explaining why he and Eddie have the same surname. He couldn't explain that without telling the whole thing. ]

What?

[ Genji's question catches Cisco completely off-guard. Revenge isn't something he'd ever really thought of. He'd just been glad, when Eobard was gone. ]

No, I don't want revenge. I mean, it doesn't matter either way. He's dead. Beyond dead - Eddie erased him from existence. But... no.

[ He crosses his arms over his chest tightly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. The agitation in his body language just speaking about this man is all too easy to read. ]

If he- if he somehow showed up here tomorrow, I would just, um. Want him locked up somewhere he couldn't hurt anybody, and... as far away from me as possible.

Eobard? [ Genji hums in thought at that. The name doesn't ring a bell, which is a good thing. One never knows with this place.

He's relived that Cisco seems so blindsided by the thought of revenge. It would be so much harder to find the peace he needs if he had to untangle that ball of anger and violence. But he isn't surprised because Cisco doesn't seem the type for that. After all, the whole source of his fear is that he would hurt someone else. ]

I see. [ He says it gently. (He'll have to ask about the 'erased from existence' thing later.) ] That's good. Then you are already many steps ahead from where I was.

[ He sets his jaw with an audible click from the synthetic, lower one. ] When I was rescued by Overwatch, I was ordered to assist in taking down my family's empire. Now, it needed to be done. But I did it for revenge.

[ "To hope I would run into my brother" is the unsaid part of that. Hanzo left the clan shortly after his 'murder,' which he didn't realize until a few years later. ]

Stupidest name you ever heard, right?

[ Look, just because he's not hell-bent on revenge doesn't mean Cisco's above a little petty mockery. Besides, he honestly thinks it's probably good for him to use humor and chip away at the monolithic terrifying looming thing that Eobard Thawne has become in his mind. ]

Sounds like it was the right thing for someone to do, but maybe... not the right thing, for you. For your, um. Recovery.

[ Cisco wonders just how much choice Genji had had in the matter. Of course, it makes sense that he would want to help, with that particular undertaking. But Overwatch had saved Genji's life. Even if they told him he was under no obligation to work for them (and who knows if they even did that), he would probably feel indebted. Would probably need to stay in their good graces, if his prosthetics ever needed repair or upgrading. It's all a bit shady, from Cisco's point of view. ]

Not so sure about the whole 'steps ahead' thing. You make it sound... I don't know. Virtuous. But part of it's just realism. You're, like, a badass. You can fight. But even with my powers, it's not like I'd stand a chance against him.

[ Cisco doesn't know how strong Genji's brother must be, but chances are, it would almost certainly be a closer match than if he squared up against Eobard. When he even thinks about how it would be to confront the Reverse Flash, to fight him, Cisco's breaths go thin and quick. He would be dead in seconds. Dead faster than he could blink. Or would he draw it out again? Make Cisco dread it, the way he had the first time?

He needs to not do this: to not conjure up scenarios that will likely never happen. But he can't seem to hit the brakes, once his brain gets started. That unlikely eventuality had been unpleasantly easy for him to imagine, since October, when Eobard's ghost had seemed to be lurking everywhere he looked. Cisco shifts his arms, still keeping them crossed over his chest, but increasing the pressure, digging his fingers into his arm, trying to get control of himself. It's silly, to get worked up. He ought to be able to stop himself. ]

[ He chuckles. ] It's certainly unique.

[ Genji's brows raise slightly at that. He's not surprised, given how observant and clearly intelligent Cisco is. ] You aren't wrong. Overwatch saved my life and I am close friends with the doctor who primarily oversaw my 'rehabilitation' but... [ He looks up, then down, and winces at a particular memory of being hit with The Doomfist. ] When I was no longer needed in dismantling my family's empire, I left.

[ And it's almost funny, how one can envy another person's perspective and experiences. He chuckles again, a raspy one. ] One doesn't need physical strength and a weapon to fight someone. I may be strong, yes, but it was a life that was chosen for me. I was put in training since the moment I could walk. [ He shrugs his shoulders. ] I am always amazed by people who are much smarter than I am, able to save lives in different ways. [ The 'like you' isn't said, but implied.

Genji notices his sudden change in body language, understanding all too well what that might be implying. He leans forward in a mirror of what he'd done for him a moment ago, and puts a hand on Cisco's shoulder. His voice is quieter. ]

Why don't you take a deep breath, all the way from the bottom of your lungs? Exhale it slowly and count to ten.

[ Cisco had seen that doctor - at least, one of them - in Genji's memory, but it had only been a brief glimpse, and he'd been too distraught seeing Genji bashing his own head against a wall to pay much attention to her. Still, he's glad to hear there had at least been one person there who, from the sound of it, had cared more for Genji than how useful he could be. ]

They let you?

[ Saying he left, after all, leaves room for interpretation. It's possible he'd run away, become a fugitive. Cisco knows how these things can go, even with organizations that claim to have lofty goals. It seems just as likely that he had to escape his saviors as it would be that they'd voluntarily let go of an asset they'd clearly spent a lot of money on...

He can tell that Genji is talking about him - saying he's amazed by people like him, which almost makes Cisco laugh. There's not much about him that's worth being amazed over, as far as he's concerned. Sure, he's got smarts, but... he's someone who just helps amazing people, supports them, but that doesn't mean he is special. But since Genji never actually says it is Cisco he's speaking about, he doesn't know how he can argue without seeming arrogant. So he just feels his face flush, and says nothing.

It's mildly humiliating, when Genji lays a hand on his shoulder and tells him to take a deep breath. Cisco had rather hoped that his fear had gone unnoticed, would continue to, until he could master it himself. But, of course, Genji's observant, had seen right through him. He closes his eyes, nodding, and tries to draw in as deep a breath as he can. It's harder than it ought to be, fighting against his body, making himself let out that same breath slowly, while counting. It should be simple. Shouldn't be an issue in the first place. He swallows, murmurs a quick, quiet: ]

Sorry.

[ He thinks about explaining, that he ought to offer some sort of excuse or justification to Genji, but he bites it back, focuses instead on trying for a second deep breath. He has a little more success, with this one, loosens the vice grip on his own arms as he exhales as slowly as he can. ]

Edited (a million typos) 2018-01-20 23:35 (UTC)

They did. Eventually. I definitely intentionally burned a few bridges, or at least attempted to. [ His last conversation with Reyes turned into an argument... he regretted that being the last thing he'd ever said to the man, until he realized he had become Reaper. ]

I think they thought I would come back eventually. In my world, cyborgs are not looked upon very kindly by society. [ His expression gets a little pinched. ] I traveled the world after, and I only found real acceptance in a Shambali monastery in Nepal. Which is where I met my Master.

[ He doesn't want Cisco to feel embarrassed, but he couldn't just ignore it. He knows what it's like to let it fester until your fear turns into this horrible monster inside your head that seems impossible to tame. Nipping it in the bud is always easier.

Genji shakes his head gently. ] There is nothing to apologize for. [ And he leans back. ] You saw me at my worst, remember? You don't need to feel ashamed around me.

[ He folds his hands onto the table top. ] If you can find a phrase that could work as a grounding mantra, that might help. It helped me quite a lot.

[ Cisco gives a small nod of understanding; it sounds like they hadn't made it easy, for Genji. Perhaps they hadn't turned on him, kept him prisoner, but... evidently it hadn't been without some share of mess. ]

I... didn't know that. Is it because of, uh, I think Hana called them omnics?

[ His knowledge about their world is relatively limited, but Hana had told him some. He'd seen her memory of the attack on Seoul, and she'd explained the basics about the war. It's only too easy, to imagine that after something like that, people might turn hateful. It makes no sense to Cisco, of course. To him, despite his body, despite the reverberations in his voice and how much of him is made of metal now, Genji's a human. But he knows, of course, that the worst prejudices were never based on anything like facts or rationality, anyway. ]

Sounds like your master was a good man.

[ Cisco feels a kind of gratitude, even though he knows nothing about the guy. He'd helped Genji, when he needed it. And in a way, is helping Cisco now, via Genji. A sort of second-hand ally. ]

What kind of phrase? I mean... does it matter what it is?

[ It's easier said than done, not feeling ashamed, but Cisco's trying to move past the embarrassment by focusing on this as just a part of the lesson. That's why he's here: to learn to stop these flashes of terror in their tracks, before they seeped into him so deeply that he would start to vibe. ]

Should I- say it out loud or is it an in your head kind of thing?

[ He nods. ] A lot of people, especially depending on the country, are terrified of Omnics. They think they're always about to gun them down, or worse. [ He puts a hand on his chest, over the faint light showing through his shirt. ] Then they see me, a man who is mostly machine. Their fear takes over.

[ He doesn't really try to hide, but he navigates as easily and unassumingly as he can. Tries to avoid getting rotten eggs or garbage thrown at him, or the police called on him for merely existing in the area of other people. It's something he unfortunately learned rather quickly how to deal with. ]

He is. I hope I do him justice as I try to guide you through this. Zenyatta is a much better wordsmith than I. [ Genji's expression softens, gets a little sad, as he remembers something. ] He is an omnic as well, you see. His brother, Mondatta, was world renowned for trying to aid Omnic and Human relations. He was assassinated in London shortly before I was brought here.

[ He didn't have the chance to talk to him about it. His Master has weathered much in his two decades wandering the Earth, but...

Genji chuckles. ]

It can be whatever you like, as long as it works. It doesn't need to be deep and meaningful. It could even be an equation, or something like that. Master told me had a student who would just start reciting pi until they'd calmed down. Internally or externally.

Is it a nice change, being here? I mean... nobody treats you like that here, do they?

[ Cisco is just going based on his own experiences; there are so many people here who have been baffled by the mere idea of prejudices and hatreds that Cisco had been living with his whole life. There were too many people from too many different worlds for there to be any consensus on what was 'normal', and it was freeing in a way that Cisco hadn't ever quite realized was possible. No one making fun of his name, his long hair, him having a boyfriend - people didn't even blink. It was one of the reasons he'd decided he was going to stay. ]

I think- I mean, you're doing great so far. And you're plenty good with words. I bet he'd be proud.

[ He is surprised, to hear that Genji's master was an omnic, but only for a moment. He doesn't see why not. He'd assumed it was a human, but considering what Genji had just said about how people are afraid of him, and considering what he's implying about how omnics are treated, it makes sense. Cisco's mouth turns down in a frown when Genji mentions the assassination. It would seem some things are true in almost every world. There were always going to be bad people, lashing out in violence, doing everything they could to rip peace and happiness away from everyone else. ]

That's awful.

[ He casts around for a phrase he can use. At first, he thinks it should be something powerful, something personal. But when he tries for something of huge significance in his own life, his mind goes blank, and his chest starts to feel tight again. So instead he just reaches for the first thing that comes to mind. He mutters it under his breath: ]

That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying, "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you."

[ Hell yeah, he's quoting Princess Bride. He would've gone with the Inigo Montoya line, but that was a little too revengey, for something meant to calm him down. Besides, he is a total sap. ]

No, no one has. It has been kind of... freeing. It was something I didn't know I needed, I guess. [ He smiles, the kind that tugs at the scars on his face. ] It is nice to be able to walk outside without my helmet on and not get any stares.

[ His expression turns a little somber again. He'd met Mondatta only a few times, never for any extended period either... he knows at some point he and Zenyatta disagreed on their respective course of action. Mondatta stayed at the temple, Zenyatta wandered the world; his adventures obvious by the exposed wires on his chassis, the scuffs all across his face and body. Zenyatta doesn't have regrets but... he wonders. At some point, he'll be able to ask him.

And what Cisco says does manage to get him to look something approaching bashful. He reaches behind to rub at the back of his neck; apparently the thought of praise from Zenyatta is one of the few things that can get him a little wide eyed. ]

Thank you, one only hopes. As long as it assists you, I suppose it's alright if it's a tad clumsily done. Right?

[ He leans back and watches Cisco ponder, hoping he hasn't put him on the spot or anything... Genji's brows raise a little in mild confusion before it hits him. And he sputters a laugh, reaching up to cover his mouth as his eyes crinkle with mirth. ]

Sorry! Sorry. [ Muffled from behind his hand. He removes it and shakes his head. ] I'm not mocking you, I just— I know that one. We watched it all the time in the break room in Overwatch. [ And Genji had tried very hard to act like he wasn't interested.

He puts a hand next to his mouth in fake conspiracy, speaking in a stage whisper. ]

Just between you and me, I may have said 'You seem nice, I hate to kill you' on a mission or two in the past.

I so know what you mean.

[ There is a kind of finality in the way Cisco says it; he can tell Genji later, if he needs to, the various ways he can relate. Not about being a cyborg, obviously, but the ways being here has been freeing for him. But for now, it's enough for him to smile softly, to suggest that he can relate and leave it at that. ]

Right. I mean- help doesn't have to be elegant to be... help and. You've already helped, a lot.

[ Cisco blinks in confusion when Genji starts to laugh - not offended, or even close to it, but a little baffled. He just assumes, until Genji explains that he knows The Princess Bride, that Genji thought it was some kind of original poetry, or else that it's too long to be workable. But then Genji's explaining that he knows the move, and Cisco smiles, slow at first but then wide and bright. ]

It's, like, my favorite movie ever. I could probably quote the entire thing. We gotta watch it together sometime. And I totally get you quoting Inigo. You've got that whole wise master swordsman with a sense of humor thing going.

[ Whenever Cisco is ready to talk more about himself, Genji will listen. He's been getting the impression they have a lot more in common than it seems at first glance anyway.

He wipes at the corner of his eye, still smiling. ]

We absolutely should. I had almost forgotten about it until you said that. Ah, yes, I remember now. I may have accidentally lied earlier, I think I've seen more older movies than I thought.

[ He leans back, looking nostalgic. ] My mother would put on movies in English to help us learn, when I was a boy. I liked the one, what was it— with the cowboy and the astronaut, very dated 3D animation.

[ Cisco grins; somehow, it makes the gulf between Genji's time and his own seem less drastic, knowing that he had seen Princess Bride. He's also glad that, at least in one world, it had stuck around long enough to be watched by someone like Genji. ]

Oh, yeah, Toy Story! I've totally got a copy of that one, if you're feeling like a trip down memory lane.

[ He wonders about Genji's mother, then - about how he was raised overall. His family were part of the mob? Damn. And he'd been taught to fight, so young... which is messed up. But he'd had a mother who wanted him to learn English, too, who'd played cute movies for him to help him learn. Not all bad, then. So often that's how it was, though. Even the most well-intentioned parents could do a lot of harm. He wonders if either of them had been alive, when Hanzo almost killed his little brother. But that isn't something he can ask. Too painful, and not necessary in any way, apart from his terrible curiosity. ]

It was the same, for me. When I was really little, before I was in school and everything, 'cause we didn't speak it at home. Like, there were other kids in the neighborhood, and there was church, but. Still definitely learned a lot of English from, like, daytime reruns of '90s sci-fi. Probably knew the word laser before I knew, like, football.

[ He'd been immersed young enough that he had no traceable accent, but he is still bilingual, can slip between English and Spanish as needed. Not that there are a whole lot of people he's met here who speak the latter. Only little Laura.

Cisco notices, then, that the tightness in his chest has gone, that he's breathing easily once more. Genji really has a knack for calming him down. ]

I feel better. Thank you. I'll try that. Next time I'm feeling scared.

[ He grins a little at that. ] Yes, we absolutely should. It sounds like we should start a movie watching night, doesn't it?

[ That sounds like a mundane and fun thing to do... Shigeru would probably enjoy it, as well as Hana and Gladio. (Maybe he could get Reyes to skulk around.)

Where his mother is concerned, Genji has the most positive memories of her. He wonders what he would think of her now, if she hadn't died when he was fifteen. Would she have vetoed the order to have him 'removed'? Would she have him smuggled out, perhaps to Overwatch itself? Would she have... agreed? (Would she have thought he was a disappointment as well? is the real question, underneath that.)

But he won't ever know those things. So he's content to envelop himself in the happier memories of her helping them with languages, training them, taking them out to see the festivals and the flowers when they bloomed. She tried her best to hide the blood on her hands.

His grin turns into a nostalgic little smile when Cisco talks of his childhood, nodding. ]

I understand that. My brother had more intense, formal education and training than I did. I just picked it up from our mother, school and movies and video games. Eventually I was just sort of tossed into dealings with English speaking gangs and told to sink or swim, more or less. [ He chuckles. ] I'm only genuinely fluent in the two, but you pick up a lot of others when you work for an international organization. We all had to figure out ways to communicate with each other.

[ But at what he says next, it makes Genji genuinely glad. Warmth expands in his chest for a moment. ]

I am very glad to hear it. We can continuing working on things as you feel up to it. And maybe see about this abilities of yours... I do know what it's like to have to learn control.

[ He's talking about his augmentations and something else, where a certain tattoo on his back is concerned. ]

[ Oh, movie night is definitely happening - he'd been thinking it even before Genji suggested it aloud, and gives a very solemn nod of agreement, before breaking into a beaming smile once again. All the nervousness, all the fear from earlier has been wiped away. It is easy to see how his friends might have not noticed for so long, that he was suffering. When he smiles, it's so bright, you can't imagine him ever being sad or in pain.

It's wild, imagining Genji growing up around a mix of formality (especially for his brother) that reminds Cisco of Eddie, and at the same time, around so much criminality. It must have just seemed commonplace, to him. The same way it had seemed for a long time to Cisco as if his own family's flaws were perfectly normal. ]

Sure. I can bring my gear, next time. I got these goggles I made, they, uh- they basically stimulate the fear centers of my brain, so I can trigger visions when I need to. And the gauntlets are... to help channel the blasts. So they're not so- so I can fine-tune them better.

[ So he can blast stuff without vibrating it to pieces or causing serious injury on accident, in other words. But he's glad to leave all those demonstrations for another day. He feels like he's been through the wringer, after all those disclosures, and emotions. But it's a good kind of exhaustion. Like he's taken the first step. ]

[ open ] where I end, we'll begin

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