riverviewlogs | [open] i can't forget it

[ (continued from here)

Cisco cleans himself up a little, too. At least, he manages to pull himself together enough to put on non-pajama clothes and to splash some water on his face. One of the nice things about living with Eddie is that the apartment is pretty much always spotless, regardless of Yuri's messiness and Cisco's own habit of leaving schematics and soda cans everywhere.

So there's no real tidying to do. He brings down what's left of the beignets that Taako had made to cheer him up, and also a bottle of wine he'd been thinking about opening. It's really just a damage control kind of a day. Cisco's still trying to wrap his head around the Doctor just being gone. Poor Bill. He doesn't know what he'd do, if Eddie left. If he was the only one from his world left in this place.

When Bill shows up Cisco lets her inside, saying: ]

Hey, Bill, c'mon in. Love the shirt, by the way.

[ He leads her over to the couch and then flops on it himself, sitting cross-legged and looking both wan and concerned. ]

So today sucks, huh?

Cheers.

[ She comes inside, drops her bag by the door, and shrugs out of her jacket. If she were in a better mood, she'd look around and say something nice about Cisco's apartment. As it is, she's too numb to see outside herself. ]

It's not the best day, that's for sure. You mentioned wine?

[ Cisco leans forward, scooping the wine from the coffee tables and pulling a corkscrew from his pocket, going to work on the cork as he says: ]

Beignets, too. Care of my friend, who I totally yelled at for trying to tell me the truth about the stuff I'd forgotten. Not really sure how that works - I was a dick and he brought baked goods, but...

[ He trails off with a shrug, pulling the cork free with a satisfying pop and then realizing: ]

Right. Glasses. I don't think we're quite at a drinking straight from the bottle level of crisis, are we?

[ He had been, earlier, but he's trying to keep at least a semblance of not being a total hot mess, for Bill. Cisco goes into the kitchen and returns moments later with two large wine glasses, one of which he hands to Bill before saying: ]

Say when.

[ And he starts pouring the wine for her. ]

[ While Cisco goes to fetch glasses, Bill has a seat on the sofa and helps herself to a beignet. She's never had one before, but they're delicious. ]

I like this friend of yours already. When.

[ She accepts the wine glass and holds it with both hands, looking down into the liquid, her mouth pressed into a thoughtful line. After a moment of quiet, she pulls herself out of her thoughts and looks back up at Cisco with something of a forced smile. ]

So you'd forgotten stuff too?

He's a good person. He tries to pretend that he isn't, but he is.

[ Cisco stops pouring when Bill indicates, and then pours himself the exact same amount, settling down. The only reason he is a semi-functional human being right now is because of Taako, and Eddie, and the way they'd both run damage control, keeping him from imploding completely. If he can pay that forward a little by helping Bill, the more the better. ]

He runs that bakery, Flour Up Desserts? You should definitely check it out, all the stuff is like, dangerously good.

[ It's surprisingly easy, making this kind of light chattering small talk, when in actuality everything is pretty terrible. Cisco manages a small, fake smile to match Bill's. He shrugs, but there's no good reason not to answer, even if he really doesn't feel like talking about it. ]

Yeah. Not as much as some people did. Just... some bad stuff that happened before I came here.

[ Cisco gives a tiny shrug, as if that will diminish the way he's voice has gone a bit weird. He takes a sip of his wine, not quite looking at Bill. Then, because he feels like he should say it. ]

I'm sorry the Doctor's gone.

I will. I love baking, don't get enough chances to do it myself.

[ Little does she know, she actually knows the friend Cisco is referring to, she just doesn't know he bakes. She'll be in for a surprise when she goes to visit the bakery.

It's clear from his tone that Cisco doesn't want to talk about what he'd forgotten, and that's fine because Bill doesn't really want to talk about it either. She sighs, nodding before taking a sip of her wine. ]

Thanks. I know he wouldn't want me to be sad he's gone or anything-- he never was one for feelings-- but... I can't just go on as normal. I can't.

[ He is grateful that Bill seems to catch the implied hint in just labeling what he'd forgotten as 'bad stuff'; she doesn't ask him to explain, which is good, because he's sick of talking and thinking about Eobard, and he doesn't even know where he'd start. ]

Hey, it's nobody else's business deciding what you can and can't feel. Not even the Doctor's.

[ Cisco is absolutely one for feelings, and not one for the sort of people who pretend not to have them, or object to seeing them in others. As far as he's concerned, Bill has every right to be as sad as she chooses to. ]

How long had you been traveling with him? If it's okay to ask. I don't wanna make shit worse, I just... thought it might help to talk about him a bit.

[ It's not like the Doctor is dead after all, but Cisco knows that one of the weird things about losing a person is feeling like you can't talk about them to anyone. That was how he'd felt about Ronnie, after the particle accelerator. ]

[ Bill takes another beignet, chewing it fully and swallowing before she answers. She doesn't know why it's hard to answer, but it is somehow. ]

We'd only traveled a few times. To the future, the past, to space. But I've known him for months. He started tutoring me, at university, even though I wasn't a student. [ She laughs, hollowly. ] He helped me move!

[ He was more than just a tutor or a time travelling companion. He was her closest friend. ]

[ As far as Cisco's concerned, even three trips in a spaceship time machine sounds like a whole lot. But he can see how it might feel short, abruptly-ended, if the two of them had had plans to go a lot of other places. And from the sound of it, her friendship with the Doctor stretches back a lot further. ]

Oh, damn. You two really are close.

[ He is careful to say are and not were. Even if the Doctor is gone for now, that doesn't mean Bill is never going to see him again. Maybe it wasn't the best joke to make, or the best time for it, but it seems like Bill is trying to laugh off her feelings of abandonment, and Cisco is at least attempting to help in that. A part of him is tempted to say that the Doctor might come back, but he feels like that is just a recipe for making Bill feel worse. ]

I'm sorry he's gone.

[ It sounds so bare and simple, but he doesn't know what else to say. ]

[ No, it's good he made a joke. She smiles, a bit, at the humor of it. You do have to be close to someone to help them move. She'd help the Doctor move, if he didn't live in the TARDIS. ]

Thanks.

[ She doesn't know what else to say, but she appreciates Cisco saying it anyway. He should be sorry that the Doctor's gone. The whole quarantine should be sorry. Who would save them, if things went to shit?

Bill sighs. That's not a good line of thinking to go down. ]

I guess I just... Need to remember how I was before I met him, and go back to that.

Mmm, see. I don't know about that.

[ He says it carefully, because he doesn't want to sound like he's arguing with her, or like her feelings are wrong or whatever. But at the same time, he can't say nothing. ]

I've done some of that. Tried to go back to the person I was before some shit went down. Didn't really work. Kinda sure it doesn't work for most people.

[ Cisco looks at Bill, smiling softly, gives a little shrug, then tips a bit more wine into her glass. ]

You can find a new awesome Bill to be, though. I mean... if there's any place to get a fresh start, this moon is totally it.

[ Bill exhales a quiet laugh, looking down into her wine glass as Cisco refills it. ]

Maybe. Maybe I ought to start new, be different than I ever was before. I think he'd like that.

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