( open ) we live, we die

[evasives]

who: cassian + you
what: another one for the memory sharing flood
when: mid october
where: dreams! or elsewhere in public spaces
warnings: spy things, death, murder, spoilers for rogue one, etc



( vision / flash ) i. the droid

[it's tanned hands, working on what looks like a very large robot: a black kx security droid, powered down. cassian tampers with the programming, fiddling with wires and hooking up the droid into his datapad. there's a brief reflection of his face in the black metal of the droid; he's younger, only a teenager, probably no older than fifteen with a prickly, patchy beard and less sallow eyes.]

[ten seconds pass, and he mutters something in fest to himself. then at last, he flicks the power back on. the droid's eyes light up, and he hobbles to his feet. it stands almost seven feet tall, and the angle suggests cassian is looking up from about a foot and a half lower.]

[i am k-2so. are you my reprogrammer?]

( vision / flash ) ii. the horizon

[there's a beach. the water is tinted with warm colors instead of blues, and out along the horizon is a giant sun. only it's not a sun at all, and there are puffs of air and explosions along the edges to prove it. the rest of the area around them is singing like a battlefield.]

[cassian walks weakly along the sand, upright only because of jyn beside him. his clothes are filthy and bloody as he looks down at them, his legs stumbling. as they reach the edge of the water, he collapses and she sets him down gently. he sinks into the sand, looking out at the very bright and damning fake sunset. each second that passes, it seems to grow closer. she reaches for his hand, and he looks down as he takes it.]

( dreamscape ) iii. the shot

[ visual. ]

[it's a very urban area, littered with people and voices and shops in all kinds of languages. cassian rushes through the streets, looking over his shoulder carefully. he moves like a shadow, breaking into a run when he finally ducks down an empty alleyway. there's a man waiting for him in a corner, his arm broken and pacing nervously about.

"news from jedha?" the man tells him about a defector imperial pilot who brings news about the empire building a weapon. a planetkiller. the message is from a man named galen erso. the conversation gets more frantic, nervous. "there's spies everywhere!" the man hisses.]

[the meeting is broken up by the arrival of stormtroopers. they ask for IDs. cassian jokes, laughs, plays it off, then shoots both troopers without hesitation. his informant starts to panic. "i'll never climb out of here with my arm!"

[cassian comes up behind him with a smile and a comforting voice. "calm down, we'll be all right."

[and then he shoots him. the body falls. cassian swallows, steadies himself against the murder, then leaps to climb up the wall's piping to escape.]

( dreamscape ) iv. the fall

[cassian is clinging to the edge of a data vault tower. above him is jyn, and even higher on the opposite wall, a door slides open. "jyn! he yells out, firing his blaster and initiating a quick round of firefight between a man in white and several stormtroopers.]

[one of the returning shots hits him, and his grip slips. he falls from the vault tower. his back slams into a metal beam, his arms briefly scramble for purchase on another, but he keeps falling, falling until he lands hard on a platform, his entire body limp and broken.]

[from above, there's an anxious quick yell of his name, "cassian!" but he doesn't move.]

( closed dreamscape ) v. the youth

[it's snowing outside. fest is a very cold planet, and even when you're small and aware of the dangers, the snow always has a level of adventure. twenty years ago, cassian was six years old. he's running through the snowy streets outside, scampering quickly as curfew approaches.]

[six year old cassian stomps back into the house, jumping on the floormat to shake the snow from his boots. there's a message sticking out of his pocket that he yells out is for his father, because even at six he's already running messages for the festian resistance. his mother comes over with a smile and helps him out of his coat, trading him a cup of something warm and steaming for his fluffy jacket. his father laughs in the kitchen, and cassian reaches for his mother's hand to pull her towards the sound.]

[he tells his mother excitedly about the other kids, how some of them were clonetroopers and they lost the big battle. his father beams down at him and ruffles his hair, but there is a fatigue to his eyes that the adult cassian shares. cassian just crawls into his lap and hands over the message, asking if he's allowed to read it too.]

[no, not this one. maybe next time. cassian shrugs it off, diving back immediately into his mug while his mother threatens to steal it for herself.]

[prose or brackets is fine; feel free to have a vision or a flash or both!]

Comments

[rightly]

So I've noticed. [ He glances to the man. ] I've always... assumed all humans would come from Earth. Even here, it's... difficult to keep in mind that's not always the case.

[ He's eased into some habits, but other things are harder to shake. Things he thought to be absolute truths proven otherwise in this place. Not that Steve minds, and he's not so stubborn and intolerant that he can't accept that, it's just something that requires some adapting.

Steve wants to ask so many questions, but at the same time he doesn't want to miss a word. He feels as though some of those questions might be answered if only he lets the memory play out in its entirety. Then again, the appearance of two men covered from head to toe in white armor only makes more questions spring into his mind. Some sort of authority, he can tell, but he doesn't have much time to wonder about that before Cassian's shooting them both down, and the informant starts to panic even more than before. ]

[evasives]

In my galaxy, we are born on quite a number of planets. [is there even one called Earth? maybe in the very far reaches of the universe.] I am discovering there are a great number of people here who do not use space travel on the regular.

[the way steve watches the memory unfold is almost familiar to cassian, the curious and careful eye, a quiet alertness. it's almost uncomfortable, because it seems like he's going to memorize most of it.]

[the stormtroopers go down, and an alarm blares in the distance. tivik starts to panic more, but the dream!cassian keeps calm, finding his escape route via the pipes. i'll never climb out of here with my arm! comes from tivik once he seems to realize the plan.]

[cassian comes up behind him with a smile and gentle voice. calm down. calm down! we'll be all right. he even pats him on the shoulder. before tivik gets a chance to respond, cassian fires his blaster again, and the informant falls to the ground, already dead.]

[rightly]

We're not even aware that there is life on other planets, where I'm from. [ Then again, Steve is no scientist. He probably has little notion of how big the universe really is. No doubt a physicist would have a better notion, a better understanding, and to them it would be an all too plausible theory that in a universe so vast, Earth couldn't possibly be the only planet with life.

It's funny, in a way, that Cassian's plan in the memory is much the same one that crosses his own mind as he watches the memory play out. Climbing out is the best solution, when Steve is sure that the alley is about to be flooded by guards. But of course, with an injured arm, the man couldn't make the climb, not quickly enough to escape.

And Cassian couldn't carry him— but he couldn't leave him behind, either, with all that information to be coaxed out of him. Steve doesn't know what half of it means, but he knows it's vital information, not to fall into the hands of enemies. He's also not entirely sure if he'd have done the same that Cassian does, but he certainly doesn't judge him for his decision to kill him, given the situation. ]

I'm sorry. [ They're the first words out of his mouth, spoken without thought, eyes falling to the ground and away from the broken expression on Cassian's face in the memory. ] That... I'm here. I'm sorry for intruding in your memories.

[evasives]

[hearing that about other galaxies never stops being strange. completely cut off planets are so unheard of, even if they don't have the same means or access to space travel as others. but he sort of trails off on that front, not quite forgetting to reply, but watching tivik die all over again whisks away his words. something in the universe must be conspiring, to allow so many people to witness him be a murderer.]

[cassian glances at the man briefly, needing to know his face, what he thinks, but what he finds instead of disgust is something almost like... understanding. it surprises him.]

It is not like either of us have any control over it. [his dream!self has that moment where guilt nearly consumes him, and cassian always finds it strange to watch like a third party, knowing exactly how he feels for those few seconds before he shuts it all off.]

For the record, the information proved itself indescribably valuable. [it justifies it. it has to. he saw two planets blow up because of the death star. the rebellion needed this information.] The weapon the man spoke of was very real and very dangerous. Planetkiller was quite literal.

[rightly]

[ It doesn't take exceptional observational skills to see how torn Cassian is after killing that man, how it must be tearing him apart from the inside. It's war, Steve thinks to himself. It's not an excuse, it's just... how things are. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to make the right choice all the time, every single time.

Sometimes there's no choice at all. And maybe men like them have to be the ones to do terrible things, so other people won't have to. ]

You mean— it was a weapon that could destroy whole planets? [ Alright then, that does catch him by surprise. ] How? It has to be colossal if it can do that.

[evasives]

[he's grateful the other man takes a conversation turn, even if he doesn't like how he suspects himself having just been read like a book. hard to avoid, when there are two versions of you in the same weird dream place, but at least he doesn't sense any judgment.]

I have seen it twice. They call it the Death Star. It is the size of a moon itself. [the short choppy sentences aren't entirely on purpose, but he always seems to talk this way when it comes to the weapon and his own involvement.] I have been fortunate in my time here to discover it was eventually destroyed.

[rightly]

[ Steve stares at the man in silence for a few good seconds. ] I can't even... picture something like that.

[ It doesn't help that Steve has never seen a proper spaceship, an artificial satellite or anything like it. Not even the largest airplanes can compare to a space station that should be the size of a moon. It's too massive for him to even fathom. ]

I'm— glad to hear, really. Even if I'm not from your world. [ He sighs, frowning. ] Why would anyone even want to do that? Destroy whole planets, kill all those people? What purpose could it possibly serve?

[evasives]

It was hard to believe, even after I first heard of it. [which... steve just saw happen. it's his own galaxy, but it was still almost too huge a weapon. planetkiller sounds too unimaginable, not even the alliance high command would have believed it had he not brought his own firsthand account.]

For power. Subjugation. My galaxy has been terrorized by an Empire for almost two decades, and they created such a weapon in hopes of stomping out the last pockets of resistance. [it's been longer than two decades for cassian, when one considers the empire started as the republic. his life has been one nonstop exercise in resistance.]

[rightly]

[ It's not a story Steve's entirely unfamiliar with. Of course that the proportions of this Empire Cassian speaks of must be entirely different, but oppression, terror, subjugation, those terms aren't lost on him. Perhaps they're not lost on anyone who's ever witnessed and been involved in a war. ]

But you said it's eventually destroyed, so I take it they weren't very successful in completely stopping those resistance movements.

[evasives]

[cassian gets the sense steve understands on some level, which is not a new feeling to sharing this experience with him. he has clearly seen war, maybe even been involved in similar ways. he wants to ask, but now doesn't feel like a good time.]

No. I have been told the Rebellion's success extends even beyond the Death Star into the Empire's defeat. Small mercies to getting transported into another universe, I suppose.

[there's a pause.] I am Cassian. I suppose it is only fair you know when you have seen so much else.

[rightly]

Then I am glad to hear, for your sake. For the sake of your universe.

[ He offers with a small smile, and all too aware that the likelihood that Cassian survived his own mission is low. Steve's been in an all too similar situation, after all. A dangerous situation while facing impossible odds. The outcome is almost predictable, though he doesn't ask. ]

Steve Trevor. [ He falls quiet for a moment, struggling with his own thoughts. ] I... think it's only fair that I share with you. I was a spy, as well. During the Great War. [ Which is a confession as much as his own way of saying that yes, he does understand. ]

[evasives]

[spies don't have high survival rates. he notes the use of i was rather than i am. cassian almost asks more, but it doesn't feel like the time.]

I thought you might be. [he doesn't exactly know what the great war was, but it's not hard to imagine. it's a relief in a way, because it means steve really does understand it. he still hates the idea of someone being witness to what he's done, but small mercies for it to be someone who may have gone through similar.]

[it occurs to him that this is the first time he's really spoken to another spy so candidly, and he's not sure how that makes him feel.] No matter the conflict, intelligence always exists. We are necessary.

[it's both a fact and a commiseration.] Do you know if your own war ended?

[rightly]

Unfortunately so, we are. [ Some people just have to be stopped, no matter the cost. Sometimes that means doing something utterly unpleasant, other times they may pay with their very lives. Steve did. And quite frankly, if he could have that choice, he'd have killed himself every single time, rather than hurt anyone just to silence them. Even if, in his case, they were with the enemy forces, that didn't change the fact that they had lives —wives, children, fiancées, families— waiting for them to go home after the war.

His gaze drops, before turning reluctantly to Cassian. ] It did, yes. Shortly after I left. So... I'm glad it was worth something. All that fighting and suffering.

[ So many dead, so many maimed and scarred for life, inside and out. Damage that most people wouldn't be able to recover from, not in a lifetime. Even Steve himself struggles with it— and with his right to a peaceful life, to a second chance. He still feels as though he doesn't really deserve it. ]

[evasives]

[spies are everywhere. in every war, in every universe, on every side. it's not really a comfort. it's honestly a little depressing. he knows there were other spies in the rebellion - there was an entire intelligence division - but it's not like any of them ever sat around and talked about their mental trauma. it's an odd area to navigate.]

That is what I tell myself. Everything we have done, it had to be worth it in the end.

[or what was the point of killing himself from the inside out until he actually died?]

Wars have to end. Even if they feel like they last forever. I can only hope what we do makes a difference.