riverviewlogs | ( open ) we live, we die

Entry tags:

( open ) we live, we die

who: cassian + you
what: another one for the memory sharing flood
when: mid october
where: dreams! or elsewhere in public spaces
warnings: spy things, death, murder, spoilers for rogue one, etc

( vision / flash ) i. the droid

[it's tanned hands, working on what looks like a very large robot: a black kx security droid, powered down. cassian tampers with the programming, fiddling with wires and hooking up the droid into his datapad. there's a brief reflection of his face in the black metal of the droid; he's younger, only a teenager, probably no older than fifteen with a prickly, patchy beard and less sallow eyes.]

[ten seconds pass, and he mutters something in fest to himself. then at last, he flicks the power back on. the droid's eyes light up, and he hobbles to his feet. it stands almost seven feet tall, and the angle suggests cassian is looking up from about a foot and a half lower.]

[i am k-2so. are you my reprogrammer?]

( vision / flash ) ii. the horizon

[there's a beach. the water is tinted with warm colors instead of blues, and out along the horizon is a giant sun. only it's not a sun at all, and there are puffs of air and explosions along the edges to prove it. the rest of the area around them is singing like a battlefield.]

[cassian walks weakly along the sand, upright only because of jyn beside him. his clothes are filthy and bloody as he looks down at them, his legs stumbling. as they reach the edge of the water, he collapses and she sets him down gently. he sinks into the sand, looking out at the very bright and damning fake sunset. each second that passes, it seems to grow closer. she reaches for his hand, and he looks down as he takes it.]

( dreamscape ) iii. the shot

[ visual. ]

[it's a very urban area, littered with people and voices and shops in all kinds of languages. cassian rushes through the streets, looking over his shoulder carefully. he moves like a shadow, breaking into a run when he finally ducks down an empty alleyway. there's a man waiting for him in a corner, his arm broken and pacing nervously about.

"news from jedha?" the man tells him about a defector imperial pilot who brings news about the empire building a weapon. a planetkiller. the message is from a man named galen erso. the conversation gets more frantic, nervous. "there's spies everywhere!" the man hisses.]

[the meeting is broken up by the arrival of stormtroopers. they ask for IDs. cassian jokes, laughs, plays it off, then shoots both troopers without hesitation. his informant starts to panic. "i'll never climb out of here with my arm!"

[cassian comes up behind him with a smile and a comforting voice. "calm down, we'll be all right."

[and then he shoots him. the body falls. cassian swallows, steadies himself against the murder, then leaps to climb up the wall's piping to escape.]

( dreamscape ) iv. the fall

[cassian is clinging to the edge of a data vault tower. above him is jyn, and even higher on the opposite wall, a door slides open. "jyn! he yells out, firing his blaster and initiating a quick round of firefight between a man in white and several stormtroopers.]

[one of the returning shots hits him, and his grip slips. he falls from the vault tower. his back slams into a metal beam, his arms briefly scramble for purchase on another, but he keeps falling, falling until he lands hard on a platform, his entire body limp and broken.]

[from above, there's an anxious quick yell of his name, "cassian!" but he doesn't move.]

( closed dreamscape ) v. the youth

[it's snowing outside. fest is a very cold planet, and even when you're small and aware of the dangers, the snow always has a level of adventure. twenty years ago, cassian was six years old. he's running through the snowy streets outside, scampering quickly as curfew approaches.]

[six year old cassian stomps back into the house, jumping on the floormat to shake the snow from his boots. there's a message sticking out of his pocket that he yells out is for his father, because even at six he's already running messages for the festian resistance. his mother comes over with a smile and helps him out of his coat, trading him a cup of something warm and steaming for his fluffy jacket. his father laughs in the kitchen, and cassian reaches for his mother's hand to pull her towards the sound.]

[he tells his mother excitedly about the other kids, how some of them were clonetroopers and they lost the big battle. his father beams down at him and ruffles his hair, but there is a fatigue to his eyes that the adult cassian shares. cassian just crawls into his lap and hands over the message, asking if he's allowed to read it too.]

[no, not this one. maybe next time. cassian shrugs it off, diving back immediately into his mug while his mother threatens to steal it for herself.]

[prose or brackets is fine; feel free to have a vision or a flash or both!]

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[he actually lets out the shortest, quietest laugh.] Exactly where it began. It did not stay there, though.

[he probably shouldn't sound so fond of his first real foray into way, especially when it's never really stopped since, but this is a happier memory, all things considered.]

[his face softens, looking at his mother leading his tiny self into the kitchen. it helps when jyn touches him, and he leans into it.] Carina. That was her name.

Edited 2017-11-08 05:40 (UTC)

What were you two trying to do?

[It looks like they were trying to climb somewhere, up that metallic tower. Ivar hasn't seen anything like it, not in the Quarantine, and definitely not at home.

He scowls, looking down at his legs, turning his attention away from the scene at hand for a moment. It's so unfair this is the only place he can walk around without constant pain. And people wonder why he's so damn angry all the time in the waking world.]

I'm crippled when I'm not dreaming. The name came from my father, who had a poor sense of humor when it came to nicknaming his children.

[It was hard to imagine the Rebellion didn't have hope at the time, but when faced with the reality of the situation, hope was hard to find. But they found it, and used it to push themselves forward for the greater good...and it cost them their lives in the end.

And he's giving her a lesson in history, the stories that don't get told. The stories that were lost in the midst of war. The lives that were lost and the efforts behind their missions. Her eyes went wide hearing that the default had been part of the design of the Death Star. The odds of finding that out, of having someone like Bohdi defect and then finding the plans and giving them to the Alliance...it was a miracle they were successful....and he didn't know about it until she told him.

Rey could feel her eyes getting watery from the emotions running through her body, recalling those last moments she saw. She averted her gaze, taking in a deep breath to regain control of herself. She wished he could've been alive to see the destruction of the Death Star...but then he may have died in a different battle, or lived to see the First Order rise from the ashes of the Empire.]

They did...and I feel like...if it wasn't for you and the others...who knows, maybe I wouldn't have been born or maybe the Empire would still be around and so many other lives would've been lost or not created. [So many things could've happened...and it was because of his sacrifice, his and Jyn's and Bodhi's, that the Galaxy at least knew peace even for a short time.]

[ jyn repeats his mother's name, preserving it to her own memory, albeit without the softness that cassian's accent gives. ]

You look like her. [ it's the dark eyes, really, soft and sad but determined and clever. after a moment, jyn's hand shifts down to curl around his, twisting their fingers together. it feels wrong, to be a voyeur to such an innocent memory of his youth, made especially more so because it's his parents.

but it's something she'd never get to experience otherwise. ]

Ah. [ Steve nods, a little distracted. ] I'm from Earth— never left, my whole life. We didn't even know there was life beyond it and in other planets, in my time.

[ Steve recognizes the tone of the exchange immediately, particularly when Cassian asks the man about this Jedha. A person or a place, he figures. It's also not a big leap to put the pieces together and realize that Cassian's some kind of agent, undercover or otherwise. He's a spy, simply put. ]

Doesn't seem like a very safe place.

[the only thing cassian ever really taught anyone was how to be a good spy. he largely created his own networks, recruited all sorts of people. some of that involved imparting advice and his expertise.]

[even though he hates the feeling of someone seeing this, cassian looks over at taako after it's over, because not knowing the other man's reaction would eat at him more. there's no sign of any nerves on his face, because even in a dream cassian is very good at keeping control of himself.]

[tivik was the first life lost in the quest to stop the death star, wasn't he?]

I know. [that's why he did it! but it's... a strange discomforting surprise to have taako's seal of approval, relativity speaking. he always assumes the worst. cassian doesn't have to offer any further explanations - taako literally doesn't care.] You get a sense of which informants are more strong willed than others after a while. [a beat.] He was not lying about the planetkiller, for the record.

Steal a data file. To escape, we needed to go up. [and he clearly went down. the woman does not climb down after him, there's only the distant sounds of her continuing to climb upwards.]

[cassian steals a careful glance at the man's legs, but otherwise doesn't give any clues to what he's thinking.]

If you do not like it, who would know the nickname here without your saying? Just call yourself Ivar.

Some people never do, even with space travel. Earth seems a common planet here. [there are so many people who've never left the planet they were born on, and cassian knows that's the case in his own galaxy, but it's still so bizarre. he's been to so many, and he hasn't been back to fest in years. he never will.]

That's what makes it useful. All manner of people pass through. [there's a weird familiarity to the way the man takes everything in, highly observant. he's curious despite knowing what he's about to share with a stranger.]

[tivik starts to talk about an imperial cargo pilot who defected, about a weapon he calls a planetkiller. sent by a man named erso. galen erso? was it? the conversation turns more hurried on tivik's end, and though cassian shows signs of concern, he still keep very collected. the informant panics. saw's right! there's spies everywhere!]

What is a data file?

[Ivar doesn't really know that much about computers or technology in general. He's learned scattered bits here and there in his time in the Quarantine, but not enough to see the big picture.

He shrugs at the mention of his name.]

You know what they say about names. You must own them or they will own you.

[In all honesty, he's killed people for far less than something like this. He's not in any place to judge.]

Did you uh, win?

[He doesn't know what the right word is when it comes to something labelled a planetkiller, so win seems to cover it best.]

[he almost smiles at the way his mother's name sounds with her accent. it makes him think about what it might be like to show jyn fest for real, but that's a deep impossibility.]

[he's mildly surprised by her fingers in his, but he tightens the hold she offers, winding their hands together fully. just in time for the dream to shift into the kitchen, where his father finally comes into view. he's tall too, with even darker features than his wife and son, and cassian shares his jaw, his nose. otherwise, jyn's right; he does take a lot more after his mother.]

Jeron. He was Jeron.

[ carina and jeron andor, parents of cassian. there they are, beaming at their small child as he scrambles into his father's lap.

jyn watches as his mother expertly snags the mug out of his hands so it won't spill, setting it on the table while cassian passes over the message he'd been holding.

it's idyllic and it makes jyn's stomach churn as cassian hopefully asks if he can read this message, devouring his drink when he's denied and his mother teasingly threatens to take it for herself.

tears abruptly sting at her eyes and she glances away, as if giving them privacy. she doesn't want to interrupt, even if it's only a memory. ]

[oh. right. much like space travel isn't a big thing, that sort of technology isn't familiar to everyone either.]

It is usually something like a small disc that contains information that can be read on various kinds of devices, like a datapad or even something like our communication devices here.

[for someone who has used many, many names in his lifetime, cassian really does not put much stock in that.] A name is only what you make of it yourself.

[it's everything cassian has ever fought for. to rid the galaxy of the empire, to make life better, for people like rey to exist in a world without the likes of palpatine. but talking about it so candidly, like it's just a fact: they won, the empire was defeated, the death star destroyed, all against the backdrop of his death and knowing he will never get to see it is a lot for him to process at once. spies aren't meant to be known. and he's not, not really by name, but his actions are.]

[it's probably fitting that he doesn't get to reap any of the goodness. maybe he never deserved to.]

We do not like to talk about Scarif. [UNDERSTATEMENT. he and jyn have barely mentioned it at all, and they've been here together for two months.] It was a success, in the end, and I am glad to know it galvanized an exhausted Alliance.

I do not mind speaking of the Rebellion with you. But I would prefer the details of Scarif be kept quiet. [not that he thinks rey would go blabbering about seeing his final moments on the planet, but he feels better having said it aloud.]

I wouldn't say anything, no. [That, she understood. She wouldn't go around telling everyone she met that she saw what happened to Cassian and to Jyn. That wasn't her story to tell. She wouldn't invade upon their privacy like that, or betray their trust. He didn't need to say it out loud, but she understands why. But she hopes he didn't tell anyone else what he saw either...

Not that she was ashamed of her past, but some memories were a bit more sensitive than others.]

Have you told Jyn about my memories?

[Just curious if he had. Jyn had already seen one of her memories, and if he relayed something else...well, then she'd know if she told one thing to one of them, the other would soon know.]

[it's such a tame death. there's been worse, there's been murder more justified. the most uncomfortable part is just taako being exposed to it without cassian deciding to share in the first place.]

I was pulled here before knowing the fate of the weapon. [casually skipping over the part where he died for now.] But I have since found out it was destroyed. [there's a pause. he doesn't literally gesture at tivik, but the gesture is in the words.] His information put that in motion.

I guess that sucks for him but - [a shrug] - seems like it was worth it. One life for a whole lot more.

[Taako has always been the pragmatist of the group, although it's easy when he doesn't know Tivik, doesn't care about him. If someone asked him to sacrifice a member of his family for the sake of the universe, he'd tell them to go fuck themselves.]

[he squeezes her hand watching the scene unfold, both because it's kind of overwhelming to see his parents so vibrant and alive like this, and because he can tell jyn is sort of pulling herself away.]

You can watch, if you want. [he says it quietly, trying not to let himself reach that same point of emotional teary overload. she's giving him privacy, but he finds he doesn't want or need it in this moment.] I... would like you to.

[his mother laughs when his tiny self gets a chocolate moustache, and his heart hurts. his father skims over the message grimly, but the second cassian looks back at him, jeron is all smiles and telling his son he's going to have to learn how to shave soon.]

It's nice to think someone else would know them now, even a little bit. [especially if that someone is jyn. cassian has been an orphan for about two decades. there won't be another chance like this to share them.]

[Even Ivar can follow such a simple explanation. After spending some time here, he's finally getting the basics of technology down.]

What was so important about this one?

[It looked like Cassian and his companion were risking their lives for it.]

Perhaps. I made sure mine was one to be feared.

[An odd thing to say for most teenagers, but Ivar had come from a society that revolved around war. If he hadn't made himself into a warrior, no one ever would have noticed the poor cripple.]

So I've noticed. [ He glances to the man. ] I've always... assumed all humans would come from Earth. Even here, it's... difficult to keep in mind that's not always the case.

[ He's eased into some habits, but other things are harder to shake. Things he thought to be absolute truths proven otherwise in this place. Not that Steve minds, and he's not so stubborn and intolerant that he can't accept that, it's just something that requires some adapting.

Steve wants to ask so many questions, but at the same time he doesn't want to miss a word. He feels as though some of those questions might be answered if only he lets the memory play out in its entirety. Then again, the appearance of two men covered from head to toe in white armor only makes more questions spring into his mind. Some sort of authority, he can tell, but he doesn't have much time to wonder about that before Cassian's shooting them both down, and the informant starts to panic even more than before. ]

[he nods, and it's both a thank you and i believe you at once. who needs words!]

[cassian shakes his head, finding this part of the conversation easier because it's not about himself and the whole dying thing.]

No. She knows I saw something, but not any of the details.

[he and jyn do share virtually everything, but this is different. it's such a private matter. they'd just been venting about how frustrating the whole situation is for all the parties.]

[There's a nod of her head, grateful that as close as the two of them are, they don't share everything. Just like how close she and Finn were, she didn't tell him everything. Granted, they didn't have much time together, and when she last saw him he was recovering from a nasty wound...but she would tell him different things. But something like this? Something this deep and personal? Never.]

She saw a separate memory of mine.

[One of her being betrayed by the other scavengers who she thought were friends...]

Dunno if she told you about that or not. Seems like...[She has to let out a somewhat bitter or dry chuckle.] this place or the Force wants you two to know more about me than I've shared with anyone else.

[ well, fuck. she can't look away now, not after that request. she should say something poignant. something to remind him that he isn't alone, that she knows what it's like to be alone and she understands.

instead, ]

When did you start shaving?

[it's the sort of logic cassian has used over and over again. it's the sort of logic he applies to his own death to temper any of his frustrations that the alliance did nothing.]

[but from what he has started to piece together about taako, both with the fight against the hunger and his own perspectives, there's little judgement he has towards anything.]

[it makes it a little easier for cassian to ask his question.] And if it has been many lives?

It contained the schematics to a dangerous weapon. [one that would be far better off destroyed. seeing the death star on jedha and knowing what it could do had made the choice to risk his life a far easier one.]

[he is fairly young, a teenager, but it's not like cassian himself wasn't deeply invested in the rebellion by then. children always get sucked into war.] Then you have already done what you wanted with your name.

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( open ) we live, we die

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