riverviewlogs | Rage rage against the dying of the light

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Rage rage against the dying of the light

who: Shigeru and you!
what: Dreams and memories
when: During the memshare event
where: Dream land but also around if people want to meet with him
warnings: Torture, blood

Memory I.

[ This first memory is in the first person view. Three taller older boys are hovering over the person whose eyes this is coming from. They laugh and jeer as they play a game of keep away from the person. ]

C’mon Miyata. Why don’t you use your creepy powers to just disintegrate our arms and take it back that way, huh?

[ Shigeru’s head shakes, as does the perspective, before he moves away from one of the boys trying to touch him. ]

S-Stop it. Give it…give it back. [ His voice is timid, scared, because he knows if his powers go haywire he could really hurt someone and he doesn’t want that. ]

We’re tellin’ you to take it back yourself, wimp, so just do it. Or do you not want it back cause we touched all your stuff? Are us normal people too disgusting for you, huh?

Th-that’s not…

Well?!

That’s not it! [ One of them will push him onto the ground before a flash of light erupts in the corner of the vision and the boy will stop moving entirely. ]

Alex! [ Is all Shigeru stammers out before the vision ends. ]

Dream I.

[ This dream is hardly for the faint of heart as it starts with a hospital operating room and Shigeru is strapped to an operating table. Behind the glass window where viewing would occur stands and woman and Alex, who screaming silently back at her and at the glass. Shigeru whimpers and tries to use his powers to break free but a powerful shock courses through his body as he lets out a painful yelp and gasp. ]

Ah, ah, We can’t have you using your powers prematurely like that…Shigeru, right? I think that’s what your student ID says. Just a college student, but you two certainly have a knack for spying and winding up where you don’t belong don’t you?

[ A man in his early fifties, with streaks of gray in his jet black hair, will stare as he looms over Shigeru with a scalpel and medical garb. There’s a vicious smile behind his surgical mask but his crystal blue eyes convey his insanity rather well. ]

Now let’s get started. We have some work to do and I don’t wish to keep the good lady waiting. You may call me Jern and I’ll be your doctor today.

[ The dream will continue on from there with the real Shigeru, the incorporeal one, watching in horror and not being able to really watch all of it as he covers his face with his hands and turns away. If he could get sick inside his dreams this would be when he does. He remembers this, of course he does his memory is perfect after all. But having to dream about it again is…not something he ever wanted to experience let alone anyone else. ]

Dream II.

[ This dream starts in the third person as well with Shigeru, a bit older now, walking through a long, stainless steel covered hallway. Moans and noises of pain reverberate through the walls of the place. Alex holds up a hand and motions Shigeru to stop. A door rests closed at the end of the long hallway, and noises coming from it are muffled sobs. Alex will nod as he motions for Shigeru to move in towards the side, his sword at the ready, as Alex opens the door.

The scene behind the door is one of horror as many children, adults, and teenagers are chained to the wall, some so tightly that there’s pools of blood underneath them. The horrid factor is that they’re all half mutated into creatures that hardly resemble human anymore. Some of them it’s just small portions of their bodies like an arm, or leg, but other people are almost fully changed and they sit in reinforced steel cages but hardy react the Alex or Shigeru at all. They all look at the same time towards the two of them and Alex lets out a soft ‘shit’ when they start to move in their chains. ]

Help us. Please help us! [ Shigeru and Alex move in then and begin to free the prisons. A loud explosion from somewhere in the place goes off suddenly then. The imprisoned start to panic and rush to the door. Shigeru will look back at Alex and sign something to the extent that he was going to go look into matter. Alex tries to stop him but in the chaos he loses Shigeru.

The dream will fast forward to Shigeru panting and facing down with the man from his previous dream, Jern. But he looks so different now that it’s hard for people to even tell who it is. His black hair is replaced with thick, black, tendrils and his blue eyes remain the same except for his sclera being pitch black. Anyone who has seen Shigeru possessed will realize it immediately. There’s black scrawling letters across Jern’s skin as well. ]

Ah. So we meet again. Are you here for your friends? I’m afraid I broke that one a bit too much.

[ He’ll point to Klein whose lifeless body is on the floor and behind the grotesque man is another young agent, with orange hair and freckled skin. His gate looks cracked and is oozing some type of black substance that splatters to the ground in the silence to follow. Shigeru takes a step forward and sign something ‘let him go’ but Jern will just laugh. ]

Not until you show me your negative gate again. [ Jern smirks as Shigeru shakes his head activating his gate to draw his sword and shield out of it. There’s a blackness that overtakes the dream as Jern can he heard laughing and next it’ll shift to Shigeru lying on the floor, bruised, bloodied and with two broken limbs. Jern will laugh as he slams down on Shigeru’s broken leg, Shigeru lets out a yelp and cry of pain as he arches his body with the attack. ]

Thinking you can beat me. Didn’t you learn anything from our little doctor visit? [ He’ll walk over towards the dead body of Klein and unceremoniously drag him towards Shigeru. Shigeru’s breathing will pick up and his face will go pale, eyes flickering black and then back to normal as he tries to move away. He’ll shake his head then, knowing what Jern is going to do. ]

I’m going to make you turn if it’s the last thing I do. Now you wanted to say your goodbyes, right? So lets have a proper send off then.

[ Shigeru will let out a terrified noise as Jern grabs his arm, yanking him closer to Klein and bringing his hand closer to the other man’s dead body. Every time he resists theres a sickening crack as Jern breaks ones of his finger, getting a horrible pained noise from Shigeru each time.

And the real Shigeru will just stand there, unnoticed, his face pale and horrified as he lingers there. ]

Dream III.

[ This is a happier dream, featuring Shigeru and his friends. Alex, Klein and Shuu are all sitting around a table as Shigeru comes from the kitchen with a heaping platter of what appears to be a turkey. ]

You really outdid yourself, dude. Who the heck is gonna eat all of this? [ The freckled man says with amusement as he eyes the black haired man sitting next to him. ]

Shut up, Shuu. At least we’re getting food, being on these missions and away all the time really sucks. I wouldn’t have enlisted if I knew this was how it was going to be. But at least Shigeru is here to keep us fed. [ They both laugh as comments like ‘team mom’ are thrown around. ]

Hey Shigeru thanks a lot. We really…appreciate all of this. And Shigeru just nods, face going red slightly, as Alex compliments him. He signs ‘you’re welcome’ back to the other before hurrying off into the kitchen to get more of the food he prepared. ]

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[ Loki looks on, a cool expression on his face. ]

These are the people you wish to protect?

Edited 2017-10-16 02:15 (UTC)

[ Genji is standing off to the side, watching as Shigeru is strapped to that table in the dream. Despite knowing it isn't 'real' he's still furious, wanting to free him and his friend and get them the hell out of here.

His heart hurts, knowing this is something he's been through. Genji never really realized how fortunate he was to never be under the knife of someone who meant him harm.

He turns to him, a sad expression pulling at his face. ] If you would rather not see this...

[ Shigeru will just sort of cover his ears and close his eyes when those painful noises turn into choked back sobs, as Jern digs into his flesh with those various instruments, trying to force him to activate his powers to heal himself.

Shigeru remembers going through this for hours...hours of it and trying to hold on to some hope that someone would come save them. But who would care about two missing phrobiest students in the world that they lived in? No one. He doesn't want Genji to see this, he doesn't want anyone to. He'll open his eyes and look back at Genji. ]

I'm sorry. [ He doesn't want Genji to see him like this. And he'll flinch when Jern laughs. ] I don't...don't know how to make it stop.

[ And Genji is close by his side in an instant, standing right in front of him. He hopes his broad shoulders hide the sight they're being forced to see, and he reaches to tug him close. ]

You don't need to apologize. And we don't have to watch, okay?

[ It's far too cruel, to force him to relive this. It's something he should talk about in his own time, not be shoved right back in the middle of it and watch it like it was some movie. ]

[ It was far too cruel for someone like him to relive and remember in such vivid clarity. It wasn't far at all and Shigeru will nod his head with a shaky breath.

He remembers how much this messed him up after they were saved...and the dream will progress to Shigeru's gate activating then. An inhuman scream will erupt from Shigeru's lips in the silence that follows. Black sludge and a strange ancient whispering will fill the room then. Jern will let out a startled gasp as Shigeru's eyes turn pitch black with purple irises, black inky tendrils sprout from his shadow cast upon the table and floor. It's a terrifying scene as he disintegrates the shackles around his ankles and wrists and gets up with a furious look in his eyes. Shigeru will take a deep breath and then exhale, black smoke escaping his lips as his does so, as he lurches to his feet.

The Shigeru not of the dream will tug on Genji's arm to pull him away, his breathing labored and shaky, as he watches partially from behind Genji's form. This is what he really didn't want the other man to see. He didn't want him to see that...horrifying, terrible, monster that he can become. ]

[ Genji closes his eyes and leans down, almost resting his head against Shigeru's shoulder. He caught a brief glimpse and can figure out the rest by the sounds...

Poor Shigeru. Too, too cruel. (There's a voice in his head, saying that when he finds out who caused this... but he stuffs it away. Revenge solves nothing.) His voice is near Shigeru's ear when he speaks softly. ] I won't look, I promise.

[ He puts a warm hand against the small of Shigeru's back. ]

We were young...and it wasn't uncommon for phrobiests with powerful phobias to be feared like I was.

[ His frown is evident though even as he speaks about it. ]

But I don't really...blame them for that. Children sometimes act without thinking of how their actions will affect others. It doesn't justify what they did to me...but it's in the past now and I've grown from it, in a way.

Have you?

[ His voice is full of creeping, cruel doubt. How can anyone? Loki barely can look at himself in the mirror. Some days, it swallows up everything he knows, every thought that passes through his mind. ]

No...

[ Not this again. No matter how hard Hana fights the biological urge to sleep, she always fell asleep one way or another - and she almost always found herself in someone else's memory or someone else in hers when she did. Not that being awake and experiencing flashes was any better - in fact, the last few days have just completely sucked.

The memories, in themselves, tended to tip toward the 'horrifying and distressing' spectrum, but now and then she'd find herself in milder, almost pleasant memories.

When she sees Shigeru strapped to an operating table, her heart sinks and she knows, right away, that this is not one of those milder memories. ]

Shigeru!

[ It was helpless, of course. The memory is going to proceed - and it's already happened. No amount of her screaming and yelling is going to change that fact. But it's an impulse she can't stop, borne of an innate desire to help people who are suffering. At the very least, she can reach out to the real Shigeru, the one she knows, who's turned away at the other side of the room. She goes to him quickly, not sure if she can bear to watch the rest of this, either. ]

Shigeru... I'm sorry. I tried not to sleep anymore because I don't want these things to happy anymore but I couldn't—

[ And now she's here, invading on what is undoubtedly a traumatizing moment of his life. ]

[ Shigeru is quite literally shaking now as the dream comes to a slow end. A loud explosion makes Shigeru jump in Genji's arms as he looks back up at the man, his eyes filled with tears as other inhuman sounds come from the dream. He doesn't want to hear it...he doesn't want to hear it. He just wants to wake up, why isn't he waking up?!

But the dream will end, suddenly, as another loud explosion erupts around them, flinging both Genji and Shigeru from the dream. The suddenness of it leaves Shigeru to wake up with a choked back sob as he huddles on his bed with his hands gripping the bed sheets against his chest. ]

[ The tears in his eyes make his heart hurt and twist so painfully. Genji is reaching up to wipe his tears when the dream suddenly ends and they're almost literally yanked away from each other and thrown back to reality.

Genji gasps as he shoots up in bed, his systems giving an alert to his high waking blood pressure. He puts a hand over his damp forehead and takes a few deep, calming breaths the best he can... his chest still feels like there's a dead weight resting on it. That look in Shigeru's eyes, and that memory... what kind of sadness must he carry around with him? His heart gives a squeeze.

With that, he gets out of bed and pulls on some sweatpants and a shirt (as putting on his armor pieces would take too long) and hurries on out towards the door. He leaves a note on the fridge for Hana and Gladio saying where he's going before he rushes to Shigeru's home.

Genji knocks on the door gently when he arrives, running a hand through his hair that's still a mess from sleep. ] Shigeru? It's Genji. I wanted to make sure you're okay...

[ Shigeru is still sitting in bed when he hears that knock on his front door. He will jump in a startled sort of way, before debating on opening it. Honestly he's just so tired and upset that Genji had to see any of that, that he's not sure if he should answer the door.

But...staying alone was even worse than having company. So he'll finally answer the door after around 10 minutes. His eyes and face are red, puffy too, obviously because he was crying. But he can't bring himself to look Genji in the eyes right now. Not without losing his composure again. He'll sign something then. ]

I'm okay. [ He is totally not okay at all. ]

[ Genji waits and he's about to pull out his device to call and check on him when he finally opens the door. Which only makes Genji's heart squeeze again.

It's obvious he's not okay. Genji squeezes his own hands together briefly, a squeak of rubber and metal rubbing against each other as he does so. ] Would you prefer I go? I can stay if you need to talk about it.

[ A pause, his voice quieter. ] I do not think any less of you, Shigeru.

[ No. He doesn't want Genji to leave at all. Before he can even sign anything or type anything, his arm will shoot out and he'll grab Genji's sleeve with a tight grip. His eyes begging almost for him to stay.

But those words make him tear up again, and he'll rub at his eyes as he turns away so Genji can't see him.

He's a monster and Genji saw it firsthand him turning into one...but that's what he was, deep down, all phrobiests were. There was no...stopping it not matter hard how they tried to. ]

[ Genji's heart jumps when he grabs at his shirt sleeve. With a deep frown, he steps inside Shigeru's house and closes the door gently.

Then reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. ] Shall we go sit down somewhere comfortable?

[ The thought of him being a 'monster' doesn't even cross his mind. If there's one thing Genji's learned throughout his life and his travels, what makes a monster is what you do and not what you are. ]

[ Shigeru will nod numbly as he's brought back inside the house. For some reason Genji's presence is a good and calming factor in his life and he's really grateful for the other man being here right now.

He might sniffle a little as he walks Genji into the living room. ]

I can make tea...if you want?

Only if you'd like. I can make it, if you would prefer to rest. [ Genji reaches up and cups his cheeks gently, brushing his thumbs across his skin.

He manages a bashful, if somber, little smile. ] We woke up before I had the chance to do this... I'm so sorry you were forced to relive that. It's far too cruel.

[ Shigeru might...close his eyes and lean into that touch. Ah. He really does feel better when he's around Genji. These past few days have been so incredibly hard on him...he's just really tired look as he opens his eyes again and looks away.

His eyes might be filling up with tears again as he hears those words. Ugh he really can't believe people saw that. He never wanted to remember that or see it happen ever again. It makes his heart ache knowing that Genji and whoever else might see it too. ]

You're not...afraid of me? Even after I...became that thing.

[ He's glad to be a calming prescence for him. Genji brushes away his tears and shakes his head, stepping in a little closer. ] I could never be afraid of you, Shigeru.

[ He uses a hand to brush some of his hair behind his ear, and idle and affectionate little motion. ] You were being tortured and you had to survive. There is no shame in that.

[ Genji is more heartbroken that it even happened, that it had to come to that. He's been there a few times in his life, been cornered and wounded and needing to lash out. It isn't the same as Shigeru's by any means... but it makes him remember the Blackwatch missions where the people he would save would look at him in terror, as if he was about to turn his blade on them. ]

I still...I still remember all of it. [ He'l close his eyes as he flinches, remembering those wounds and cuts that were so horribly broadcasted just now. ]

That man...Jern he-he keeps trying to turn me into that monster. I'm scared that if I go back home, I really will turn into one.

[ His hands are gripping his phone so tightly as he looks away, blinking back tears and trying to not shake too much. ]

He makes me feel so...powerless.

[ Lucky for this 'Jern' that they're a portal and an entire different universe apart... Genji would want to hunt him down and make him stop, for Shigeru and for good.

But this isn't the time for harshness, for vengeance. The person he cares about is hurting. ] You aren't powerless, Shigeru.

[ Genji shifts and finds his eyes, smiling softly. ] You're here with me and you're safe. I won't let anything happen to you.

[ Shigeru would never come out of his house if Jern was here. The man terrifies to the point where he freezes in fear.

His fingers curl and twist in the hem of his shirt as he bites his lip and shakes his head. ]

I can't...fight someone like him. He...he's terrifying.

[ He can't imagine Genji going up against him either. He can't imagine anyone doing so. ]

Forenthieths...they're stronger than any phrobiest. No one's ever encountered one and came out alive from it.

But he's not here. And he won't ever be here. [ Genji moves to put a hand on the small of his back, tugging him a little closer. ]

Do you think trying your meditation would help? [ He looks to his hands gripping the device. ] Your knuckles are almost white.

You don't...know that. [ The color drains away from his face as he even considers it. But he'll look back down at his hands, hardly realizing he'd been holding his phone that tightly.

Right. Meditation... ]

I could try. [ The other alternative is obsessively cleaning and he...doesn't want to do that either. ]

Edited 2017-10-22 03:52 (UTC)

Why don't we go sit down first? [ Genji leads him over to the couch nearby, sitting down.

He cups Shigeru's face again with one hand before he speaks. ] Just take deep breaths. Jern is not here and you're safe. You're safe in your home, with me.

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Rage rage against the dying of the light

[ dream - memory I ]

dream i

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