riverviewlogs | ( open ) just keeping life and soul together

Entry tags:

( open ) just keeping life and soul together

who: Steve Trevor & YOU!
what: memory share + catch-all
when: month of October; 9th to 23rd for memory share things
where: all over
warnings: death, violence, some gruesome stuff, sappiness. will update if need be!

I ▹ VISIONS

[ You're a little scared, but you don't look it. You don't act like it, either. You're aware of being in enemy territory, surrounded by people who would torture or kill you without a second thought, if they knew who you were. But they don't. You're dressed like them, talk like them, and you walk among them completely unnoticed.

It's a good thing. It allows you to come into the factory, see what kind of work they're doing. You watch as the scientist you've been sent to check up on works on an experiment with a sort of poisonous gas. It fails, but frustration and anger has her killing the guinea pig anyway, a man who's as scared as he is helpless, restrained and with a mask strapped to his face.

You have no time to think. You can't let her finish her work, you have to find a way to stop it, or at least delay it for long enough that you can bring this information to the people who can actually do something with it. So, while she speaks to the General, you sneak your hand through the cracked door and you steal her notebook. You manage to walk halfway across the factory before she notices it's gone, and by the time she yells out and the alarm sounds, you're already outside.

Walking calmly isn't an option anymore. You start running, then sprinting, yanking a pilot out of his airplane and climbing in yourself, quickly taking off. You double back, though. It's risky, but you may as well cause as much damage as you can, and you shoot across the field, the other airplanes and soldiers there, and as you approach the factory, you let a bomb down through the glass ceiling, flying away as it all blows up, the scientist's work all going up in flames. There's a sense of relief and accomplishment, even as the enemy force seems intent on finding a way to chase you down and catch you. ]

II ▹ DREAMSCAPE

[ It's a peaceful scene, for a change. You find yourself standing a little to the side with Steve, while the perfect copy of him, in the memory, sits on the edge of the fountain, next to Diana. Sameer comes by, happy and chatting, offering them both drinks, and they help themselves. Both the protagonists of the dream and the rest of the people around them, singing, dancing and laughing, seem to be entirely unaware of their presence.

Steve reaches out to clink his beer against Diana's in a toast, then looks around them, a warm contented expression taking over his features. ]

You did this. [ He says to Diana, but she's prompt in correcting him, smiling as he glances at him. ] We did.

[ The other Steve, the one standing next to you, doesn't look particularly comfortable being here, but he knows there's no point trying to leave. He just looks at you awkwardly, shrugging in way of an apology. He knows what's going to happen next, after all, and... well, it's about to get very sappy. ]

III ▹ VISIONS

I have to go. [ She doesn't understand, but you know better. You can't stay now, there's no choice. But you can't leave without telling her, without at least getting it all off your chest. At least she'll know before you're gone. A small comfort (no comfort at all), but it'll have to do. ]

What are you saying? [ She asks, you shake your head. You have a feeling you're both speaking in different languages; you can't hear her, she can't hear you. ] Steve. Whatever it is... I can do it.

No, no. [ Stop her, you need to stop her. You know Ares will never let her go through with it, even if she could, and she would be able to survive it. She insists, you push back. ]

It has to be me. It has to be me. I can save today— you can save the world. [ God, he means it. He believes it. She'll save the world, and that's bigger than him, than surviving, than breakfasts and reading the newspaper and growing old together.

You smile, even if you feel miserable. You look away briefly, then back to her, shaking your head. Your heart pumps wildly in your chest. ] I wish we had more time.

[ She stares at you; she can't hear you, you realize. ] What? What are you saying?

[ You reach down and take off your watch, pressing it to the palm of her hand. Then you start walking backwards. ] I love you.

[ You don't want to let go, but the more you linger, the surer you are you won't be able to. So you pull your hands away quickly and start running away, towards the airplane waiting for you. Your fate— your coffin.

She calls out after you, but you don't look back. You can't look back. You know a glance will be all it takes for you to hesitate, to lose your courage and not do what you have to. ]

IV ▹ VISIONS (this can be a continuation to the previous memory, if you'd like!)

Steve! [ You don't look back. You can't. You rush towards the airplane, and you jump in. You climb inside and take on the pilot, kicking him out. The adrenaline and the haste kick you into action, mask the other feelings that would freeze you to the spot.

You take the seat and you take the plane up in the air. Up, up, away, as far away as it can get. You keep looking back over your shoulder, until the flames and the factory are but a dot in the distance. You laugh, breathless. You laugh and you can't stop, exhilarated and terrified when the reality of it all sinks in.

You're going to die.

This is the hard part. Because now you can safely end it all, not hurt anyone else, but the gun is suddenly heavy in your hand, and your arm shakes, your body shakes, your head spins and your heart is tearing a hole in your chest. You try to breathe deeply but you can't calm down, you can't. Does it matter? Not really. Calm or not, you're going to die. The end result will always be the same.

You close your eyes, try very hard not to think of good things. Diana. You know the moment you remember her smile, her laugh, her eyes, you'll want to turn the plane around, and you can't.

Deep breaths. One, another. You open your eyes again. Your breathing gets calmer, you don't know how. You decide to count down the exhales. Five... four... three... two...

One.

You pull the trigger. ]

[ ooc: if you'd like any other specific memories from the movie, feel free to let me know and I can write a starter for you! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It doesn't matter that Cisco know the end to this story; it is still incredibly hard to watch. The vision comes to him fragmented at first, the sounds oddly muffled, coming in and out. He sees snippets suspended without context - hands exchanging a watch, running towards a plane, the way the sky looks as the plane plunges upwards into the sky. As the days go by, he sees the memory in longer stretches, until finally, the entire conversation with Diana comes across, and Cisco knows for sure whose memory it is, and what he should do.

He decides to approach this one in person, because he knows that texting doesn't come as naturally to Steve, and because he wants to be there, nearby, to provide whatever reassurance he might need to. So he invites Steve to his workshop under the pretense that he has found a cool motorcycle engine (which is, in fact, true - Rey had hauled it back from the abandoned city with her speeder a few days back). But when Steve shows up, Cisco looks grave, eyes a touch red-rimmed, and he says right away: ]

Hey, Steve. So I- I lied a little. I got the engine and we should totally geek out over it later, but... I got something I need to tell you, too.

[ Cisco has been showing Steve a lot of new modern things, teaching him about how technology works, with some good emphasis on mechanics. He appreciates it. Airplanes were always Steve's passion, and he looks forward to being able to tinker with the more modern engines in this place, even if not airplanes.

So when Cisco contacts him and asks him to come by the workshop, he's visibly excited to get his hands on the new engine. But what he comes to find at the workshop isn't exactly what he's expecting. His smile dies the moment he sees the look on Cisco's face, and despite his admission, Steve's more worried than he is upset. ]

What's wrong? [ Something is wrong, he can tell. It even looks as though Cisco's been crying. ] What happened?

[ Cisco pushes his hair back from his face, wrings his hands a little as he tries to figure out the best way to put this. Steve had told Cisco a little about his death, but there is a huge difference between choosing to have a conversation where he can disclose what he wants, and hide what he wants, and Cisco actually witnessing it, and the goodbyes just before. Cisco knows that the moment he had seen was awful, and tragic, and deeply private. So he hesitates a few moments before he says: ]

So you know how- how everybody's been having these weird visions and dreams of- of other people's memories.

[ Cisco forces himself to look up, to maintain eye contact and say this to Steve's face. He deserves that much. ]

I had one. Of, um, you. Saying goodbye to a woman and- and going up in the plane.

[ He had seen more - Steve's elation, and then panic, and then the strange calm that seemed to settle over him before he pulled the trigger. But Cisco thinks he's said enough to get the general point across, and he's trying to be as abstract as possible, to avoid mentioning any details that might be hard for Steve to hear. ]

I'm really sorry, Steve. I couldn't- there's no way to stop those dreams, once they get started. We don't gotta talk about it at all, and- if you want me to pretend it never happened, I'm totally okay with that. I just- I wanted you to know. And to say I'm sorry.

[ Steve struggles not to tense and clam up the moment Cisco mentions the memories. For him to be bringing it up now of all times, it has to be something involving him, and for him to be that upset, it obviously can't be anything good. He bites his cheek and fights the urge to stop Cisco or even walk away, although he's looking away by the time Cisco mentions the airplane. ]

Right.

[ His voice falters a little. He's not nervous, scared or mad, he's just... well, he can't put it to words exactly, but something close enough to upset. He moves to one of the stools nearby, taking a seat there. ]

It's alright. It's... I know how these memories work, I know it's not your fault. [ He props his elbow on the table next to him, hand covering his mouth as he takes a deep breath.

He glances back to Cisco eventually. ] Please... you can't tell Diana. I mean— the woman you saw, in that memory. She's here, but she doesn't know about any of that. That's all I ask.

[ Even when Steve says it's not Cisco's fault, he feels a little stab of guilt. He's been wondering, lately, if his powers might be making it so he has more of these dreams than other people - and wondering if, if only he had better control over them, he could be able to tear himself free once the memories started. Probably, he thinks, he could. But he's still too unpracticed, because he's spent so much time trying to pretend he didn't even have powers.

He waits as Steve sits, looking heavy and solemn and shaken. Cisco swallows, shifting his weight from foot to foot and hoping that this hasn't somehow ruined their new friendship. He is silent until Steve makes his request, and then he answers without hesitation: ]

Of course, Steve. I won't say a word about this, to anyone. I swear it.

[ Cisco grabs the nearest stool and pulls it over, close to Steve but not too close, leaving him a little bit of space as he sits down, face all concern. He'd spoken to a Diana, on the network - about candy of all things - but the conversation had only been text. Nothing that would've allowed him to recognize her in the dream. But he does remember what Steve had said, the first time they met. It's not hard to put the pieces together. ]

She's the one you told me about. The one from earlier in your timeline. She doesn't know about you dying, or... about you two?

[ That last part is just a guess, based on Steve's phrasing. She doesn't know about any of that. If that's the case... Cisco can't even imagine how hard that must be. ]

[ Steve would never dream to blame Cisco for this, powers or no. He certainly won't hold it against him, nor does he see it as a breach of privacy on Cisco's end. Given the choice, of course he wouldn't want to share the memory with anyone, but all in all... well, at least he and Cisco get along. Little by little Steve's come to see that he can trust him. It could be worse. A near stranger, for instance. ]

I believe you.

[ Cisco's word is all he needs, and he relaxes a little, even if he's not exactly at ease yet. He glances up again, nodding to confirm his conclusion. No point lying about that anyway, is there? Diana's the only one here he knew from before, so. ]

Any of it. I mean— she knows that I... care about her. She just doesn't know how much. [ It seemed a little much to tell her all that, to profess his love when he was practically a stranger to her. So, he'd opted for a tamer version of their story. ] But she doesn't know about the rest. She thinks... we'll both live to see the end of the war. I haven't confirmed it, but I haven't told her otherwise, either.

[ Even though he likely should. ]

That's an awful choice for you to be stuck with.

[ Which seems to be a bit of a theme, where Steve is concerned. He'd had to make the choice to leave behind someone he was clearly very in love with, to sacrifice his life, to save many more. And now, apparently, he has to decide what he can live with: lying to her and hiding the truth from her, which might spare her some pain but which is ultimately still a lie, or telling her the truth and risking alienating her or hurting her. Cisco frowns at Steve, reaching out carefully and setting a hand on his shoulder, reassuring and bracing.

He should leave things there, he thinks. Not say anything else that has the potential to upset Steve, or make things worse. But Cisco's never been good at holding back. ]

I know that it isn't my place to say this, and there's all kinds of complications, but... in the memory, I heard you. You said- said you wished you had more time to be with her.

[ Cisco smiles, just a tiny sliver of a thing, half-sad and half-hopeful. His voice is low and earnest as he says. ]

Maybe that's what this is. Maybe that's why you're both here. It's a second chance at some more time. And... if there's anything I know about second chances, it's that you can't ever waste them.

I seem to get a lot of those.

[ He sounds a little bitter about it, but mostly sad and resigned. He's had worse choices to make, honestly. Choices that could have been the difference between saving a lot of lives and ending them. It's just different, when the two possible paths here are to either lie to Diana, or upset her. He doesn't want to do either, but it's not like there's a third option.

Cisco means well, Steve knows, and that's why he doesn't ignore him, nor does he clam up or tell him to leave it. He smiles weakly, shaking his head. ]

It's not that easy. This could be a second chance for me, yes. But it's not to her. She's not done yet— with the war, fighting, that's... that's all still ahead of her. She'll go back in a heartbeat, the moment she has the chance. And I would never ask her to stay, not for my sake.

[ It really is a little jarring, at times; there is much about them that is different, but every now and then Steve will say something that reminds Cisco a whole lot of Eddie. This had, after all, been a conversation the two of them had had to have, when they started dating - one of them was dead and stuck in this place, and the other wasn't. But the difference is, when Eddie said he wouldn't ask Cisco to stay for his sake, Cisco could tell him he was staying for lots of other reasons, too. It sounds like that isn't and won't be the case for Diana, which rather complicates things.

Cisco drops that hand from Steve's shoulder and nods gravely a few times. He covers his mouth with his hand, mulling it over. He's not arrogant enough to think that he can solve any of this, for Steve. It's not the sort of problem you fix. But he thinks he can deliver a little perspective, as someone who has lived in the quarantine a while longer. ]

That does complicate things. But I've been here for a while, Steve. I've gotten to know a lot of people. It's pretty rare anyone gets a chance to go back home within the first year. Most of them, it ends up being four, five years before they do.

[ Cisco gives a small shrug; that, at least, is not an opinion, or a piece of advice that he might not be qualified to deliver, but rather, a statistic. They had been brought here, after all, and while they're not prisoners or anything, there was a reason for that. They're meant to be rebuilding this place, and that wouldn't be possible if everyone who got a bit homesick could choose to go back to their world in the first week. ]

That's not a lifetime, but it's still years. And even if you know there's gonna be an end... that's no reason not to start. Everything ends. You can still make the most of the time you've got, while she's around, and then... when she goes, then you figure out what's next for you.

[ Cisco finishes with a little shrug, turning towards the work table beside them and tugging at the large piece of cloth he has covering up the motorcycle engine he'd used as a pretense to get Steve here in the first place. As he does, he adds: ]

Whenever that is, I'll still be around, anyway. I'm here for good.

Edited 2017-10-15 21:12 (UTC)

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