Dodger // 3♥ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
smokedout) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2017-10-11 06:48 pm
smokedout) wrote in riverviewlogs2017-10-11 06:48 pm
[OPEN] As I arrived I thought I saw you leaving, carrying your shoes
who: Jamie Dodger and YOU!
what: Memory-sharing, in both day-flash and dream flavors.
when: All throughout the event.
where: ~Dreamscape~
warnings: Drug use/alcoholism, child abuse, domestic abuse, violence/murder, mentions of sexual violence, and just... y'know. Dodger's life.
--
i. revolution
[This is a rather long flash, but it crops up during the day - in first person, from the eyes of someone quickly stalking through the shadows of an alleyway. As he reaches a turn, a burly young man with glasses and ill-fitting clothing comes to speak to him.]
Demarco's here. Shen was with him when he showed up, but he ran off again - we can track Shen down if you want, but it won't help anything if-
Let Shen go. I've got him where I need him, no need to piss off the BLQ. [Dodger looks the man over, focus narrowing on a small cut just barely visible under his bangs, by his hairline.] Where were you last night?
What? Nowhere. [The man glances around, bemused, before shaking his head.] Come on, Demarco's this way.
[Without another word Dodger follows him, to meet two more men holding a third by his arms. The man is struggling, unkempt and clearly drugged up on something, and his body stretches unnaturally - like rubber - as he tries to struggle away from the other two. Still, he can't shape his body shape quite enough to escape. As soon as he spots Dodger he stops, a manic smile on his face.]
Thank god. Dodger. Dodger, Dodger, you're with me on this, yeah? C'mon, kid, those fuckers oughta know we're around, right, gotta show a message, send a-
[He can't get any further than that, before Dodger's put a bullet through his head. His face is caught in a look of shock, as the men release him and he melts into a sickening puddle of misshapen limbs. Dodger barely looks at it before turning back to the man he'd followed here.]
You can handle this shit yourself next time, Johnny. I mean it. If I have to personally deal with every fucking idiot that thinks revolution means standing on top of a cop car shouting threats, we're never getting anything done. Yeah?
[Johnny is stunned as he turns, but he hears the man chattering to one of the others - 'he remembered my name!' Dodger lets out a sneer before the flash ends, returning the viewer to their daily routine.]
ii. useful
[This is a shorter flash. It lasts only a few moments - from a first-person perspective of a rather short teenager, the viewer is watching a man repeatedly smash an acoustic guitar into the ground. The guitar isn't particularly expensive looking, but the boy is trembling with rage and fear as he sees it. The man is much larger than him, a drunk monster dressed like a greaser from the 50's and reeking of booze and women.
The guitar's body snaps away from its neck, and he stomps it down a few times before kicking it aside and grabbing the boy by his ear.]
Stop wasting your money on this worthless shit, understand? [The man barks at him, aiming a smart whack to his head with the guitar's neck before tossing it aside.] You got no use for it. 'Cause I got no use for it. And if you ain't useful to me, you ain't. Useful. Got it?
[The boy can't manage a response, but he gets out a choked sob before the memory ends.]
iii. blood
[Another day flash, about medium length. The viewer is now in the perspective of a young boy, sitting on the ledge of a dizzyingly tall building. Another man is sitting just behind him, legs on either side of him to effectively trap him against edge of the building. In his hands, young Dodger is holding a large sniper rifle, heavy in his arms despite his growing musculature.]
Let's check out that playground, you see anyone there?
Yeah. [His voice betrays him as roughly 12 during this memory, and his accent is a muddled mixture of London and Boston.] Two girls and a boy.
Let's play with some female empowerment. [The man mutters, motioning for Dodger to pull the gun up.] You know what the difference between girls and women is? Blood.
I don't...
The boy, kid. Aim it at the boy.
[Dodger hesitates, but he raises the gun and watches through the crosshair. His target is a middle schooler, apparently keeping an eye on the two girls who seem to be about eight. Dodger is silent for a few moments before putting the gun down.]
Paul, I can't do it.
It's one fuckin' button, how hard could it be.
But I-
Pull it, or I'm shoving you off the wall. Benny's orders.
[Dodger swallows uncomfortably, and lifts the gun again. The memory ends as he trains the gun on his target and pulls the trigger, squeezing his eyes shut before he sees the results.]
iv. patricide
[This is a dream, giving space for the viewer to watch in third person. Dodger himself is watching from third person himself, sitting at the far corner of the room, but may not be noticeable at first. There's something that catches the viewer's attention much more.
The room seems to be an old-fashioned diner, something common in the 50's, which has been cleaned up and closed for the night. by the wall of the room, near the window, one table is occupied by two men and populated by several bottles. The man is recognizable from the second day flash, if one say both; he dresses like a 50's greaser, and has slicked black hair with thick sideburns that flow into rugged scruff. The other is a teenage boy, roughly 16. His hair is ruffled and messy, but stylishly so, and he evidently has done his best to imitate the man with scruffy sideburns and patchy stubble. There's a red kerchief tied around his neck, complimenting the spiked leather jacket he's wearing and the studded knuckles on his leather gloves. Surely this can't be Dodger... the colors are all right, the moody look is right, but he's missing his iconic scars and he looks scrawny as hell.]
When are you gonna stop spending your money on that worthless shit?
[The man looks up then, his eyes blazing with a silent challenge. The young Dodger stares back evenly, his green eyes cold with hatred.]
What do you know about worthless shit, kiddo.
What are you trying to get at?
Anthony said he caught you out with that girl again last night.
Yeah? So what?
So you were on security last night. That wasn't a fuckin' suggestion.
[The man slams his fist into the table, and Dodger flinches before sitting up a bit to make up for the fallen ground.]
I can’t spend all my time out with you, I’ve got a life outside of-
[The man shoves himself to his feet, towering over Dodger as his chair clatters to the floor.] Let me make one thing very, painfully clear to you, Dodger - I made you. You don’t got nothin’ outside o’ my house and my givin’ hands. Ya got that?
[Dodger gets to his feet as well, circling the table to confront him.] You don’t own me, Benny, I can do what I-
[The man doesn't dignify him with an argument. Dodger shrieks at the first punch to his face, and his hands fly up to protect himself only for Benny to grab his wrist, turn him to slam his face into the wall, twist his arm until he cries out again in pain.]
If it weren’t for me, you woulda died eight years ago just like your whore mother. I been keepin’ you safe, keepin’ you fed, givin’ you a good life, and I sure as all hell didn’t have to.
[Dodger wilts in his grip, head tipping to reveal blood leaking from his nose and a bruise on his brow, and body shaking as he’s released and just leans against the wall, panting.]
Now. You wanna reconsider your values, kid? [Dodger shakily nods his head, and Benny releases him with a sneer.] Good. Then I got one more errand for you to run. I want that Janet girl’s head on a platter.
N- wait. No, I'm not gonna-
Sorry. I didn't hear that. [Benny grasps Dodger's hair, rearing his head back and slamming it hard into the wall until the kid staggers in a daze.] What was your answer?
[Dodger's hand snaps up to grab Benny by the jaw, and with inhuman strength he shoves him back toward the table. He gets up shakily, legs trembling, and wipes the blood from his nose before tightening his fists. Benny lunges, but Dodger is smaller and faster and shoves him backward into the table, smashing his head against glass bottles that crack onto the floor. Under the sudden weight, the table snaps in half and leaves them fallen on the floor.
Dazed for only a moment, the older man grabs the neck of a broken bottle and slashes it across the teenager's face - four fresh cuts appear; one across his brow and nose, one across his cheekbone and lips, one along his jaw and chin, and a thin and shallow one dangerously close to his eye, along the front of his cheekbone. Dodger doesn't seem to notice at all, not even hesitating as he throws a punch at the man's face. It lands, but a moment later Benny has grabbed him by the throat and is snickering as the boy chokes.]
That all you got, sonny boy?
[The dream is still going, and the fight continues in front of you, and the older Dodger moves to approach you.]
This is private, and graphic. Pick a reason to make yourself scarce.
[Despite the words... he can't seem to keep his eyes off of the fight. And he looks like he could use some kind words, or at least the company.]
v. common ground - Ivar
[Ivar gets a special treat - a private viewing experience of one of Dodger's memories. This is in third person, and stars a Dodger that looks to be about eight. He has no scars, but he has ruffled and unkempt hair and a dangerously thin body. He stumbles as he walks through the messy and small kitchen, gripping onto a dishtowel tightly as he moves toward the dining table.
A short woman with brilliantly red hair snatches the towel from him, smacking him smartly with it as she speaks with a thick russian accent.]
Always you are clinging to things. If that is dirty, will you still be clinging?
[Dodger wilts, and reaches as if to take it again before his shoulders slump and he moves to sit at the dining room table. Beside him, a darker boy with messy black hair is playing with an empty cup, his blue eyes bright with concentration. After a moment he looks up and nearly speaks to Dodger before the man seen in the other dreams slams the door open, strolling over casually to sit across from them and slump in his chair. A minute of silence passes, before he raises a brow at Dodger.]
What, not even a greeting?
Morning, Mr. McQueen.
Morning, Mr. McQueen. [Benny scoffs, rolling his eyes.] Benny. We're family now, right
[Dodger hesitates, looking away as Benny's eyes sharpen.]
Right?
Uh-hm.
Right. [Benny huffs, turning to speak to the Russian woman still cooking busily.] Just got back from burying the kid's mom... lemme tell ya, that dumb bitch was heavy for all she talked up being sooo hungryyy... Bet she did fine keeping him fed by drinking c-
[Dodger's fist slams into the table, a flash of fire scorching the wood. The room falls silent, and even the cup that the other boy was playing with goes fully still. Benny rises up out of his chair, and towers over the two boys as Dodger shrinks into his seat, his eyes suddenly wide with fear.]
That table cost more than your mom's ever spent on you. Do you wanna apologize, little man?
[The kid Dodger continues to cower, too afraid to talk... and the adult Dodger appears, leaning against the wall behind Ivar while they observe the scene.]
Fuck are you doing in my private thoughts, Speed Racer?
[He's not even angry. He's just tired.]
vi. warning - Shigeru
[Shigeru gets a dream of Dodger at nearly his current age; he is about 19. He's sitting on an eggcrate in what looks like the basement of a bar, surrounded by cigarette smoke and the smell of liquor. Two men are playing pool in a corner, while he chats with three more to the side of that. Dodger is just in the middle of a story when the memory starts.]
-So she gets in the car, glances in the back to look for her purse or some shit, and this girl's fucking panties are still in the back seat. I start thinking, fuck, she's gotta be smart enough to figure that out. She turns to me, bats her dumb little doe eyes, says 'Jamie, what are those?'
Your name's JAMIE? [One of the men laughs, and Dodger laughs along with him after swatting him playfully with a hand.]
Yeah, keep the fuck up. So she says 'Jamie, what are those?' and I say 'ah, my friend had a girl back there. Just let 'em have their fun'. Like I was gonna jack a car and then let someone else get off behind me on the way back, right? But check this, the dumb broad actually believed it.
[The group laughs, and as it settles one of the men playing pool leans against the table to watch them.]
So fess up, JAMIE, how many girls you sleeping with around these parts?
Including your mom? [He takes a swig, shrugging as he leans back.] Listen, if I started listing names we'd be up all night. Hell, I slept with half the people in this room. You all know who you are.
[The room tenses a bit at that. But in an effort to not out themselves, the men still laugh tightly in response. And Dodger lounges in the uncertain attention, cool as a cat.]
Why the long faces, huh? Janet knows I'm working 'overtime' tonight, let's live it up, make it worth it. Jack, go get everyone another round and put it on my tab, yeah?
[The festivities continue while the older Dodger sits, incorporeal and unnoticed on the edge of the pool table. He sees Shigeru there, watching all this.... and he's just too guilty to say anything.]
what: Memory-sharing, in both day-flash and dream flavors.
when: All throughout the event.
where: ~Dreamscape~
warnings: Drug use/alcoholism, child abuse, domestic abuse, violence/murder, mentions of sexual violence, and just... y'know. Dodger's life.
--
i. revolution
[This is a rather long flash, but it crops up during the day - in first person, from the eyes of someone quickly stalking through the shadows of an alleyway. As he reaches a turn, a burly young man with glasses and ill-fitting clothing comes to speak to him.]
Demarco's here. Shen was with him when he showed up, but he ran off again - we can track Shen down if you want, but it won't help anything if-
Let Shen go. I've got him where I need him, no need to piss off the BLQ. [Dodger looks the man over, focus narrowing on a small cut just barely visible under his bangs, by his hairline.] Where were you last night?
What? Nowhere. [The man glances around, bemused, before shaking his head.] Come on, Demarco's this way.
[Without another word Dodger follows him, to meet two more men holding a third by his arms. The man is struggling, unkempt and clearly drugged up on something, and his body stretches unnaturally - like rubber - as he tries to struggle away from the other two. Still, he can't shape his body shape quite enough to escape. As soon as he spots Dodger he stops, a manic smile on his face.]
Thank god. Dodger. Dodger, Dodger, you're with me on this, yeah? C'mon, kid, those fuckers oughta know we're around, right, gotta show a message, send a-
[He can't get any further than that, before Dodger's put a bullet through his head. His face is caught in a look of shock, as the men release him and he melts into a sickening puddle of misshapen limbs. Dodger barely looks at it before turning back to the man he'd followed here.]
You can handle this shit yourself next time, Johnny. I mean it. If I have to personally deal with every fucking idiot that thinks revolution means standing on top of a cop car shouting threats, we're never getting anything done. Yeah?
[Johnny is stunned as he turns, but he hears the man chattering to one of the others - 'he remembered my name!' Dodger lets out a sneer before the flash ends, returning the viewer to their daily routine.]
ii. useful
[This is a shorter flash. It lasts only a few moments - from a first-person perspective of a rather short teenager, the viewer is watching a man repeatedly smash an acoustic guitar into the ground. The guitar isn't particularly expensive looking, but the boy is trembling with rage and fear as he sees it. The man is much larger than him, a drunk monster dressed like a greaser from the 50's and reeking of booze and women.
The guitar's body snaps away from its neck, and he stomps it down a few times before kicking it aside and grabbing the boy by his ear.]
Stop wasting your money on this worthless shit, understand? [The man barks at him, aiming a smart whack to his head with the guitar's neck before tossing it aside.] You got no use for it. 'Cause I got no use for it. And if you ain't useful to me, you ain't. Useful. Got it?
[The boy can't manage a response, but he gets out a choked sob before the memory ends.]
iii. blood
[Another day flash, about medium length. The viewer is now in the perspective of a young boy, sitting on the ledge of a dizzyingly tall building. Another man is sitting just behind him, legs on either side of him to effectively trap him against edge of the building. In his hands, young Dodger is holding a large sniper rifle, heavy in his arms despite his growing musculature.]
Let's check out that playground, you see anyone there?
Yeah. [His voice betrays him as roughly 12 during this memory, and his accent is a muddled mixture of London and Boston.] Two girls and a boy.
Let's play with some female empowerment. [The man mutters, motioning for Dodger to pull the gun up.] You know what the difference between girls and women is? Blood.
I don't...
The boy, kid. Aim it at the boy.
[Dodger hesitates, but he raises the gun and watches through the crosshair. His target is a middle schooler, apparently keeping an eye on the two girls who seem to be about eight. Dodger is silent for a few moments before putting the gun down.]
Paul, I can't do it.
It's one fuckin' button, how hard could it be.
But I-
Pull it, or I'm shoving you off the wall. Benny's orders.
[Dodger swallows uncomfortably, and lifts the gun again. The memory ends as he trains the gun on his target and pulls the trigger, squeezing his eyes shut before he sees the results.]
iv. patricide
[This is a dream, giving space for the viewer to watch in third person. Dodger himself is watching from third person himself, sitting at the far corner of the room, but may not be noticeable at first. There's something that catches the viewer's attention much more.
The room seems to be an old-fashioned diner, something common in the 50's, which has been cleaned up and closed for the night. by the wall of the room, near the window, one table is occupied by two men and populated by several bottles. The man is recognizable from the second day flash, if one say both; he dresses like a 50's greaser, and has slicked black hair with thick sideburns that flow into rugged scruff. The other is a teenage boy, roughly 16. His hair is ruffled and messy, but stylishly so, and he evidently has done his best to imitate the man with scruffy sideburns and patchy stubble. There's a red kerchief tied around his neck, complimenting the spiked leather jacket he's wearing and the studded knuckles on his leather gloves. Surely this can't be Dodger... the colors are all right, the moody look is right, but he's missing his iconic scars and he looks scrawny as hell.]
When are you gonna stop spending your money on that worthless shit?
[The man looks up then, his eyes blazing with a silent challenge. The young Dodger stares back evenly, his green eyes cold with hatred.]
What do you know about worthless shit, kiddo.
What are you trying to get at?
Anthony said he caught you out with that girl again last night.
Yeah? So what?
So you were on security last night. That wasn't a fuckin' suggestion.
[The man slams his fist into the table, and Dodger flinches before sitting up a bit to make up for the fallen ground.]
I can’t spend all my time out with you, I’ve got a life outside of-
[The man shoves himself to his feet, towering over Dodger as his chair clatters to the floor.] Let me make one thing very, painfully clear to you, Dodger - I made you. You don’t got nothin’ outside o’ my house and my givin’ hands. Ya got that?
[Dodger gets to his feet as well, circling the table to confront him.] You don’t own me, Benny, I can do what I-
[The man doesn't dignify him with an argument. Dodger shrieks at the first punch to his face, and his hands fly up to protect himself only for Benny to grab his wrist, turn him to slam his face into the wall, twist his arm until he cries out again in pain.]
If it weren’t for me, you woulda died eight years ago just like your whore mother. I been keepin’ you safe, keepin’ you fed, givin’ you a good life, and I sure as all hell didn’t have to.
[Dodger wilts in his grip, head tipping to reveal blood leaking from his nose and a bruise on his brow, and body shaking as he’s released and just leans against the wall, panting.]
Now. You wanna reconsider your values, kid? [Dodger shakily nods his head, and Benny releases him with a sneer.] Good. Then I got one more errand for you to run. I want that Janet girl’s head on a platter.
N- wait. No, I'm not gonna-
Sorry. I didn't hear that. [Benny grasps Dodger's hair, rearing his head back and slamming it hard into the wall until the kid staggers in a daze.] What was your answer?
[Dodger's hand snaps up to grab Benny by the jaw, and with inhuman strength he shoves him back toward the table. He gets up shakily, legs trembling, and wipes the blood from his nose before tightening his fists. Benny lunges, but Dodger is smaller and faster and shoves him backward into the table, smashing his head against glass bottles that crack onto the floor. Under the sudden weight, the table snaps in half and leaves them fallen on the floor.
Dazed for only a moment, the older man grabs the neck of a broken bottle and slashes it across the teenager's face - four fresh cuts appear; one across his brow and nose, one across his cheekbone and lips, one along his jaw and chin, and a thin and shallow one dangerously close to his eye, along the front of his cheekbone. Dodger doesn't seem to notice at all, not even hesitating as he throws a punch at the man's face. It lands, but a moment later Benny has grabbed him by the throat and is snickering as the boy chokes.]
That all you got, sonny boy?
[The dream is still going, and the fight continues in front of you, and the older Dodger moves to approach you.]
This is private, and graphic. Pick a reason to make yourself scarce.
[Despite the words... he can't seem to keep his eyes off of the fight. And he looks like he could use some kind words, or at least the company.]
v. common ground - Ivar
[Ivar gets a special treat - a private viewing experience of one of Dodger's memories. This is in third person, and stars a Dodger that looks to be about eight. He has no scars, but he has ruffled and unkempt hair and a dangerously thin body. He stumbles as he walks through the messy and small kitchen, gripping onto a dishtowel tightly as he moves toward the dining table.
A short woman with brilliantly red hair snatches the towel from him, smacking him smartly with it as she speaks with a thick russian accent.]
Always you are clinging to things. If that is dirty, will you still be clinging?
[Dodger wilts, and reaches as if to take it again before his shoulders slump and he moves to sit at the dining room table. Beside him, a darker boy with messy black hair is playing with an empty cup, his blue eyes bright with concentration. After a moment he looks up and nearly speaks to Dodger before the man seen in the other dreams slams the door open, strolling over casually to sit across from them and slump in his chair. A minute of silence passes, before he raises a brow at Dodger.]
What, not even a greeting?
Morning, Mr. McQueen.
Morning, Mr. McQueen. [Benny scoffs, rolling his eyes.] Benny. We're family now, right
[Dodger hesitates, looking away as Benny's eyes sharpen.]
Right?
Uh-hm.
Right. [Benny huffs, turning to speak to the Russian woman still cooking busily.] Just got back from burying the kid's mom... lemme tell ya, that dumb bitch was heavy for all she talked up being sooo hungryyy... Bet she did fine keeping him fed by drinking c-
[Dodger's fist slams into the table, a flash of fire scorching the wood. The room falls silent, and even the cup that the other boy was playing with goes fully still. Benny rises up out of his chair, and towers over the two boys as Dodger shrinks into his seat, his eyes suddenly wide with fear.]
That table cost more than your mom's ever spent on you. Do you wanna apologize, little man?
[The kid Dodger continues to cower, too afraid to talk... and the adult Dodger appears, leaning against the wall behind Ivar while they observe the scene.]
Fuck are you doing in my private thoughts, Speed Racer?
[He's not even angry. He's just tired.]
vi. warning - Shigeru
[Shigeru gets a dream of Dodger at nearly his current age; he is about 19. He's sitting on an eggcrate in what looks like the basement of a bar, surrounded by cigarette smoke and the smell of liquor. Two men are playing pool in a corner, while he chats with three more to the side of that. Dodger is just in the middle of a story when the memory starts.]
-So she gets in the car, glances in the back to look for her purse or some shit, and this girl's fucking panties are still in the back seat. I start thinking, fuck, she's gotta be smart enough to figure that out. She turns to me, bats her dumb little doe eyes, says 'Jamie, what are those?'
Your name's JAMIE? [One of the men laughs, and Dodger laughs along with him after swatting him playfully with a hand.]
Yeah, keep the fuck up. So she says 'Jamie, what are those?' and I say 'ah, my friend had a girl back there. Just let 'em have their fun'. Like I was gonna jack a car and then let someone else get off behind me on the way back, right? But check this, the dumb broad actually believed it.
[The group laughs, and as it settles one of the men playing pool leans against the table to watch them.]
So fess up, JAMIE, how many girls you sleeping with around these parts?
Including your mom? [He takes a swig, shrugging as he leans back.] Listen, if I started listing names we'd be up all night. Hell, I slept with half the people in this room. You all know who you are.
[The room tenses a bit at that. But in an effort to not out themselves, the men still laugh tightly in response. And Dodger lounges in the uncertain attention, cool as a cat.]
Why the long faces, huh? Janet knows I'm working 'overtime' tonight, let's live it up, make it worth it. Jack, go get everyone another round and put it on my tab, yeah?
[The festivities continue while the older Dodger sits, incorporeal and unnoticed on the edge of the pool table. He sees Shigeru there, watching all this.... and he's just too guilty to say anything.]
no subject
[It's a knee-jerk reaction, but he doesn't feel any urge to take it back. It's an honest feeling, even if only in the moment.]
Can't you tell I'm fucking sick of people telling me to take control of myself? [He sits up then, and reaches for the pack on his bedside table to light a new cigarette, puffing it in short, frustrated breaths.] I don't work like you do and if this is all the help I'm getting out of you I don't need it. Especially not if it comes with you fucking lecturing me about how hard it is for you, the fucking poster child for trustworthiness.
[He takes a deep breath, turning shaky toward the end, and shakes his head.]
Why shouldn't I give up on myself, anyway. Everyone else has.
no subject
You want...someone to tell you what to do, right? I can't do that though...that's not who I am, or who I want to be.
And despite all of this I...I haven't given up on you, but I don't know if that means anything to you or not.
[ Shigeru just looks so...sad and tired there and then. If there was someway to help he'd do it but...this is far beyond him to an extent. ]
I want to see you happy but I don't...know how to help you. [ It's so very frustrating because he's not sure what to do...if there's anything at all that can be done for Dodger at this point. ]
no subject
[The cigarette catches fire in his hand, and burns to ash that he drops with a frustrated grunt.]
Just shut up, if that's all you came here to say I don't want to hear it. [He looks up at Shigeru again, and this time his expression is cold and reproachful.] Unless you're planning to strip in the next five minutes, I don't have any use for you. So fuck off and let me get some piece and quiet before I put myself out of my misery, yeah?
no subject
But he doesn't remain in the other man's lap as he quickly moves off of him and picks up his jacket again. ]
Don't treat me like something to be used like that! I'm not one of your playthings.
[ And he'll wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand as he turns to leave. This wasn't exactly how he wanted it to end, but between his own dreams and other people's dreams he's been seeing...Shigeru is just too tired right now to really do this. ]
no subject
He follows Shigeru as he gets up, and grabs his wrist. The moment he inevitably turns back to face him Dodger will teleport them, pinning him against the wall and kissing him with a harsh desperation, begging him silently to stay.
Dodger may be impulsive and thoughtless, but he knows he shouldn't be alone right now. Especially worrying that Shigeru might hate him.]
no subject
His face is so red right now and he sure looks upset but aside from the initial push he doesn't push the other man away. He can tell that leaving Dodger alone isn't a good idea, right now at least, and the other doesn't have anyone else but him...
But Shigeru's heart still hurts being treated like that, so he'll shake his head and try to move away slightly. ]
no subject
Shigeru, please. [He dips his head a bit, looking like a kicked puppy as he watches the older man, his hands slipping up to cup his face.] I'm sorry, I can't- think right now. Just stay a while- I need you here.
[Even if Shigeru tries to get away, well... Dodger's not in his right mind, which means he isn't giving Shigeru the option to escape like he usually does. Shigeru won't be able to move his hands to get away.]
no subject
He might flinch when his face is cupped like that and he'll make a soft noise in the back of his throat as his hands are immobilized. He wants to type 'that now he's okay to stay because he's needed', but he can't because he can't move his hands to do so. His phone is also in his jacket pocket which he will look at before returning his gaze back to Dodger.
His expression is still hurt and it's obvious that he's beyond upset as he tries to move his hands again. ]
no subject
Just stay with me, I'm begging you... you're all I've got.
no subject
[ He gives Dodger a sad and rather upset look. ]
That's not...that's not fair. [ Just because Dodger was hurting didn't mean he should hurt others in the process. Especially after everything Shigeru's been through this week. ]
Do you...really want me here?
no subject
[He presses a kiss to Shigeru's cheek before giving him a searching look.]
Don't you trust me?
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I...I do. [ There's some hesitation in his expression though as he types that. He briefly looks at Dodger before his eyes advert to look somewhere else. He actually doesn't really know anymore, right now it's all a bit...muddled to him. His thoughts and feelings regarding this whole situation are a mess. ]
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Just... stay here, alright? I want you to stay. I need you here.
[He's repeating himself, isn't he... he pauses oddly for a moment before shaking his head to clear it and leading Shigeru over to the bed.]
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He might stop a few feet from the bed though as he eyes the other man. He finally takes a seat...after a short few minutes, his hands fiddling with his phone. ]
Why do you want me to stay?
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[Dodger ends up getting on his knees, slipping his arms around Shigeru's hips and pressing his forehead to Shigeru's stomach. His voice is soft, almost shy. He has to force himself not to shiver before he speaks again.]
Look, I know you don't want to hear it right now, but- I love you. And I don't want you to get hurt, and I know you will if you stick around me, but I can't help it, I might lose my fucking mind if I lose you.
[Does he actually love him? Maybe. Dodger can't be sure himself, but at this point he'll say anything to stop Shigeru from walking out that door.]
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You...love me?
[ Ah even hearing the robotic voice use that word makes him blush even more intensely. He's never had anyone say that to him before...if the situation was different it may even feel nice to have heard it. ]
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Doesn't surprise you, does it?
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I never thought...you were that serious about me, about us. I didn't think you cared that much. I'm not...your type, right?
[ So he just figured Dodger would never really take it seriously enough to consider love. Is that mean to say? Well it's too late if it is because Shigeru already said it. But he never really thought Dodger was that committed to begin with. Shigeru on the other hand... ]
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But that's not important at the moment. What's important is that he's starting to see Shigeru is listening to him. He might pull this off.]
Of course I'm serious about you. I trusted you with more of myself than I have anyone else - that's worth something, right?
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[ Shigeru will fidget with the phone in his hand, staring back down at Dodger as he watches the other man. He's silent for a few moments, before he finally types something. ]
But when you...say and doing things like this, it hurts.
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[He looks up at Shigeru for a few moments, opening his mouth as if to say something, but.. with some hesitation he just shuts it again and hesitates.]
Listen, we don't have to talk about this, it's better if we just- let's just spend some time together, yeah? Whatever you wanna do.
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But whatever he wants to do, huh? He might look at Dodger before his eyes tick to his phone. ]
I don't have anything specific that I want to do...what did you have in mind? [ Shigeru wants to talk more about this...but he knows what the outcome would be. ]
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Four AM... we could go out and see what the city's up to, or we could stay here and just... y'know. Hang out. Talk about things that aren't... serious.
[Whatever will distract him without jeopardizing his relationship with Shigeru. He's done enough of that.]
I've got beer in my fridge, if you want. Might not do much, but the taste's... well, it's something to drink.
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Just staying here is fine. [ Beer isn't really his first choice but...he'll make do with it. ]
That sounds fine.
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Oh, and... I can get dressed if you want.
[That's just now passed his mind, and he's a bit sheepish as he brings it up, slipping back over to sit next to Shigeru as he offers him the beer.]
Or not, just... fuck. These dreams have been fucking with my head... it's even harder than usual keeping my head straight.
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