riverviewlogs | There's a cold red light

Entry tags:

There's a cold red light

who: Reaper (Gabriel Reyes) - [Open]
what: Memoryshare + Halloween Stuff
when: Throughout October
where: In Reaper's apartment for one, In Dreams for the others.
warnings:

side a - Spooky Scary

[It's not as if Reaper had expected an alien planet to celebrate a holiday such as Halloween. Back where he was from, it was a big enough holiday with plenty of reasons to look forward to it--but as this month began on the shitty little planet far from home... He was pretty irate to learn that the 'Celebration' this time around was circled around Dying. As if he needed another dozen reminders that he still existed on a plane where his body couldn't decide if it wanted to be living or dead--but to have fucking ghosts floating around the place like it was common...

He needed something to clear his head.
So even if Halloween didn't exist in Riverview? Who said he couldn't celebrate it on his own anyhow. Anyone sharing an apartment complex with the undead man would find his own corner of the room scattered with textiles and rough sketches--a table set up in the corner with a sewing machine and everything to go along with it.

Hell, if you're lucky enough--roommate or even just one of his very few acquaintances--to pay him a visit during odd hours in the day, you'll find the mask-wearing man... putting something together. And for a guy who looks like he's dressed for Halloween every day of the year, this outfit he's sewing together seems to be even more over the top than usual.]

side b - Too Edgy for Halloween (Memoryshare 1)

[It's a pretty odd perspective, seeing from the eyes of someone else when you should be dreaming things from your own life. Even odder when said eyes seem to be looking out from the oddest kind of mask--the inside of what SEEMS to be a ...Pumpkin. Yeah, seriously. Bear with it for a moment, however, as a pair of hands are raised easily to pull it off--apparently only to continue what seemed to be some sort of argument.
One of the voices may be easy to recognise, what with its tinny, almost robotic tinge. An accent--Japanese--is easy to pick out as well, but the tone... is far divorced from what you might recognise it as.

"I do not want to go to any such party with you, Commander."

The title of respect is said with nearly a hint of sarcasm--a direct line of disobedience with someone higher authority than him. And that's when he'll come into the picture. Red-eyed, dark haired; this man is clearly a Cyborg, Genji Shimada, to be exact, but something is more than a little off about him.

"McCree's going to be there. Ana and Jack, too. Ain't no reason to go avoiding it just because you're in a foul mood for the sixth time this week, Shimada."

The reply is in a voice that's recogniseable Enough as the man who calls himself 'Reaper', but the tone is less rasped, far less tired, and almost... amicable in how it sounds.

"It is not a 'bad mood' choosing my actions. Do not accuse me of something so childish."

A laugh rumbles out of Reyes' throat. "Hard not to accuse when you're the one actin' like a kid with no friends."

Apparently that response was enough to make the Shimada brother growl with an irate sound of frustration, and slam the door to his quarters in his 'Commander's' face.

Well.

Can't say he didn't try, right.]

side 3 - Shrug Emoji.png (Memoryshare 2)

[The first thing greeting you in this particular dream is more than a dozen computer screens. Each lit up with a different angle of what one MIGHT recognise as London on Earth--except it's being absolutely lit up. Machines of varying sizes bare over the town as the rattle of guns and explosions sound over the speakers, and it'll become clear that this isn't some sort of well-CGI'd movie.

Especially not when someone to the apparent dreamer's left speaks up.

"What's McCree doing in London, Gabriel?"

A woman's voice, stern, to the point. One might expect a clear and concise reply, but instead, an almost sly remark is given in response.

"Looks like He's investigating the situation from the ground."

Once again, you find yourself in the dream belonging to the man who calls himself 'Reaper' in Riverview... apparently at a time before he'd met his apparent end. The conversation between Reaper, the stern-looking woman and a greying, tired looking man continues. It contains a bit of war jargon that one might not fully understand, but it all comes to an end when the tired looking blonde gets some sort of message. A grim statement that is apparently all Gabriel needs to hear.

"Prime Minister's not Budging. We're still not authorized to operate in England."

There's an exasperated sigh from the woman, and that's when Gabriel rises from his seat, an almost uncharacteristic laugh escaping his throat.

"Sounds like the Prime Minister has it alllllll under control."

As he's heading for the door, a snide remark is easily heard just before he exits: "Ever the Hero, Gabriel."

An easy turn, a wide smile, and an even wider shrug is given from the man who now calls himself Reaper.

"I'm not the one with the statue."]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Not unless Dodger wanted to tell him what sort of dream he just had. Until then, he's just going to assume someone has told him about the nature of his relationship with Genji.]

Have anything to do with you being a troublemaking punk and him doing his 'job' in coming to the rescue?

[Genji was the type, after all. To swoop in and fell whomever was causing a ruckus. That aside...]

 Then you are threatening him. Don't waste my time on making one statement only to contradict it.
If you don't see eye to eye, then try keeping away from him. It'll do wonders to not piss me off.

[While HE wouldn't go swooping in to Genji's rescue unless the cyborg ninja was in like... mortal danger or something, he'd rather not hear tell of someone hospitalizing the guy on a petty disagreement of any nonsensical sort.]

i do more than just get under people's skin, you know.
shimada's the one that started it.

[Because Reaper has every reason to believe that, with Dodger's track record against Genji's. But in Dodger's mind, Genji actually did absolute start it. By.. doing nice things for Dodger's boyfriend.]

look let me rephrase then. i'm not threatening YOU.
him on the other hand, i wouldn't mind building some new and inventive torture mechanism for.
if you care about him, though, i'll keep his injuries to a minimum.

wouldn't mind hearing about him back before overwatch went to shit, but you hate talking about the past, right?

['Hate' talking about the past is an understatement. Thinking about his past life, who he was, what he had and what he's lost for all the good he'd done... it's like willingly giving yourself heartburn whenever someone felt like they wanted some sort of backstory on him.

Pass.

Absolutely pass.]

You know what kind of a person Shimada is? Not telling you any grand stories of his past, but he's just that.
A Shimada.

Don't know what sort of shit you think you've got planned...

But if you think you're going to be able to have a leg up over him without sustaining any sort of injury...

You're an even bigger fool than I thought.

i don't expect to have a leg up on him. i don't know him.
but you do - that's why i wanted to know.

[He's quiet for a bit before adding on:]

if you seriously don't want to talk about it, whatever.
i can find information on my own, or pay sombra if i get desperate.
it's just. important to me.

 Sombra's not so easy to throw her information around for something like Money.

You'll find Money doesn't mean much to her.

That aside. 
Why do you want to know so much.
I hate talking about my past because it's turned me into the thing I am today.
Why the hell should I have to flap off about it to people who wouldn't understand? Much less when someone's only explanation to wanting to know is something like 'it's important to me'.

money doesn't mean anything. but i figure she's someone who likes tallying favors as currency.

[Dodger doesn't, but he figures it's worth it.]

what you turned into isn't that bad. you've still got your looks.

...fuck it. nevermind. like i said, you don't have to tell me.
i get it. the past can fuck you up, i got memories i can't even bring up without... getting stuck.
makes me kinda jealous you can actually say all the shit you've told me without breaking.
i'm just trying to move on and find something other than. you.
and i need shimada out of my way for that.

 You're the only person on this planet who would look at me, bald-facedly, and tell me that I've 'still got my looks'. I hope you're at least self aware of that much.


And again, it's kind of funny that you can stand there and write this shit out like I haven't gotten stuck.
Like I haven't broken before. 
I'm so unrecognisable as the person I used to be that there are still people sitting in denial when they find out that Gabriel Reyes is the Reaper. 

If your happiness lies in ripping away other people away from theirs...
You've got a lot to reflect on.
Revenge and Petty Jealousy are two different damn things. Even a psychopath like me can recognise that line.

funny how every time i try to compliment you, you have to tell me i'm stupid. i'm getting a little sick of it.

i don't know how many people are sick enough to find you attractive the way you look, but i'm not backing down from it. you are.

i've pieced together half of your life from you rambling just to get me to shut up, so trust me, you're not as bad off as me. you just don't want to admit that there are worst things in life than being left to die and not being able to do it. you want to be the person who's hurting the most, right? because how could anything possibly be worse than what you feel every day?

and you're not a psychopath. not even close.

as for shimada, i don't really care if it's justified or not. he's between me and what i want, and that means he either moves or dies. i'm fucking sick of trying to do good by others when it doesn't get me jack shit.

 Then you should get the hint. I don't want to be complimented. There's nothing about me that warrants a compliment, save for my skill in battle. Which I don't fucking get to utilize here because I'm not into tearing my guns out to go on a mass killing spree on a bunch of civilians who aren't on my hit list.

I'm not backing down from a damn thing. Your twisted little mind might find something worth looking at under my mask, but I don't think you get it. It disgusts me. The smell of my own burning flesh, the appearance of my body falling apart a little more every day. Watching as my skin peels back, showing what's underneath. There's nothing attractive about it. It's disgusting. 

I wasn't just left to die. There are worse things in life than simply dying alone. Or even being unable to die thanks to some bitch scientist and her fucked up nanotechnology. It's having everything you've worked for turned into a joke, and the one responsible for the rug being pulled out from under your feet being fucking martyred.

Doing good by others might get you jack shit.
But doing wrong by them without probable cause gets you even fucking less.

[There's a long pause before he replies.]

you're right. i wouldn't know anything about that. i sure wouldn't know about being respected and talented and waking up one day realizing no one gives a shit about my old reputation. and i don't know anything about being turned into a joke.

i was a god back home. people were afraid to speak ill of my boss in case i was listening. men and women begged for me to sleep with them. people were starstruck if i remembered their names. because if someone pissed me off, or my boss got bored of them, they disappeared. and it would be my doing.

no one gives a shit that i'm here. i've got no reputation except lashing out because i have no fucking idea what to do with myself. and guess what? every time i do something that makes me happy, it fucking tanks. i'm not talking about the sick shit, just basic things. friends. lovers. hobbies. all of it. nothing fucking works. at least you had some semblance of a normal life before you became that thing. i've got nothing to fall back on.

[Hah. 'A god', that might just explain Dodger's behavior in acting like he was invincible.]

 Explains a few things. You've gone from being someone who wouldn't be denied, into someone who is regularly ignored. Bit of a sore wakeup call, isn't it.

[He's not going to offer that he feels the same. Going from being the feared terrorist in the news known as the Reaper, those around him most often either fearing or cowering while he was around. Here, it was all Halloween jokes and comments on how he looked like a goth reject. It was maddening.]

 Again, you're assuming you know things about me. Commenting something like I had an 'idea' of normal life is a joke. I was in the military since I was fourteen. My idea of normal life is waking up every morning, not sure if I'll be going back to bed with the same bunkmate sleeping above me, or if he got shot to death by an omnic before we retired for the night.

All I'm doing is the same shit I've been doing since I arrived in the Eluvio.
Existing.
Waiting for something to happen. Maybe I'll finally die, maybe I'll lose my mind and just become a spectre.

Finding something to 'fall back on' and just figuring out a reason to still keep living might not be such different ideas.

i was born in a dirty alleyway and grew up literally sleeping on the street. my mother was the only thing i had until she died when i was eight. i was taken in by a man that trained me to be a weapon and broke down any sense of autonomy i had, and i snapped when i was sixteen and killed him. which meant i lost the only home i'd ever had before.

so forgive me if i still think i had the shorter end of the stick between the two of us.

 I'm not making this into some sort of contest of 'who had the shittier life'. 

I'm making a point.
That your vision is narrow, and that you focus on your own suffering before thinking of what others might be dealing with.

Your shit might hurt, but everyone suffers. 
The easiest way to make allies, and hell... friends.

Is understanding your own sufferings with others. You form bonds through them. Finding people who have hurt like you have.
And then figuring out where to go from there.

as far as i've seen, opening up to people only makes them sneer while they back away in the other direction.

[Except for the handful of people he has made friends with, which he made friends with by opening up. Y'know.]

i've pissed off most of the people i would want as friends beyond repair anyway. i'm a little sick of that.

 Then you're opening up to the wrong people. 
There are hellishly few I get along with here. Even less people who know my name. Or a damn thing about me other than I'm a dead man walking.

More people are cycled in and out all the time in that damn portal. If you're too sick to try rebuilding burnt down bridges, bide your time and start from scratch.

You're young. You've got time to figure it out, Dodger.

Edited (doing coding on mobile is what i imagine being in hell is like) 2017-11-05 13:50 (UTC)

look at that, you commented on my age without being a fucking asshole about it.

i guess there is hope for everyone.

[A small pause.]

i just don't want to lose more people. everyone i've managed to get along with has gone back through the portal one way or another.

 I'm capable of a lot of things. You might figure that out if you stop being such a thorn in my side.

Losing people is just a fact of life you have to live with. Be it people you hate and want to party about finally being rid of. Or people who made a difference for you and you now have to learn how to live life without them.

Not wanting to lose them and closing yourself off for that sort of pain is lonely.

I know that.

I do that.
Did that. For years.

Having to live with Amelie made it worse.

After ten months out in space, I'm starting to figure it out.

good for you.

i don't care about being lonely, it's better than trying to impress people that go in expecting to hate you. i don't need friends, or enemies, i just need work. i need shit to do that keeps me busy and keeps my mind working on something else.

if i can't make myself respectable, and i can't get respect by force, i've got no reason to keep going. might as well just fucking give up.

 If all you can do is conclude that the best idea at the end of the day is to give up...

You've really got a lot more growing to do than even I thought.

I'll put it plainly.
Keep yourself from doing anything stupid to Shimada.
Figure yourself out.

With the rate you're going...
All I can see is self-destruction in your future.

real insightful of you.
you really think self-destruction is new for me?

like i said. i'm done trying to make myself better, it's not worth my time.
and i'm gonna do whatever the fuck i want in regards to shimada.
fuck you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's a cold red light

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