riverviewlogs | OPEN; memshare

who: loki 616
what: dreamscapes and visions etc
when: 9th-23rd oct
where: in his head I GUESS, poke me for a different memory.
warnings: thor being unworthy which is a warning in itself, mentions of murder and body-snatching.

i. mommy issues.

The throne is wide, huge, and yet she diminishes it with her authority, cloth-wrapped armour all blue and gold, Vanir and Aesir inexorably torn. She is majestic ... and not who Loki was hoping to find.

'All-Mother Freyja sits on the great throne today. To dispense her judgement.' She glowers at him from upon her high perch, barely holding her fury in check. His broken arm requires Loki to grasp it close to his body as he limps closer, Thor's beatings having taken a toll; Freyja ignores his injuries. 'I heard every word the Odison said, Loki. I heard the charges laid at your door — that you are not Loki at all. Merely an echo who stole his corpse. I heard a grizzled, snivelling apology — the lowest and cheapest coin of all. But I heard no denial. Is it true, then?

'Is it?' Freyja sits, stares, and seethes.

Loki's jaw is locked with anger, then from between his teeth he answers with a hiss.

'Aye. And don't pretend it isn't what you wanted.' Stumbling forward, he lets the injustice power his limbs when they threaten to fail, banked fury thrown back in Freyja's face. She looks every inch indignant, as if she hadn't planned to fucking sacrifice him without knowing he wasn't that innocent little boy. 'You wished to bring back the eternal villain to help shepherd your perfect Asgard into being? Now he stands before you, as hated as ever! Even though you should thank me! Thank me for keeping your lily-white hands clean! All of you!'

His voice reverberates as he doggedly goes on, snarling as Freyja's shock turns to horror. She would have murdered a man who had been a child she loved, twisted him into a psychopath, and now Loki is worse than that? No. No, he said he was sorry, he has been sorry all the years he has drawn breath outside of a beak.

'Your precious little hero — your "Kid Loki" — will never rot in the cage you built for him. He had the luxury of dying as himself.'

Freyja blanches, his would-be Mutilating Mother gripping her chair in shaking fists. 'Be — Be silent —'

Loki's anger is keener than the shining gold of the throne, throwing the rest of the room into shadow around them so that she can't look at anyone but him, can't witness anything but the truth.

'NEVER! Why such fury, Mother? Because now you can't betray him? Because you'll never get to turn him into me? Or into that monster, that "King Loki" you keep in your dungeons? Because I robbed you of that pleasure?'

'ENOUGH!!' The All-Mother's rage lights up the throne-room to cast off the shackling shadows, burning away any truths save those she can stomach. 'You — thou viper in the nest of eagles — thou contaminant —'

The blast of power she aims at Loki drowns out his screams with a thundering VAKROOOOM and all he feels is fire, the flames eating him alive as he tries to hold his ground, pulled in every direction at once by searing agony.

Freyja takes aim once more.

'Thou art no Asgardian! You are a fetch, a doppleganger, an imitation of a dead god! A copy of a coward, doing a coward's work! YOU HAVE NO PLACE HERE! And as long as you live — you never will! By the throne of Asgard — by the powers of Vanaheim — I banish thee, carrion-eater! I name you exile! Begone! BEGONE —!!'

Loki falls into nothing, suffocated into white-hot heat, and everything burns.

In the cold, hollow aftermath Freyja drops her head into her hands, and everything hurts.

ii. do you even lift bro.

They are wreathed in spells and enchantments that strip them bare, Thor to his most undesirable and Loki to pure hope; he longs to help end this madness, ensorcelled or not, and Mjolnir is light as a feather in his grip where he stands over Thor on the moon. Golden. Worthy.

'Now will you admit we can change, brother? Now will you work with me to save us both? Now that you have finally walked in my shoes? How does it feel, Thor, to be the fallen?! To be the failure defeated by the noble hero? How does it feel to know —

'— I AM MORE WORTHY THAN YOU!'

The moon's surface explodes into scarlet light as the spell of alignments is tipped back to normal on Earth, inversions resettled by a witch and a doctor whose power resonates throughout reality to affect even the gods. Two brothers are blasted off their feet and Loki crawls to look up, seeing once more the screaming face of an innocent little Boy.

'No ...'

I AM THE CRIME THAT WILL NOT BE FORGIVEN!

Loki drops the hammer.

'No!'

Thor burbles stupidly, face-down in moondust. He is no longer evil but he is still Unworthy, and that is hardly a grand step down to take. 'What trickery is this? W-Where —? What have you done to me?!'

Loki stares at his hands and the hammer at his feet, ignoring the rumbling rage. He feels less sickeningly righteous, more level-headed, and yet he knows he cannot lift Mjolnir now. He knows it in his bones. He isn't sure he's disappointed.

'I defeated you! I — I was the God of Thunder —!'

Thor sneers. 'I recall no such thing.'

Loki rounds on him desperately. 'You remember — You must!'

'Certainly it is another lie, from the Prince of all Liars. And in poor taste, at that. You must learn, Loki,' says Thor, as Loki drops to his knees by Mjolnir and the Odinson pushes to his feet, abandoning both where they have fallen, 'there are some stories none will ever believe.'

iii. can't sell me what i've got.

'ATTENTION, ANGELIC FLEET! This is your Mistress of Strategies speaking! Do you read me?'

'HUZZAH!'

From her position in Thor's chariot, Loki contacts the thousands of warriors standing ready in their warships behind, huge golden behemoths containing the most well-trained Angels that Heven had to offer. Ahead of them sits Old Asgard, wreathed in protective barriers that Loki is probing from afar via twists of green magic. The answering cheers on the battleships ring out into space.

'In a moment we will move forward with the full might of our invasion force to destroy Asgard forever!'

'HUZZAH!'

'We will give them no warning! We will massacre them in their sleep! Including the children!'

'HUZZAAAAH!!'

'Especially the children! Small children and babies! I want to stress that! Baby murder will happen! At almost tedious length!'

'HUZZAAAAHHH! Smite the evil before it grows!'

'So if anyone doesn't want to slaughter tiny babies in their sleep — you can back out! No blame attached! In fact, I'll pay you. Anyone?' Silence. 'Anyone at all? Bueller? Can't say I didn't try.' She sighs and touches her fingertip to a point in space, 'There! The weak point is found! Aim at that spot and Odin's barrier will shatter! All units, CHAAAAAARGE!'

Honestly, that was just hela-fun to yell.

Battleships rush the barriers simultaneously and ... explode in a similar fashion. The Angelic general next to Loki in the chariot stares, aghast.

'What — what just —'

'The Asgardians no longer live in Asgard. Odin sealed the Golden Realm off.' And all that fuss about finding a 'weak point' to disable, well. Just pantomime. 'It was a little less invisible than yours but no less impregnable ... Well, until I threw a few billion megatons of exploding warships at it. Now it's wide open.'

'But — But our invasion fleet is gone! Destroyed! Why would you ever —'

Loki rolls her eyes and reaches for the hilt of Gram at her hip, the general staring at the carnage of her sisters burning to death.

'Because I'm a traitor, silly. Not the sharpest sword in the armoury, are we? If it's any consolation, I'm sure the Queen has less gullible invasion forces. I think she palmed me off with the thicko squadron.'

'You — You foul, worthless — We took you in! We gave you fair payment!' The general has every right to be upset, of course. She screams. 'We gave you a family —!'

She chokes on her own blood as Gram's blade thrusts through her heart, silenced as Loki looks on with an unreadable expression, her sword-arm steady.

'Yes. But I already have one of those.'

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There are no excuses for something like that, I've learned.

[ Although he does appear to genuinely be miserable about the topic, shoulders rounding down. He wishes Jason would offer to hold him again. ]

So I ... I won't offer any. I had to do it and so I did, and here I am.

See, that implies a reason. Look, I don't play by the heroes rules. I know sometimes you gotta cross lines.

[ God, having friends has made him weaker, he opened both arms to Loki. Seeing his shoulders rounded down makes him hurt in this odd dream place.]

Come here.

[ Weak and selfish, he moves closer to bury his face in Jason's shoulder and clutch at his dream-body. ]

It wasn't a heroic act, it was all evil. It was ... what I was created to do. Hard to explain.

Loki, did you do what you were created to do, or did you fight it and become something else?

[ He asked as he held the dream body, almost sad that it wasn't the real deal. Dreams never got details right.]

Both.

[ Difficult to explain existential matters, but he tries. ]

As soon as I could think for myself, I regretted what I had done.

[ He wanted to be mad, he did... but, he's seen Loki. He's seen how he is. It doesn't make sense. He didnt push him away though, his arms stayed around him.]

Well, last question, then we let it go. Do you work to make up for it, or better the world?

... Both, again. Yes.

[ He clings to Jason like a child, desperate not to lose him. ]

[ Again, Jason was sad it was dream like. he wanted to run his fingers in Loki's hair but not be hindered by dreams robbing him of the soft feel. So he stays still.]

Okay. [ What else could he say? He was already this deep in. He had trusted Talia, and Slade and even Rose. He himself was a murderer. Despite how much the idea of killing a child bothered him, and it did. He could see Loki was suffering it.]

I'm not the one you have to make it up to, but I still have your back Loki, fair warning though, you ever do it again, and mindfully, I will put you down.

You know I wouldn't. Don't you?

[ Lifting his head to look Jason in the eye. ]

You know I wouldn't do that, you trust me.

Yes, I know.

[ He actually smiled for Loki. That reaction alone sealed it.]

I trust you, I don't trust many but I trust you, Loki.

... Then let me show you something. I'll keep you safe.

[ His dream-self holds up a hand to darken the scene, turning everything black so that Loki's green eyes are the only lights. ]

I can take you to the place where all Loki's go to die and be reborn, a realm just for us. I'll bring you with me now, if you say Yes.

Isn't that what I'm supposed to say?

[ He asked, as the darkness surrounded them. Jay's breath hitched a second but he nodded once the question was asked. He refused to let fear rule him... and while it did amp up his worries, it was all a dream anyway.

And he did trust Loki.]

Yes. Show me.

Alright, but this isn't a dream anymore.

[ Just to confirm Jason's worst fears.

The place is dismally wreathed in fog and at the centre stands a plinth with a horned helm, far larger than his own, stationed atop it and emitting a dull golden glow. Two ravens sit on top, although they don't appear to notice the trespassers. Green ghosts walk the land, dead eyes staring as they fade in and out of focus; one of them is a little boy.

Loki keeps his voice soft and Jason's hand firmly in his.]

No one else has ever been here. It only exists in my mind.

[ Jason looks a bit uncomfortable for a second. Dreams were safe...ish he's unsure of this place. It felt like one of those late night horror movies he watched when he couldn't sleep.

Jason's eyes take in the specters, and stays next to Loki, his hands still in Loki's hand. Unsure and yet, curious. He wondered if it was the same as the warehouse was for him.]

I'd say it's pretty cozy, but that's like saying a coffin is... Did you make this place? Or one of them?

[ He's noticing a horn-y theme between the specters and his befriended Loki.]

This is a place behind daydreams and inside whims, it's always been here. As long as there is a Loki.

[ He turns to face Jason, usually perky eyes turned down with grief. ]

This was where I decided to destroy myself instead of becoming a monster, it was the last thing I saw. Now I have a moon, and you, and sunshine and rivers. I went from nothing to everything.

I don't want to ever come back here alone.

Even sad poetry wins me over. In this sad place.

[ He squeezes Loki's hand as his eyes try to take it all in. To map it, to memorize it. Loki deserves to have someone remember this place besides himself. To have someone who cares that this place is even here.

Minds could be terrible things.

His other hand moves, to cup Loki's chin as he looks to him now, nearly able to get lost in the green eyes.]

You hold me to high on that pedestal, I'm another fuck-up, we have a lot in common like that Loki. But, I promise, as long as it's in my power, you wont have to face these kinds of things alone. I'll be there anytime you need me.

Thank you.

[ If he didn't believe Jason would at least try to save him, he wouldn't bring him here. Now it's as if he may as well; this dreary place waits for the next Loki's death to come about, not his, and it's unlikely he'll have to revisit it. But, just in case ...

There is now Jason Todd. ]

Now, let's get out of here, it's incredibly creepy. You'll have to wake up, I'm afraid. Call me tomorrow?

Your welcome.

[ He pulled is hand free of Loki's face and offered a light smile and a nod. Lifting the hand in mock salute.]

I'll really call to.

[ He almost never calls when he promises to, but he smiled at Loki before he worked to wake himself up. At least this part he had experience in.]

Hmph. You'd better.

[ Instead of letting Jason struggle to wake up from a locked room in Loki's head, he lays a hand over his eyes and sends him away to his own mind. ]

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