riverviewlogs | So what if you can see the darkest side of me..

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So what if you can see the darkest side of me..

who: Jason Todd
what: October Catch All & Memeshare
when: 9th-22nd
where: All around.
warnings: This post will be full of triggery things as Jason's life has been a horror show. A quick overview, child abuse, drug use/overdose, under-aged smoking, child death, buried alive, and murder, illusions to drowning. Angst, buckets of angst. Anything else will be updated.
Note: Unless otherwise stated or plotted, each person who tags in will get a new memory. Feel free to poke me at

opticon Dreamscape's can and likely will get more than one memory. Some memories will not only have text, but also pictures in which they were pulled from.

A: Mom checked out (Drug use and violence implied)
It looked like a abandoned room. No power, a dirty wooden floor, bare wooden walls and a mattress on the floor surrounded by candles. The most beautiful thing in the room was the woman laid on the mattress. A bandage on her arm. Her red lock's dyed black. He hated when she dyed her hair, but what she does when he's out he can't stop, out of everything she does with her life a bit of dye was the least bad.

"You see, Mom... I hurt someone today. I was getting us food." He spoke to the unconcious woman as he held her hand. She was the full focus of his attention. Guilt laced his voice. "I know you're not hungry much right now, but you need to eat something. Some guy came out of the alley. He tried to take it from me. From you. From us. I just got so angry, I couldn't think. I started hitting him over and over. When I caught my breath I saw blood on my hands. I let him run away... I mean, I think he's fine...but I didn't mean to do that. I didn't want to..." He rambles before tears start streaking his face falling from his eyes.

He knows she's not listening and he feels helpless. Nothing he does is helping her. "I wish you would stop taking that stuff. I wish you could hear me... I miss you." She wasn't going to answer...

[ Image]

B-Meeting the Bat

It was like any night, for Jason anyway, moving quietly through the streets of Crime Alley. People left him alone for the most part. Which in return got him left alone, again for the most part. Taking a turn down one of the desolate alleyways when he saw it. The Batmobile in all of it's glory. Well, why not. He thought as he moved forward with his tire iron. The big bad Bat's car didn't look like it was that protected. So he kneeled and got to work.

Once he had one tire off he heard someone clear their throat. Looking up his eyes went wide. "You do realize thats the Batmobile, right?" The voice spoke Batman was bigger than life. But he didn't run, no he did what he did best. He smarted off.

"Duh, you do realize you parked your car in Crime Alley, right?" Batman moved forward towards him and Jason swung out at him with the tire iron, he really didn't want to go to Gotham Lockup with his old man. The man dressed as a bat caught the Iron like it was nothing

"You wanna beat up on a kid, go enlist in the GCPD like every other bully in this city." He hissed at the man, who was now lifting him like he weighed nothing. That deep voice spoke again.

"I'm only going to ask you this once. So give some serious thought to your answer." Then he smirked, when Jason spat out a quick reply of 'what?'. "Are you hungry?"

---
Now sitting on the hood of the Batmobile Jason was scarffing down a burger and fries. It was like heaven at the moment.

"Slow down, Jason, You're going to lose a finger."
"Sorry" munch munch "This is the closest thing I've had to a home-cooked meal I've had since..." chomp "... I had a home."

He looks up realizing where the hillside their parked at is. "Funny, I was here once. Looking for Wayne Manor. Trying to case the place but I got lost."

The Batman looks his way. "Why do you think its okay to steal from other people?"

"You kidding me? Look at this view. Freaking "billionaire playboy" think's he's king of the world. Pfft." Jason grumbles as he eats.

"Sometimes you have to give people a chance, Jason. They'll usually surprise you." The bat spoke before silence swept over them and both ate quietly.

C: Dig Lazurus Dig (Buried alive, illuisions to drowning, and pain)

Darkness, darkness all around. It was hot and stuffy this much was clear as Jason opened his eyes to the purest blackness. Trying to sit up he knocked his head into wood before realization sank in. "BRUCE!" panic building in his chest, he knew exactly where he was. It was a coffin. "BRUCE!" His hands moved looking for anything, ANYTHING. His belt buckle was all he could find, Forcing himself to calm down. Instinct taking over, if he panicked he would run out of air.

The belt buckle was used to tear the silk and hit the fine wood above. It took what felt like forever his nails long ripped off as he dug himself up, forcing himself to breath slowly. His hand shot up through the dirt, he was lucky Gotham was always so rainy.

He pulled himself up out of the dirt taking deep breaths now, nothing seemed focus anymore. A few steps and down he went....

His eyes opened again, green liquid obscuring his view. For a moment he sees a beautiful woman above the water, her eyes wide... was that fear? What was happening? Then the pain rushed through like fire.

It burned, and yet he felt like he was drowning and couldn't escape. Her and reached down and pulled him up. "Come now." She spoke quickly. He knew her.

"Talia."

"Yes, your story is not yet over, Jason." She spoke in that beautiful middle eastern accent of hers. Next they were running, he had so many questions.

"Whats happening!" He called to her as they reached a cliff-side and she shoved a duffle bag in his hands. "You are unavenged! Do not go back to him, learn before you react." She spoke quickly, dragging him up and kissing him fully on the lips before shoving him off the cliff. Him and the bag falling as she turned and ran the other way. Jason watched the world spin around him....

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[ He should have known, should have been prepared for it but when Nico speaks he jumps. He'll never get used to Nico appearing beside him. So a loud bang is heard from his head connecting to the hood above, the wrench dropped into the engine as a string of curses follow. One hand goes to his head as the other pulls the wrench out. Stepping back, and now Nico gets to see the mess he was. One of his eyes was nearly purple and brown from how badly blackened it was, his lip split and one of his arms was covered in bandages. Rubbing a his head he made a face. ]

Fucking warm me next time. Fuck.

[ He grumbled.] And yeah, it's my wreak in progress. Get in.

[ wincing as jason's head connects with the hood, nico feels a surge of regret for not announcing himself in a different manner. but the thought is immediately lost as he sees jason's battered and bruised features. a gasp escapes him and he takes a step closer, hand raising to brush cool fingers across a bandaged arm. ]

Styx, Jason! What happened to you?

[ if he thinks he's getting in the car after seeing the state jason's in, he's got another thing coming. ]

[ Jason looked a little confused at Nico's reaction, which may have spoke volumes for his life all together as he rubbed his head some more. Looking to his arm where Nico's fingers brushed.]

Bar fight, I went through a window. It look's worse than it is.

[ He didn't seem bothered by it, it was status quo for him, he had gone to long without a real fight. He felt like a weight had been lifted even if he was in pain, cause the stubborn bastard wouldn't take any pain killers. ]

Come on, let's get going. [ he spoke as he slammed down the hood then tested to make sure it latched.]

[ still looking at jason with a worried expression, nico figures he'll let it go. he's not sure what might have prompted a bar fight, but he doesn't want to pry into anything that might not be his business. so he mutters an "alright" instead and climbs into the passenger seat of the car. ]

Where did you find this?

[ Jason watches his expression before he moves around to the drivers side, stopping to carefully tug on his jacket to cover the bandages. The inside looked better, clearly some work had already been done inside. Turning over the engine of the 66 Mustang he looked to Nico as he pulled the door shut, and it gave a pop before it shut. ]

Bought it in the back lot of one of the dealerships, something for me and Little D to fix together, but he's to damn busy to answer my calls.

[ he sounded a mixture of irked and disappointed as he shifted the car into gear and backed them out.]

You get the choice, I get you a copy of the book or you watch the movie with me.

Little D? [ a tilt of his head at the unfamiliar name.

and then nico's trying to get the seatbelt on, fumbling with it because he's rarely traveled in cars, despite having his own chauffeur ( a zombie by the name of jules-albert whom his father gave to him for his 14th birthday ). ]

Movie please. It would probably take me forever to read the book. I have really bad dyslexia for anything not written in Italian or Ancient Greek.

Damian, my little brother, kind of.

[ He gave an awkward shrug, much like with riding his bike without a helmet, Jason didn't bother with seat-belts. To many issues with having to bail out of vehicles because of his vigilante life and his own reckless disregard for his life.

Jason arched a brow, which made his face hurt a bit, when Nico spoke of his dyslexia. ]

Movie it is, I'll see if I cant find some of the books in Italian then since I'm sure they don't come in ancient Greek.

[ as jason arched a brow at him, nico just shrugged. he was used to his dyslexia by now, understanding it was a demigod thing, but that didn't mean other people did. ]

It's a demigod thing. Our brains are hardwired to read Ancient Greek. I'm also ADHD, so focusing can be hard.

You can't help the way your brain's wired. And it's fine, I'm not judging you, we'll work with it. In time anyway. No big deal there. So, were gonna to take a few breaks while it plays, good to know.

[ Reaching a near by store he parked and shut the car off.]

So, were here for snacks and spark plugs.

That's an interesting combo.

[ he can't help but quirk a brow, but unbuckles and climbs out of the car, prepared to follow jason. it was a good thing loki upped his pay because he was actually pretty hungry and ready to buy out the store of its chips and coke. ]

Spark plugs are for the car, and snacks are for us. Get whatever you want, i'll meet you back at the front in about ten minutes, sound good?

[ Jason asked, mostly planning to take care of a few things at once.]

[ well, okay then. nico shrugs and nods, heading towards the food section to grab some popcorn, chips, and cokes. at the candy section, he hesitates and then grabs a package of what looks like ambrosia but what is more likely regular lemon bars. then, with arms full, he heads to the register where he pays for his items and grabs the bag to wait by the door for jason. ]

[ Jason followed after a few minutes later, having expected Nico to be after him. He was smacking a box against his palm with a couple bags hanging off his arm. Making eye contact with Nico, the pack of cigarettes was slipped into his jacket instead. opening the door he tossed the bags in the back. A six pack of beer, a few energy drinks, snack bars and a bunch of chocolate. ]

We good?

[ nodding, nico eyes the way jason stashes away the cigarettes with a mild look of disappointment, but quickly covers it with a neutral expression as he follows jason. ]

You know, I'd tell you those things would kill you, but you've already died, so...

[ He's used to the disappointed looks. He just rolls his eyes a little as he leans over to unlock the door for Nico as he fired the engine back up.]

Look, I know, everyone reminds me. It's how I relax so, just give me this one. Beside's I've smoked off and once since I was around 10. I know it's a problem.

Since you were ten? How did you even buy cigarettes then?

[ spoken as he climbs into the car, giving jay a surprised look, though one without judgement. ]

I didn't I stole them for me and my mother.

[ He spoke, and only once Nico was in the back and buckled again did he start to take them back to the communal housing.]

She used to say to fought off hunger, after she died I just kept it up as a way to remember her, then I was addicted. Now it's just something I do.

[ He grumbled it, not wanting pity or anything to him it was just how his life had gone.]

[ nico considers this for a few seconds. doing something in someone's memory isn't that foreign concept and nico's done worse things in his attempt to bring back his sister, so who is he to judge jason? he sighs and nods. ]

I get it. I did some stupid things too, after my sister died.

Out of my parents collective bad habits, I'd say a bit of nicotine is the best outcome I got.

[ He didn't consider himself an alcoholic, he honestly didn't have a problem, he just enjoyed bars as an aesthetic. He drank a lot but rarely let himself get messed up, he'd spent to many nights on his youth hauling his dad up the stairs, he didn't want to do that to someone else... most nights anyway.]

So, what did you do?

[ He asked as he drove, just keeping one hand on the wheel.]

Yeah, I guess there could be a lot worse habits out there. [ nico considers his own father's bad habits, like his tendency towards holding grudges, and sighs. ]

As for what I did... Threatened people, almost killed a few innocent individuals, nearly betrayed a friend. Threw away all my trading cards in a fit of anger and sadness. But mostly, after Bianca died, that's when I really started spending time with dead people. And not all of them were good influences.

[ Jason never wanted to be a junkie, he'd accept being a drunk before he went down that dark road. He never wanted to be like Catherine in that respect, even if his mom had had the kindest heart before she started killing herself little by little.]

....one of these things isn't like the others.

[ Jason can't help a chuckle.] Sorry this is serious, but trading cards? Dead people usually aren't, though look on the bright side, at least you didn't get in a car with a man dressed as a bat and agree to fight crime in your underwear. It could always be worse.

It was... kind of an obsession. [ lowly said as he squints at jason. fighting crime in your underwear? sounds a little crazy, especially the getting into a car with a guy dressed as a bat. but as far as nico is concerned, he's seen stranger things. ] It wasn't really your underwear, was it?

That is how obsession works. [ No judging in his tone.]

...Technically it was body armor, it was just cut like very ugly brief's. I didn't choose it.

[ The scaly panties were a big part of why Jason grew into 100% boxers... well besides that one time he squeezed himself back into the old outfit.

Pulling back into the garage he shut the car off and pushed open the door.]

Well, lets go do this, Nico.

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So what if you can see the darkest side of me..

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