riverviewlogs | memories are what make us who we are

who: Bucky and OPEN
what: Memory sharing event (within dreams)
when: October 9th - 23rd
where: Inside dreams
warnings: Torture, forced memory loss, gore, violence, Nazis.

note: I'll be doing a new dream memory for everyone that tags in, if there are specific subjects you would like to avoid then please note them in your tag/subject line and I'll make sure to tailor the dream accordingly. This can also be used for Bucky to view return dream memories. Open to new and old CR, and you don't need to plot with me first; but if you'd prefer to then I can be reached on plurk at

bibbety

[Bucky tries not to sleep too often even when there aren't oddities happening when he closes his eyes, but even he can't stay awake forever. He's only human, after all, the serum doesn't change that much about him.

But when he closes his eyes and drifts off, he's not expecting to be standing as an observer of his dream, like it's an incredibly realistic movie, and he's certainly not expecting someone to be stood beside him looking on.]

You're not supposed to be here.

[Depending how late in the event it is, and how many people he's seen in his dreams already, that statement ranges from confusion to tight irritation in tone.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

None. Just wanted you a straight answer. Guess that's the best you can do.

[Ronan follows, grateful to leave if not for what will come after.]

Go ahead and blow shit up.

If this were your memory, would you tell me the whole story?

[There's the distant sound of an explosion not long after, a low reverberation that seems to shake the very tunnels themselves, and then silence.]

Couldn't say. I'd never blow up a building full of people.

[As the tunnel shakes, he keeps his eyes on Bucky, waiting for the reaction, even if it's no change at all.]

[The Soldier has no reaction at all, Bucky at least looks guilty.]

A lot of good people just died. I didn't know that at the time, but I know their names now.

[There's no point in asking questions, so Ronan just stares. His silence is a heavy thing, a weapon of its own. Maybe Christians aren't supposed to judge, but his glare carries an an abundance of it.]

You must have a hell of a time at confession.

[That's such a bizarre thing to say that his lips actually twitch upwards in traitorous and not at all appropriate amusement.]

I stopped believing in God a long time ago.

[Somehow, Ronan finds it more comforting that Bucky has an expression other than stone-faced. Not by much,
but it's a start.]

That's one way to solve the problem.

[He pauses.]

Do you regret it?

Yeah.

[The Soldier leads them out of the sewers and into a back alley, where he takes up a position to stand and watch the emergency services working, making sure that all the people he needs to have killed are coming out in body bags.

One doesn't, and so a gun comes out, a headshot made from a long distance.]

I think that it's because I regret it that I dream about it, it's the dead getting their revenge.

[Ronan quickly looks away from the scene. For all his "tough guy" appearance, this is a sight he can't stomach. What they must look like in those body bags-- he can picture it too clearly. His focus now stays on Bucky.]

The dead have nothing to do with it. This is all you.

[For once he doesn't say it harshly.]

You think so? Why?

[He doesn't agree, he thinks that the dead have taken up camp in his dreams because there's no other way to get the Soldier to suffer for what he did to them when he couldn't care.]

Do they ever talk to you or does it all play out like this?

[Ronan risks looking now. He starts to gesture to the bodies being pulled out, wavering for only a moment before completing the wave of his hand.]

If the dead ever show up, they'll know they're dead. They'll react to you. Now, this shit is all here.

[He taps his temple.]

You think so? Good. Maybe if I'm doing this to myself, then I really am human.

[It's actually comforting, to think of this being his guilt.]

It never plays out like this, it's never this clear.

[The Soldier has taken out two people that survived, but the rest are coming out covered in sheets.]

[By now, Ronan has deadened his reaction enough that he doesn't flinch.

It's strange to talk to Bucky. He reminds him of the man who beat his father to death. He's outwardly expressing little regret, possibly feeling more, and at that point turned vaguely philosophical. It's not a pleasant association. At least this time the pity outweighs the anger.]

Yeah. That'd be whatever's fucking with our heads. My memories are never as clear as this. When's it going to be over, anyway?

[He doesn't clarify if he's referring to the constant annoyance of stepping into someone's memories or just this memory itself.]

I don't know, probably not long. They're going to extract me, and then there's not much left before I'm-- before it's over.

[He's not lying.

Before too long a nondescript car pulls up and the Soldier gets in the back of it. They drive a short distance away where he's escorted through some corridors as if he were a prisoner instead of an ally, and ordered into a cryogenic freeze tube.]

[Now thoroughly distracted, Ronan drops the talk of death and dreams. He looks at the contraption and he people ushering this other Bukcy inside it. Well, ushering is too kind a word.

He glances from it to Bucky, then back again. Frowning, he says the only words he can think of.]

They're freeze-drying you?

They're putting me in storage until the next time they need me, I'm just-- I was just a weapon.

[He's not human, not there.

The glass of the cryogenic tube begins to freeze over and, for a moment, the Soldier looks afraid before the glass freezes up completely. It won't be long now before the dream ends completely, so Bucky turns to Ronan to offer some last words.]

Don't tell anyone what you saw here.

[Ronan pauses. He doesn't make promises lightly. If it were only him here, there'd be no hesitation. But his boyfriend Adam...

Doesn't need to know. If he needs a warning, there are other ways to to do it. Besides, who knows if Bucky show up in Ronan's memory next. He'd like the same respect shown to him.]

Whatever this all is, your secret's safe.

[Perhaps now is when he should apologize for the intrusion or for what happened to Bucky. But that's the only assurance he gives. The doubts they would matter to the man being frozen or to the man he became.]

Thank you.

[For just that moment, his expression softens from the hard mask it's been the whole time they've been trapped here, into something grateful and relieved.

But then everything goes black and they're both propelled back into their own waking minds as the dream ends.]

memories are what make us who we are

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