memories are what make us who we are

[advanced]

who: Bucky and OPEN
what: Memory sharing event (within dreams)
when: October 9th - 23rd
where: Inside dreams
warnings: Torture, forced memory loss, gore, violence, Nazis.

note: I'll be doing a new dream memory for everyone that tags in, if there are specific subjects you would like to avoid then please note them in your tag/subject line and I'll make sure to tailor the dream accordingly. This can also be used for Bucky to view return dream memories. Open to new and old CR, and you don't need to plot with me first; but if you'd prefer to then I can be reached on plurk at bibbety

[Bucky tries not to sleep too often even when there aren't oddities happening when he closes his eyes, but even he can't stay awake forever. He's only human, after all, the serum doesn't change that much about him.

But when he closes his eyes and drifts off, he's not expecting to be standing as an observer of his dream, like it's an incredibly realistic movie, and he's certainly not expecting someone to be stood beside him looking on.]

You're not supposed to be here.

[Depending how late in the event it is, and how many people he's seen in his dreams already, that statement ranges from confusion to tight irritation in tone.]

Comments

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I don't know.

[These are things he hasn't talked about with literally anyone before now, why is he discussing them with Stark of all people? Yet he doesn't stop, just thinks about how best to put it.]

I have a few memories of before, not a lot, but they're kind of disjointed. I know that meeting Steve comes first, and I remember some of what it took to stop me being Bucky and turn me into the Soldier and I know that's last, but everything in between? I don't know the order.

[There's a hiss of pain as one of the bullets rips through the Soldier's thigh, not deflected in time, but he doesn't fall. He doesn't have time, there are other bullets coming in fast and he needs to be on his guard.]

[buildsomething]

[Tony is so out of his depth here that it would be hilarious under any other circumstances. Who is he to try to work through trauma at the degree that Barnes has experienced, even ignoring the mess between them? People literally take years to train for this, but here's Tony Stark, blustering through like he has any idea what he's talking about and hoping he isn't just making things worse.

But he can't just do nothing. Not here, not with what's around them.]

The order doesn't matter, you can work that out later. Just tell me whatever comes to mind.

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[Just off to one side, the Soldier is standing in an ever growing puddle of his own blood, doggedly deflecting bullets at lightning speed even as they come too fast for him to get them all. He doesn't cry out, his expression doesn't even change, he just keeps going.

Bucky ignores it, he fixes focused eyes onto Stark's face as if trying to figure out why he wants to know this.]

I remember one of my sisters triple daring my to skinny dip in the Hudson in January, then stealing all my clothes while I was in.

[buildsomething]

[Tony's eyebrows lift slightly, genuine amusement filtering into the expression.]

And nothing fell off?

[Okay, it was probably a lot less polluted in the thirties. But still. New York isn't a fun place to be in the winter even when you aren't submerged.]

She give 'em back or did you have to streak home?

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I don't remember.

[His lips lift a bit, though, it's a good memory for what he has of it.]

But I can remember the sound of her laughter, even if I don't have her face or her name.

[buildsomething]

[Right, well, they seem to be getting somewhere at least. Tony's not sure he's ever actually seen Barnes smile before. Not that he would have had much of an opportunity, give how things have gone. Still. Progress. Maybe.]

Okay, mocking sister and obnoxious best friend. I'm starting to see a pattern here, Bucky.

[The nickname still feels odd for him to say, but it seems important. A reminder of who he is.]

What else?

[advanced]

[Is that the first time that Stark has called him anything but Barnes? It's odd, it feels somehow more significant coming from him than it does from anyone else. His eyebrows lift slightly in surprise.]

Well-- there's this obnoxious and mocking guy that I know now, guess that follows the pattern.

[That small smile stays at his lips.]

I have a problem, I guess Steve conditioned me to like that sort of idiot.

[buildsomething]

[It makes Tony's eyebrows lift in turn, and not just because Barnes might be telling him that he likes him. Is that an actual personality peeking out from under the hobo hair? Imagine that.]

Sounds more like it's genetic. Predisposed to be tolerant of obnoxiousness. My sympathies.

[The smirk that flashes across Tony's face feels a lot more like one of his usual expressions. It feels almost like he's on solid ground for the first time in this conversation.]

[advanced]

I guess there's worse things that I could be predisposed towards, like being obnoxious.

[The tiny smirk at his lips dies as the Soldier finally falls. He's taken about fifteen bullets to non-lethal locations, and deflected at least four times as many as that, but the blood loss and pain is too much and so he falls forwards.]

I think this should end soon, you'll be out of here.

[buildsomething]

Excuse you, I resemble that remark.

[It's mild as Tony barely glances over to the figure on the ground. It's more of a shame that he's losing that little bit of interesting assholishness from Barnes. They were almost getting somewhere.]

Sure. How about you? When do you get out of here?

[advanced]

[He shrugs, as if he doesn't care and this doesn't bother him at all.]

These dreams are nothing new, I can handle them.

[The door opens and the HYDRA operatives march back in, taking the Soldier under the arms and dragging him out.]

[buildsomething]

[There are a lot of comments Tony could make about what exactly Barnes is handling and how well, but he manages to keep a lid on all of them. There's nothing he can say that wouldn't be blindingly hypocritical anyway, and he can already feel some indefinable shift. Waking up?]

Fair enough. I still think you'd sleep better if you got an actual bed, you know.

[Alright, so maybe he has to get one last word in.]