memories are what make us who we are

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who: Bucky and OPEN
what: Memory sharing event (within dreams)
when: October 9th - 23rd
where: Inside dreams
warnings: Torture, forced memory loss, gore, violence, Nazis.

note: I'll be doing a new dream memory for everyone that tags in, if there are specific subjects you would like to avoid then please note them in your tag/subject line and I'll make sure to tailor the dream accordingly. This can also be used for Bucky to view return dream memories. Open to new and old CR, and you don't need to plot with me first; but if you'd prefer to then I can be reached on plurk at bibbety

[Bucky tries not to sleep too often even when there aren't oddities happening when he closes his eyes, but even he can't stay awake forever. He's only human, after all, the serum doesn't change that much about him.

But when he closes his eyes and drifts off, he's not expecting to be standing as an observer of his dream, like it's an incredibly realistic movie, and he's certainly not expecting someone to be stood beside him looking on.]

You're not supposed to be here.

[Depending how late in the event it is, and how many people he's seen in his dreams already, that statement ranges from confusion to tight irritation in tone.]

Comments

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar can't find anything to say as he watches the scene before him. He's done a lot of terrible things in his life and he'll be the first to admit it. But as horrible as killing dozens of people is from a moral standpoint, he never even known that men were capable of stripping away someone's identity in such a manner.

It's the smell that gets him more than anything else, knowing that while he is being scorched on the outside, his insides are being fried in a far different way. Eventually, the battle-hardened Viking is forced to turn away. For all his cold and uncaring ways, something about the scene has touched him in a way that mere words would never have.]

That's sick. [He mutters to himself. Then he looks over at Bucky. Rarely, if ever, does Ivar show sympathy to anyone. It's a sign of weakness, one that he can't afford to show. But right now, there's something in his gaze a little bit softer as he stares at his friend.]

This answer is a lot. [It explains why Bucky is so broken on the inside. The paranoia he has, and the inability to relate to most people, even the way that he tends to run when the conversations get too uncomfortable. It all makes sense now.]

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[Bucky's own expression never alters as he watches the Soldier finish being wiped and get dragged off to cryogenic freeze. The men tending him don't look at him as human, he's referred to only as the Asset, as the Weapon, as the Soldier. Never as 'he' or 'him', and they handle him with the dispassionate manner of people moving a tool from one area to another.]

I'm not that weapon any more.

[That's important for Ivar to know.]

They kept me for nearly seventy years, but I broke free about six months ago. They sent me after someone I used to know before, and he-- he wouldn't fight me, he broke through my programming and I ran. When I say I don't remember, I mean it, there's a lot of pieces that I'm still missing and I don't know all the situations that could make me dangerous again.

[ragnarsson]

[Ivar goes quiet for a long while after this explanation. As Bucky has probably realized by now, when the Viking does this, it's because he's thinking hard about something, analyzing it in that strange way he has of looking at the world around him. His words come back to him in a slow fashion.]

You might not have wanted me to see any of this... but I'm glad that I did.

[Bucky had been cagey about his past for the entire time that Ivar had known him. Now he understood why. He was a man made into a weapon regaining pieces of himself a little bit at a time. For perhaps the first time, he had an inkling of just what Bucky meant as he stressed to the teen that he was dangerous.]

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Nobody should have to see this.

[It's not an aggressive rebuttal though, he trusts Ivar more than most to keep this to himself and not gossip about it to others. He watches as the Soldier is put in the cryogenic freezer tube and the ice forms on the window, brow furrowed.]

But maybe now you understand. This is why you shouldn't trust me, shouldn't let me near your kid. I've killed hundreds of people; most of them innocent, some of them kids, and I never felt a thing while I was doing it.

[ragnarsson]

You don't give yourself enough credit. Like you said, you're not what you were anymore.

[That's not to say Ivar hasn't ever felt threatened by Bucky, but he's seen the man develop from standoffish and closed-off into someone Ivar can call a friend. Compared to this empty shell that he's witnessed here, it's remarkable progress.]

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Yeah, but I could be again.

[It's not a particularly hopeful thing to end the night on, but that's the last thing he manages to say before the dream ends and they're both unceremoniously booted awake and back into their own bodies.

He could be again.

He wonders if Ivar will remember that, and if he'll see the kid again.]