memories are what make us who we are

[advanced]

who: Bucky and OPEN
what: Memory sharing event (within dreams)
when: October 9th - 23rd
where: Inside dreams
warnings: Torture, forced memory loss, gore, violence, Nazis.

note: I'll be doing a new dream memory for everyone that tags in, if there are specific subjects you would like to avoid then please note them in your tag/subject line and I'll make sure to tailor the dream accordingly. This can also be used for Bucky to view return dream memories. Open to new and old CR, and you don't need to plot with me first; but if you'd prefer to then I can be reached on plurk at bibbety

[Bucky tries not to sleep too often even when there aren't oddities happening when he closes his eyes, but even he can't stay awake forever. He's only human, after all, the serum doesn't change that much about him.

But when he closes his eyes and drifts off, he's not expecting to be standing as an observer of his dream, like it's an incredibly realistic movie, and he's certainly not expecting someone to be stood beside him looking on.]

You're not supposed to be here.

[Depending how late in the event it is, and how many people he's seen in his dreams already, that statement ranges from confusion to tight irritation in tone.]

Comments

[inebriety]

I don't--

[Tony cuts himself off, the people in the car may not look exactly how he knows them, but they're unmistakeable. He watches Howard stumble out of the wreckage and he's already turning Anthony's head away because his subconscious has made that connection even while he's still in shock.

He looks at his mother. He's only ever seen her in pictures.]

I never knew her.

[He doesn't stop looking at her even as the other Barnes grabs Howard, although he flinches with every blow. It's only once hands wrap around her neck that he looks at the present Barnes, unable to watch her die. He's trembling, clinging to Anthony tightly while preventing the boy from seeing any of this.]

...why?

[advanced]

Because those were my orders.

[It's hard to see.

He didn't remember, somehow, that Howard had called him by name when they had come face to face. He didn't recall the look of betrayal on his face, the confused sorrow, as he had been beaten to death. It makes it more difficult to witness, but he does stand witness all the same.

When all that's left of them is blood, just corpses in the wrecked car, Bucky moves to the trunk to collect the serum.]

Is this how they died where you're from too? A 'car crash'.

[inebriety]

[Tony is incredibly slow to anger so he doesn't lash out, but sort of crumples instead. He can't stop shaking and he can't seem to move either. He knows he should, he's terrified of the men standing in front of him now. He doesn't know if Barnes would do the same to him if he could do that to his parents and pass it off as following orders.]

Are you going to kill me too?

[He can feel the tears welling up, but he doesn't move to wipe them away.]

Is that why you wanted to know about me?

[advanced]

No.

[He's used to fear. He's seen it a hundred different times on a hundred different faces, people who realise that death has come for them and have nothing left to fall back on but pleas.]

I killed them because I was ordered to do that, I don't do that sort of thing any more.

[inebriety]

[He should fight back, he should do something that doesn't involve standing there like an idiot, but he feels like he's frozen to the spot.]

He knew you and it was just another job?

[Anthony squirms in Tony's arms, tugging at him and calling out his name, but Tony doesn't seem to register the boy at all.]

[advanced]

He knew who I used to be.

[It's not much of an excuse, and it's certainly not a defence, but it's the truth.]

I didn't remember him at the time.