memories are what make us who we are

[advanced]

who: Bucky and OPEN
what: Memory sharing event (within dreams)
when: October 9th - 23rd
where: Inside dreams
warnings: Torture, forced memory loss, gore, violence, Nazis.

note: I'll be doing a new dream memory for everyone that tags in, if there are specific subjects you would like to avoid then please note them in your tag/subject line and I'll make sure to tailor the dream accordingly. This can also be used for Bucky to view return dream memories. Open to new and old CR, and you don't need to plot with me first; but if you'd prefer to then I can be reached on plurk at bibbety

[Bucky tries not to sleep too often even when there aren't oddities happening when he closes his eyes, but even he can't stay awake forever. He's only human, after all, the serum doesn't change that much about him.

But when he closes his eyes and drifts off, he's not expecting to be standing as an observer of his dream, like it's an incredibly realistic movie, and he's certainly not expecting someone to be stood beside him looking on.]

You're not supposed to be here.

[Depending how late in the event it is, and how many people he's seen in his dreams already, that statement ranges from confusion to tight irritation in tone.]

Comments

[supersweet]

I heard, but it can't be easy for you. I mean, you changed but you still have to see this all over again.

[ That matters. ]

[advanced]

[He doesn't know why that hits him as hard as it does, but he has to clear his throat before he can reply.]

Then maybe that's my penance for doing it in the first place.

[In front of them, the other Bucky has undone his tie and is holding it loosely in his hand, before taking another key card out of his pocket to unlock the door in front of him. He stands motionless for a moment, listening intently.]

[supersweet]

[ Jon doesn't know what penance is. But he's met enough people in Riverview to have a few guesses of his own. Men like Bucky, Dodger and Tony Stark — they believe in punishing themselves. Jon doesn't understand it, has never felt the need to inflict himself with the worst. It is not his father's way and it's not his. ]

But you didn't choose to do it. That should count. I'm not — saying you should forget. I know you can't, but this isn't right.

[advanced]

I can't exactly choose what I dream about.

[It's a deflection, but the argument of guilt and punishment really isn't one that he can have with a little kid. Not that he has much chance to give more than that of a response before everything kicks off.

The door opens and the Soldier surges through swiftly, immediately looping his tie around the neck of the nearest man in a suit, while kicking another one in the sternum hard enough to send him flying backwards. There are four bodyguards, two parents, and three children in here, the oldest of which is twelve, and the Soldier takes all nine of them out in under two minutes. It's a devastating display of what the Soldier has been trained to do, and he's not even breathing heavily when they're all on the floor.

None of them are dead, there aren't even any bruises or broken bones, he's just knocked them all out. Only when they're all unconscious does he begin to move them so they're in more natural positions, and then draws a canister from his side and puts it on the floor, a slight hissing noise filling the air as he exits the room and closes the door behind him.

Bucky has watched it all with an impassive expression, though his eyes have taken in every detail of the faces of his victims, clearer here than they usually are.]

[supersweet]

[ Jon definitely closed his eyes and covered his ears with a whimper. It's a little too much to process, though he's quietly relieved he can't hear their heartbeats. That would have made it worse. ]

[advanced]

[He wouldn't have had to listen to their heartbeats much longer, anyway. The Soldier waits outside for approximately five minutes and then slips back in again to take the canister away.

Bucky reaches out to touch Jon very carefully on the shoulder.]

They're dead, it's over.

[Carbon monoxide to cover the fact it was murder, the hotel will be sued for negligence in maintenance and everyone will consider it a terrible accidental tragedy.]

[supersweet]

[ Jon lets out a sob as he turns to hug Bucky, tears trailing down his cheeks. ]

[advanced]

[He goes completely stiff as Jon turns and hugs him, floored, with no idea what to do.]

Stop-- please, don't...

[It's not over yet, either. The scene is shifting around them as they follow the Soldier back into the elevator and down to a waiting car outside the hotel. This... isn't good, he had hoped that the dream might have ended there, but it seems not.]

[supersweet]

[ Jon pulls himself back, trying to wipe his eyes valiantly. ]

There's more?

[advanced]

Not much, and nobody else is gonna die, I promise.

[Is that much of a comfort? He's already made a little kid cry, it's not like it can get much worse.]

[supersweet]

[ Jon nods slowly. ]

What's gonna happen now?

[advanced]

[He's not really sure how to explain this in kid friendly terms.]

A debriefing.

[Sort of.

He'll see before too long, the car doesn't go far before the Soldier is being led into a nondescript little building and down into some tunnels, into a far more military base. He stops in front of a man with blond hair and blue eyes who looks at him almost with boredom.

Mission report.

All targets eliminated, no witnesses, no maintenance required.

Good. Wipe and store the Asset.

That last order is to two of the technicians who are stood nearby, they get the unprotesting Soldier into a machine that restrains him in place. He willingly accepts a bit between his teeth, and then pieces of metal fix over his face and send bolts of electricity through his brain as he screams, as they wipe his mind.

He's shaking and needs to be supported as they pull him out of the chair, careless to his comfort and like he's not even human, and down the corridor to a cryogenic freeze tube. It's only an hour after he's murdered nine people and he's already in stasis, stored like a weapon no longer needed.]

[supersweet]

[ It's the chair that makes Jon go pale. It resembles the one Manchester Black has strapped him onto, had made him watch the slow destruction of Hamilton County. While the machine hadn't done anything to him —

( hadn't it? Jon didn't know. Didn't know how Manchester Black got in. Or how long he had been there )

— it still hit too close to home. Jon shivers, wrapping his arms around himself. ]

[advanced]

[He wants to say more, something to comfort Jon, but the dream ends as his consciousness does in cryogenic storage. Everything fades and all of a sudden he's awake again, back in Riverview.

Even though he wants to hide away, he moves as soon as his eyes are open, sprinting through the dark streets to Jon's house, knocking sharply on the door.]

[supersweet]

[ Jon rubs the sleep from his eyes (and some wetness too) as he heads down the stairs to open the door. He knows it's Bucky so he doesn't panic or worry. Dick is probably out scouting Riverview as Nightwing and Annie is sleeping, so it was mostly quiet. There's no fear in his eyes as he lets Bucky in. ]

Bucky . . .

[advanced]

[He doesn't actually come into the house, hesitating in the doorway with concern painted all over his face.]

...are you okay?

[Dumb question.]

I'm sorry you had to see that.

[supersweet]

[ Jon looks at him thoughtfully, as he chews on his bottom lip. ]

I know. I mean, it's not your fault. I'll be okay.

[ A beat. ]

It looked . . . a little like my chair. The chair he put me in.

[advanced]

I'm sorry.

[It was bad enough that this chair had been invented at all, but something similar should never have been used on anyone else.]

I'm so-- so sorry.

[supersweet]

[ Jon's silent for a few seconds. ]

I'm just a kid. There's a lot of stuff I don't get.

But it's not your fault.

[advanced]

Don't.

[He doesn't want the comfort from some kid that he's goddamn traumatised.]

I came to see if you were okay, nothing else.

[supersweet]

[ Jon hunches his shoulders. He's probably not going to sleep well tonight but he doesn't want to make a big fuss of it either. ]

I'll be fine.

[advanced]

Right--

[He should push some more, he kind of wants to, but he's ashamed and scared. So he just turns and starts to walk away again, shoulders hunched in shame.]

[supersweet]

[ Jon kind of expected that. He heads to the door to politely see Bucky out, slumped and tired. ]