riverviewlogs | ( open ) slow i'm getting up

Entry tags:

( open ) slow i'm getting up

who: Cassian Andor + open!
what: rebel spy poorly adjusts to civilian life
when: mid september?? whatever is convenient
where: various! multi-choice.
warnings: will edit as necessary!

i. perimeter guard

[cassian has gone beyond the wall a handful of times by now, but he has yet to stay more than one night. when he's at the headquarters, he hangs out in the hangar, poking around at the transit, or with the maps, pouring over them very meticulously. sometimes he's hunched over his own map, adding details or working on a copy to keep. survey work is easy enough, because surveillance is key to being a spy. he's got a very good memory.]

[other times he's sorting through a haul of old scraps and pieces of technology he managed to pull in, figuring out what can be fixed, what needs to be tossed, and what can be reused. it's all sorted into three distinct piles, and once in a while he tinkers with some of it, trying to make it work again.]

K2, what do you - [oh. no. wait. it's instinct to just ask his droid for technical opinions, but he cuts himself off and his entire expression darkens while he turns his screwdriver a little too aggressively.]

ii. perimeter guard redux

[he's very prepared for monsters in the sense of combat experience. most of his life, however, has been spent fighting people not beasts. cassian is meant for stealth; he's a sniper, an assassin, an informant, and his kills tend to happen quickly and quietly.]

[of course this one happens when he's alone, having separated for about an hour from jyn to cover more ground, though he hasn't gone too far from the wall. he'd shot it from afar and knocked it out, but it hadn't been alone; the companion zeroes in on cassian's location as he switches his blaster from stun to kill, any sense of invisibility lost when he fired the gun the first time. great good monster times all around.]

iii. how do you food

[grocery shopping is bizarre. cassian has lived essentially his whole life off rations or basic levels of food (sometimes even whatever he could snag on the streets). he was fed appropriately enough, but the Rebellion hadn't exactly been brimming with fine cuisine. the stores here sometime feel like too many options. he spends more time staring at the choices before picking the least flashy, unable to break the habit. he also piles his basket with enough food for two people, a habit he's picked up in the month or so he's been here.]

[he's keeping a very cool and collected facade, but there are probably little signs of uncertainty that should not belong to someone who's just browsing through a grocery store. frowning at perishable packages and the rainbow of juices, squinting at labels warily. he may also have an obscene amount of water bottles. you can never have too much!]

[he's perpetually grumpy at nearly every box he picks up to read over ingredients.] These percentages are far too precise. How is this necessary?

iv. how do you escape hypercompetency

[the perimeter guard keeps him busy, but cassian hasn't stopped reflecting on what jyn said weeks ago, how he doesn't have to be a spy here anymore. there is no one to report to, no war on his heels, but the habits don't die out even when he tries to remind himself otherwise.]

[he goes to the library and tries to find books for leisure, but ends up looking between the shelves to see who else is there, skimming the titles belonging to the person sitting next to him. he takes out too many because this is a luxury at least he can share, and some of the books he picks aren't really leisure.]

[every time he turns a corner inside a building or out on the street, he looks around in a very calculative way. he steps around people and weaves through crowds too easily, turning over his shoulder to make sure none of them noticed him. paranoia doesn't sit well with civilian life.]

[he often goes for a run in the mornings, stretching it further each day to keep testing the strength of his leg and spine. sometimes it becomes too much and he has to rest on a bench, practically chugging his water as he watches the people slip by him. he catalogues them without realizing, huffing out a sigh.]

[he really doesn't know how to turn it off.]

Maybe I need a hobby. [muttering to himself is not a good hobby.]

v. wildcard!

[make up your own or hit me up: communism @ plurk, romanitas#5368 @ discord, pm this journal.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[he thinks it might be nice to run with jyn, but he also knows his inability to go as long as her for now is probably a factor. besides, it gives him a chance to quietly collect his thoughts outside the unfamiliar silence of a comfortable bedroom.]

[he's not surprised when she sits by him though, nor does he bother fighting her off for the honor of his water. he might not run with her, but these little breaks on the bench are welcome.]

I'm not sure it counts when you have done it too much to fall under leisure activity.

No, [ jyn agrees, leaning back against the bench, letting her head drop back over the back, neck bend at what looks like an incredibly uncomfortable angle. ]

But there's something enjoyable about it now.

[ it's still strange, doing anything for herself, treating herself. everything feels like an indulgence, from grapes to running to taking a break during work to give her shoulder a break. her decadent collection of three pillows. made all the more indulgent due to the fact that she only uses one. ]

[he makes a face the weird angle, but ultimately leaves her to it even if the urge to toss her a dumb comment is there.]

I suppose it is more of a choice lately. [he snags the water back to drink some more.]

I like it. [look he admitted a thing.] When it's running for the sake of running. It clears my head. [and helps him get a better sense of how far along his body is healing but only one (1) weakness at a time.]

[ everything is a choice lately and that is where her biggest struggle is. cassian does the shopping for both of them because jyn can't handle the choices, it's too much. she appreciates that he passes it off as the fact that he has the private kitchen, but they both know it's jyn's utter inability to act like a normal human being.

cassian's a spy, he's better at acting. ]

It sort of erases everything in my head. [ she straightens up, uncraning her neck, and pushing out a long, slow breath, unsure anything she could say to explain the feeling would make sense. ] Everything goes away.

Edited 2017-09-21 04:13 (UTC)

[there are too many choices all the time! the simple things like grocery shopping at least give him something to do. and if he buys food for both of them and keeps it in his apartment, there's no chance of anyone else getting it!]

[he looks at her from the corner of his eye, feeling both weirdly nervous and validated when she carries on the same topic.]

Yeah. [a heavy sigh.] It is menial enough to make me feel busy without feeling like a chore. [does that make sense?? jyn is making sense, he hopes he does too. he sips more water.] It's almost - refreshing.

[ it makes complete sense to jyn, it's why she runs in the first place, pushing herself long and hard enough to only be able to think about the way her lungs are burning and her chest is hurting. she'd found the same solace in training with saw, the aching of her muscles making her feel accomplished and strong, like she could take on anything the galaxy threw at her.

it was wrong, of course, but it helped her cope with losing her parents and now it's helping her cope with losing herself so she is unlikely to stop anytime soon. ]

Exactly, [ she agrees, debating snatching the water out of his hands again. she refrains, for now, resettling herself to sit more comfortably without dropping her head back. she ends up with her elbows braced behind her on the back of the bench, shoulder twinging in protest to the angle. she ignores it just like she's constantly ignoring their similarities.

it means nothing. no things. ]

How does your back feel? [ she could be subtle, but she won't. ]

[the controlled physical exhaustion is way better than unexpected emotional exhaustion. running is good for that!]

[cassian frowns at the way she's sitting, glancing at her shoulder. he frowns even more when she asks him about his back so point blank, because he doesn't like the idea of people knowing, but on the other hand - it's jyn. she literally carried him out to the beach -]

It'll be fine, that's why I am taking a break. [just a little achy! he nods at her.] You shouldn't be sitting like that.

It's fine.

[ she's a trashfire of lies, but at least she can back it up with bullshit and at least she didn't fall a bunch of stories to her apparent death. cassian will never get to pretend he's completely fine because jyn watched him fall all that way. ]

If I don't stretch it, it'll be worse. [ this is not the right stretch for her shoulder, but he's not a doctor he can't tell her what to do. ]

[it's probably about as fine as his back is. he gives her a somewhat skeptical look, because he knows she's lying just like she knows it the same of him.]

That does not look much like a real stretch. [he takes more water. pretending he's fine!] Sit more comfortably.

Is that an order, Andor?

[ she doesn't budge even a millimeter, an edge to her voice that doesn't put an end to the conversation but she's also not going to just let him tell her what to do with her own relatively minor (albeit chronic) injury when his was worse. ]

[he opens his mouth, closes it, then sighs. she last name'd him and her tone shifted, which isn't what he'd intended at all.]

[they're so bad at this.]

More of a suggestion, Jyn.

[ ugh. this is so hard to navigate -- she was so used to her unsocial, friendless life, it was safe and she was secure in it, secure in knowing she had little to lose. now she has more to lose, but she didn't gain insight into how to be a person when she gained an entire impromptu family. ]

I told you it's fine, [ she repeats, edge softened with mild frustration. ] I wasn't the one who was hurt.

[ she was, obviously, no one made it through scarif unscathed, even before the death star. the beach was awash with death and carnage. cassian was simply hurt more and as lively and vibrant as he is now, as lively and vibrant as cassian can be, jyn can't help thinking of how weak he was in her arms when she was holding him on the beach. ]

[his mouth opens again with an immediate thought of protest. they were all hurt, but objectively he knows his own injuries from scarif were worse than hers. he really shouldn't keep being so dismissive of them with her. she knows.]

You were. [he says it quietly, almost softly, staring at the water rippling in his bottle instead of looking at her.] If you're allowed to be worried for me, I am allowed the same for you.

[which, he could probably get her to be more open if he was, so -] I was getting an ache, so I stopped running. I will be fine, in few minutes.

I'm not worried. [ the protest is immediate and stupid. she is worried, she was worried, she's been worried since she saw him in the stairwell for the first time. she clarifies: ] I'm concerned.

[ THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!

there is no difference. ]

Sould you even be running in the first place? [ it isn't like either of them had asked the other to go running, they just happened to end up running at the same time a few times and one or both of them adjusted so they could continue at the same time. it was natural and easy but it means jyn never had the chance to question it to begin with. should they be taking long walks and doing boring flexibility and strength exercises instead? is there a physical therapist in riverview? ]

Semantics. [there is literally no difference, jyn.]

[but she admitted to being concerned, which kind of is a good feeling. huh.]

[he makes a face, still not looking at her.] I begin with walks. It's a process of testing what I can do.

I can go much further now than I did when we first started running, so it must be working somewhere. [only after he says it does he notice the use of 'we' and decide to just pretend it's fine and normal and whatever.]

[ THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SHUT UR FACE ]

Don't go without me.

[ that's all she's going to say. if it's a process then it might fail and she doesn't want cassian to be alone if or when something fails and he's suddenly in danger. it's not even why she refuses to go to the other side of the wall without out, that is just because she does trust anyone else. but now it's certainly a secondary reason. ]

[Z E R O DIFFERENCE.]

[he opens his mouth, closes it, and continues to be surprised by the way there is someone who worries after him.]

We always leave around the same time anyway.

[the only reason he doesn't suggest they run together is because she can go for much longer than him right now. he doesn't want her to feel stuck lagging. completely ignoring the internal admission that he would not mind running with her, cool beans.]

Okay.

[ so they are agreed, they're running together now. when he takes a break jyn will simply keep going or take a break with him, she'll decide when it happens. that's it, she doesn't want to have feelings to she takes his water bottle again and takes a couple gulps so she doesn't have to say anything else. ]

[oh. okay. that's... easy. they'll run together now! like, with acknowledgment of it, even though they've more or less been on the same schedule so far. it'll be nice to maybe even talk about it.]

[w e i r d.]

Okay.

[agreement! feels good man.]

Will you move your arm now?

[ jyn moves her arm, but only because she doesn't want him to keep complaining. she glances away, squinting into the sunlight, so he won't see the way relief floods across her expression. after a while it hadn't hurt in the position she'd jammed it into, but it still feels good to drop it down by her side.

eventually she passes the water bottle back. ]

It's so green, isn't it?

[he's pleased when she finally moves her arm, and even if he can't see her face for it, he can see the relief in her posture. he could comment on being Right, but he's just glad for the shift and the ease it brings her. it relaxes him a bit.]

[he takes it and takes another sip.]

The color seems to be the theme more than any particular architectural style. It's a nice backdrop, for the runs.

It reminds me of Takodana, the green trying to overrun the castle, creeping up the steps.

[ the trees and plants here seem built around the buildings, sheltering them. and now cassian knows one single thing about jyn erso. ]

[he looks over at her, surprised in a good way at the admission she's been to takodana. he has too, and it's strange to consider. he tries not to smile, knowing this about her.]

The castles here are missing giant statues, or maybe just the woman to build them after. [and now she knows that thing about him too.] Which do you think is greener?

Takodana, no contest. [ there's no more green in the galaxy than takodana. ]

There's a planet, Outer Rim, I think. Called Lokori. It's not a green, I don't think, more bright colors and flowers. The buildings were built to look like flowers, farms to look like leaves, the streets their stems. [ there's a odd, dreamy quality to her tone, not quite nostalgic but like a story from her childhood that she remembered fondly. even if, ] I don't actually remember it, but I had many drawings of it when I was a little gil.

[he is completely drawn in by the way her voice sounds. he's never heard her speak like that before, but... he likes it, weirdly. it makes him want to smile, but he suspects if he smiles she might stop. it softens his face anyway.]

I know of it. It's near Ryloth. I've not been to that one, but the images always looked very bright.

[she liked to draw when she was a child. cassian tucks that away, a nice fact about jyn erso.]

I was born in the Outer Rim. On Fest.

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