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who: loki & tony (616s)
what: tony has woken up from his coma and pays the godling a visit.
when: forward-dated to whenever essie wishes eyy.
where: the sanctum sanctorum.
warnings: tba

[ Stephen's home has undergone a hefty restoration and now, with mostly everything but the superficial work done, the halls echo properly without holes in them (not to mention the ceiling) and the voice of one godling carries melodically through the arched corridors as he crosses the threshold after an afternoon of pillaging temples. A small sack of knick-knacks over his shoulder, Loki swivels his way through the front-door, slamming it on heels that shuffle-dance their way through the ground-floor toward his bedroom, silvertongue-touched lyrics ringing out clear as a bell.

Soul buyer, spitting fire, only your touch gonna get me wild, say I'm not a sinner but you make me a LIII-AAA-YAAAR! I like them games we play when you're inside my veins! No, a little good don't stop the devil! If I go up in flames, then just put me away! 'Cause a little good don't stop the devil!

The obnoxious song is half because he thoroughly enjoys it and also to annoy the former Sorcerer Supreme if Stephen is trying to have a quiet day in. One of Loki's bedroom doors is kicked open as he dances his way inside, headphones still firmly in place so that his groove isn't interrupted, scooting around furniture.

Hel-bent, left again, ain't coming back till gods know when! Oh yeah, I'll be damned, gonna make a deal with a backdoor man! Soul buyer, spitting fire, only your touch gonna get me wild, never was a sinner till you set me on FIII-EEE-YAAAR!

Horns and a shadowthread coat are thrown onto his bed as Freyja the snake peeps over the glass of her tank to see what all the noise is about. Anything she hisses about the person loitering near the entrance of the bedroom is drowned out by Loki's hooting as he tosses artefacts from furtive raids into boxes and onto shelves, sorting out his haul.

In his defence, it's not the most embarrassing song on his phone and he's not the poorest dancer. ]

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[ it takes Tony a day to seek out Loki; not because he doesn't want to see the godling (okay, he is still a little sore, but that's to be expected) but because for just having a month long nap he was tired. so he spends the first day not being a comatose mess, wakes up the next day and needs coffee and ends up spending the morning with Ava and her brilliant ideas.

it is late afternoon on the second day he is awake that he finally makes his way over to the Sanctum, the apple shoved in the pocket of his sweater and chest tight with questions.

there is the vague notice that the Sanctum isn't nearly as derelict as it was the last time he was here, which is nice to see that at least some people were managing to put things back together again. it also makes it so that the singing echoes through the halls rather easily, and Tony doesn't need to see Loki dancing to know that he is.

leaning against the doorframe of the godling's room, Tony watches (a small voice in the back of his head telling him that is creepy as fuck but, oh well) as Loki sings and dances around the room, throwing what look to be relics into boxes around the room. it makes him smile a little, knowing that the godling managed to keep busy.

also that and the fact that Loki is wearing the bracers that he crafted.

waiting until there is a break in the song, Tony clears his throat loudly before clapping slowly, not entirely sure if he should walk into the room (not sure if he was allowed, if he wanted to, if--).]

Not your best, but nice song.

[ SHITFUCKHEL is approximately what blurts out instead of further singsong lyrics when his ears catch the sharp sound of clapping from across the room and all that hard-practiced shuffle-dancing makes for a quick trip to the floor, literally. His bracers snap to attention as Loki whirls around and drops in a heap over his long legs, a glimmering green shield (a blend of the bracers' magitech and his own power) bursts over him in a protective oval where he hunkers for a moment.

An aching moment, because ow. His butt and pride are equally wounded.

It isn't until Loki glances over his arm that his eyes widen and he sits up, still on the floor behind a twinkling barrier as all the consternation and curiosity sap from his expression faster than ale from a tankard in Thor's fist.

He stares and his lips part as he croaks out a stunned, ] Anthony?

[ Internally, all his organs instantly turn weightless and he isn't sure how to function. The dead silence left in the wake of his shield cutting off his headphones, now fallen and forgotten, is deafening. ]

Edited 2017-09-17 21:53 (UTC)

[ Tony's first reaction is to startle back, nearly tripping over himself as Loki curses and falls and generally does not react the way that Tony thought he would (though he isn't sure how he thought the godling would react, just... not like this). his second reaction is to move closer to make sure that Loki is okay despite the fact that he knows Loki can handle worse falls. his pride might be a little wounded, but he is sure that it can be handled.

Tony doesn't get too close though, just a few more steps into the room, worry etched on his features as the shield (his own work, but also... not) flickers between them and--

oh.

the genius pauses, half crouched to make sure Loki was alright, a few feet away from him. it was clear in his face and body language that he doesn't really know how to act right now; there is a weight in his bones that speaks of hurt, but he is also still concerned. it might have been a month for Loki, for everyone else, but it has only been a week or so for him.]

Uh, yeah?

[ A chaotic tumble of thoughts rush through his head as he continues to stare; he shouldn't dance again, maybe ever, or sing, it feels weirdly obscene to have been keeping his spirits out of the alcoholic gutter, somehow; Sam hasn't called or texted to let him know Tony is awake so perhaps he doesn't know, he was so good about being the only messenger the first time around when things were reversed; Tony's hair is a little darker by sheer filaments and he is missing a couple of wrinkles from the corners of his eyes and mouth, probably the apple's work in sustaining his life-force; Tony is alive.

The shield retracts. Loki blinks away the rush of logic as emotion overrides common-sense and works his mouth for a moment where the Silvertongue is stumped for words. ]

Why are you ... ? When?

Uh, yesterday morning. Ish.

[ because he assumes that the question is about when he woke up. about how long he has been wandering around and enjoying his new lease on life. he hasn't noticed the subtle changes, the fact that his bones don't creak the way they used to, or that his mind doesn't wander quite as quickly, but he is sure to notice eventually. is sure to figure out that the apple in his pocket maybe wasn't as pristine as he thinks (it wasn't as if he inspected the thing, just shoved it in a pillow case to get it the hell out of the hospital, forever thankful that Strange didn't ask about it).

with a sigh, Tony lets himself drop to the floor of the room, legs crossed as he watches Loki.

when he speaks again, there is a quiet lingering question behind the words.]

As for why, because my brain decided it was sick of the same shit? Even though I had--- I had a few interesting dreams. At least, I think they were dreams.

[ It's so surreal to be sitting on his bedroom floor with Tony awake nearby, moving and breathing and talking like he never stopped. In the back of Loki's mind he can still summon the imagery of Tony in a hospital bed's sterile sheets, hooked up to useless monitoring machines, he can see the way the moonlight would fall in stripes through the blinds across the still outline of a figure entombed in medical stasis. A hysterical part of him almost believes he's imagining this or has conjured another construct, like Leah's.

Dreams, says Tony. It doesn't immediately register what he might mean as Loki's brain kickstarts with the same blunt honesty he used when addressing a motionless, senseless body in the dark. ]

I thought you would sleep forever.

[ That being ... well, what it felt like. ]

Forever, huh?

[ there is another huff, Tony not looking at Loki for a moment as he takes in the contents of the room; eyes skipping over notes and trinkets, half seeing the treasure that Loki has amassed and the little changes here and there. not that he had spent much time at all in the godling's room before, but still. it gave him something else to focus on outside of this, outside of them.

finally, after a moment or two, Tony pulls out the apple that was shoved in his pocket, eyebrow raised as he holds it out to Lok, gaze assessing and honestly curious.]

That why I woke up with this?

That ...

[ Gathering himself up on his knees, he rubs his face and tries to get his head around this confrontation. He didn't expect to see Tony up and about today, or even this week. Or month. After laying waste to the stock of Green Miles at Trixie it's been best to tell himself not to hope for anything better than Tony remaining alive.

Loki swallows, hands dropping to his lap to twist. ]

That was to stop you from getting any worse.

[ Because he couldn't bring him all the way back. ]

[ there is nothing accusatory about the way he holds the apple out, or about the way he quietly waits to hear what Loki has to say. he wants to know why, because he knows what this is, knows that to be thought worthy enough to be granted an apple was an impossible task for mortals (or near impossible), and that is what makes the fruit feel so heavy in his hands. this is no simple gift, no small action on part of the godling.

Tony waits and watches, the weight in his chest coiling tighter as he watches Loki struggle. he wants to at least comfort him, but-- there are things that need to be discussed first.]

To stop... is having it in your presence powerful enough to do that?

[ he does not know that Loki has managed to get him to consume some of the fruit, he feels no different at first assessment (he will notice, later, that there are things that have changed, but for now...).]

Lokes... I'm not upset, I was just... it was strange to wake up to?

[ Focusing on the properties of the apple is easier than anything else right now, so that is what he dives into by reeling off an explanation. A slightly tailored one, but. ]

Idunn's apples grant immortality and youth, but also vigour. I sliced part of the skin off and, ah, ate that so as not to see it go to waste, but before I did I used it to paint your lips with the juice within. The open wound on the apple I placed next to your palm to aid its power in rejuvenating any new weaknesses or ... developments.

[ A shoulder shrugs sheepishly. ]

I winged it. [ And then in a hurry, he adds, ] But you didn't technically eat any, so you're not a god. You're not ... like me.

[ ....ah. that-- huh.

there is a moment where Tony just sits there and tries to digest the information that, with his best interest at heart, Loki fed him part of a fruit that had the potential to make him immortal. since the whole thing was not consumed (just ... juice apparently?) Tony is still a plain old mortal, but--

shit, he does not know what to do with that.]

Oh... kay... uh, well, first off, thanks for trying to make sure that I didn't... die? [ give him a second Loki, he is wrestling with the whole best interest versus kind of strangely invasive attempts at kindness that could have backfired spectacularly. not that he can be too upset, he probably would have done the same if it were Loki (or Steve, or Bucky, or--) in this position.]

And for not turning me into a god without my consent. I mean, being like you isn't bad that's not-- I just-- choice, yeah?

[ so eloquent, Tony, well done. fuck this was difficult. ]

[ The waspish frown he shoots Tony's way when there suddenly seems to be a need to underline the fact no rules of consent were broken, no choices were forced, is vastly preferable to the jumble of other emotions in his chest and he hopes Tony feels as stupid for pointing those things out as they sound to Loki's ear.

Then he glances away in short order, hard expression subsiding. As with the audience with Sam when informed Tony blew up, Loki keeps the wealth of his despair under lock and key. ]

You didn't have to come here and return it. It's yours. Use it to heal yourself as you see fit.

[ ohmygod that isn't-- he isn't--

actually, Tony has no idea what he is doing. has no idea how to start parsing the torrent of emotions that are keeping his better sense scattered so easily, and he doesn't know if he wants to cross the space between the two of them and hug Loki or-- well, keep his distance.

in lieu of really doing anything for the moment, he curls his hand in, eyes on the curve and shine of the fruit as he tries to put together his thoughts. it doesn't really work because the longer he stares at the fruit the more he thinks about how important it is, how powerful it is, what it means and--]

You got-- You got a golden apple. [ he looks up, careful and steady. ] For me.

[ he isn't worthy of it. it is too much. it is better for Loki to keep it. it all goes unsaid as he watches the godling, the small space between them feeling like miles. ]

[ After a short silence where his gaze drops to his own knees and the fists balled on his lap, he shrugs off the heavy implications. ]

Actually, I had the portal steal it from the orchard next to Valhalla, so you shouldn't really wave it around in public unless you want the Einherjar to get wind of it.

[ It wasn't as if he could go home and beg Idunn, for a variety of reasons. Tempting and coaxing the portal with words was a long-shot but one he's pleased paid off, even if it wasn't the most subtle theft. ]

[ Tony just stares. because honestly? at that point it is semantics okay. you still got him the damn apple. and that mean a whole hell of a lot even if he doesn't really know what to do with that. Tony stares at Loki a moment long, doing an excellent impression of a fish, before:]

I'm sorry-- I'm sorry I freaked out. At you. It wasn't--

[ it wasn't really at Loki that he freaked out, well he did but the terror wasn't directed to the god, but rather ghosts in the long past that he never really managed to exorcise. putting the apple in the floor next to him, Tony inhales deeply and brings his knees up, wrapping his arms around them and looking at the middle space between them.]

I was angry that you tried to use your relationship with me to hurt Steve, still am I guess, but the freaking out? That-- that wasn't at you. That-- [ goddamn, he hates talking about this. there is a pause where he presses his forehead to his forearms and breathes] You just said something, exact words, that someone else did once, when she told me she was only using me to steal secrets from Howard. It-- it caught me offguard and --

[ and panic. coupled with emotions running high and everything else, it just wasn't a good combination.]

[ Any pretence of disinterest is scoured away when Tony starts talking about the one thing that drove Loki to a week-long bender, morose and miserable and confused over whether he was the one that made Tony slip up in the lab out of upset ... and without good reason, it turns out. He wasn't entirely the root cause of Tony's fear that day which is a massive relief to know, even though he still harbours guilt for pushing him to that point under any circumstances. Staring intently, he swallows to combat the dryness in his throat, keeping his nerves steady and fists balled on his lap where he kneels before Tony, watching the way the man folds like origami. Uncertain whether he ought to reach out and console him and choosing the safer option of not.

I would never use you. I hated Rogers and would have done anything to make him give a shit about how much he hurt me. I'm tired of trying to be constantly beloved, someone I'm not. ]

I'm sorry.

[ That's all that really matters. His voice is soft, unargumentative. Uncharacteristic, because otherwise there will only be another fight and Tony needs his rest when Loki isn't perfect enough for him. ]

[ it is the way that Loki apologizes, sincere and without any attachments to the sentiment, that makes Tony look away from the in between and actually look at Loki. his eyes sharpen, focus, on Loki and he takes the moment to really look at the god; see the lines and edges, the tension in his shoulders and the lines around his eyes, the way he seems awkward in his own skin (Tony made him like that) and unsure of what to do. it is so very different from the boisterous and lively Loki that he had come to know.

he also notices how the godling keeps the space between them, how it makes something twist in his gut.]

You don't-- [ another sigh, heavy and laden with all the things he isn't saying. ] Thank you. I don't blame you for the freaking out though, know that. Or... well, the lab.

[ it's a blind stab, but he has the feeling that the godling doesn't see himself blameless in that event. and while Tony was tired and not in the best place mentally and emotionally, it was his own fault for being there, no one elses.]

[ Tony's eyes flicker up and Loki's shy down, evasive in hiding the twitch at the corners when he recalls the stale taste of alcohol and the numbness he needed to keep his nerves in check at the thought of having contributed to Tony's accident. To a possible death, a living nothingness in a bed from which it seemed he would not awaken.

Biting his lip, he blurts out with determined emphasis, ] I'm still sorry.

[ He opens his mouth to speak more but a strangled gurgle is all he manages, lashes spiked and damp as he ducks his head further to hide his upset, chewing his lips in order to stop a slew of words he will regret at some point. ]

I'm sorry.

Edited 2017-09-20 18:35 (UTC)

[ there is something in the way that Loki reiterates it, like he doesn't think that Tony believes him. like he doesn't hear that there is actual feeling in the words that are shaking between them. there is so much more beneath those words, so simple and easily spoken, but honest. from the lips of the god of lies to Tony's heart, aching in his chest.

he knows that Loki is sorry, he doesn't doubt that.

but it doesn't change how things played out, how he is still raw around the edges, a little bruised still in his softest spots.

for a moment, he doesn't say anything, watches as Loki crumples in on himself a little more before, with a quick breath, he moves forward to pull Loki into a hug. it is for comfort. acceptance. I am sorry and you're forgiven in the movement. Tony isn't willing to forget, not for a while, but there is also more here than either of them are clear on. pressing his cheek to the top of Loki's crown, he settles a bit, and when he speaks he sounds steadier than he has in a while.]

I know you are sorry, Lokes. I don't doubt you. But it also doesn't just make everything else go away. That's gonna take time.

[ he tightens his hold, pulls back a little, a seriousness to his face that he hasn't had around the god of lies for a long while. ] I'm gonna need time, okay?

[ A stifled sob lodges in the pit of his throat and he grows silent after that, twitching in the unexpected embrace as he keeps his arms to himself, letting Tony do the holding. It would be the worst thing in all the worlds to scare him off again, for any reason. ]

Okay.

[ He can't hide his wet cheeks when he peers back at Tony, ensnared and unwilling to be the first to leave. All he can do is nod ... and swallow a hitched breath, pushing out some tense words before his meagre courage fails. ]

When you're ready, make another picnic. Then I'll know you want me.

[ That was the last time he felt happy with the way they were. ]

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