riverviewlogs | But since you've been gone, girl you know the thought of you's driving me mad

Entry tags:

But since you've been gone, girl you know the thought of you's driving me mad

who: Ivar and you! + some closed prompts
what: The Viking tries (and fails to) deal with heartbreak
when: After August 25th and into September
where: All over the city
warnings: Possible violence, mentions of underage sex

She'd left him. Well, to be more specific, Letha had left him and Winter. Somehow, that hurt almost worse than anything, knowing that she didn't love her own child enough to stay and care for her. What had possessed her to do it, he'd never know. They'd finally slept together for the first time, and while they lay in bed together afterwards, Ivar had worked up the courage to tell her that he loved her for the first time.

The next day, she was gone.

Apparently, they'd gotten that portal working well enough to send her where she wanted to go. Those running it told him where they'd set it for: Kattegat in 816. His home world. Wasn't that just a kick in the ass, that she'd run away to where he'd come from? Ivar had been too stunned at the time to do much more than wonder why.

Eventually, the emotions hit, and considering the Viking never had a good grasp on them anyway, they were all over the place. He could be found alternately crying his eyes out, sulking like a small child, taking his rage out at the weapons training center, or spending time with Winter to distract himself. He could be encountered in just about any mood, but one thing was clear: Ivar was hurting bad, heartbroken in the way that someone could only be upon losing their first love.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Cisco is very open about displaying weakness and vulnerability, compared to Ivar, but he's also not without his own suspicious streak. Especially after everything that had gone down with Dr. Wells. A look of understanding dawns on his face, when Ivar squints and asks about his motives. Cisco figures all he can do is be honest. He shrugs, says simply: ]

I'm a sap who hates seeing people cry.

[ But even to Cisco, that sounds like a fairly weak reason. He doesn't stop to think about it much. Why he feels so compelled to try to help people - even when they are rather rude strangers. Cisco sticks his hands in his pockets and adds, a little quieter: ]

Just looking for a little good karma, I guess.

[Ivar folds his arms across his chest, clearly not convinced by this line of reasoning. At least he's finally opening up a little bit.]

You won't find any of that with me. I'm not a good person.

[He admitted that in a very casual, matter-of-fact voice, like he was stating that the sky was blue or that water was wet. Ivar adds on more in a bitter tone.]

She wouldn't have left if I was.

[ Okay, well, now they're getting somewhere. It startles Cisco a little, the way Ivar just says he's a bad person - but self-loathing and self-pity go hand in hand, and it might be particularly tempting to think of himself as bad at a moment when he is clearly hurting and very vulnerable. Besides, in Cisco's experience, the worst people out there weren't the ones owning their own badness. They were the ones with false smiles and kindness, who stabbed you in the back.

So he's a little wary, but doesn't let it distract him. And the comment about someone leaving him gives Cisco some hint of what's happening, here. At least somewhere to start. ]

Pretty sure that's not how it works. People leave for all sorts of reasons. Was this your girlfriend, or...?

[Ivar nods at Cisco's question. His self-worth is at an all time low right now, broken down from Letha's departure. He knew he wasn't a good person. Good people didn't occasionally threaten their girlfriends with knives when they got upset. Maybe that was the real reason she'd left him. He had to have done something really wrong.]

Mm-hmm. Her name was Letha.

[Ivar takes out another tissue, blowing his nose before continuing. Some people can manage to look decent while crying. He is not one of them.]

She left without a single word. She never even told me goodbye, just left me and our daughter to go through the portal.

[His voice cracks on the last few words and it's all he can do not to start crying again.]

[ The 'daughter' thing is a surprise, and Cisco's eyebrows climb a little, because this guy looks way too young to have a kid. Then again, he might be older than he looks. And for all Cisco knows, he comes from a world or a culture where being a parent at his age is perfectly normal.

His frown deepens as he listens, rubbing at his chin in thought before asking, cautiously: ]

Do you, um- you're sure she went through the portal? She didn't just... disappear, and you assumed that's what happened?

[ It's something that Cisco has worried about, off and on. How easy it might be for people in this place not to notice if people were going missing, or being killed, so long as they didn't leave a trace. Would their friends just assume they had gone through the portal and back home? It seems like a dangerous possibility, to him. And if there is anyone that might apply to, he thinks it would be a mother who had left her kid behind. ]

[Ivar doesn't notice the look of surprise on Cisco's face. In his world, becoming a parent in your teens was generally a normal thing for Vikings. They didn't live long lives, with an 'old man' being someone in their fifties. If they didn't have kids early on, they might never have them.

Ivar shakes his head. The first thing he'd done when Letha was gone was to scour the city for her. But the trail had led to the portal, his first guess, though he didn't want it to be so.]

I asked when I found out she was gone. The people running the portal told me she wanted to go through. You know what's terrible? She decided to go through to my world.

[Ivar's eyes grow hard and he laughs bitterly.]

I hope she gets eaten by a bear.

[ It's a relief, at least, to hear that Ivar had checked and made sure that his girlfriend really had gone back through the portal. If he had not, Cisco would have had to do something about it: contact the police department, see if there were any leads he could follow up on himself, make inquiries. He would have done it without complaining - much - but he's glad he doesn't have to. ]

So she wasn't from your world, originally... but she went through to it?

[ He tries to imagine why anyone would do that. If it had just been a messy case of homesickness, maybe... but then why wouldn't she take her child with her? ]

Is it possible... did she think you were going to follow her?

[ The bear comment is a little bit much; Cisco's been stung by breakups, and her abandoning their child is pretty damn harsh, but even so. ]

I'm sure you don't really mean that.

She always had romantic ideas about where I'd come from. [As well as romantic ideas about Ivar himself. She'd projected an ideal onto him, making him out to be the warrior prince of her dreams.] As if being a Viking sounded so much better than what her life had been beforehand and was here. She's going to find it's a lot harder than she thinks to get along without electricity and running water.

[He shakes his head slowly, as if he's not quite sure of the answer to the next question.]

I don't think so. We'd never even talked about leaving the Quarantine. She'd just been so unhappy lately since our daughter was born. She kept saying she was unnatural and an abomination. I thought she was finally starting to get over that, but I guess I was wrong.

[There's a shocking lack of empathy in the teen's voice when he answers. Sorry, Cisco. Ivar's crazy is starting to show itself.]

I'm sure that I do.

You're a Viking?

[ Cisco doesn't bother to disguise the surprise in his voice as he asks that - sure, he's met one or two people here who were from the past, but no one from earlier than the mid 20th century or so. For a second he thinks it must be something else - a name that was repurposed for a new civilization in the future. But then Ivar says no electricity or running water, and... wow. That's going to be a little bit to digest, the idea of talking to an actual Viking, like something out of a storybook. ]

...oh. That's pretty messed up.

[ Not only the things she'd been saying, but Ivar's tone in speaking about them. Privately, he wonders... maybe postpartum depression? Caitlin had told him one or two things about that, but he doesn't know it well enough to say, and he's not a doctor anyway.

And Ivar sounds... pretty convinced about that whole bear thing, which is another tick in the 'yikes' column. Cisco is beginning to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have stopped to talk to this boy, after all. But maybe he's being unfair. In any case, he's just going to... drop it. ]

Where's, um, your daughter, now? Daycare or something?

Yes. [Normally, he's a little more expansive in his explanation, but right now, he's not in the mood.]

My name is Ivar Ragnarsson. Ivar The Boneless to some. [A Viking that would become famous in the history books for his cleverness and cruelty alike. He was just from the start of his career right now, a teenage prodigy when it came to planning battles and war strategies.

The mention of his daughter at least disrupts the dark thoughts he kept expressing about Letha's death. It was clear this was one sixteen-year-old who may have been more than just a little bit unstable. Ivar didn't react the same way other people did. Connections didn't form easy for him and he found it hard to empathize with anyone. Winter was one of the few people he'd ever given his whole heart to. Loving her right now was keeping him from a psychotic episode.]

She's being watched.

[The nurses at the hospital, charmed by how much adoration Ivar had for his daughter, and concerned by the lack of bonding Letha seemed to be doing with her daughter, had been able to put him in touch with some good caregivers. He'd been making frequent use of them when he had to work or just get out of the house for a few minutes.

His voice softens a little when he talks about her.]

She's so quiet all the time, hardly ever cries. She never gives any of them any trouble.

[ Unfortunately (or fortunately?) for Ivar, Cisco doesn't remember many names from the books he'd read at the library as a kid, about Vikings. The 'Boneless' nickname sounds a bit cruel, but he's not really sure how to say that without it being horribly rude. And maybe Ivar kind of likes it. Either way, he's going to stick to just 'Ivar' until further notice. ]

Ivar. Got it. I didn't introduce myself earlier, huh? I'm Cisco. From 2015, so. Definitely not a Viking. Obviously.

[ A weak attempt at humor, but he doubts that Ivar is in a laughing mood. He at least seems a little less distraught than he was when Cisco first approached him. Maybe the talking is helping, at least a little, and at least temporarily. ]

She sounds like a great kid. You got a... a picture or anything?

[ Talking about his baby seems to be cheering him up, ever so slightly, and so Cisco wants to keep that momentum up. ]

Edited 2017-09-30 00:37 (UTC)

[Ivar looks completely unamused at Cisco's attempt at a joke. Does he look like he's going to be laughing anytime soon, little man? At least asking about Winter perks him up. It makes him more animated then he's been almost the entire conversation.]

I do. Want to see?

[Ivar pulls out his phone. Really, the only reason he'd even learned how to work the camera function on it was to take a thousand and one pictures of his daughter. He pulls up a few shots of his little girl, most of them with her swaddled in tiny dresses being held by her adoring father. She's an albino, pale skin with nearly colorless hair and lashes. Her eyes are blue with a dusky red undertone to them. She's focusing very intently on the camera in several of the pictures, a curious expression wrinkling up her little face.]

Isn't she cute? Her name is Winter Istrid Regis Ivarsdottir.

[A big name for a little baby.]

[ Cisco is relieved that this, at least, seems to be a universal trait - as a new parent to see pictures of their baby, they will be only too happy to oblige. He looks down at the phone screen, surprised only for a split second at how pale she is before he's grinning broadly, laughing softly when Ragnar flips to the images where she looks particularly confused or curious or interested in something. ]

Wow, she's adorable.

[ It's obvious from the way she's dressed, and being held in the photos, along with the way Ivar talks about her, that whatever his feelings of sadness and bitterness and anger over her mother's departure, that he loves her dearly. And that is reassuring, at least. Hopefully, the kid will be able to pull himself through, because he has this little girl to look after. ]

That's a great name. If I ever see you out and about with her I'll make sure to come say hi. Look, I gotta get going, you keep the rest of those okay?

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But since you've been gone, girl you know the thought of you's driving me mad

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