music and mayhem

[advanced]

who: Bucky and OPEN
what: A variety of prompts, serious and more light-hearted, for existing and new CR
when: The month of September
where: Quarantine and the ruins
warnings: Minor injury/blood discussion

[i: thief at the hospital]

[Bucky has used the last of what Steve brought him on the night he was pulled from underneath the girder and patched up, but the wound still isn't completely healed and he doesn't want to risk it getting infected from substandard care. The bastardised serum he has might help keep infection at bay, but he's still human and he knows better than to risk it.

So clearly the best thing to do is head on over to the hospital, right?

Anyone passing by the hospital on a few days throughout the month might catch sight of a man subtly climbing in through one of the upper windows, and then climbing out again a few minutes later with his hoodie noticeably more full as if he's been pilfering supplies... mostly because that's exactly what he's doing.]

[ii: a stitch in time]

[Following the hospital raids, Bucky can be found out in the ruins tending to himself.

He has his shirt off, meaning that his metal arm is exposed to view for once, and is dealing with a nasty looking gut wound. It's already been stitched up, he's not in danger of keeling over any more, but he's cleaning out the dried blood and wrapping with fresh bandages.]

[iii: kiss and tell]

[After the disaster with Obi-Wan, Bucky has been keeping a very close watch out for those stupid little lights, determined not to get himself trapped under someone else's influence again. But they're more numerous than he'd like and sometimes one doesn't get seen until it's just a bit too late...

A warning to anyone getting themselves caught with Bucky in the kiss and tell, he may not react well and it could lead to fighting rather than kissing.]

[iv: songs from the old days]

[Bucky doesn't have much of a solid base, more a few bolt holes that he uses in a random pattern to keep him from being easy to track down, and that means that he doesn't have much in the way of possessions. It has to be easy to carry and flee with at a moment's notice, after all. But he has one or two indulgences that he's picked up on a whim, driven by half remembered days from before the Soldier.

He has a kite that he can sometimes be seen perched on a rooftop flying in the breeze, looking unaccountably peaceful. He also now has a record player. He found it in a little curiosity shop, a proper old one with some vinyls to go with it. He doesn't play the music too loudly, but anyone passing by some of the abandoned buildings or ruins might hear the quiet strains of the Andrews Sisters.]

[v: wildcard]

[Bucky can also be found at nights having nightmares, skulking around at the gun range watching others play, or generally observing the world around him. If you would like to play any of these, or have a completely different idea for a prompt, just go for it and I'll follow your lead! You can also hit me up on bibbety for plotting.]

Comments

[jedies]

[ Obi-Wan frowns minutely. ]

I've never had a problem remembering that.

[advanced]

[He might look a bit sceptical, but he doesn't outwardly refute it.]

Fine. Thanks for telling me about the war.

[jedies]

It was no hardship. Does that assuage your fears somewhat?

[advanced]

I'm not afraid, just cautious.

[He shrugs, eyes hard.]

[jedies]

[ Uh-huh. Obi-Wan certainly isn't convinced but he's practiced at masking his reactions. ]

Well I suppose I look rather intimidating.

[advanced]

[Seriously? He raises an eyebrow, pretty clearly unimpressed.]

Who told you that?

[jedies]

You don't think I can be?

[advanced]

I don't think you want to be.

[jedies]

You'd be correct.

[ He runs a hand through his beard. ]

Fear is a Jedi's greatest enemy. If I brought fear to someone . . . it means I've failed in ways I can never return from.

[advanced]

Why do you think fear is such an enemy? Fear can help you keep you alive, fear can be healthy sometimes.

[Cutting out any emotion, no matter which one, seems foolish to him.]

[jedies]

Certainly, fear can keep you alive but at what cost? It eats at you when you see shadows everywhere. Until you stop recognizing yourself. Until your decisions come from fear.

[ His expression flickers, as if recalling events long past. ]

It is not so much that fear should be cut out, but that fear is the hardest emotion to control.

[advanced]

[That hits a little closer to home than he was expecting and his expression darkens, half regret and half wariness.]

Sometimes the shadows are everywhere.

[Fear is a necessary part of surviving.]

But just because it's hard to control, doesn't mean it's the enemy.

[jedies]

Some times should not be treated as all times. That's what gives rise to war. That is the trap.

[ He glances at Bucky. It seems like Obi-Wan isn't quite there. Caught in the vestiges of an old memory. Of tattooed men and fire. ]

It is for the Jedi. Those who succumb to fear eventually fall to the Dark. Twisted reflections of what they once were. They might be alive. But they are never free.

[advanced]

[Obi-Wan might not be quite there, but he's definitely succeeding at pressing all of Bucky's buttons in a way that's disturbing him quite a lot. Is that what he would count as in Obi-Wan's world? A twisted reflection of himself, trapped in the Dark? Seems sadly accurate.]

Never?

[That can't be true.]

When they've fallen to the Dark, they never get free?

[jedies]

[ Obi-Wan blinks, stirred from his reverie before smiling beatific. ]

Of course they can. I spoke too harshly. Everything is determined by choice. There's always hope for anyone who chooses to find it.

[advanced]

[It's probably obvious that Obi-Wan has pressed on some sore spots by the tension in his body which doesn't really abate much with the reassurance.]

People can't get forced to the Dark without choice?

[jedies]

[ A pause. ]

They can be. It has . . . happened before.

[ I know the decision to join the Dark Side wasn't yours. It was made for you. Obi-Wan knew that. He could feel it even as the horror of his situation wrapped around his neck in a miasma so thick it was hard to breathe. He turns his gaze away. ]

But the decision to stay is theirs.

[ Obi-Wan may sympathize. May understand. May help and even throw his support should someone decide to change. He certainly believes it can happen. Ventress may not be good but she became her own person.

But Maul is a sticking point in his chest. Obi-Wan won't excuse him. ]

[advanced]

[Just knowing it has happened and Obi-Wan has knowledge of it, it sends prickles down his spine and hardens his expression.]

You can't know that.

[Choice.

It's always about choice, and Obi-Wan keeps repeating it as if he needs to convince himself that they could be blamed for their choices. Bucky knows all too well that choice isn't always an option.]

Sometimes choice is taken away, sometimes that twisted version of yourself is all that's left.

[jedies]

Yes.

[ Obi-Wan has no problem accepting that. Calm floods back in him. ]

But again, that is still not all times.

[ For a moment he's silent before speaking. ]

I knew a man who had his choices taken away. We were on opposing sides. He killed my master because he knew no other choice and I watched. So I cut him down out of fear and anger.

But he survived. He could have lived another life. He had a family he never knew of before. But he chose to hate me. He chose to kill women and children to punish me. And when I asked him to try a different path, he killed someone I loved dearly in front of me.

[ Even now, that pulse of sadness is not extinguished. But Obi-Wan is of the Light. His grief is strong, but it does not rule him. His anger may sting, but it does not incapacitate him. He struggles, but he struggles to rise. ]

I know enough about some times. I'm fallible as any of us are. Being a Jedi does not make me better or stronger. I have stumbled. But at least I know the difference.

[advanced]

[Again, so open, so able to talk about his past and even painful times without shying away from it. It's baffling and also-- Bucky finds himself a little jealous of it. Would it help to be able to give voice to these things? Would it consume him as he fears that it would?

He doesn't know.]

So do I.

[It's a lot more halting, not the strong foundation that Obi-Wan has in himself. And it's certainly a lot less detailed, though to give this much is personal enough.]

I used to be a good man, I think. They went in my head and ripped it away, until I was a weapon without a name. I killed who they told me to kill, I wasn't a man, I was the Asset. But I'm not that any more, I'm not who I used to be either. But I know about choice and about some times as well.

[jedies]

[ No wonder. That would drive anyone to fear and panic. Obi-Wan lets the weight rest around them. ]

I believe you.

I imagine the question you must face is: who are you now?

[advanced]

[He blinks once in mild surprise, for some reason it never even occurred to him that he might not be believed. Who would lie about something like that?]

I don't know, it's something I'm learning.

[jedies]

[ He nods. ]

No doubt. There is no easy answer for a question like that. I'm certainly still learning it.

[advanced]

You've had yourself stripped away? Do you remember your name? Your family? Your past?

[It's different.]

[jedies]

[ Obi-Wan does not blanch. ]

My point was it is something we all learn. Your journey is harder because of all that you've lost. But that doesn't mean you have to be alone in it.