riverviewlogs | We didn't start the fire

[After this fucking mess.]

Taako!

[Of course she was there, as quick as burning spellslots on Haste and Longstrider could possibly get her. She's grateful for Lucretia telling her what was going on, but she's too damn frazzled to really think of why she knew.

Her brother is sitting the fucking ground, bleeding and looking like someone ran him over with a truck, and Lup is both a storm and ice at the same time - her world feels too fast and her core frozen in worry.]

Fuck, what the shit, what happened?! Wait, don't talk, I got you. I got you.

[She crouches down in front of him, reaching to check over his hands.]

[The fact he still has Lucretia's jacket around his shoulders stings, just a little, but he's cold and the warmth of it is helping some of the feeling to return to his skin. At least he managed to sit up, waiting for the inevitable of Lup showing up and freaking out at him.

It's why he holds up a hand in an attempt to stop... all of that, as soon as he sees her, but she blows right past it.]

Lup, fuck, I'm fine. I fucked up, it was stupid, let's move on with our lives.

You're not fine, shut up.

[She's not paying the slightest attention to his 'I'm fine' shit, instead looking over his hands with a frown. Why wasn't Merle here? Who I didn't she just pick up bard shit instead of wizardry? She could have healed this.]

Sit still. I'm gonna call for someone.

[He's not frozen anymore, still cold, but the sheen of ice is gone from his skin, leaving behind a few messy wounds that he's going to have to deal with later. Consciousness is a bit of a struggle, but this isn't Wonderland, he's not that bad off.]

Don't you fucking dare, just call a cab or something. I'll go to a healer if it'll make you feel better but I'm not having everyone up in our shit.

[Nevermind he just had a very public fight.]

[She's carefully warming up her hands like she's about to cast Burning Hands, but cancels it just in time for her skin to be hot enough that she can lay her palms on top of Taako's fingers.]

Fuck no, I'm not risking you faceplanting somewhere and get more hurt.

[She pulls out her phone and looks at him again.]

I'll turn it private as soon as I've found someone. Now be still.

[Turning it on, she makes sure he doesn't lunge for it.]

I need a healer or something. Probably a fucking therapist, too, but mostly a healer.

[Then, more quiet and worried:]

Please.

[The mage hand he casts in an attempt to snatch the phone out of her hand is a pathetic thing that fizzles away as soon as it tries to actually grab anything.]

God-fucking-dammit.

[Here's what he can do instead: get out his own phone and respond, trying to do some damage control, and then he shoots Lup an annoyed look.]

Could you like, chill, maybe?

Put the fucking phone down Taako, or I'm gonna Hold Person your ass!

[She's fretting and she knows she is, but there has been way too many emotions lately and it's starting to overflow into other things.]

Could you not be a dick? I don't know what the fuck happened here, but you look like shit, your magic's shittier and you know I don't chill about this stuff.

[She lets him whine and snap at her all she wants, just ignoring it for now while she talks to the doctor dude.

Try it, see what happens.

[They fight sometimes, over things that matter and things that don't, but Taako very rarely gets cold with her, not like this. He'll make jokes to try to weasel his way out of shit or just cave first because she's always had the stronger personality.

But twelve years without her makes a difference.]

What do you think went down? Things went to shit with Magnus, he thinks we're crazy people and then I got into a fight with Lucretia.

[His coldness stings like razorblades, but she doesn't let herself care. (She can't.) The world doesn't exist, his words do not exist until he's okay.

...but then he tells her what happened and she stops warming his hands for a moment, blotting the blood from his fingers with her sleeve.]

Great. Fucking great. We'll dig that grave later.

Can't we just go home?

[It's tired and a little pleading and he hates how his voice sounds, but he doesn't want to deal with another living soul right now, aside from Lup.]

I promise we will. Right after this.

[She sighs.]

There's a guy opening a portal. We'll be done in no time.

[After more fuckery.]

Alright, get in bed.

[She sounds exhausted as she starts removing her shirt with his blood on the sleeves. She's emotionally numb by now, just powering through it all to make sure Taako was okay before she could handle her own shit.]

[Unlike Lup, who's sensible and taking off her dirty clothes first, Taako just face plants directly on his bed, still in Lucretia's coat, his own ruined outfit, and boots that are likely ruined as well.

It's been a horrible, shitty day and he's ready for it to be over. He knows he should apologize to Lup, at some point, but he's still annoyed about the fact she publicized their goddamn family squabble.]

[She lets him flop in bed however he likes, but draws the line at keeping the boots on. She unlaces them and slides them off before tossing another blanket on her brother, just in case.]

Can I get you anything?

[That works, too.

He curls up on his side, pulling the blanket tight around him.]

How about Magnus's stupid fucking chalice so I can redo today?

I'll let you know if it shows up.

[She sighs again and grabs a sleeping shirt from Taako's pile.

...and then she hesitates a bit. Considering how cold and nasty he had been today, she's not sure if he wants her to join him.

That thought itself hurts, honestly. Not only did he run away from her before, but this fucking thing had felt a lot more than his normal whiny shit.]

[He's not looking at her, so he can't see her hesitate, but he can hear the fact she stops moving and when she doesn't join him, Taako sticks an arm out of the blanket, reaching for her.

He doesn't want to be alone.]

[She's there in a heartbeat, spooning him and wrapping an arm around his chest. Lup buries her face in his neck and sighs.

He still smelled like frost, so it must have been a hell of a spell.]

I'm here.

[Sometimes it feels as if there's a chasm between them, and he can't tell if it's the twenty years of the cycles or the decade of loneliness that he just can't cross. He lived a lifetime without Lup and this is what's left of that, the bitter, selfish, angry thing that lives in his heart instead.

He's lived for centuries and he can't remember ever being as angry as he with Lucretia.

It was a little scary.]

I'm sorry, Lulu.

[They both speak common easily, but he slips into elvish now, a bridge stretching out across the chasm.]

I'm sorry, too.

[For making a big deal out of it. For panicking.

Just... seeing him like that made her think of the cycles, and the fact that they were not in one. Death would be forever, and she doesn't know if she follow him here.

She can't bear to make him alone again.]

I'm here. [She says again, softly.] I'll be there back home as well. You're not alone.

[If this was about Lup, maybe it would be easier to work through, because she's right, she is here and she's safe back home even if she's a lich and he could just remind himself of that fact. But it's not about Lup, it's about what Lucretia did to him.]

I dunno if I'm ever gonna forgive her.

[And that sucks, too, this whole thing fucking sucks.]

[She blames herself for going off and dying, even if she hasn't even experienced that yet. If she hadn't, maybe Lucretia would have stashed them somewhere together.

Maybe then she could have protected him from becoming this shielded, harder person. It might not be about her being forgotten and gone, but that's the only thing she can fix. By promising him that she was right here, and would always be.

Then he talks about Lucretia and forgiveness, and she nods a little.]

I know. And that's okay, Taako. You don't have to forgive her, you have all the right to be angry and feel betrayed.

...but she's still family. That's not something easily erased either. Not after a century.

[She reaches to smooth his hair back a bit.]

You don't have to forgive her, or even like her. Fuck, I don't think I can forgive what she did, either. I just... hold on to the good parts. If you don't... I can understand that. Just don't fight each other like this.

[It's not that he needs her permission, to not forgive Lucretia, but it helps that she understands, that she isn't going to try to talk him around to it or make him feel petty for struggling to get over with Lucretia did to all of them.]

I wanted to hurt her.

[This, in itself, isn't new. There's been plenty of times he's wanted to hurt people for starting shit. It was a close thing, not hitting Lucas with a magic missile after all his bullshit, and killing the liches was real fucking satisfying. But it's never been like this.]

[She wants to remind him over and over that it's okay to not forgive her. It's okay to be angry. He's not petty.

...well okay, this fight thing was a little petty.]

So did I when you first told me. Did it help?

[Did it change anything? She doubts it.]

I dunno. Maybe.

[Maybe it did, a little.

He lost, sure, and he got hurt and he still feels awful, but he thinks if he'd just left it then the anger would've kept building until it swallowed him up.]

Think it's gonna be out of your system for now or do we need to go kill shit?

[Take the edge off. She doesn't like for things to fester and get even worse than it was already.]

I'm done, Lulu.

[Not with the hurt, really, because that might not ever leave, but he's done with being furious at Lucretia. Maybe that will change, next time he sees her, but right now he'd rather just avoid it all together.]

Can we just like, lay here for a bit?

[He's going to have to deal with people and shit later, but right now he just wants to rest.]

Good.

[She reaches to steal a bit of the blanket, and nods again his neck again. hearing him ask that... it makes her relax a bit more, leaning to him more comfortably.]

Yeah, Koko. We can lie here. You need rest.

[This day has been monumentally shitty, but at least he has Lup, and as much as that doesn't solve any problems, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to get through it.

Taako sighs, reaching for her hand so he can tangle their fingers loosely together, and then finally closes his eyes. He's not expecting a whole lot of sleep - he'd really like a shower soon, but he just wants to nap for a tiny bit. And then they can deal with everything else.]

We didn't start the fire

Taako

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