riverviewlogs | [Closed] You and me, another proverbial tree

How am I not surprised that I've been stalking the Grim Reaper...

[He sighs quietly, and lets the photo drop to the floor. If anything, he feels like Reaper has been following him... he hasn't made the connection between messaging his parole officer for permission to go places, and the cloud of smoke with a chilling face that following him whenever he's out. But he does connect that cloud to the photos in his closet.]

...I guess it makes sense I'd start chasing death once I lost Janet, huh.

[Don't say sad things like that, he'll feel bad. It gets Eichi to pause, and he turns his head back up to stare at the ceiling.]

I'm sorry, but you haven't told me anything about this "Janet" at all. You must hold her to your chest, a well-kept secret.

Maybe I do now.. but hell, I used to shout it to the world. I kept her a secret for two years, and almost got killed to keep it - I was fucking sick of hiding it when we got away from all that.

[A hand reaches up to run over his scars while he speaks - they're important, a reminder of her and everything he's done for her. Everything he's lost to give her what she deserves.]

She worked in her mom's flower shop when we met... she always smelled like milk and roses, doodled roses in her planner when things got quiet. She was nothing special to look at, but damn... she meant the world to me. And I meant the world to her. One of those... made in heaven sorta deals.

[He's silent for a moment.]

I can't remember what happened to her. My memory cuts off- before I lost her. But I know she was gone before I came here, to... Riverview.

There must be some reason that she hasn't been brought up at all.

[He hadn't thought Dodger was the type of person to use the phrase "made in heaven" at all, so that's surprising enough.] Perhaps you felt it was a weakness of yours, or something happened to change your feelings. Either way, it sounds as though it may be best to move on, as best as you can.

[He takes a deep breath, as he lets go of Eichi's hand and leans back in his seat.]

The way I am now... I acted like this before I met Janet. When I was a kid. The man that raised me, wanted me to be... a perfect weapon, the guy that would take the world by storm and strike everyone down before they knew what hit 'em. So that's what he was like - notes on everyone in the city, booze everywhere, fistfights every night, sleeping with anyone that glanced at him.

[He's quiet for a moment, taking out a cigarette and just... fiddling with it. This is the first time since he lost his memory that Dodger's expression has really hardened, become more like it is without the memory loss.]

I figured when I killed that sick son of a bitch, I killed the part of me that took after him too. But it turns out without Janet I've got nothing to do but follow in his damn footsteps... turn into another fucking Benjamin McQueen.

Edited 2017-08-20 03:21 (UTC)

[He wants to say "please don't light that in here," but with how Dodger failed at using a lighter before and can't remember that now, maybe he can't, anyway. He turns his head slightly to watch his expression again.]

What were you like with Janet?

[His face blushes a bit... just a bit, but against his pale skin it lights him up bright red.]

Like I said before... she was the light of my life. The first girl I ever kissed, and... I swear to god, the planets aligned the first time I got her in bed. We moved all over the place after I fucked everything up in Boston... finally settled in New York, we got this cheap apartment, I got a job on a fishing boat and she started up a flower shop again... She used to come home earlier than me, so she'd have dinner ready when I got home. We were... so fucking happy.

[He's quiet for a moment.]

You didn't... uh. You weren't awake when Jacob and I were taking you here, were you?

[It's... interesting to see and hear all of this. The blush, the fond words, the clear love and happiness here. It makes his chest tight in an uncomfortable way that he doesn't understand at all, and he ends up smiling slightly at that last question.]

I was in and out. I'm your type, isn't that what you said?

[He chuckles, but it turns into a light cough, and he glances back at the ceiling to keep it to himself.] But nothing like the light of someone's life. I'm a little envious, hearing you describe it like that. I wonder how it feels.

Yeah, I... guess you are.

[That doesn't quite tell him how much he heard... but he'll just leave that unsaid. He'll learn sooner or later.]

Far as I can tell, you got my interest. So I guess... that's something. Whatever it's worth to you.

[He's not sure how much his affection is worth... probably not much. He's never pretended to be someone of high value to anyone outside of criminal employment.]

Fufu... I enjoy seeing and learning about each new side of Jamie. Maybe that was a secret until now. You have my interest, as well.

[Whatever that means... That's what he decides to say.]

[He tips his head a moment, and a small smile crosses his face.]

Whatever sort of fucked up son of a bitch I've turned into... I figure you're pretty good for me. So I guess I've gotta root for you to get out of here soon.

Mm, I'm not so sure about that. I haven't actually been a very good person, you know?

[His hand manages to move enough to touch weakly at the bandaged needle on the back of his other hand. He hates this, he wants to rip it out, but he has no idea when he'll be stable enough to leave at all. How irritating.]

As soon as I can, I'll be out of this room and beneath the blue sky again. Even if I have to crawl out the window to have my escape, I refuse to die in here.

[He likes that. That refusal to die, the will to keep getting better... it's something he never had much of, but he respects it in others.]

I'd sneak you out, but... I guess you actually need to stay here for your health, huh.

[He tips his head.]

And hey, I wasn't a great person back when I was 20, either. Still slept around and got in barfights - and I smoked weed. Just... not as bad as what I turned into.

Fufu...

[His laugh is tired, and ends up turning into a cough, but Eichi still seems to be smiling as he deals with it.] Well, I don't really do anything like that. I'd probably die, you know? But I would often run away from my servants and escape from the hospital, only to be forcibly dragged back here. I'm not in the proper health to be able to do that right now, or I would.

I used to do shit like that... not running away from the hospital, but running away from responsibilities and shit. There was this... shipping crate that someone abandoned and forgot about, near my first gang's hideout. It had a hole in it that was just big enough for me to crawl through, I used to hotbox the whole thing and play guitar in there.

[Fond memories... one of the few things from his teenage years he really liked.]

Have you heard me play? I figure I'd wanna show off for someone like you...

You haven't had a chance, though you've mentioned it to me while coldly criticizing my own music. You're so close-minded that you can't see me doing anything other than what I do on the stages you've seen me.

[Rude, tbh. But he's smiling, curious at that last comment.] I wonder if you could bring it in here? Staying here with nothing but poor television is like torture.

Maybe I will... checked around my room, though, I don't have a guitar. I'll have to get around to getting one.

[He tips his head back, his eyes closing lazily.]

I've never liked celebrities... they don't do anything to earn their keep. They don't create anything. Not like... a carpenter, or a salesman.

...You don't know this yet, but I was irritated at how I first saw the idols of Yumenosaki Academy. A bunch of scum, wasting their days away in the shadows of the success of others, not having to lift a finger. It was disgusting.

An idol shouldn't be someone who is simply rich or has power, but someone who puts in their all and grows to their greatest, above all that they can, inspiring the dreams of others. Fufu, hearing that sort of talk, you'll probably laugh... I sound like a story book hero, don't I? It's true that I wanted to be something like that, but the heroes that exist in stories and fairy tales don't live in real life. True heroes are those who bathe in the blood of those around them and excuse their own actions as justice.

[He is talking so much, and he does have to pause to cough. A small break.] Believing it was my duty, I completely changed the system. Ripping apart units and pitting friends against each other, I forced out each bit of scum that poisoned the academy and made it a place where only true idols could thrive.

It's not that I expect that to change your mind or anything, but I do want it known. I agree, in that way.

...I guess I... can kind of see why we get along.

[He's quiet for a moment, thinking it over.]

I'm not ambitious like that, so I guess I can't argue with you. I never really made any changes - just did whatever people told me to do. Took the path of least resistance and all. Hell- I don't even know what I'd do if I got the chance to pick my own destiny.

[He's quiet at that, shifting just enough to pick up his phone from where it's buried in his sheets.]

That desire to have meaning comes in different ways, doesn't it? Anyway, pass me your phone.

Does it?

[He mutters it sort of offhandedly.. his head is so oddly full of thought, it's taking a while to get through all of it and keep himself in the present.

After another moment, he hands his phone over.]

Why do you want it?

A gift.

[He takes it, raising his own with a few taps of his thumb and then knocks them together. Just like that, a money transfer, and Dodger can see the fairly large sum of money as he passes it back.]

I can't help you shop for a guitar from here, so you should buy one and bring it here immediately. Fufu, it's a little self-serving for a gift, but I want to hear it before I die. [Why does he talk like this]

Se...riously?

[He hesitates for a moment, his eyes widening and his breath catching a bit.]

Hey- wait- I can't accept that. [He takes his phone back and glances at it.] That is way too much money, I- seriously, I did nothing to earn that, so- fuck, no, you gotta put that back.

Even if I don't have access to my funds back home, that amount of money is nothing after all of the performances I've been holding, as well as working at four different nightclubs as head of entertainment. It's interesting, but while I'm on stage, sometimes money will be thrown at me? What a strange way to tip.

[eichi] Anyway, that amount is nothing to me, so please accept it.

[Dodger shakes his head more adamantly this time, shoving his phone back into Eichi's hands.]

Take it back. I don't care how much money you have, I didn't earn this.

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