[open] cancel your reservations

[franciscoramon]

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all, amnesia event
when: august
where: anywhere; if you want a starter, please hit me up!
warnings: discussion of murder, use of alcohol to cope, will add more as needed

i. pre-amnesia (august 5-10)

[ Cisco knows that he is probably opening himself up to a world of headaches and unnecessary trouble, but there have been plenty of new arrivals, and more and more he is noticing that people who show up from non-technologically advanced worlds simply have no support system to really teach them all the cool things they can do even with their phones, not to mention other machines and devices. So, one day when there's a lull between projects for the RPD and other emergency services, he goes to a print shop and has flyers made:

TECHNOLOGICAL CULTURE SHOCK??? NEED LESSONS ON HOW TO USE YOUR PHONE, LAPTOP, OR OTHER ELECTRONIC GADGET??? STOP BY THE ADDRESS BELOW FOR A FREE INFORMAL LESSON!!!

Normally it's the kind of announcement he would make over the network, but what if someone is really struggling and can't even get on there? No, flyers seem like the way to go for this crowd. Cisco adds some fine print at the bottom, below the address for his workshop, but all it says is:

*NO HIDDEN AGENDA JUST A HELPFUL DUDE WANTING TO SHARE THE WONDERS OF TECHNOLOGY, LESSONS ARE FREE BUT TRIBUTE PAID IN CANDY IS ALWAYS ACCEPTED]

ii. amnesia (august 12-19)

[ The changes in Cisco are not, at first, as obvious as they may be in other people. He remembers Riverview, and everyone he has met here, and all the details of his life in this place. He remembers his name, all the movies and video games that he loves, all the technical skills and scientific know-how necessary for his job. He even remembers most stuff about his own past - that he worked at S.T.A.R. Labs, that he's a member of Team Flash and friend to Barry Allen. That he is a metahuman, with various abilities tied to manipulating multidimensional energy.

The only thing that has been carved away from his memory is, in fact, Eobard Thawne. Cisco doesn't remember his mentor's betrayal, or being murdered, or the circumstances that surrounded him discovering his powers. All of the shame and dread he's been carrying about his powers, because of Eobard and the things he'd said and done, has just vanished. In addition, Cisco's trauma over that whole experience is, for the moment, covered over. To anyone who knows him even a little he will seem inexplicably younger. Quicker to smile and laugh, volumes more trusting, and also a lot more inclined to talk about some guy named Dr. Wells in a positive, even devoted manner.

Cisco will spend this week doing what he usually does - working at his workshop (still offering those lessons), trying out new restaurants, shopping for graphic tees and games and movies, exploring the safe parts of the city a little - but with an extra spring in his step. If you've wanted your character to find out about him being a metahuman, now would be a good time for it! ]

iii. post-amnesia (august 20-31)

[ The not-remembering? Had been good. But when that's done, and all of Cisco's memories are restored to him, the transition is... rough. Putting it mildly. Back when all of it had happened, there had been so much going on - one life-or-death situation after the other - that he hadn't had time to linger too much on how he was changing, being shaped into an older, sadder, more broken version of himself.

Now, though, there is no big crisis, no distraction to divert his attention. One minute he is the old, sunny Cisco - the one he still thinks of as the person he was supposed to be - and the next, it all comes rushing back. The contrast is stark, and it's kind of fucking him up a little. Or, rather, a lot.

He goes back to having nightmares almost as often as he did in those first weeks after his death, which means he isn't getting a whole lot of sleep, and it shows in the dark circles under his eyes. Cisco withdraws somewhat - not enough to worry that he's abandoning anyone, but he takes longer to answer texts, doesn't reach out to people first, doesn't go out and about in the evenings. He is quieter, with considerably more strain behind his smiles. He throws himself into his work, staying in his workshop long hours, sometimes falling asleep there, for a few fitful hours. When he can't work any more, he spends a little more time than he should in some nearby bars, drinking a little more than he ought to, trying not to think about the person he is now compared to the person he was the week before. ]

iv. misc

[ Come plot something! ]

Comments

[buildsomething]

[That gets a much more genuine smile and Tony leans forward to knock his glass gently against Cisco's.]

I will seriously drink to that. On both counts.

[And he does, though he's still trying to moderate himself. It's weird to think about, to know that he owes who he is today to that whole shitty situation. That he isn't still the guy who drank too much and hit on everything that moved and gave no fucks about anything.

It doesn't mean he felt any particular need to be reminded of it. So fuck bullshit spores indeed.]

You doing okay otherwise?

[Tony eyes him over the rim of his glass as he asks. His own head is a mess, he can only imagine Cisco must be feeling similar.]

[franciscoramon]

[ If anyone else that he knows only as well as he knows Tony had asked, Cisco would've papered over the fallout with a smile, a joke or two. It's just his usual method, now. Pretend everything is fine, until people believe it or pretend to. But he feels like he kinda owes Tony more than that. He'd invited him here, and Tony had opened up to him. If Cisco were to dismiss that genuine question with a glib lie, that would be pretty shitty.

Still, it's hard, being honest. At first all Cisco does is give a bare shrug, eyes fixed on the table like it's suddenly fascinating to him. Which is pretty clearly a 'no', even though it's meant to seem neutral. ]

The thing that's weirding me out the most is... I guess 'cause it happened gradually and in the middle of all this other chaotic shit, I didn't really realize how much he- how much this stuff changed me.

[ It's the truth, but it just sounds so maudlin, even though he's trying to keep his voice clinical and detached, that Cisco scoffs at himself, scornful, shaking his head. He finishes the rest of his drink (so much for moderation for him) and explains: ]

Like... I survived, sure, but I'm never gonna be the me that I was before. That Cisco didn't make it out.

[ And he concludes with one last shrug, as if he could convince Tony or himself or anyone that this is only some weird annoyance he's making a detached observation of. ]

[buildsomething]

Yeah. I get that.

[Tony flicks him a look that's both wry and understanding. He probably doesn't have to explain to Cisco just how much of a different person he'd been, moreso than just ten years of missing time could account for.]

It's not always a bad thing, though. Yeah you change, but. You also learn. And you know better for next time.

[For an engineer, a chance to figure out what went wrong and correct those weaknesses is everything. Well, for Tony, at least. As tired and weighed down by all that's gone on as he is, he likes who he is a whole lot better these days.]

[franciscoramon]

What did you learn?

[ It's a bit of an invasive question and Cisco knows it. He probably wouldn't have asked, if he weren't a touch tipsy. But the fact is, he doesn't really have anybody else to ask. Strange, that even when it comes to reacting to betrayal and trauma, he's worried that he might not be doing it right. But Tony, he thinks, must be. He'd gone from being an (apparently slightly dickish) weapons developer to being a superhero and a much more friendly person.

For Cisco, it feels like he's going down the opposite path - like Wells had made him more distrustful, more paranoid and inclined to arm himself against all possible harm and think the worst of everyone and the world. He doesn't feel wiser, or better, or stronger. He feels like a meaner, brokener version of the person he was before. ]

[buildsomething]

[Tony's fingers tap restlessly on the table in front of him. It's weird, none of this is ever anything he really talks about. Everyone either knows it by proxy the way that most people know about his life, or were along for the ride with him. No one's ever just sat down and asked.

And okay, maybe that's because he's never exactly made himself approachable for it. None of it is anything he's felt a particular need or want to dig back up. But all of it's right there in the forefront of his mind at the moment anyway, so why not?

He lets out a long breath, slumps back in his chair and tries to put his thoughts in order.]

That's a more complicated question. I could say I learned that anyone could turn on you, but honestly I already knew that.

[He'd been in the business world since his early twenties. Backstabbing was nothing new. Maybe not on Stane's scale, but still.]

Better to say the whole situation taught me what's really important. Near-death experiences kind of have a tendency to do that.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco grapples with that for a bit; Tony's answer is simple, and certainly sounds honest, but rather than being inspirational, it just makes Cisco think about how he doesn't have a corresponding feeling of new perspective. His values hadn't changed all that much, and if they had, it had probably been for the worse. Before, he had never been able to imagine the kind of feelings that would lead people to want to hurt one another. Now... there is an exception to that rule. If push came to shove, he would probably kill Eobard Thawne, to stop him from hurting anyone else, and out of fear and hurt and hate.

Doesn't that mean he is a worse man now than he had been before? ]

How do you deal with that? With knowing anybody could turn on you?

[ Cisco drops his gaze; Tony is sitting there, talking about personal growth, how he'd taken something awful and made himself a hero because of it, and here Cisco is, dragging the conversation back away from that hopefulness, being so relentless and pessimistic. He really is worse, isn't he? ]

Sorry. You don't gotta answer that. I don't mean to keep asking so many questions, I just... there's nobody I can talk to about this. And I didn't already know it, like you did. I keep expecting everyone I meet is gonna try to kill me. Sorta makes for a stressful day.

[buildsomething]

[The little laugh Tony gives in response somehow manages to even sound cynical.]

Honestly? It's something I've always known. I deal with it because that's just how my life is.

[It's one of the few things Howard had made it a point to teach him. Thanks, Dad.

But Tony studies Cisco as he looks away, eyebrows drawing together into something thoughtful. Tony's always been a cynic, but from the sounds of it, the idea is newer to Cisco. And he's the last person he would ever suggest for inspirational speeches, but a big part of Tony feels like he should at least try.]

I get that. You think I walk around in a full body suit of armor because it's fashionable? But it's...eventually you just stop looking over your shoulder all the time. You know it could happen, but you're ready for it instead of just expecting it.

[And even then, it can still blindside you. But he's pretty sure that's not something Cisco wants to hear.]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco is not loving the adjustment to his new paranoid view of the world, but at least he hasn't always been like this. He can't imagine the kind of life Tony is talking about, that would lead him to be acutely distrusting right from the get-go. Sure, Tony is famous now, and that puts some distance between him and other people, but that doesn't explain why he has apparently always been on his guard. Cisco wants to know more, but senses maybe he shouldn't ask. Not when Tony is already dealing with getting his memory of the last ten years back.

He keeps on staring at his drink glass, listening to the advice Tony is dispensing. It's helpful, more than he can say, just to hear from someone that they understand. That he's not a total nutcase for worrying about it happening again. He'd had to hide it from Barry and Caitlin, the way that fear clung to him, insinuated itself into his everyday life. He'd covered it up for so long, that just saying it, and hearing Tony tell him it's understandable, and it'll get better... it means a lot.

Cisco finally looks up, then. There's a tiny smile tugging at the corner of his mouth - weak, and hesitant, but there. ]

Yeah.

[ Instead of being paralyzed with fear over what he'd do if he found himself in that same position again, he should work on being ready. Not by assuming everyone is a secret supervillain, but by learning how to protect himself. With precautions, yes, but also maybe... with his powers, too. As a last resort. ]

Thanks. For... [ For the speech? For listening? For showing him he isn't alone? He can't imagine saying any of those things out loud, so he just finishes: ] ... just, thanks.

[buildsomething]

Sure. [Tony flickers a faint smile back at him.

He's not good at this. Tony has no illusions about that. But he also knows that sometimes all you really need is someone who understands, even if that person isn't actually particularly helpful. Someone you can commiserate with in a way that doesn't feel patronizing. There are reasons Tony's never really considered therapy.

So he shrugs a little, leans back, and attempts to play it as cool as he can. Cisco seems like he's doing the same thing, so hey.]

And I mean. You know where I am if you ever want to talk.

[He can listen, at least. Hard to mess that up.]