riverviewlogs | ( closed ) blind ninja meets whatever it is she is

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( closed ) blind ninja meets whatever it is she is

who: Matt Murdock & Jessica Jones
what: Super cool neighbors have a super friendly meeting!
when: August
where: Floor 9 of community housing
warnings: None, of course, absolutely nothing can go wrong!

[ He'd check to find out if Foggy and Karen were here, if they'd somehow been displaced like he was. Finding no hint of them, he wasn't sure whether to take it as something of relief or not. Not knowing enough about this place, it was hard to tell whether it was safer or more dangerous than Hell's Kitchen. Whichever was the worst, Matt didn't like not being with them to protect them.

The day had already been long, but it was just the beginning of his research, deciding to take it all one step at a time — all as Matt Murdock, and Matt Murdock alone.

Cane clutched in hand, he makes his way down the hallway of his floor, tapping at the ground in front of him. There's no need for it, not with his senses alerting him well of his surroundings, but he senses movement behind some of the doors to the other room. One in particular is about to be opened, sensing it in the way that feet tap across the floor, closer and closer.

When it opens, there's a woman there, practically his own height, with a heavy air about her.

Matt tilts his head up, facing her general direction, making sure not to look directly at her before shifting into a smile. ] Hi. You must be my neightbor.

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[ He's hesitant to go, mostly because there's little for him to go back to. Karen had found her way here which had given him the comfort in knowing that she was safe and well, even if there was still notable distance between them. He was no longer Daredevil but the exposure of that secret was never going to be enough to repair his mistakes towards her. Still, there was some measure of tranquility and understanding between them which allowed for the occasional exchange of words, and that was enough.

Yet, he misses Foggy. And perhaps it's that slight craving for normality with his best friend, the possibility that maybe things do get better that makes him finally decide to go.

But initially, he doesn't feel the need.

Matt doesn't know what to expect the first and only night that Jessica Jones sleeps in his arms. She's warm against his skin, her breath steady at his neck, the calm of her slumber the most tranquil that he's witnessed her to be. It takes longer for him to doze off, a part of him standing guard to the possibility of her panics giving rise again. He no longer protects Hell's Kitchen, but Matt embraces the role of a guardian, even if only for the stubborn woman embraced against his body whose nicest compliment is crediting him with some measure of intelligence ("You're dumb, but not that dumb," she says with terrible snark and he can only ever smile at that).

Yet there's peace as his fingers brush over the curves of her bare shoulder and he thinks, this is fine like this, this is enough. But the offer comes and she accepts it, and when he thinks of Foggy, he considers there's no harm in checking back in.

And then everything floods in, including the weight of solid gravel and brick, and perhaps the promise of death has finally come for the devil.

He recalls the haunt of silence where Elektra's heartbeat should be, the pain that struck inside of him as the vibrations of Danny's fist perpetrated through the air, the clenching tug with the realization that Stick was dead and gone. It all lasted hours and days, and yet it invaded his body and mind in an instant, trying to balance an entire second reality into himself. He remembers the first witnessing of the fierceness of Jessica Jones in an apartment hallway, guiding him through to his door, but then it also coincides with the same rude presence in a police station interrogation room. The elevator, the restaurant, the theater, the hole — Midland Circle.

Elektra was no longer dead, but not truly living either, and he thought he could save her, he thought he could — "We're not gonna leave you here." He knows he should leave, but he won't. He can't fail anyone again, not again, not again.

When he wakes, it's a hospital bedroom, sterile space and bleach filling his nostrils as he tries to find steady breath again. He shouldn't be here; where was everyone? Elektra wasn't — he doesn't sense her, nor does he sense the familiar layout of a Hell's Kitchen hospital. This wasn't home. The Riverview Quarantine, he was back here. As he sneaks away out of his bed, pain in his ribs and all along his legs, he stumbles through the halls to his escape, familiarizing himself with this strange city again, the scents, the shapes, but everything is loud again as if his senses were coming alive all over again, and everything pierced inside.

There's only one place he truly knows here, but the way back to his apartment is a tricky one when covered in bloody bandages and a hospital gown, slipping through the night. Even when he manages to approach the door of the building, there's too many people inside, too many eyes. Instead he finds himself climbing through the fire escape, jolting pain in his muscles as he works up to the ninth floor. But it isn't his window he slips through when he makes it up there.

He senses her heartbeat from the inside, beating in her chest with familiarity. But when he opens the window, everything is loud again, voices in the alleyways, cars in the distance, everything presses tightly in his body, piercing in every limb. ]

Jessica — [ He groans under his breath, bare and dirty feet stumbling onto her floor. ]

[ jessica jones has never been the religious type — not since the car accident that stole the lives of her family and certainly not after kilgrave. catholic guilt was always murdock's department, not hers.

no, jess can't consider herself a fan of religion, but she would pray every goddamn day if it meant she could see him again. the scarf that once adorned her neck has been cast aside, left forgotten in the bottom drawer of her nightstand. wearing the article at all simply reminded her of him — of his dumb grin, of his low chuckle and headstrong attitude. he was as persistent and obstinate as she could be, neither of them willing to back down.

perhaps, she realizes, he won that fight in the end. the stubborn moron.

resting flat against her mattress, jessica exhales softly, then combs an idle hand through her hair. she's still recovering from a migraine, induced by copious amounts of alcohol. huffing another breath, she shuts her eyes before opening them again as a memory flashes through her mind.

"Could've been either one of us, lying dead in the bottom of that hole. I just came to say that I'm really, really glad it wasn't you."

those words meant the world, coming from luke. after all of her transgressions, he still wanted her to stay in touch, and she knows that his response was meant to console her. however, the truth is — now that she's alone, gaze trained on her ceiling as she fruitlessly attempts to sleep, she wishes it was her.

abruptly, a noise from her window disturbs her train of thought. perplexed, she turns her head at a sharp angle, peering over at the intruder. she swallows hard, an audible gasp caught in her throat. it's impossible to discern whether he's real or a figment of her imagination. ]

Jesus Christ.

[ she's frozen for a moment, only rising to her feet once she's able to regain her composure. stepping forward, jessica reaches out to take hold of him before his body can collapse to the ground.

he's here. matthew murdock is alive, and nothing else matters. ]

[ The vertigo intensifies as he reaches around for something to hold his balance. Without proper control of his senses in his current state, making out the location of any of the furniture becomes an impossibility.

But then she grabs him, the strength of her hands keeping him steady even as he staggers in place. ]

Jessi— [ He reaches for her shoulder, a low grunt echoing as he winces from the piercing pain at his ribs, breathing harshly through his teeth. He chooses to ignore it in favor of reacquainting himself with her presence. When was he last with her? At the bottom of the hole? Just before she'd risen back to the top? No — more familiarly, he remembers her slim body curled up against his, her heart beating against her chest, vibrating onto his own.

Swallowing, he takes a breath. ] I'm — [ Without control, his body leans forward, his forehead falling down against her shoulder. ]

Don't— [ jessica's voice heightens, the concern in her tone apparent. ] You dumbass.

[ she can't quite believe this isn't some sort of hallucination — an illusion evoked by a pathetic combination of wishful thinking and sleep deprivation. regardless, the rush of relief that courses through her slender frame convinces her to continue, to acknowledge the reality of his presence.

with her enhanced strength, keeping him within her grasp isn't a considerable challenge. she holds him well enough, watching his head slump forward. jessica shifts her weight, each movement careful as she throws an arm under his legs and lifts him up into her arms. a startled exhale escapes from her mouth, as she senses the warmth of his body along with the steady rhythm of his heart.

he's alive, cradled within her gentle embrace. slowly, jess moves towards her mattress, placing him down on her bed with an air of caution she's never displayed before. ]

[ He isn't entirely sure where the separation between dream and reality is when she scoops him up, but there's a layer of safety draped over him when she does, the hold of her arms keeping him the most steady he's felt since he's woken up again.

By the time he's fluttering his eyes open once more, his back is press into the mattress of a bed, her bed, he imagines.

And he knows she's there, the heat of her breath feeling so close, even if she could be a thousand miles away. He finds the proof that she isn't when he reaches up, his bandaged fingers cradling the curve of her face, wanting assurance that he really is no longer in the trapped lifelessness of that hospital room — he already knows it from her term of endearment that she's real.

He coughs, clearing his throat to get out the words, albeit quietly. ] You got out.

[ Her, Luke, Danny — they'd made it. ]

[ oddly enough, she can feel her eyes sting while the hollow pain in her chest continues to grow. she's not going to cry, goddammit, but she bites her bottom lip all the same. releasing an incredulous scoff, jessica doesn't force him to withdraw his touch. instead, she merely stands there, still in disbelief.

after a moment, she clenches her fist, her head moving in a bare nod. ]

Yeah. [ they got out, even though he didn't. ] Moron.

[ Dumbass. Moron. It's Jessica as he knows her, and there's little else that can be more reassuring than that.

When she doesn't shove him away, he guides his thumb to gently caress across her cheek, familiarizing himself again with the touch of her. Beyond flushed skin, gathered from the temperature beneath his thumb, he can tell that she's tense, that something bothers her, and he knows the fault most likely falls with him. It usually does.

He takes in a sharp breath, letting the silence hang in the air a little longer before he speaks. ]

Good. [ He says quietly, before repeating even softer: ] Good. [ Moron, he could hear her say it in his head again. He'd almost smile at it if it hadn't been so melancholic from her lips. ] I — I promised you I wouldn't go anywhere. [ That night on his bed, holding her. He hadn't kept that promise. ] I'm sorry.

[ a few seconds pass before she registers his words, almost entirely forgetting everything else but him. as soon as he mentions that night, however, she can vividly recall it, all over again — murdock consoling her on his bed, his presence soothing her trepidation.

"I'm here, Jessica. For as long as you need me."

huffing a breath, she licks her lips before stepping back, just out of his reach. ]

Shut up. [ a typical retort from jessica jones, yet it lacks its usual anger. she wants him to stop speaking, so he can save his strength. ] Stay here. [ she commands, as if he's in any condition to leave. then again, he did manage to climb his way up to her window. ]

I'll get you help.

[ it's for the best if she doesn't even attempt to nurse his wounds. her mind flashes to someone else who could assist — stephen strange, as infuriating as he is most of the time. she trusts that he can handle this. ]

[ His fingers feel a chill when she draws back, clenching weakly into his palm as he takes in a heavy breath. ]

Don't. [ He manages to command, with all the strength she can muster. Wincing from the pain that permeates against his ribs, he shakes his head with a light grunt. ]

Don't bring anyone else. I don't want — [ He'd already made his escape from the hospital and he wasn't ready to fall into the hands of anyone else. There were very few people he trusted with his injuries besides Claire Temple.

His voice is almost pleading when he speaks again, ] Just .... s-stay with me. Please.

[ for once, jessica complies, halting in place. she listens to his plea, unable to refuse his request. not now.

without another word, she sighs before sitting down next to him on the mattress. her gaze focuses on him, meticulously watching every movement — from the grimace on his face to the slow motion of his abdomen as he struggles with suppressing the pain. ]

Get some rest. I won't leave.

[ The weight of her body presses into the mattress, assuring him of her continued presence. He can recall the peace they'd made, how they'd somehow compromised a way of trusting one another after he'd pelleted lies and omissions at her without end. When she'd recounted the story of his father, assuring him that he'd only done what he did to make his son proud, he'd realized he'd never truly shared that with anyone. Even Foggy had only gotten portions of the story, and Elektra had only ever focused on the revenge layer of it.

Within a few hours, Jessica had slithered her way into understanding fragments of him he had never expected anyone to, and it'd been without the added memories from here.

He makes an attempt to better compose his breaths, his body laying frigid on her bed as he speaks quietly, ] How long? [ Since it'd happened. ]

[ it started as a way to get back at murdock — he stole a piece of her past, and thus it only seemed fair to return the favor. however, once jess caught more than a mere glimpse, she learned that there was much more to the devil of hell's kitchen than she initially presumed.

she even considered him a friend, using the one word that she avoids at all costs, before he ran off to complete his suicidal mission. ]

Two days.

[ she answers, her tone hushed, as those words truly sink in — two days. it's the twentieth of november, her birthday. her goddamn birthday, and he returned. truth be told, she couldn't ask for a better gift. ]

[ Two days. That answer doesn't provide much for him, on account of not really being able to decipher much of how time has been running for him. Had the days run parallel when they'd ciphered through their memories? Had they all just blended together?

He sighs, because from her lips, two days comes out sounding like a lifetime.

Reaching slowly, he finds her hand on the mattress before curving his own fingers around hers. Loosely, in the case that she doesn't welcome the touch and in that he doesn't have the strength for much of a tight hold to begin with.

But all the same, it's nice to simply feel the warmth of her, to know that she's real and he isn't lost in some mindless dream, unable to distinguish the collision of his worlds apart. This was still Jessica, as he knew her. And as he keeps a gentle hold of her hand, he wants to relay the same message back to her — that he was still Matthew as she knew him. ]

[ she's never been good at this — at providing comfort, at consoling others. back home, she could barely acknowledge that matthew murdock was a friend, much less that his demise devastated her far more than she cared to admit.

jessica doesn't brush off his hand, permitting him to keep their fingers loosely entwined. he's here. he's safe. perhaps he broke his promise to her, but he came back. that's all that matters. ]

Did you get through to her?

[ she inquires gently, her eyes never drifting from him in the darkness. once she asks, jessica extracts her hand, creating yet another layer of distance between them.

she recalls why he stayed, what kept him tethered to that building. murdock couldn't leave his ex behind, that dipshit. she hopes elektra natchios was worth it. ]

[ Did you get through to her?

There's a tightening in his chest, with the recollection of hours of chasing, hours of insisting, flooding his memory. Elektra was in his arms in that cave, her lips on his own — but he could never, in the end, understand how much of Elektra was really in there still. How much of her did he save in the end? And was it enough — ?

Enough for his faults, enough to give him the answers he'd sought out when he'd buried her? When he's shut away the costume, when he'd shut away part of himself?

Even now, out of the rubble, Matt doesn't know a thing. ]

I don't know. [ He says quietly, the most honest answer he can give. Once again, Jessica's touch is out of his reach, something that had once truly made sense for even just a moment, for just a few spare hours in warmth of his bed, when he thought maybe he could have some peace — not meant for him to hold.

And he knows it's just what he deserves. ]

[ he doesn't know. after all of that goddamn effort, the moronic martyr still doesn't know. the thought angers her, that somehow he would risk his life for a brainwashed asshole who won't even appreciate his sacrifice.

fuck, what the hell is wrong with her? she releases a deep exhale, averting her gaze. ]

God, Murdock.

[ she's half disgusted, half exhausted. regardless, she doesn't leave him, her legs still hanging off the edge of the mattress. she promised, after all. ]

I love you.

Shit, you're right. I love you too.

[ He can't judge Jessica for how she sees it all. She's entirely in her right to be angry with him if she is, to be furious with the chain of events that he was entirely responsible for. Maybe if he hadn't kept with his lies, kept holding back the truth from her, from all of them —

No, this went even further back. Lying to Foggy, to Karen, to himself. ]

This was — this was my fault. All of it.

[ I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He could continue to apologize, but what did it matter? He was only ever made of excuses that made up nothing at all.

His voice is almost hoarse, swallowing to clear it. ] I just wanted ... I was tired of not being able to save them.

[ Them — Elektra, his father. If he'd been given the chance to save at least one, why wouldn't he take it? Even if it cost him everything. ]

Edited 2017-11-26 01:14 (UTC)

[ she doesn't know what to say because ultimately, he's right. matthew murdock fucked this up. she quickly tired of his bullshit from the beginning, when he sabotaged the team for natchios. she won't fault him for feeling like shit because she carries her own guilt as a heavy, familiar burden on her shoulders.

however, she can't exactly blame him either. she's screwed up more times than she can count, and if trish was involved instead? well, nothing in the world could stop her from saving the other woman. just like she'd do the same for malcolm. for luke. for—

she halts that thought before it fully forms. it's too dangerous to dwell on, but before she can reconsider, the hidden meaning slips through her mouth. ]

Yeah well, next time— [ if there is a next time. ] Save yourself.

[ because he's too important to risk. ]

[ Jessica has a way with words that he's gradually learned to distinguish without a full translation. She doesn't sugarcoat her insults or hold back from letting her anger fly full force at him, but when her voice is soft and the room is quiet, sometimes it's easier to listen to what she says without saying.

Save yourself.

There's a sense of calm through his body as she says it, his muscles much less tense now that he's resting from wandering through the streets and climbing fire escapes. There's ease also in only focusing on one thing, on her voice vibrating through the air, on her tired breaths. ]

Yeah. [ He responds to the silence, pausing for a brief moment as he licks at dry lips. ] Except you're the one saving me right now.

[ He huffs a weary smile, subtle in his exhaustion but still present, letting the moment hang briefly before he continues, ] I'd probably be wasting away in a dumpster otherwise.

I'd never let that happen.

[ slowly, she closes the distance between them and encourages him to rest his head on her lap. her fingers comb through his hair idly, a soft smile brightening her expression as silence fills the room. ]

Matthew Murdock, you're mine. And I'm never letting you run off again. You asshole.

[ He smiles at the insult, the perfect choice of words to remind him that he's home — home, a word he hasn't felt the weight of in years. But he feels it now as he finds comfort in the warmth of her lap, serenity found in the gentle caress of her stroking fingers over his hair, lulling him to rest.

His own hand finds her free one, and he trails a touch behind it gently, taking in the air of this blissful silence, this moment of peace he's longed for in the chaos of this devil's life.

It's with a quiet voice when he finally whispers, ] Marry me, Jessica.

[ a humorless breath escapes her lips, though jessica can't manage to feel surprised. murdock is such a smartass, even when he's bleeding and on the verge of death. god, she could use a drink right now. ]

You still need a doctor.

[ she reminds him after a moment, her shoulders slumping down with a soft sigh. ]

Knowing my crapass luck, I'll break more of your ribs.

[ He manages a small laugh, hinted more by the soft noise he makes as he tries to keep himself from shaking from it. ]

As long as you can resist throwing any punches, I think you'll be okay. [ Granted, he was convinced she might have been capable of it, if she were mad enough. He wouldn't have entirely blamed her if she had wanted to.

But he shakes his head, sighing without giving the other statement a second thought. ]

I, uh, I left the hospital before I got here. They already did most of the work, I just — I didn't want to stay there. I needed to get out. I needed to know that I was really here. I needed to find — [ He pauses, his lips still parted as if resisting to formulate the words. But unlike Jessica, he can't quite help himself with his honesty. ]

I needed to find you.

[ To apologize. To make sure she was alive. To make sure he was alive. To make sure all the memories from here were as just as real as those in Hell's Kitchen. ]

( closed ) blind ninja meets whatever it is she is

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