Taako (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spellslots) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverviewlogs2017-07-18 12:01 pm
spellslots) wrote in riverviewlogs2017-07-18 12:01 pm
[After the distraction of Carnivale, Taako is starting to realize that not everything is going as great as he'd like it to be. The main problem right now is Lup and Lucretia, the frostiness there making the apartment an uncomfortable place to be, but when he stops thinking about that for a second he has to acknowledge the fact that something has been off with Eddie lately, too.
It's not nearly on the same level, but he's not completely oblivious.
The problem is that acknowledging means he has to actually do something, because as much as he's not exactly into this emotional confrontation shit, it's better than letting something stew. The last thing he wants to do is spring Eddie with a "we need to talk", no one's into that, so he waits until they're idly watching a movie one evening, Taako's legs stretched across Eddie's lap, his phone in his hand while he organizes a delivery for the next day.
When the order is done, he tucks his phone away.]
Hey, bubbale, got a question for ya.
[He keeps his tone light, at least for now, hoping this might just turn out to not be a big deal.]
It's not nearly on the same level, but he's not completely oblivious.
The problem is that acknowledging means he has to actually do something, because as much as he's not exactly into this emotional confrontation shit, it's better than letting something stew. The last thing he wants to do is spring Eddie with a "we need to talk", no one's into that, so he waits until they're idly watching a movie one evening, Taako's legs stretched across Eddie's lap, his phone in his hand while he organizes a delivery for the next day.
When the order is done, he tucks his phone away.]
Hey, bubbale, got a question for ya.
[He keeps his tone light, at least for now, hoping this might just turn out to not be a big deal.]
[The truth is, unless he's on the job, Eddie is definitely not good at confrontations of any kind. It takes him a long time to mull over what he's feeling, to decide if what he's feeling is appropriate, and then even longer to figure out what words to put his concerns into.
This is something that's been sitting stewing in the back of his mind, ever since he'd had that conversation with Cisco in the hospital after he'd been stabbed. It's been affecting how he acts, but he honestly hasn't realized it's affected him as much as it has.
At least until Taako looks at him and says he has a question. And no matter how casual it comes off, Eddie knows that no good comes of that.
Tilting his head back, he licks his lips.]
Shoot.
This is something that's been sitting stewing in the back of his mind, ever since he'd had that conversation with Cisco in the hospital after he'd been stabbed. It's been affecting how he acts, but he honestly hasn't realized it's affected him as much as it has.
At least until Taako looks at him and says he has a question. And no matter how casual it comes off, Eddie knows that no good comes of that.
Tilting his head back, he licks his lips.]
Shoot.
Is something up? Like at work, or... whatever?
[Might as well dive straight into it, as much as he could beat around the bush or try for a delicate approach, it seems smarter to just rip the band aid off. Although maybe it's still a little bit of a cowardly approach to ask if it's work, instead of a problem with them.
But he doesn't want to always be the pessimist.]
[Might as well dive straight into it, as much as he could beat around the bush or try for a delicate approach, it seems smarter to just rip the band aid off. Although maybe it's still a little bit of a cowardly approach to ask if it's work, instead of a problem with them.
But he doesn't want to always be the pessimist.]
At work?
[Licking his lips again - an obvious sign of discomfort - he looks at the TV without paying much attention to it, eyes unfocused.]
No. Not really. It's been pretty quiet since I got back from that mission.
[Licking his lips again - an obvious sign of discomfort - he looks at the TV without paying much attention to it, eyes unfocused.]
No. Not really. It's been pretty quiet since I got back from that mission.
[Well, that's a pretty obvious tell, in Taako's opinion. If Eddie were looking at him, it might be different, but he feels something in his chest sink, and he pulls his legs back, moving to sit cross legged, still facing Eddie rather than the TV.]
So what's up then, my dude, cause you've been acting kinda weird?
[He's good at this game, keeping the question light and casual, making sure to keep any worry out of his voice.]
So what's up then, my dude, cause you've been acting kinda weird?
[He's good at this game, keeping the question light and casual, making sure to keep any worry out of his voice.]
[Tilting his head back, Eddie sighs a bit, and then turns his gaze to Taako again, the side of his head resting against the back of the couch. This is definitely not the conversation he'd been intending to have tonight, but it looks like that particular ball is out of his court right now.]
I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about it, but I guess I've been kind of wanting to...discuss this...
[He gestures vaguely between them.]
I mean, it's always been so vague. No labels or anything. Which I didn't mind going in, because I wanted something casual. But, I guess I'm wondering what we are now.
I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you about it, but I guess I've been kind of wanting to...discuss this...
[He gestures vaguely between them.]
I mean, it's always been so vague. No labels or anything. Which I didn't mind going in, because I wanted something casual. But, I guess I'm wondering what we are now.
[Oh.
He's definitely relieved to hear that; this kind of conversation, while not something he particularly felt necessary, isn't the worst thing to happen. Eddie isn't mad at him about something he has or hasn't done, which is what Taako was really worried about.
This is fine, Taako even offers a smile.]
Well, yeah, I mean, we can do that? Have that conversation and uh, talk about it. [Nailed it.] I've pretty much been calling you my boyfriend, if that... helps?
He's definitely relieved to hear that; this kind of conversation, while not something he particularly felt necessary, isn't the worst thing to happen. Eddie isn't mad at him about something he has or hasn't done, which is what Taako was really worried about.
This is fine, Taako even offers a smile.]
Well, yeah, I mean, we can do that? Have that conversation and uh, talk about it. [Nailed it.] I've pretty much been calling you my boyfriend, if that... helps?
[For a moment, Eddie feels a surge of relief, like maybe things aren't the way he'd been worried they were after Cisco mentioned what Taako had said to him. Like maybe it's not that there's no real future here at all.]
Yeah, sure.
[After pausing for a moment, Eddie picks up the remote and pauses the movie, turns in the seat to bend one leg and hook the heel under his other knee so he can face Taako.]
I've been calling you my boyfriend too. I guess, I'm just wondering what that means to you? I kind of assumed we were exclusive...
Yeah, sure.
[After pausing for a moment, Eddie picks up the remote and pauses the movie, turns in the seat to bend one leg and hook the heel under his other knee so he can face Taako.]
I've been calling you my boyfriend too. I guess, I'm just wondering what that means to you? I kind of assumed we were exclusive...
Yeah, I- yeah? I haven't been fucking around, has someone said something?
[Not that he can think of anyone that would, but he's suddenly worried that this is what the issue really is, that someone's said something to Eddie to make him think Taako is messing around behind his back.]
[Not that he can think of anyone that would, but he's suddenly worried that this is what the issue really is, that someone's said something to Eddie to make him think Taako is messing around behind his back.]
No. No, no, I'm just...
[He shrugs, glancing down and away for a moment.]
Trying to figure out if we're on the same page about what 'boyfriend' means, you know?
[He shrugs, glancing down and away for a moment.]
Trying to figure out if we're on the same page about what 'boyfriend' means, you know?
Cool, cool, okay. That's good, cause I wouldn't do that.
[He'll do a lot of things, but cheating isn't really on the list, that's a level of cruelty that's not his style.]
I guess, uh, it means we're exclusive and we're more than just friends with benefits or shit like that. I like you, you know?
[The word he's looking for is romantically, but it feels so silly.]
[He'll do a lot of things, but cheating isn't really on the list, that's a level of cruelty that's not his style.]
I guess, uh, it means we're exclusive and we're more than just friends with benefits or shit like that. I like you, you know?
[The word he's looking for is romantically, but it feels so silly.]
Me either. I mean...I spent a long time with someone who, it turns out, wasn't really as in love with me as either of us thought she was. The last thing I want to do is do that to someone else.
[Or go through that again, but he can't say it. When Taako says that they're exclusive and more than just friends with benefits, that he likes him, Eddie exhales softly and looks back at him for a moment.]
Yeah, I feel that way too. And...I think maybe this could go somewhere real.
[Or go through that again, but he can't say it. When Taako says that they're exclusive and more than just friends with benefits, that he likes him, Eddie exhales softly and looks back at him for a moment.]
Yeah, I feel that way too. And...I think maybe this could go somewhere real.
[The whole Iris thing is probably always going to earn a sympathy wince from Taako, but he doesn't think either of them particularly want to dwell on that topic right now, so he just gives a little nod in understanding.
And that's about where his understanding ends.]
Is it not already real? I mean, I'm not faking it, I think we just established that.
And that's about where his understanding ends.]
Is it not already real? I mean, I'm not faking it, I think we just established that.
[It's true, Eddie doesn't want to dwell on that either, on Iris. But when Taako responds, he can't help but wince too, glancing away from him again. They had been on the same page, he thinks, but at some point things changed, in Eddie's mind at least.]
I don't mean that I think you're faking it. I just mean like...where do you see us ending up? In the future.
I don't mean that I think you're faking it. I just mean like...where do you see us ending up? In the future.
[Well, fuck.
It's written all over Taako's face, the sudden realization of exactly what all this is about, and what's the actual question that Eddie's asking.]
I have to go back, bubbale. You know that, right? As soon as the portal is pointing in the right direction I'm gone.
[He thought this was... obvious, but he's starting to think that maybe it wasn't.]
It's written all over Taako's face, the sudden realization of exactly what all this is about, and what's the actual question that Eddie's asking.]
I have to go back, bubbale. You know that, right? As soon as the portal is pointing in the right direction I'm gone.
[He thought this was... obvious, but he's starting to think that maybe it wasn't.]
[Eddie sees that, and he takes a deep breath, exhaling it slowly to try to get his bearings, to try to phrase what's going on in his head so it makes sense.]
I know. Because you have to save your world. And I knew that going into this, but I think somewhere along the way my feelings changed, and I didn't notice, and I kind of assumed yours did too.
[He bites at his lower lip, and he's back to avoiding eye contact again.]
It's not like I thought you'd stay for me. I don't know what I was thinking. I probably wasn't thinking at all.
I know. Because you have to save your world. And I knew that going into this, but I think somewhere along the way my feelings changed, and I didn't notice, and I kind of assumed yours did too.
[He bites at his lower lip, and he's back to avoiding eye contact again.]
It's not like I thought you'd stay for me. I don't know what I was thinking. I probably wasn't thinking at all.
[This sucks. Not because it's a shitty emotional conversation and he hates those, but because he doesn't want to see Eddie looking like this. There was never any future here, Taako knew that going in, but it doesn't mean he never cared.
Something tells him that's not enough. Sometimes it isn't.]
Well. [He sort of pauses, lets out a breath, almost but not quite a laugh.] Am I about to get dumped? Cause that's gonna be a new one.
[His feelings haven't changed, and they never will. He's never going to love someone more than he loves Lup, which means there's never going to be anyone he'd stay in this place for.]
Something tells him that's not enough. Sometimes it isn't.]
Well. [He sort of pauses, lets out a breath, almost but not quite a laugh.] Am I about to get dumped? Cause that's gonna be a new one.
[His feelings haven't changed, and they never will. He's never going to love someone more than he loves Lup, which means there's never going to be anyone he'd stay in this place for.]
[Eddie keeps his eyes averted, not looking at Taako, brows furrowing a little.]
That...wasn't really the conversation I meant to have.
[A pause, because he's not sure he wants to have it now either. But after a moment, he realizes it's one of those moments where he should probably rip the band-aid off. Just get it over with. And then probably give up on romance, because he's obviously not cut out for it.]
But I think at some point I realized I'm just not good at casual. I get too attached.
That...wasn't really the conversation I meant to have.
[A pause, because he's not sure he wants to have it now either. But after a moment, he realizes it's one of those moments where he should probably rip the band-aid off. Just get it over with. And then probably give up on romance, because he's obviously not cut out for it.]
But I think at some point I realized I'm just not good at casual. I get too attached.
No shit.
[It's gentle, though, lacking any real heat even if he feels like maybe he should be angry or annoyed or something other than just hurt.]
I mean, fuck, if you wanna keep doing what we're doing, I'm down, but I can't be that guy, you know? I'm never gonna be that guy.
[The one who falls in love and settles down or whatever the hell a future is supposed to entail. It's not him, especially not when the end of the world is waiting for him.]
So I guess if you're gonna feel like you're wasting your time on me, I'd prefer avoid that cause it's just gonna make things real shitty.
[He doesn't want Eddie to grow to resent him for something that Taako can't give.]
[It's gentle, though, lacking any real heat even if he feels like maybe he should be angry or annoyed or something other than just hurt.]
I mean, fuck, if you wanna keep doing what we're doing, I'm down, but I can't be that guy, you know? I'm never gonna be that guy.
[The one who falls in love and settles down or whatever the hell a future is supposed to entail. It's not him, especially not when the end of the world is waiting for him.]
So I guess if you're gonna feel like you're wasting your time on me, I'd prefer avoid that cause it's just gonna make things real shitty.
[He doesn't want Eddie to grow to resent him for something that Taako can't give.]
[When Taako says 'no shit,' Eddie actually laughs, and shakes his head a bit.]
Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm starting to really get it.
[And he has to acknowledge that. Internalize. Taako is not the kind of person who will settle down with him or really put him first. It hurts, a lot, and Eddie ducks his head, bites at the inside of his lip, and shrugs.]
I don't think I can be the guy who does the casual thing.
[When Taako says that though - wasting your time on me - Eddie's head jerks up and he stares at Taako with a horrified expression on his face.]
What? No! I didn't say I was wasting my time, why would you even...
Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm starting to really get it.
[And he has to acknowledge that. Internalize. Taako is not the kind of person who will settle down with him or really put him first. It hurts, a lot, and Eddie ducks his head, bites at the inside of his lip, and shrugs.]
I don't think I can be the guy who does the casual thing.
[When Taako says that though - wasting your time on me - Eddie's head jerks up and he stares at Taako with a horrified expression on his face.]
What? No! I didn't say I was wasting my time, why would you even...
Hey, c'mon.
[He hesitates for a second, before reaching out to take Eddie's hand, loose enough that Eddie can pull away if wants.]
I'm just saying like, if you wanna be doing the whole... Mr Right thing or whatever you wanna call it, then sticking with me is just gonna make both of us feel like shit.
[He hesitates for a second, before reaching out to take Eddie's hand, loose enough that Eddie can pull away if wants.]
I'm just saying like, if you wanna be doing the whole... Mr Right thing or whatever you wanna call it, then sticking with me is just gonna make both of us feel like shit.
[It's been a long night, sitting with Lup and going over almost everything that's happened in
since they fell out the cycles, trying to catch his sister up on the life he led without her. The whole thing is still a mess, but the raw, pained anger that had taken hold of Lup seems to have passed, and that's enough, for now.
He finally gets Lup into bed, an activity that he wouldn't mind doing for himself, but he can't justify just fucking leaving Lucretia to walk into this mess without warning, so Taako takes himself into the kitchen, instead.
At 7am, he knocks on her door, a tray in his arms.]
Wake up sleepyhead, I'm coming on in.
since they fell out the cycles, trying to catch his sister up on the life he led without her. The whole thing is still a mess, but the raw, pained anger that had taken hold of Lup seems to have passed, and that's enough, for now.
He finally gets Lup into bed, an activity that he wouldn't mind doing for himself, but he can't justify just fucking leaving Lucretia to walk into this mess without warning, so Taako takes himself into the kitchen, instead.
At 7am, he knocks on her door, a tray in his arms.]
Wake up sleepyhead, I'm coming on in.
[Eddie lets Taako take his hand, and doesn't pull his away, though he doesn't squeeze right away.]
I mean, you could put it that way. I tried really hard to do the casual thing, hell, I thought it would be good for me. But I don't think I can do it. I think I just need commitment.
[Glancing down at their hands, he sighs, and squeezes a bit.]
There's nothing about you that's a waste of time.
I mean, you could put it that way. I tried really hard to do the casual thing, hell, I thought it would be good for me. But I don't think I can do it. I think I just need commitment.
[Glancing down at their hands, he sighs, and squeezes a bit.]
There's nothing about you that's a waste of time.
Okay, okay. [He puts up his free hand like he's conceding a point, managing a little smile.] Bad phrasing on my part, but I think you got what I was going for.
[Since he's saying he can't do the casual thing, which is basically what Taako was offering.
He sighs, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling.]
This sucks.
[He doesn't know what else to say.]
[Since he's saying he can't do the casual thing, which is basically what Taako was offering.
He sighs, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling.]
This sucks.
[He doesn't know what else to say.]
(She's actually already awake, curled into her armchair in her pajamas and scrolling idly through a couple emails on her phone. The knock at her door makes her pause with her finger on the screen, gaze flicking towards the door in surprise; Taako doesn't usually come calling so early.)
Come in, I'm up.
Come in, I'm up.
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