riverviewlogs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

who: Shadowhunter cast!
what: Max wakes up in the hospital and his family comes to get him, catch all for anything else other canonmates want to do!
when: After they've all arrived
where: Hospital, other places TBD
warnings: SPOILERS for the book series and probably spoilers for the Shadowhunters TV show too just to be on the safe side, also mentions of violence

This was not where Max had been expecting to wake up. He hadn't been surprised to wake up in a hospital, but after the video he'd been shown, an alternate universe was definitely a surprise. It wouldn't be too much to wrap his head around, given time, since he'd read plenty of books with things like that in them and his family fought demons. He might have even been geeking out about it if he hadn't been so worried about his family. The last few things he remembered were demons invading Alicante, Alec running off to go find Aline, and Izzy going to get her stele while leaving him with Sebastian... Sebastian who had attacked him with a hammer. He remembered hearing someone coming up behind him, turning and seeing Sebastian swinging it at him, then everything going black. The next thing he'd known, he was waking up here.

He'd asked about his family after he'd been shown the video and while they hadn't known anything about most of them, they did mention an Alec Lightwood that had arrived at the same time he did and asked if they were related since they had the same last name. Once Max confirmed that was indeed his brother, the person had said they would send someone to go find Alec and tell him Max was here. While he'd been waiting, they'd asked him some questions and had him do some bioscan. When they'd asked about any special abilities he had that would be biologically-based, he'd been reluctant to answer at first but had eventually given in, holding onto his stele tightly so they wouldn't take it away.

They hadn't and Max was now holding it and the toy soldier he'd been gripping when Sebastian had attacked him tightly in his hands, waiting in a chair in the room he'd woken up in while looking out the window. His glasses were okay but he'd been given a new pair of clothes to wear, having been told his old ones had been destroyed. He might have also enjoyed the view more if he still wasn't worrying about his family. He hoped Alec would be able to tell him more about what had happened.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Though Magnus was relieved to have Wayward Pines behind them, given the knowledge they'd recently been allowed, it was unsettling to once again be in an unfamiliar landscape. The city they found themselves in wasn't strange in scale, but the amount of green made it an alien landscape compared to New York's stark stone and metal buildings. But in the end, the most important thing for him was being with Alec, and as long as they were at each other's side he would find a way to adapt to everything else around them. One such adaptation came more quickly than expected in the form of a call from the hospital, and Magnus didn't waste any time following Alec out the door and through the city to where Alec was needed.

Standing quietly beside Alec as the doctors explained everything to him, Magnus wrapped arms around him as he began to shake. He tried not to panic in the face of Alec's intense reaction and instead led him to a bench, sitting him down and perching on the edge next to him. Before he had a chance to comfort him, the words struck Magnus with confusion and gut-wrenching empathy. "He's alright, Alexander," he said, knowing that the doctors had explained that Max would be fine. It wasn't the reason Alec was distressed, and Magnus could only think it was because of what they'd been told while still in Wayward Pines. "You and Izzy were both saved, of course he would be as well."

If Magnus wasn't beside him, Alec knew he'd be doing something worse than shaking and trying not to cry. He knew that no one would judge him if he did, but he didn't want Max to see him afterward. No matter how much pain and hope tore at him, he wouldn't let Max see any sign of it. Alec refused to do anything that would scare his brother or make him realize what had really happened. How much time had passed since Sebastian had...

"He died, Magnus," Alec whispered when he finally could get the words past the lump in his throat. Curling up with Magnus, he rested his head on his husband's shoulder. Whatever had been done to them in Wayward Pines must have taken that memory from Magnus. He'd never had a chance to meet Max but he would have remembered Alec's grief and guilt afterward. Izzy had blamed herself, but Alec knew the choices that led up to it had been his. "It was my fault. He was murdered because I made the wrong decision."

Magnus shifted, slipping from the bench to crouch in front of Alec, hands resting on his thighs as he stayed close but put himself in view in an attempt to anchor Alec to the present rather than the memories he might disappear into. "Hey," he said softly, smoothing his hands over both shoulders and up the sides of his neck. He wanted to make everything alright, but he knew it wasn't possible and felt more helpless for it. If he couldn't take away this mental pain, what good was he to Alec? But he needed to try to comfort him, at the very least, and hopefully calm him so he could think more rationally.

His words sucked every possibility of warmth or comfort from the air.

"He didn't die," Magnus said, his gut reaction being to argue for what he knew to be true. It barely lasted a moment before he reminded himself of all the false memories he'd been given in Wayward Pines, the twisting of his mind to make him fit some mold of the perfect citizen of a tiny town. Straightening up again and pulling Alec against him, hand on the back of his neck to keep him close, he kissed his temple and forehead. Even if the memories were false—though it would remain to be seen if they were for Alec or for Magnus—that didn't make them any less real of distressing. "You're brilliant, Alexander, but you can't predict every possibility. You shouldn't blame yourself when I know you thought you were doing the right thing, whatever that may have been."

It took a few seconds for Alec to even register that his husband had moved, lost in memories of Max too still and Izzy covered in blood. He'd been terrified that he'd lost them both while slowly realizing that the person he'd trusted with his siblings had... His breath hitched, vision blurring before he focused on Magnus.

The hands on his shoulders that shifted to his neck were solid, real, something he desperately needed as he dragged himself out of his grief. Since they'd met, Magnus had always guided him. He was the one that reassured him, the voice of reason and compassion that helped him through the worst of the wars. Even when he couldn't be by his side knowing what Magnus would say to help him had kept Alec moving forward when he'd almost been tempted to give in to grief and the hope offered by magic that would have destroyed him.

He made a strangled sound, not sure if it was a sob or his husband's name, before letting himself cling to Magnus. For what felt like an eternity, he held Magnus, gathering his thoughts and resolve so that Max wouldn't see how much this was effecting him. It had to only be a few minutes. Enough time for Magnus' words to ease the guilt. It wouldn't go away completely. It never would but it would lessen. "I trusted someone I thought was family. I thought Max would be safe." Taking a deep breath, he knew Magnus would believe him but he had to make himself believe that it wasn't completely his fault before walking into Max's room. "I was the only adult. We were under attack. Someone had to - Magnus, they were killing children." And while he was trying to save others, his little brother had been murdered. "How can I stop blaming myself for that?"

Seeing Alec so lost in his own thoughts reminded Magnus painfully of the time before they had started dating. Alec was so full of light and potential, but there had been times when he'd been blinded by criticisms to the point of overthinking everything. It had been a habit that had nearly pushed him to marrying someone else—a memory that crashed down on Magnus with the realization that the passionate kiss that he'd remembered before didn't belong to a wedding shared with Alec. It sent his mind reeling, his balance compromised until he fell forward onto both knees in a motion that was fortunately jarring enough to pull him back to the present. There was so much to deal with, but the priority had to be now with Alec and Max.

Now kneeling between Alec's legs, Magnus gathered him into both arms for a tight embrace. "I've got you," he murmured against his neck, hand smoothing up to his hair and gently combing his fingers through the messy black locks. He didn't pull away even as Alec offered an explanation, one that just added more questions to those already buzzing through Magnus' mind and threatening to overwhelm him. Their memories had been tampered with, that much was obvious, but how would they ever know what was real and what had been falsified?

"Alexander," he said softly, kissing his cheek as he pulled away just enough to look at him without moving his arms from around Alec's waist, "There's no fault in that. You trusted someone you believed had earned it, and you went to do your job of saving others. It's the risk that leaders have to take when they can't do everything themselves." Reaching up, he pushed the hair back from Alec's face and smiled at him sadly. "And I doubt Max would blame you for any of that, so how can you blame yourself?"

Normally Alec would have noticed the change in his husband's mood, but he was so lost in guilt and grief that he only clung harder to Magnus, shuddering against the weight of it. He choked on the tears he didn't want Max to see, somehow managing to keep from falling apart the way he had when he walked into the house and realized that something was horribly wrong.

Slowly, the memory eased its hold on him as Alec focused on the solid warmth of Magnus against him, the soothing motion of his husband's fingers in his hair. Why couldn't that be one of the memories that they'd taken from him in Wayward Pines. Why did he remember that and not all the moments he'd shared with Magnus and Izzy? "I know you do." It was probably the only thing that was keeping him from falling to pieces. He didn't have to be strong for Magnus. He could have this moment of weakness before being the big brother again.

Managing a weak smile when Magnus kissed his cheek, he focused on his husband's reassurances. He was always Alec's voice of reason, the one who gave him the strength to do what was needed. Deep down, he knew that Magnus was right. Alec needed to help Aline and the Nephilim who were being attacked. He might not have liked Sebastian, but he was family. Sebastian was supposed to be safe. "Blaming myself is easy. I know my parents would have made the same decision. We all trusted him, but it still feels like I should have done more."

Magnus felt the way that Alec clung to him, fingers tight against his shirt and breath hot where his face pressed against his shoulder. It broke his heart to see his husband this way, the strength he usually carried himself with stripped away to reveal the raw hurt beneath. Magnus had always been aware that Alec was human, painfully so at times, but it was all the more obvious when he was suffering like this. But he never wanted Alec to force a smile for him, or pretend that he was okay when really his world was crashing down around him. The fact that he was able to be so vulnerable with Magnus just proved how far they had come together since the days of Alec vehemently denying his sexuality.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, ready to do any- and everything for Alec, whether it was as simple as getting him a drink or more complicated like removing the memory. Magnus knew the pain of being haunted by the past, and he wouldn't judge Alec for wanting to silence it.

Humming softly, he gently kissed both of Alec's shining eyes. "Even if we know all of that, it can be difficult to think about something so rationally." It was what made them human, after all, the free will and regret that came with making certain choices. In the end, irrationality was one of the things that made them so unique in the universe. "I'm here to love you while you learn not to blame yourself the way no one else blames you."

Holding onto Magnus, a bit of the past crept through his thoughts. The two of them together after the funeral and Alec's parents had agreed that he could leave for their trip to Europe. Alec's first real trip and their first real time alone without the possibility of someone interrupting them and Alec had spent part of those first days mourning. Magnus had held him like this, not making him feel like he was somehow less because he grieved for his little brother and the decisions he'd made that had put Max in danger.

"You're doing it, Magnus. You're here, telling me not to blame myself." He knew that Magnus would do more if he asked, but magic wasn't always the answer. At least not with problems related to emotion or memory. It usually got them in trouble unless it was related to healing. "I might need help with nightmares later," he admitted. The dreams would probably start again, but they'd dealt with them before. Having Magnus beside him, anticipating the dreams would help when the inevitable happened.

His smile steadied at the kisses and his hands drifted from their tight hold on Magnus' shirt to play with his husband's hair. "Logically I know that's true." But his heart believed something different just like Izzy's had. They were older. They had been the ones responsible for Max and they'd both failed him. At least Izzy didn't seem to remember that. "I - " For a moment he struggled, trying to untangle the conflict of thought and emotion before finally speaking, voice low so that no one but Magnus would hear. "What if he does blame me, Magnus? He warned us that something was wrong. I didn't listen. I thought he was overreacting. I was never - He'll probably want to see Jace, not me." But from the doctors had said and the slight twinges of something he felt in the bond, Jace wasn't ready to see their little brother.

It warmed him to hear that even just his presence might be doing something to help Alec with his grief. He wanted to support him however possible, and he made a silent promise to do everything he could to keep Alec feeling as loved as possible while he was struggling with his memories and guilt. Nodding and already thinking of how to help him with any bad dreams, he took both of Alec's hands in his and raised them to kiss the knuckles. "Of course, angel. Anything you need."

Letting go of his hands again, he smiled and tilted his head to the side to encourage more of the touch. He let Alec speak without interrupting, getting out the thoughts so they wouldn't stagnate inside of his mind where they'd do much more harm than good. "Oh, Alexander," he said with a frown, turning his head so he could kiss the palm of his hand, the heel, and the pulse point in his wrist. "You're his biggest brother, and I'm sure he loves you no matter what." Never having had any siblings, though, he wasn't sure he was able to reassure him on that front based on personal experiences. "Do you think he blames his parents for not being around? And you said yourself that he was left alone, so would he blame Isabelle or Jace?"

Since they'd just arrived, he doubted that Magnus would be able to do more than just comfort him when he woke up but that would help more than he could put into words. Knowing that Magnus would be there, reminding him that he'd done everything he could would help put the terrible memories to rest until Alec could deal with them properly. "I already have what I need. We'll just have to wait until the worst of it fades."

Alec was relieved that Magnus let him express his doubts. Words might have power, but they also gave an outlet for the pain and guilt that he'd been internalizing for so long. Brushing is fingers against Magnus' cheek when he kissed his hand, Alec told himself that his husband was right. Max did love him. He might not idolize him or think of Alec as the favorite, but that didn't mean that Max didn't love him. "I always had to be the parent. I was the one my parents blamed if something went wrong. I was too scared of doing something wrong to actually be his brother. And did something wrong." That resulted in Max dying and Izzy being seriously injured. "Izzy was there. I thought Max would be safe with her and Sebastian. Jace was - " With Clary. That had been another cause of his hurt, but he knew that Jace had grieved just as much as the rest of them had. "He wasn't there."

It seemed wrong to let out the feelings that had been developing for years. He'd felt so much hurt and regret over the years, trying not to resent his role at the Institute. They were thoughts that Alec wasn't supposed to acknowledge let alone tell anyone, but he knew that if he didn't get some of it out now, he might say the wrong thing in front of Max. "No matter what happened, it was always my fault."

Magnus would always be there for Alec to wake up to, enjoying their mornings together when they were both refreshed and relaxed. Just before getting out of bed, it was easy to imagine they were alone in the world and there was no need for any inhibitions in conversation or reservations about touching one another. Then again, as they spent more time together as a married couple, both were rapidly dwindling concepts.

Listening intently, he brushed his fingertips along the inside of Alec's wrist and up towards the heavy ring he wore on his left hand. It was far from a traditional wedding ring, but Magnus' fingers and eyes often found it as a reminder of all they shared. "As he gets older, I'm sure he'll understand," he said, firmly believing it rather than saying it merely for comfort. While the Lightwood parents had been busy playing politics and fighting each other, Alec had been there to care for his siblings, even if that had meant some tough love. And though he didn't add the thought, he had one about the fact that Max now had the chance to grow up and come to that conclusion himself. "If you don't think Max can blame your brother and sister, then the same logic extends to you."

Sighing softly, mainly at the thought that Alec had been given so much responsibility at such a young age, Magnus straightened up so he could sit with Alec and pull him into his lap for more points of contact. They might have looked silly, given how much larger Alec was, but Magnus couldn't care less when he wanted to reassure his husband. "Your parents are difficult people," he said, snorting a little at his own obvious statement. "Perhaps that's the understatement of the year, but you know it's true. They expected so much of you because they couldn't live up to their own expectations."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only