[open] don't know where i am, don't know where i've been

[franciscoramon]

who: cisco + anyone!
what: catch-all; tdm prompts
when: the rest of june
where: anywhere; if you want a separate starter, please hit me up!
warnings: will add as necessary

i. monster plants

Cisco isn't a member of the Perimeter Guard for a reason. He's just not a front-lines kind of guy. He'd get in the way, put himself and the people around him in unnecessary danger. But when Killer Vines From Hell™ start coming over the wall and mayhem breaks out, he has to help somehow. Back home he'd do that from the safety of S.T.A.R. Labs, over the coms, with Barry facing down the real danger. Here, he has to improvise.

He gets close enough to the fighting to pull aside one of the Guard members who is resting and to ask what weapons have been working. And when one of the answers he's given is fire, Cisco knows what he has to do. He rushes back to his workshop, and to a few stores, comes running back as close as he dares to the fighting, and starts to whip up as many fast-and-dirty flamethrowers as he possibly can. The more he can make, the more he can give to people to help defend themselves and defend the Quarantine.

ii. attraction

After the whole Little Shop of Horrors mess at the wall, Cisco heads home for a very needed shower. He doesn't know, yet, that some of those very same experimental chemicals that had brought the plants over the wall had seeped into the ground, into the water supply.

And because he is such a naturally friendly, extroverted person, Cisco doesn't realize that anything is off for quite some time. All he knows, after he gets dressed and heads out for a celebratory meal, is that he's feeling acutely lonely, that he just needs to see a familiar face, or strike up a conversation with a stranger if he has to. He sends out over-affectionate texts of appreciation and jokes and fondness to his friends, but that isn't nearly enough.

iii. repellant

They do their best to clean up the area of the spill as quickly as possible, and Cisco does his bit. But a few days after the worst of it, as he's walking past, he can still smell it lingering in the air. And this time, unlike when it had gotten into his system via the water, it has quite the opposite effect. Without quite realizing it, the stuff puts Cisco on edge.

How could they have been so careless with such a dangerous project? Did they not realize what would happen? What if those plants had killed people? There are children living here, and civilians, and people who never hurt anyone in their lives. Was it criminal negligence, or did the scientists involved just not care about collateral damage? (The way Dr. Wells had not cared, when he set off the particle accelerator explosion, just to further his own ends).

The idiocy and injustice of it keep churning away in Cisco's mind, putting him in an uncharacteristically foul mood. Better not bump into him, while he's like this, or you're likely to get a piece of his mind.

Comments

[franciscoramon]

Okay, yeah. That's good.

[ He's glad Eddie will be the one doing the explaining, and that he's planning on giving Yuri some warning so he doesn't just show up and find Cisco in his home like some kind of interloper. Well, he still kind of is that, but at least Yuri won't be caught off-guard by it.

When Eddie asks what they're taking, Cisco makes his way over to the couch; he has clothes in the big backpack, and a cardboard box with some shoes, and another box that has some other essentials: toiletries, a few books he's picked up since he moved here, a phone charger, pens, and one small succulent carefully perched on top. He slings the clothes bag over his shoulders and grabs one of the boxes. He could have handled both, but it's certainly easy to let Eddie take the one with his shoes. ]

This is kinda it. Most of the stuff I've bought since I got here was stuff for the lab, you know? To get it set up right.

[ And, with Cisco's few possessions in hand, the two of them head out and in the direction of Eddie's apartment. ]

[causational]

They don't have any budget for that?

[While Cisco was gathering up his things, Eddie was texting Yuri. No response yet, but he expects he can defuse any issues the teenager has with the whole concept. After Cisco's done, Eddie picks up the box of shoes Cisco indicates, and gives him a little smile.]

Got it. And I called a taxi, should be here in a moment.

[The car arrives right on time, and they get Cisco's stuff into the back of it. The drive to Eddie's place is short, and Eddie shows him inside. It's neat and tidy, a strange mix of masculine dark blues, greys, and the occasional plant with loud bright things in various large-cat prints. A tiger-striped pillow here, a framed print of a leopard's face there. A little mismatched, but it suits Eddie and Yuri pretty well, and Eddie expects that eventually some of Cisco's decorating taste will work its way in - a sci-fi poster, maybe, or some technical drawings on the table. Something about that feels nice.]

So, here it is. You can obviously tell where the kitchen and living room are. My room is in through there. [He gestures vaguely toward a half-closed door just off the living room.] And Yuri's is the bigger one, down at the end of the hall. [He indicates a closed door at the end.] The bathroom is across from his room, and there's a laundry closet on the other side of the hall. And, the spare room is up here...

[Heading up a set of narrow stairs near the door to his room, and pushes the door open, stepping inside. The attic is clean and very empty, aside from a couch shoved into one corner that didn't work out in the area downstairs. The ceiling is peaked, and there are a couple of windows and one flat wall where bookshelves could stand. Eddie smiles a bit.]

I know it's pretty empty. If you want, we can go do a bit of furniture shopping.

[franciscoramon]

[ While they're in the taxi, Cisco fills up the silence explaining that yes, he has some budget granted to him by the various groups he's making tech for, but that it doesn't really stretch as far as it needs to, and doesn't cover the costs of any experimental stuff he wants to do on the side. And even though that experimental stuff often ends up helping him in his official projects, he still funds it out of pocket.

It's a tame enough subject, and one he can talk about at length without any deep thought or emotional expenditure. His sleep-deprivation is probably making him a little more rambly than usual, but if so, Eddie gives no indication of being bored by it. And then they are at his apartment, and Cisco shuts up, doesn't say anything as Eddie leads him inside. He looks around, and he can't help thinking it's just so much more of a home than the communal housing. It's a place where people live, where they belong.

He follows Eddie on the brief tour, clutching the box to his chest and trying not to get in the way, peering into Eddie's room and the kitchen, following him up the stairs and into the attic. Which is a lot bigger than Cisco had pictured, which distresses him for a moment because surely they had plans for a room this nice? But there's nothing in there, and no indication that they'd been intending to use it for anything in particular.

Cisco sets down his things, dropping down to sit cross-legged on the couch and just looking around. He reaches up and runs his hand against the sloped ceiling. A moment later he realizes Eddie said something he should be responding to, and he belatedly says: ]

Um. Maybe tomorrow? I can sleep on the couch tonight and you can make sure Yuri's good with it before we hit up the local IKEA.

[ He smiles, faintly, at his joke, since obviously there are no IKEAs in the quarantine. He also thinks about where he would get the material to soundproof it, which reminds him of their earlier conversation, and out of the blue he blurts out: ]

You really have nightmares?

[causational]

[Eddie listens attentively while Cisco explains his funding system and where the money comes from, how he uses it, how he uses his own money. It's interesting, though he doesn't have much to add, so he's mostly quiet on the trip back to his place. After the tour and Cisco drops his boxes on the floor in the attic, sits on the couch and looks around curiously, Eddie crosses over and flops onto the couch beside him.]

You sure you don't need a bed for tonight? I can let you use mine and sleep on the living room couch if you want. I mean, how long has it been since you slept in an actual bed?

[Eddie tries to keep his voice light and teasing, but there's no way to disguise the concern that's underlies it, tentative and careful.]

And Yuri texted me back in the cab. He says as long as you're nice to Petya, his cat, and do your own dishes, he's fine with it. [A soft laugh, and he smiles at Cisco.] That's Yuri code for he's actually totally fine with it.

[When Cisco asks that question, his smile fades just a little, and he shrugs, glancing down at his knees.]

Yeah. I mean. I already did, now and again, back home. About that time I got shot during the blackout and almost died, and about being kidnapped. Since I got here, I get to add in shooting myself, and dying, and how much I miss home. [Another shrug, and he glances up.] It's probably not as bad as yours, because of your power, but I just, you know. I wanted to make sure you know you're not the only one.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco shrugs; maybe it shouldn't, but it actually hurts a little, the way Eddie just offers his own bed, says he'll sleep on the couch in the living room instead. It's not logical, that such kindness would set off a little flicker of pain in him, but it does. Cisco doesn't know why, exactly. Maybe just because he's not used to this kind of treatment, doesn't know what to do with it, how to respond. ]

I'm not gonna kick you out of your own bed. And it's only been a few days, it's not a big deal.

[ There's still plenty of time in the day to get a bed for this room, if they wanted to. It just seems so final, so... entitled to the space. But Cisco justifies it to himself: even if he doesn't end up staying, having a bed up here would be useful to Eddie. He could have gusts. He could use it as a spare bedroom. Cisco's shoulders straighten a little and he says: ]

We can go and get a bed today.

[ It just seems so flimsy, to have permission given in a text. Eddie can dismiss those caveats as code for unconditional acceptance, but Cisco isn't so sure. He wouldn't be surprised if Yuri came to have a talk with him in the next few days, when Eddie wasn't around, and gave a very different answer. But he doesn't know how to express that feeling without sounding like he's calling Yuri a two-faced liar. ]

I love cats, and I'm good about dishes.

[ He watches as Eddie's smile dims and he shrugs off the question, like it's trivial. But all the shrugs in the world couldn't cover this up completely. Cisco keeps looking at him, waits until the weight of his gaze is enough to get Eddie to look up at him, so they can be making eye contact when he says, quietly: ]

I dunno. Sounds plenty bad to me.

[ Cisco tucks his hair back behind his ear, concern clear as day on his tired face. ]

You got anything you do to make 'em better? Or... to forget them quickly, afterwards? Like a routine or anything?

[causational]

[The shrug is so indecisive, and the look on Cisco's face makes Eddie hesitate, like he's done something wrong, but then Cisco is just brushing it off, saying he won't kick him out of his own bed, that it's not a big deal. It makes sense, then, that Cisco is just trying to play it off as fine, because it's the polite thing to do to decline, and Eddie relaxes a bit, smiles.]

Fine. Compromise. We can go get a bed a bit later on. Then we both get to sleep somewhere comfortable. And we can grab some other stuff for the room too, what's your decorating sense like? I know a few places.

[Eddie says it without any self-consciousness, admitting that he frequents home decorating stores. Shifting on the couch, he leans back and rests his ankle on the opposite knee, heaving a deep breath. He's about to ask when Cisco wants to go, because the idea of decorating the room sounds like a lot of fun, but then Cisco is looking at him, intense and serious, and Eddie feels the balance of the conversation shifting.

Licking his lips nervously, he glances up at Cisco, makes eye contact, and almost immediately feels a twinge in his chest and gut. He doesn't know if it's anxiety or guilt or happiness, or something else, some twisted up combination of all of them. It feels good-bad, Eddie doesn't know how to categorize it properly.]

It's not really all that bad. I don't make noise. I just toss a little bit and wake up. And I guess, when it happens, I get up and grab myself a snack from the kitchen. Just something little.

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco opens his mouth to object that decorating is going way too far, but he stops himself, falling silent once more. He doesn't know how to express what he's feeling without sounding ungrateful, without running the risk of hurting Eddie. Getting a bed is one thing, but decorating the room, in his own style, it just seems more personal. More permanent. More entitled to really be there. And as good as it is to hear Eddie asking about his style, Cisco is too fretful to let himself get really comfortable. Not yet. Not when he has no idea how long this will last.

After a moment or two he finds the right way to put it, says: ]

We can leave the decorating for another day. Gotta get the vibe of the space, first, y'know?

[ Which is utter nonsense, but hopefully convincing enough nonsense (when paired with the finality in Cisco's tone) to close the matter.

Especially since Eddie is actually answering him about his nightmares, and that seems like a far more pressing issue to Cisco than what kind of curtains he'd like to buy. Eddie is talking about his nightmares mostly in relation to how disruptive they are from the outside, and it makes sense. The whole reason Cisco is here is because his nightmares are, well, very very noticeable. But just because Eddie's reliving his awful shit quietly doesn't mean it's "not really all that bad."

It's a little weird, actually, talking about this kind of thing. The only time Cisco had really ever talked about his nightmares before had been to Barry and Caitlin, while they were setting up their lucid nightmare experiment that had gone so awry. Cisco tilts his head to the side a little, asks quietly: ]

For real? Man, I'm so the opposite. When I have nightmares I usually feel sick to my stomach.

[causational]

[It's obvious how uncomfortable Cisco is when Eddie makes one last attempt to suggest this might be more long-term. He'd thought the bed suggestion was a decent way of conveying that, taken Cisco's response to be positive, but it's obvious that decorating choices are pushing Cisco's boundaries, so Eddie gently lets it go.]

Fine, fine, but you get to choose the sheet and comforter colour, okay? Compromise.

[Eddie pitches it as a gentle tease, offering Cisco a little smile, but the smile fades to a slight frown when Cisco mentions he's the opposite when he has a bad dream. For a moment, Eddie's quiet, because he suddenly feels a little trapped, because there's no way to explain his desire to have a snack after a nightmare that doesn't involve explaining what happened while he was kidnapped, and that's...not really something he's ever talked about. To anyone. In fact, he's not even really sure how to get into it.

So, for a while, he's quiet, staring at his knees, trying to gather his thoughts, trying to work out how much he wants to share, how much he can say and how he should say it, without making Cisco uncomfortable. After a moment, he licks his lips and exhales softly.]

I get that, how you'd feel nauseous. I usually am too. It's just because of how things were down there that I want to eat. It's like eating reminds me I have some control over my own situation, you know?

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco can see the impact his comment has on Eddie. But he's learned a little about Eddie, in the time since they've come to this place. He knows by this point that if he wants Eddie to open up at all, it's going to take a little bit of patience, and a little bit of persistence. So Cisco just waits while Eddie looks down and gathers his thoughts; he doesn't crack a quick joke to ease the tension, doesn't change the subject the way he might do for someone else. Eddie had told him in the hospital that Cisco's his closest friend here, and this is part of what close friends do. They worry about each other. They talk to each other, even about the stuff that's hard to say.

Eddie's answer might be fairly short, but it's also quite informative. From the sound of it, the kidnapping is what Eddie has nightmares about the most, more than being shot by Tockman, or waking up in the quarantine not knowing where he was. And... that makes sense. It's easy for Cisco, because of his own experiences, to just assume anything involving Eobard is going to be worse somewhat automatically. ]

I know how that is. The... needing to remember you're in control part. My thing is I take a shower. Like I can wash it off or whatever. Plus, showers are nice.

[ It sounds a little stupid when he says it out loud; Cisco shrugs, chewing at the inside of his lip. There's an awful lump of guilt sitting in his stomach, thinking about that time. Eddie had been down there for so long, and Cisco had been so nearby. If he'd just used his damn head, he could have found him way sooner. Saved him a little of it. He wants to apologize, but the words feel stuck in his throat. Soon. He'll apologize for it soon. ]

Anyway the point is... I get it. And if I'm gonna be here, well, if you ever have a bad one and you feel like company, just come on up and wake me up, okay? Any time of night.