riverviewlogs | The Secret Life of an Irish-American Nerd [Open]

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The Secret Life of an Irish-American Nerd [Open]

who: Ronan Lynch and Open
what: The Butterfly Effect strikes Ronan. He sprouts hair and loses his tattoo and PTSD. Now he can no longer hide the fact that he’s a nerd. Reading Virgil and playing bagpipes by a river happens. Ronan has no clear memories of his stay in Riverview but will remember how he feels about people he’s met here.
when: June 15th-24th
where: Communal floor one, Buttercup Farms, by a river like the magical creature he is, the library, and with his boyfriend
warnings: He’s rattled from almost being killed by a demon but nothing other than that.
Also as always, can switch to brackets

a. Library
No longer oozing black goo, Ronan needed a day to calm down. After a night spent listening to Gaelic music and struggling against nightmares, Ronan headed to the library. His predecessor-- him-- God, that was confusing, hadn’t left behind any books.

He grabbed some works by his favorites, Virgil and Seneca, adding Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations later. His last addition came as a surprise to him. Books on demons didn’t belong in the Lynch family household and certainly not at Aglionby. Ronan hesitated, running his fingers over the spine of one book before taking it. Just in case.

When he finally found a place to sit, he went back and forth between books, but the one on demons remained untouched for a good while.

If anyone who’d previously met him ran into Ronan, they could be forgiven for not recognizing him what with the curly dark hair, lack of tattoos, and the books.

b. Communal housing floor one

Ronan had lived with his parents and two brothers. He had also, basically lived with his best friend Gansey and a ghost, when he and either his father or Declan (or worse, both) kept butting heads. But this did not prepare him for sharing a whole floor with other people, even if one of them was Adam.

He moved as quietly as possible, worked even harder to keep control of his dreams, and did everything he could not to attract attention. Unfortunately, he was still Ronan Lynch, which meant that aside from being a messy eater, he radiated magical energy without even trying. But even if one didn’t notice that, the fact was that the angry eighteen year old with a shaved head and a tattoo was replaced by a amiable if anxious eighteen year old with dark curly hair without a tattoo in sight. Whatever his roommates thought of it, it unnerved his raven Chainsaw, who’d taken to flying away from Ronan and screeching at random intervals.

c. ~~In a van~~ Down by the River
Even without the trauma of his father’s death, Ronan was still different and, some would say, difficult. For instance, his hobbies could be considered incredibly annoying. In the case of bagpipes, Ronan had learned that the sound was something of an acquired taste. Back at Aglionby, he’d used that to his own advantage several times just to piss people off late at night. Here, he wasn’t keen on having his embarrassing hobby discovered.

Sitting by the river, tempting fate like all the heroes in the fairy tales his parents told him, Ronan serenaded anyone who came close with the unmistakable sound of the uilleann bagpipes. Even out of practice, he wasn’t bad. But not many people appreciated the music of his people, especially when he played “Mary Had a Little Lamb” just for kicks.

d. Wild Card!

[OOC: Ronan’s all over the place. Your character can find him checking out Riverview and also working at Buttercup Farm with a very distressed raven watching from a distance.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Adam rolled his eyes, but he was close to wanting even Ronan's howling of the Murder Squash song just to make sure that this one was really his. He was ready to move when he heard Ronan's tentative promise. He expected it to come with a joke attached, some kind of Murder Squash orchestra that would get them kicked out of the communal housing, but it didn't.

He gave a half-smile and said, "Sure." It was to keep from pushing in case Ronan only said that to appease him, in case he thought he actually had to compete against the other Ronan.

Adam grabbed his arm and pulled him along to a couch, one leg sitting atop Ronan's thigh once they sat. "Kinda interesting that we're together in alternate universes too," he mentioned, trying to make it casual as if he had not been thinking all about that.

"Maybe Aristophanes had a point."

Ronan rested his hand on Adam's calf. Or rather, he rested it for a few seconds. It didn't take long for him to run his hand over Adam's leg. He lay his arm on the back of the couch and pressed his hand to his cheek. Chainsaw, who had perched next to him shortly after he took a seat, moved ever closer. Maybe she was also afraid he'd disappear at any minute.

"Yeah, told you I don't tell bullshit stories." Ronan agreed before really considering it. Until he did.

Jealousy, as an ugly emotion, often left little room for any other feeling. An exception was anger, but Ronan never lacked that. But now Ronan saw that other world in a new light.

So this Adam hadn't been too enthralled by that Ronan. But that Ronan had clearly cared for the Adam he'd known and vice versa. Even without experiencing the loss of his parents, Ronan had eventually managed to understand Adam enough to see past the annoying, Gansey-stealing person Ronan first thought him to be. Ronan would overlook that that Adam liked him earlier.

Interesting.

"Did it surprise you?" he asked Adam.

Adam mirrored Chainsaw by leaning in at the same time, cuddling up to Ronan as best he could without outright being on top of him. The floor seemed quiet now, at least, so there was nothing to be worried about.

"I dunno," he replied. Of course he thought that he and Ronan were meant to be in some way. It warmed him to know that he had been right. "It made sense because we make sense."

They've always worked together well, even when Adam denied that he and Ronan were friends. And Adam had been attracted to Ronan before he even knew him, so there had to be some constants.

"But for a minute there I thought... since you seemed happier, you wouldn't like me as much." It still bothered him a bit. With how nice Ronan's life was, why would he want to bother with someone as miserable as Adam? He had more options. He didn't deny that Ronan had feelings for him, but he assumed those feelings had to be lesser than this Ronan's.

"For a minute, I thought you'd like happier me more." Alright, so much for letting go of Adam being into him sooner in that reality. At least Ronan had tried.

He reached for Adam's hand and wove their fingers together. At the same time, Ronan tried to pick apart his feelings. What did it meant that Adam had been convinced a traumatized Ronan would love him less?

"Someone doesn't have to be broken to like you. I understand you better. That's it." There was something freeing about admitting it. Before, it'd just been to himself, often during Church. Yes, I'm fucked up. Yes, something is wrong with me. Saying the words was as much a relief as it was a bitter recognition.

That other him had been a loser, and he had dated someone else (gross), but he had been whole.

"...Anyway he wanted to follow you around like a puppy with separation anxiety. He liked you."

The confusion in his expression showed when Ronan mentioned his own worries. He had no idea why Ronan would think that, but he quickly realized it was probably the same reason he'd thought the opposite. That was one thing they could always understand about each other, that self-hatred, unable to fathom why anyone would like them for who they were.

He looked down at their fingers, stroking his hand. He didn't enjoy being comforted, but Ronan was good at it. He knew what Adam needed to hear.

"Sounds familiar. Must be a common Ronan Lynch trait," he teased. It did, in fact, make him feel better to know that. He reached his free hand up to rub over Ronan's head, appreciating the scratchiness of it against his fingers.

"I like when you're happy," he started, so that they were clear, "But this is the Ronan I fell for. You're not any less than him. Just different." Not entirely different, though. He thought for a moment about the best way to express that.

"It's more impressive to me that you were still... you after everything. You didn't try to destroy the world when you could have." He didn't turn into Kavinsky, who disgusted Adam. "I think the other Adam saw who you were more easily, but it would have meant a lot more to him to know that someone who was broken could still be good and kind."

It was easier to talk about a theoretical Adam than himself.

Ronan allowed Adam's touch though he refrained from leaning into his hand like an actual puppy would. Instead he leveled Adam with a look that he hoped communicated how if Adam were anyone else, even Gansey, he would be getting shoved off the couch. Secretly, he was a little pleased at the act and at the words too, but the latter brought up other conflicting feelings.

Ronan always wanted to protest that he wasn't kind. Wasn't Adam going to figure that out one day? At the same time, he recognized they'd reached this often unspoken impasse before. Each one thought the world of the other and neither of them understood why.

"Come on, why would I want to destroy the world? It didn't do shit to me. That was a few people living in it." And a demon. "I'm an asshole. I'm not evil."

Ronan paused. Possibly, he was also thinking of Kavinsky, who by his own words must be evil though it was hard to think of him as such. He hated him, but he also pitied him. Somewhere in those thoughts, was an echo of Adam's. He had that power too and, as many times as his dreams had tried to kill him, they'd never tried to take anyone down with him. He'd never thought to do any of it.

Ronan frowned slightly. "I see your point." He paused. Openness was still so new to him, almost unbearably so. What he wanted to say was: I'm not that different, am I? What came out was "thanks for not telling him."

Adam didn't want to bother arguing with Ronan about goodness. It was simply a fact that Ronan was a good person. He also knew that telling him that wouldn't do a thing. Self-hatred was a tricky thing. It felt good to hear Ronan say something nice about him, but it was a temporary feeling. His mind would soon replace those kind words with twisted ideas, and he'd be back where he started.

It required Ronan to start thinking about himself as a good person, not Adam forcing the idea on him.

"I would have thought about it," he admitted, "Destroying everything." He didn't think he would actually do it. His goals were too dependent on the world existing, but it was still a good thing Adam wasn't the one with dream powers.

Sometimes he could make the right decision, though. He was glad keeping the truth from Ronan had been one, and he kissed his boyfriend's cheek. "I'd do anything to keep you happy."

"If thoughts count, we're all going to hell."

Having seen Adam indirectly murder their Latin teacher, that he would consider destroying the world didn't shock him. But Ronan knew Adam wouldn't hurt anyone who didn't have it coming to them. Ronan counted himself lucky that he didn't fall into that category, not in his boyfriend's eyes.

"You're giving me ideas, Parrish," Ronan teased. He turned serious again, only because this was one of those conversations that required it. "You don't have to do anything."

He pulled his hand away from Adam's so he could wrap his arm around shoulders. Never one to let Adam's hand go unappreciated for long, Ronan pulled his other arm away from the couch so he could hold it again. The reorganization unsettled Chainsaw and she stirred and moved away from them on the couch. But she made no vocal protests. Ravens were clever creatures and this one had long since gotten used to the fact that if Adam and Ronan were in close proximity, she couldn't expect to stay on Ronan for more than ten minutes.

It was always amazing the way Ronan forgave him for the way his mind worked, or even didn't see a problem with it. But thoughts of destroying the world were the result of deep-seated anger, and he knew Ronan could understand that.

Adam hadn't felt that angry in a while. It should have skyrocketed after his possession, but with Ronan there to keep him calm and happy, he had settled. So he understood what Ronan meant. It was nice to have someone who loved you around.

He watched Chainsaw hop away and took the chance to claim Ronan entirely, shifting close enough that he was almost sitting on top of him. He used to feel bad when he disturbed Chainsaw, but she got more than enough Ronan Time.

"We never got to talk about the apartment. What do you want it to be like?" Adam had plenty of ideas, always one to fantasize about his future, but he figured he should let it be Ronan's home too.

Ronan remembered now. He'd been about to suggest making a place for them, slowly, out of his dreams. How hard could architecture be? Fortunately, being replaced by a double was enough to knock some sense into Ronan. He knew now that this stay in Riverview was not all sunshine and roses. He had to go back eventually. Creating paradise would have to wait until he was back at the Barns.

"Huge and away from everyone," Ronan said. He continued in a more serious note. "Whatever you want. I'll fill it up with dream shit in a week. If don't have to worry about someone catching me making it or making out, I'm good."

Ronan thought back to Adam's qualifications for a suitable home and realized further clarification was needed.

"Unless the building's falling apart, then we're out of there. I'm not living in a dump."

Adam frowned at him. "You think I want to live in a dump?" Just because he'd never lived anywhere nice didn't mean that was all he could find. Of course he'd get them a nice place. Adam wanted it more than Ronan did.

Not that he really ever took too much offense to the shit Ronan said. There had been worse than that. The way his shoulders relaxed and his free hand moved from Ronan's scalp to under the back of his shirt suggested that it didn't matter to him.

"I want something modern. Stainless steel everything. Somewhere around work and the university since I won't be able to afford a car for a while." His eyes were half-lidded, a little dreamy. This was clearly a fantasy he'd had for a while. "A fuckton of rooms we don't have any use for, and air conditioning." What a dream.

Did Ronan think Adam wanted that? No, but he didn't want to move into the first available apartment they could afford. If someone walked in and disturbed them, he might change his mind. But surely it couldn't take that long to save up?

Ronan slid his arm from around Adam's shoulder to down his back but he kept the hand holding Adam's where it was.

"I'm with you on air conditioning," Ronan said, not realizing that implied he wasn't on anything else.

He agreed with the rooms. The Barns was overflowing with items that extra rooms were not only a must but extra sheds. But modern and close to everything? Ronan doubted he'd mind for their stay in Riverview, but it reminded him more that there remained a bridge to cross in terms of what they wanted out of life.

It didn't look like it'd be as hard to cross for the other him and Adam. Willing to fly off around the world for God knows how long? Ronan would do the same if his father were alive, but he'd rather be at home.

Whatever. They were here now. Home wasn't. If Adam wanted a nice modern place, he'd get it. They'd enjoy it while they could.

"What else do you want?"

Adam frowned, toying with the few lines of Ronan's tattoo that were visible. It didn't seem like Ronan wanted anything but the air conditioning, which wasn't a surprise. He knew Ronan wanted something like the Barns, rustic and homey. Adam enjoyed the Barns, of course, but it was a home that would never be his.

He was tired of being around dirt and dust. If Ronan wanted something different, he should say so. If he wasn't going to, Adam would pick what he liked.

"I dunno. You can choose what kind of furniture you want to dream up. Big windows, a fireplace." Can they have that in an apartment? Oh well. He wasn't sure he should continue on pointing out the differences in what they wanted out of life. He leaned in to kiss at Ronan's neck.

"For you to make me breakfast in the mornings."

"If you're a fan of cereal." Ronan smiled. Since taking care of Opal, his cooking skills had improved, and he would make an actual breakfast if Adam so desired, but Ronan hoped his expectations weren't too high.

Ronan closed his eyes. He knew he'd been gone for a while, even if some version of him was still here. He knew Adam must have missed him. He wanted to be into this, but his adrenaline had faded. Sitting on the couch, his aches went beyond the physical. The slow circles he made over Adam's back were more lackluster than lustful.

Ronan tried to picture the apartment instead. Stainless stell wouldn't be so bad. He'd think of it like an upgraded Monmouth. Big windows-- wait.

"Are you talking about an apartment or a condo?"

Did they have fireplaces in condos? Shit, maybe they just needed to get an actual home.

Adam wasn't thinking about taking things farther, the kisses mostly just a way to butter Ronan up into being a housewife. He did miss his boyfriend, but it was just as nice to cuddle up together, and it was clear that Ronan's touches were distracted.

"Mm, bacon," he requested. This was a fantasy, after all. Whether or not Ronan actually made him breakfast, it didn't matter. He liked to think about it.

The fantasy got distorted when Ronan questioned it. He furrowed his brow and looked up thoughtfully. "I guess I've always imagined having a condo. We could try for that, I've been thinking about getting another job. Plus, I have that firefly business. It should make money once we're done testing."

"Oh fuck no, no more jobs. Give your boyfriend some time or I'm not making you bacon." Ronan meant that with all his being. He'd make scrambled eggs instead. "We're getting an apartment. I'll challenge myself with a fireplace."

He wasn't sure if it was possible to dream that up without altering the structure of the building, which sounded less like a dream and more like a nightmare. One of those fake fireplaces with a movie screen fire? That sounded like something extravagant Adam might like as long as no one paid for it. It'd go with stainless steel.

This was not helping Ronan be any less distracted. It seemed he'd need some more buttering.

"What are you even testing?"

"I only have one job," he argued, plus a variety of hobbies and school. "Do you feel like we're not spending enough time together?" If he could handle hanging out with his friends on a regular basis while working three jobs, maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and working for a magic forest, he was sure a couple jobs wouldn't keep him away from Ronan.

It wasn't like Ronan had any right to forbid him from getting another job, anyway, so he wasn't actually going to argue that. He'd keep an eye out for any jobs that interested him, but he wasn't going to take something too demeaning. He could have options now.

He pulled back, getting into conversation mode again. "How it's going to work on people, since we're extracting the venom from the fireflies and putting it into other products. Plus, we want to crossbreed for better emotional effects. Most of the natural ones are pretty negative."

"I have only one job. Why do you want to sacrifice all your free time?" Ronan wouldn't confess to feeling they weren't spending enough time together. He knew they were, or he knew he should feel that way. But without the few family and friends he had, Ronan was lonely. He was the one who had too much free time.

Ronan frowned. Maybe he should get Adam to kiss his neck again. He didn't like the turn this was taking.

Mind-altering mutant firefly juice. He wished he hadn't asked.

Ronan's silence always spoke more than most people's. Often, he used silence to unnerve people but they both knew that didn't work on Adam. Which meant he was quiet in order to avoid lying, or otherwise stating how he actually felt.

Adam closed his eyes and leaned it against the back of the couch, tired from whatever this meant. "What am I supposed to do with free time? I only like it if I'm spending it with you, and you're not always there. I might as well be productive."

He was nervous about free time. Guilt and loneliness began to eat at him, and it was better to not be left alone with his thoughts.

"Tell me what you're thinking. Don't try to hide it."

"I didn't like those fireflies and I don't like that someone's going all mad scientist on them. They were enough of a mind-fuck." There, he said it.

Nevermind that if they could harness the better emotions, Ronan would be a prime candidate for say, actually receiving treatment for at least one mental illness. Ronan didn't bother with medication back home. He wasn't about to change his mind.

He glanced at Chainsaw. At least he wasn't going to piss her off within an hour of being reunited. Ronan moved his arm away from Adam.

Before anything else started, he wanted to make one thing clear.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do with your time."

"Good, because I don't want you to." It was said a bit snappishly, which Adam regretted. He took a breath, and worked on calming himself down. He was naturally prickly and their relationship often came with stupid little arguments, so he'd begun working on ways to not fight with Ronan when it wasn't called for.

Sometimes fighting was just ineviable, because they were Ronan Lynch and Adam Parrish.

He opened his eyes to look at Ronan, an attempt to show that he wasn't mad. "I'm the only one going mad scientist on them. Dodger's just helping out. I want to understand how alien fireflies work in case something similar happens, and if people want to buy some, so be it. I'm not making anyone do anything." It was also partially for defense, to make him feel like he had some weapon in case of an emergency. It was just being practical. There was a reason, though, that he specifically had not involved Ronan with his work.

"Seriously, we can spend more time together if that's what this is about. I have a little garden you can help me take care of, or you can come fight monsters for me outside the perimeter."

Usually, Ronan could handle their fights. They were usually misunderstandings, as inconsequential as they were stupid, and this was probably no exception, but it was not something he could do right now.

Ronan pulled his hand away from Adam's and slid away. He rose to his feet.

"Yeah, because my opinion has everything to do with your schedule. Fine. We'll do one of those later."

He looked at the door. What would be more satisfying, going outside of the city and punching more things or playing that pipes that his other self left him. Probably the latter but the former sounded better.

Adam righted himself on the couch, annoyed that Ronan had left. Even more annoyed because it seemed like Ronan was mad, but he was also making plans with Adam for later. It seemed that he just wanted to be alone right now, for whatever reason.

"I don't know why you're upset," he said, but then shrugged and stood up. "I'll be here, when you feel like it."

Deep down, there was a rational side of Ronan. It popped up infrequently and was promptly ignored. Whenever it spoke to him, it sounded remarkably like Gansey.

Ronan. That's enough. Stop now, before--

Ronan looked at Adam. "Really? You can't figure that one out? You're the one who asked what was bothering me. I told you I don't like anything messing with someone's emotions. If you don't like the answer, don't blame it on something I never said. You can do whatever the hell you want with your time or apartment or anything. I'm fucking trying here. I--"

It wasn't an internal voice that stopped him this time but the knowledge that all of this was dancing around the real reason he was upset. That other Ronan had been embarrassing and insufferable and his previous dating experiences were both questionable and gross, but Ronan doubted he'd have this kind of trouble with his boyfriend.

No, the real reason was that Ronan had his parents. All this Ronan had was anger and hurt and a relationship with what appeared to be a looming expiration date.

Ronan realized that his nails were digging into his palm. He uncurled his fist, which he'd been bouncing restlessly against his leg.

Adam set his jaw. He knew it would be best to let Ronan just get his anger out, not say anything, but that simply wasn't how he worked. When someone was wrong, Adam wanted to tell them what was right.

"Like it's any different than changing your mood with alcohol. Except it doesn't even make people do stupid shit, you're still completely rational through it." Adam, to his credit, refrained from making a comment about how Ronan would like it if it got him drunk. He'd figured out some filter.

"Okay, I get it, you don't like it. But what are you trying to do? I'm not the one who's pissed, I was having a good time talking to you." Logically, he knew Ronan's anger wasn't a rational thing. Ronan was angry to be angry or to stop himself from feeling another emotion. It didn't mean that Adam had to like it or support that horrible coping mechanism.

The Secret Life of an Irish-American Nerd [Open]

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