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riverviewlogs2018-09-16 07:16 pm
volitaunt) wrote in riverviewlogs2018-09-16 07:16 pm
Entry tags:
we are high and we are fine
who: Poe Dameron + John Sheppard
what: An exploratory patrol outside of the wall via shuttle
when: During Dragosta
where: Outside the wall/in the jungle
warnings: Talk of torture, maybe other warnings later.
[ They agree without really talking about it directly. Talk about wanting to fly out, go on a longer patrol mission, see if they can spot more ruins outside the city. Neither one of them says what Poe is pretty sure they're both thinking--they want out of the city, away from this festival and its magics and its focus on romance.
Poe isn't sure what to make of the fact that they decide to run away from a romantic festival together, but he's trying not to read into it or be hurt by it. They're past that. They're fine.
They've got supplies for about a week's worth of flying, fuel included. Three days out, three days back. It's a long time to spend alone together, but maybe they need it. Maybe then can stop having awkward pauses in their conversations.
Poe hopes so, anyway.
They fly silently for the first few hours, and Poe can feel the tension leaving him as the tree pass below them and low-flying creatures drift on the wind at a distance from the shuttle. He leans forward just a little to peer out through the hood and get a better view of the Capital World and its pale colors against the sky. ]
Reminds me of home sometimes.
[ He's described Yavin to John before, the great red gas giant glowing in the light of its sun. For a second Poe aches for home, a kind of desperate longing he's almost used to at this point.
He sits back in his chair again. ]
I'm glad we're doing this.
what: An exploratory patrol outside of the wall via shuttle
when: During Dragosta
where: Outside the wall/in the jungle
warnings: Talk of torture, maybe other warnings later.
[ They agree without really talking about it directly. Talk about wanting to fly out, go on a longer patrol mission, see if they can spot more ruins outside the city. Neither one of them says what Poe is pretty sure they're both thinking--they want out of the city, away from this festival and its magics and its focus on romance.
Poe isn't sure what to make of the fact that they decide to run away from a romantic festival together, but he's trying not to read into it or be hurt by it. They're past that. They're fine.
They've got supplies for about a week's worth of flying, fuel included. Three days out, three days back. It's a long time to spend alone together, but maybe they need it. Maybe then can stop having awkward pauses in their conversations.
Poe hopes so, anyway.
They fly silently for the first few hours, and Poe can feel the tension leaving him as the tree pass below them and low-flying creatures drift on the wind at a distance from the shuttle. He leans forward just a little to peer out through the hood and get a better view of the Capital World and its pale colors against the sky. ]
Reminds me of home sometimes.
[ He's described Yavin to John before, the great red gas giant glowing in the light of its sun. For a second Poe aches for home, a kind of desperate longing he's almost used to at this point.
He sits back in his chair again. ]
I'm glad we're doing this.
no subject
[But John wants this. He wants it more than to take back what he did to Kylo Ren. He wants Poe more than he wants to try and be a better man. It's too late for that. Too late for him.
Looking into Poe's eyes, so dark and wet John could drown in them, he lifts a hand to cup Poe's jaw. They're both so busted up that together they almost make one man. For the first time in John's life he felt some semblance of wholeness.
He never felt so empty when Poe walked away from him. Not until Rodney, Elizabeth, and Carson left him behind. Now John doesn't know how he feels. Most days, if he's lucky, he feels nothing at all.]
I want to.
[Quietly, his thumb stroking Poe's cheekbone, something like a smile ghosts over John's lips. The truth is, John doesn't believe anyone. Not when it comes to loving him. At this point in his life, John's not sure it matters.
Poe doesn't need to want him. All he has to do is need him.]
You're worth it. All of it.
no subject
It cuts. Poe thinks he probably deserves it. He's betrayed John enough to deserve it. He doesn't move as John strokes his cheek, afraid to break whatever kind of spell they've found themselves under, injured and honest and alone.
Even if John never believes him, right at this moment he's willing to spend as much time as they have trying to prove it.
Poe lets his hands fall away from John's hair, resting them on the man's hips, pulling them together gently.
I've missed you so damn much. ]
I didn't just kiss you because of what you did.
no subject
[John's hands go to Poe's hair, mindful of his stapled scalp, twisting dark curls around his fingers like he's been dying to since Poe stopped being his to touch.
Face to face, body to body, John can almost forget they've been apart for longer than they were together. They fit together in all the wrong ways just right.]
I missed you too. Every goddamn day.
no subject
A half-dozen voices play in his head, people urging him to talk to John, to take the leap, to stop being afraid of what could happen. Figures they were right. Figures he spent all this time holding back for no reason.
Poe's skull is pounding when he breaks the kiss this time, but he doesn't care. ]
I'm sorry. [ Blurted out. What he tried to say back when John was sick, when he pinned Poe against the wall of the shuttle and told him exactly what he thought of him. Something Poe thought he wouldn't really have the chance to say again. ] I'm really sorry, I'm... I fucked up, bad, I know I did.