[ Maia feels like he can't breathe, waiting for Csevet to speak. Those uncharacteristic hesitations sound to him as if Csevet is forcing himself to speak calmly, despite disappointment, perhaps even disgust. Why else would Csevet be so still, so serious? Of all his household, Csevet was the one who came closest to teasing him, at times. He must be repulsed, and yet allowing his loyalty and sense of duty and the force of habit dictate his response.
Would he be wrong to? Perhaps his tolerance extended to others, but not Maia - not someone he worked with so closely. Maia's mind rings with the echoes of some of Setheris's nastier words, about filthy people doing filthy things. Maia feels a little sick. And yet it is too late, for him to retreat. To undo what he has done.
Neruvis had not been beautiful, like Min Vechin. Hadn't had her voice, or grace; he had never set out to charm Maia the way she had done. And yet, thinking back... the evidence is there. He was emperor. No one was meant to touch him, really. But the rules of etiquette were all a bit looser at Neruvis's parties. His hand on Maia's elbow to get his attention. A tap to his shoulder. A few fingers, brushing his hand as Neruvis handed him something to look at. Maia had assumed that it was just the rarity of being touched by anyone but his edocharei that made his pulse thrill, his words stutter.
But out on this balcony, in the faint breeze, it is time to be honest with himself. Be honest with both of them. Voice tight with emotion, Maia manages: ]
There... was.
[ It was done, then. He had confirmed it, and now Csevet knew. The consequences of that would be what they would be. Maia blinks hard against the sudden swimming of his vision. He had not expected to feel so raw. But he had not expected any of this. There was no way he could have been prepared for it. ]
no subject
Would he be wrong to? Perhaps his tolerance extended to others, but not Maia - not someone he worked with so closely. Maia's mind rings with the echoes of some of Setheris's nastier words, about filthy people doing filthy things. Maia feels a little sick. And yet it is too late, for him to retreat. To undo what he has done.
Neruvis had not been beautiful, like Min Vechin. Hadn't had her voice, or grace; he had never set out to charm Maia the way she had done. And yet, thinking back... the evidence is there. He was emperor. No one was meant to touch him, really. But the rules of etiquette were all a bit looser at Neruvis's parties. His hand on Maia's elbow to get his attention. A tap to his shoulder. A few fingers, brushing his hand as Neruvis handed him something to look at. Maia had assumed that it was just the rarity of being touched by anyone but his edocharei that made his pulse thrill, his words stutter.
But out on this balcony, in the faint breeze, it is time to be honest with himself. Be honest with both of them. Voice tight with emotion, Maia manages: ]
There... was.
[ It was done, then. He had confirmed it, and now Csevet knew. The consequences of that would be what they would be. Maia blinks hard against the sudden swimming of his vision. He had not expected to feel so raw. But he had not expected any of this. There was no way he could have been prepared for it. ]